Event Horizon: Edward's New Moon
by AMusefan77
Summary: New Moon from Edward's POV. Corresponds to my other story, Dark Matter and follows all the events in New Moon. The story is completed but this is a neater version than the one on Twilighted.
1. Chapter 1

**Here you go. The first fic chapter I ever wrote. It is completed and I will be posting the chapters here on a regular basis in between the chapters I'm working on for Dark Matter, my story in progress. **

**I didn't write New Moon from Edward's side from the very beginning because after I read Midnight Sun I thought that the particulars of what happened at the party weren't the most relevant part of Edward's choice. I felt that he would have left Bella at some point anyway. He always wanted to leave. What Jasper did just served as the catalyst for him to finally do it. He was always waiting for the right reason, for a motive that was powerful enough to give him the resolve to walk away from her. **

**The first chapter is about what was going through his mind when he decided to leave Forks. It takes place while Bella is sleeping the night after the party**

_Disclaimer: All characters, locations and situations are the property of the original writer. I do not own them, nor am I affiliated with any entertainment entity or with any owners or creators of any entertainment franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

_**Event Horizon is defined as "the outer boundary of a black hole, from inside which light cannot escape" (astronomy)**_

_Songs for this Chapter: Save You by Matthew Perryman Jones and Bad by U2. _

Chapter One

_**"I will never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point."**_

The words from that fateful conversation earlier this afternoon echoed mockingly in my head as I watched Bella sleep fitfully in my arms. She was restless tonight, no doubt because she was in pain from the injury she'd sustained to her arm earlier this evening.

It seemed like a million years had passed since I said those words while we sat on Charlie's faded old sofa downstairs watching Romeo and Juliet. The memory of that seemingly simple conversation as I held Bella in my arms this afternoon was a sharp contrast to the horrors that followed just hours later.

The images of the subsequent nightmare that had marred the evening were as burned into my mind as the promise I had made to never put her in danger again. Bella cutting her finger on a piece of wrapping paper, the site of her blood as it oozed from the tiny wound, me throwing myself at her to stop the others from attacking, Bella's horrified face as she fell to the floor, the broken glass, the gash on her delicate arm from the fall, Jasper's empty predator eyes filled with bloodlust. And, worst of all, the smell of Bella's blood burning my throat and the macabre pictures that had formed in my own head as I carried her bleeding body to the kitchen table so that Carlisle could suture the wound; images of turning her fragile face away from mine and touching my lips to her soft throat, not to kiss, but to kill. This memory scorched me like fire, tormenting me even more than my empty vow to never endanger Bella's life again. Sure, I had quite a bit more control than Jasper, but what if I had slipped?

I had made so many promises where Bella was concerned, but tonight, the promise to keep her safe was the only one that really mattered. I had known from that inauspicious day in our biology class all those months ago that I was a danger to Bella, perhaps the greatest danger she would ever encounter, and yet, I had thought that my love for her could somehow conquer the monster within me, but I was wrong.

For the last few months, my world had been blissfully perfect; the closest thing to heaven that I could ever hope to experience. Since Bella first came into my life, I had felt more human than I ever remembered feeling in my entire existence. I had fallen madly, hopelessly and irreversibly in love with her so quickly I didn't even grasp what was happening to me at first. In spite of my best efforts to stay away from Bella, I had not had the strength to leave her alone. Alice had predicted as much. When I realized Alice was right about my inability to stay away from Bella, I promised myself that I would at least make sure that the other predictions Alice had made about her would not come true. Because Alice had also foreseen that I would either kill Bella myself or she would become a vampire.

I refused to believe it, refused to acknowledge that either outcome was possible. I would not end her life in either way! My love for her was stronger than the killer instinct I possessed, and I would not take her soul and ruin her future. I would be strong enough to control myself, and selfless enough to love her and leave her human, no matter what Alice said. I had believed that.

I was an arrogant fool.

I was wrong.

The pictures Alice's visions had painted in my mind's eye all those months ago were clearer to me now than they had ever been. They seemed more probable than ever because Alice's bleak predictions had almost come true just a few short hours ago. To the outside observer, it was my brother that had almost killed Bella this evening, but he wasn't the only one in danger of losing control. I had wanted Bella's blood tonight too, wanted her more than Jasper, more than all the others put together. Her blood's appeal to me had not waned in spite of my love. I had been stronger than Jasper tonight, but I was still tempted. Bella's blood did not appeal to him nearly as much as it did to me, and my love for her was only a little stronger than my monstrous instincts, so I didn't lose control.

Jasper, however, in his weak moment had almost taken Bella away from me forever. What if Jasper had managed to get to her? What would I have done? Even if I could have prevented him from killing her, could I have prevented the spread of the venom that would've stopped her heart forever? Could I have managed to halt the process of the transformation that would take her soul and turn her into living stone? I had stopped it when James had bitten her, hadn't I? But what If I had been too late this time? What if I had tried to stop it and killed her myself? Or, worst of all, what if I had pulled Jasper off of her, but in the ultimate act of selfishness, I had allowed the venom to spread…

NO!

Could I have been just as self-serving tonight as I was that fateful night I'd driven Bella home from Port Angeles? The night she'd confronted me about my true identity. Out of pure selfishness, I had not turned away from her then when I realized she had feelings for me. I would not have let her die tonight, even if the alternative was a soul-less existence. Because if Jasper had bitten her, I would have wanted to keep her with me at all costs. If it was too late for me to keep the venom from spreading, I would have been too selfish to let her keep her soul.

I had consistently been too self-centered to leave her alone, to let her have her own life, a real life with real people. To give her the chance to love someone mortal and warm, a man who could kiss her and hold her without being afraid of killing her. Someone who could throw her a birthday party that wasn't hazardous to her health.

And, she had been so depressed today about turning 18! Her 18th birthday should have been a happy rite of passage; this particular milestone was a happy one for most human girls her age. It should have been a day of celebration, of freedom from the constraints of parental control, a time to embrace adulthood. It should have been a day for her to think about having a whole world of possibilities in front of her. She was on the threshold of her life, and because of me, there was a monster waiting for her on the other side of the door. So instead of celebrating like a normal girl, my selfishness had allowed her to spend her special day being depressed about aging, hanging out with dangerous monsters, and nearly getting killed.

Bella stirred again, whispering my name as usual in her sleep, telling me she loved me as she snuggled closer into my icy chest. I stared at her pale, heart shaped face in the quiet darkness, memorizing the way she looked in sleep for the last time. I pressed my lips to her hair, my useless heart aching with a terrible sadness and grief at the thought of what I had to do now to save her from the greatest threat to her happiness, to her future.

I had to save her from me.

I attempted to comfort myself with images of how wonderful her life would be without me. I pictured her in a cap and gown, graduating from high school, then from college. Then I imagined her in another kind of gown, a gown of white satin and lace, Charlie walking her down the aisle toward a faceless human man who would father her children and grow old with her. It was a vain attempt. My stone heart ached as I wished more than ever to be a real man, a human man.

My decision was going to hurt Bella terribly. I knew that, but she would move on. She's a living, breathing, changing girl; beautiful, smart, brave, and good through and through. I had never deserved her, I had no right to intrude on her life the way that I had. But, perhaps I could right some of the wrong I had done by making the hardest choice of all. I would prove my love to her in the healthiest and most selfless manner I could. I would walk away from her now, before it was too late. I would never move on, never love anyone else for as long as I walked this earth, but she could. She could have a normal life, she could live it to the fullest, and she could go to heaven someday when that life was over. And, when that day came, I would make sure that I ceased to exist as soon as I could. But, that day was not going to come anytime soon.

I thought I would die of the pain as I realized that I now loved her enough to do what I should have done a long time ago. I was going to leave her.

I gently extricated myself from her arms and wrapped her in the old quilt she had kicked aside during her restless tossing and turning. I stared at her for another long moment before slipping out of the window. I would come back before the sun rose so she wouldn't know I had left in the night. I needed to prepare for my departure before I had time to talk myself out of the hardest thing I'd ever have to do.

**Okay, so there it is. Thoughts? **

**I originally posted this story on Twilighted and it is complete. I will be making a few changes here and there, mostly for the purposes of editing and "cleaning up" little things that I didn't notice when I first posted. I didn't have a supervisory beta for the story and I was totally green to writing anything besides my own little drabbles and poems.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two-Determination**

I wasn't the least bit surprised to see Alice sitting on the front porch waiting for me when I arrived home a short time later. I'd thought about what she might say to try to change my mind the whole time I was running here. Her face was sad and anxious when I approached her.

"You're making a huge mistake," she said in a quiet but stubborn voice. Her words were unnecessary because I had already heard the disapproval in her thoughts. "But I know you're determined to do this."

"Then don't try to talk me out of it," I hissed at her, knowing that she was thinking about the reasons I should stay. I couldn't afford to hear any excuses that might test my shaky resolve.

"Is Jasper going to be okay?" My concern for my brother was stronger than any anger I may have felt toward him earlier. I was really no better than he was when I thought of how tempted I had been tonight.

"He'll be fine," she replied evenly." He just wanted to be alone for a little while, but he'll be in soon. We're going to Denali after you say what you need to say anyway. I've told the others you want to talk to them," She didn't look at me as she rose lithely and walked toward the front door. "I didn't tell them why, but I'm sure they already have some idea… anyway, everyone else is waiting for us inside."

I followed Alice into the dining room where the rest of my family had gathered around a large mahogany table. Rosalie and Emmett were seated on the left side of the table. The empty chairs on the other side of the table were normally occupied by Alice and Jasper when we had these kinds of meetings. Since Jasper still hadn't returned home, Alice didn't take her usual seat. Instead she stood in the corner of the room, her eyes somber. Carlisle was seated in his usual place at the head of the table, symbolic of his role as the father of our family, while Esme sat on his left, looking at me with a pained expression. She is my mother after all, and she knows me well, so she had a pretty shrewd idea about what I wanted to discuss.

I sat down on Carlisle's other side, trying to resist the urge to take off running back to Bella's room and forget this night ever happened. I wanted to hold her until the sun rose like I always did. I would make my way back to her before dawn, but the pending permanent separation made me want to spend every second I had left in Forks beside her. I tried to banish these thoughts from my mind. This wasn't about what I wanted; it was about what was best for Bella.

"Okay Edward," Carlisle began, looking at me after I had taken my seat. "Alice says you have something to discuss with us, so please tell us what's on your mind."

I swallowed back the lump in my throat, thankful that my body was no longer capable of producing tears, and did my best to speak.

"I did a lot of thinking after what happened with… Bella tonight," I began, nearly choking on her name for some reason. I glanced at Alice; she was scowling but she didn't look directly at me. She was thinking that I was being impulsive and stubborn. I turned back to Carlisle as I forced myself to keep talking. "I've decided that I can no longer continue to expose her to the dangers we present to her safety, so I think it's time that we leave Forks."

"Oh, Edward," Esme began, getting up out of her seat to put her arms around me. She was thinking about how hard this was for me and how she hated to see me hurt. I shied away from her soothing touch, knowing that if I gave in to the urge to let her comfort me, I would break down. I had to be strong; I had to stay focused. She returned reluctantly to her chair a moment later, her amber eyes still watching me with a pained expression.

Rosalie was the next one to speak. I couldn't meet her eyes as I heard the smug quality of her thoughts before she could vocalize them.

"Of course leaving is the only way," she said haughtily, tossing her golden hair over her shoulder.

_Finally, this ridiculous phase he's going through is over,_ she thought.

"Bella isn't one of us, and something like this was bound to happen eventually. We should all just be grateful she didn't get…"

"Oh, spare us all from the torture of listening to your phony concern for Bella's safety Rose!" Alice snapped before I could say anything. "We all know you don't give a damn about Bella, or anyone else besides yourself for that matter! In fact, I think your opinion speaks volumes about how wrong it is for us to…"

"Enough," I interrupted, cutting Alice off before she could protest further.

"Regardless of how selfish her motives are," I went on as Rosalie and Alice reluctantly stopped looking daggers at each other to listen to me. "Rose is right; what happened tonight is no less than I should have expected. We are what we are, and it's not right for me to continue to put B-…her in danger," I paused again, unable to say Bella's name at all this time. "She deserves a better life than the one that I can give her, so I think it would be better for her if we left." The words burned my throat worse than any thirst I had ever felt.

I glanced around the room, reading the thoughts of the others. Emmett was thinking that he loved Bella like a little sister and he wished that I would choose to change her, but he understood my motivation for wanting to keep her human; Carlisle was thinking that the choice on how to proceed should be mine and mine alone, though he thought that Bella completed our family; Esme was thinking that she loved Bella and she hated how much I was hurting, but she wanted to keep all of us together So if I was leaving, she wanted everyone to go. Alice was still seething, but I could see in her head that she already knew everyone was going to go along with me. However, that wasn't going to stop her from continuing to speak her mind.

"Edward, you are seriously underestimating Bella's love for you, and her ability to make her own choices," Alice said angrily from her corner. "She's not just going to get over this and move on like you think she will! "She's…"

"She is going to be better off without me!" I bellowed, cutting Alice off as I tried to disguise the agony in my voice as anger. "She deserves a normal, happy life, she deserves to keep her soul, and she deserves to be safe."

"I've seen what this will do to her, Edward," Alice went on, undeterred. I saw an image in her mind of Bella curled up in a ball on the floor in her room pale, thin and sobbing. "And it's terrible! Neither of you are going to do well being apart from each other! She…"

"Stop trying to see her future, Alice," I warned, nearly losing all of my composure in the wake of Alice's vision. "We've done enough damage and it's time for us to go before she gets hurt, or worse!"

"This isn't going to work," Alice countered insistently again. Her voice was sad rather than angry now as she met my eyes for the first time since we'd joined the others. I knew she heard the pain in my voice, and she felt sorry for me regardless of how much she disagreed with what I was planning to do. "And I can see that you aren't even going to let me say goodbye to her."

"You're right I'm not," I replied simply. "It will be better for...B-Bella (I faltered when I said her name again) if everyone just leaves without saying anything..."

"And what if I refuse to listen to you," Alice snapped again. "Bella is my best friend, my sister, and I love her too. I don't want to lose her, and I…

"If you really love her you'll let her go Alice," I thundered back. "A clean break would be the best thing for her."

"I hope you aren't including yourself when you say everyone, Edward," Emmett blurted out sternly, speaking for the first time tonight. "You owe Bella better than that." I knew that he was wishing he could see Bella before we left, too, but he would never say that in front of Rose.

"Of course not," I replied, grief ripping through me like a knife at the thought of telling her goodbye. "I just think it would be better if I do it myself. I know that all of you love her," I paused, feeling angry as I heard Rosalie's contemptuous chuckle. "Well, most of you love her, but I'm thinking of her when I say it would be better if the rest of you leave now."

"She loves us, too," Jasper said suddenly, surprising everyone, even me. He was standing in the corner next to Alice. I hadn't heard him or his thoughts when he entered the room. "Do you really think its fair for you to make all these choices for her?"

"I know her better than you do," I replied defensively, knowing that he was thinking about Bella's wish to become a vampire. The fury I felt for what he had almost done to her overtook me and I hated him for even saying anything on the subject. He had almost taken her life; he had no right to say anything about loving her. How could he claim to love her?

And, then I realized how close I had come to hurting her and I hated myself a million times more than I could ever loathe anyone else. I was projecting my anger at myself on to Jasper because he was an easy target.

"But you don't know her better than she knows herself," Jasper went on evenly. "And you can't read her thoughts, but I CAN read her feelings. Bella knows what she wants, and she loves you a lot more than you realize, she's…"

Again I was furious. How dare he suggest that my inability to read Bella's thoughts made me less aware of her emotions than him! I knew her inside and out, and for all of his talk about sensing her feelings, of understanding her, of caring for her, he had still tried to kill her.

"Don't waste your breath, Jazz," Alice interrupted, still furious. "He's made up his mind."

Jasper stopped speaking with a sigh, then after a moment, he nodded resolutely. "If that's your choice, Edward, then we won't interfere."

Jasper had given up easily on the issue, but I knew he didn't agree with me. His words made it clear that he thought the decision about Bella's mortality should be hers and hers alone. However, he meant what he said about not interfering and he intended to try to make sure Alice didn't meddle either. Since I was hell bent on keeping Bella human, Jasper thought leaving would be best. He felt terrible for what had almost happened tonight, and having Bella around would just be a constant reminder of his weak moment. It had to be one choice or the other.

"So, is everyone in favor of moving on," Carlisle said finally, speaking in a businesslike tone. "We can leave right away if you are all willing."

"Yes," Rosalie said at once, still looking smug. "It's time."

Emmett nodded in agreement, though his thoughts were uncharacteristically serious and reluctant.

Esme was sad, but she too agreed. "Perhaps we could go to Denali for a little while and then on to Ithaca once I get some more done to the house and Carlisle finds work there," She said quietly.  
Carlisle nodded before turning his attention to Alice and Jasper.

"Okay," Alice said, a little too quickly. I clenched my teeth as I heard what she was thinking. She was seeing Bella and me together again. She believed this would only be temporary, so she was going to wait it out in silence. Jasper nodded as well.

"Edward," Carlisle said, his youthful face suddenly twisted into a worried grimace, "are you sure this is what you want?"

I hesitated, every fiber of my being protesting as I forced the answer out of my mouth. "Yes," I said finally, "It's the right thing to do."

"Okay, then," Carlisle went on, his face smooth again. His thoughts were careful, and I knew he was trying to keep something from me, but I wasn't sure I really wanted to know what he was thinking anyway. "It's settled. I'll call Tanya to see if she minds having some extra company for a little while. If she's agreeable, the rest of you can go ahead and leave. I'll tie up loose ends at the hospital today, telling the chief of staff I got a lucrative job offer I couldn't refuse and I have to take it right away. I'll ask him to keep the news a secret for a couple of days. That will give you time to tell Bella goodbye, Edward."

I nodded, unable to speak. I was really going to do this.

"One more thing Carlisle," Jasper said abruptly. "I think you should tell the hospital we're going to Los Angeles. That way, Bella will know we don't want her to come looking for us. If we just leave without saying where we're going, she might be tempted to try to find out where we are, but if you say we're going somewhere she knows we would never actually choose to live, she'll know we don't want her to find us and she won't try."

A feeling of terrible dread washed through me as I comprehended just how well Jasper understood Bella. His suggestion was right on target. It would work perfectly. If we didn't leave any information about where we were going, Bella would naturally want to find out more, but if we left a trail she knew would be false, she would accept that we didn't want to be found and she would let go more easily. In that instant, I was certain I knew the lengths I was going to have to go to in order to get her to let me go when I told her goodbye.

A pain unlike anything I had ever experienced ripped through my chest, making me feel as though someone had torn my useless heart out and left nothing but a hole in its place. I couldn't breathe.

But I didn't have to breathe to survive.


	3. Chapter 3

**Edward keeps his distance from Bella in an effort to prepare them both for the coming separation and to keep himself from changing his mind about leaving. The other Cullens leave Forks, and Carlisle and Edward have a discussion about his choice. **

**Songs for this chapter: The Mess I Made by Parachutes and Save You by Matthew Perryman Jones**

**Chapter 3- Distancing**

****I had only been back in Bella's room for just over an hour when she woke up. The last hour of her sleep had been just as restless as the others I had witnessed the night before. My face was a smooth mask of indifference as I gave her a soft kiss on the head and left her house to change before we went to school. I hadn't bothered to clean myself up while I was home because I didn't want Bella to realize I'd left. She was anxious and tired enough (with good reason) without having to worry about what I'd been up to while she slept.

Esme and Rosalie were finishing the last of their packing whenever I arrived back home to change. All of the furniture, artwork and other large items would be staying behind, at least for now. We had many houses all over the world and each of them were fully furnished so everyone could travel lightly. Being able to leave home at a moment's notice was essential to our way of life, after all. Alice and Jasper had already gone to Denali and Carlisle was at the hospital meeting with Dr. Gerandy about his new job. I went up to my room after giving Esme a quick kiss, but I ignored Rosalie completely.

I dressed without paying much attention to what I was wearing and paused to look around my room. I thought of all the time Bella and I had spent here over the summer, talking about a million different things, listening to the sound of her laughter, holding her close on the big couch in my room. I glanced over at my massive music collection, thinking of the songs we used to listen to together, and all the little things we had learned about each other over the last 6 months. My time in Forks had been the happiest of my life, and it was because of her. I thought of how well she had fit in with my family, how complete I felt when I was with her. How in the hell was I going to do this?

I hated being away from Bella for a few hours at a time. It made me feel like I couldn't breathe when I thought of never being with her again. I sank onto my knees in the floor, the dire panic flooding through me in waves. I had to pull myself together fast, though. I would have to compose myself before I made it to school.

"Are you sure about this kid," Emmett said quietly, startling me as he came up behind me. I was so lost in my pain that I didn't hear him coming.

"I have to be," I replied sternly as I stood up. "I have to do what's right for her. As much as I want to be with her, last night made me realize I can't be, so I have to let her go." Emmett nodded but he didn't reply.

"I also have to get to school," I said curtly, pushing past him and running out the door.

I arrived in the parking lot of Forks High School just before Bella did. I watched as she parked her rusty old truck next to the Volvo. There were circles under her eyes from a lack of sleep and her face was pale and nervous.

"How's your arm?" I asked her as I opened the door of her truck.

"Its fine," she lied, her eyes not meeting mine as we walked in silence to our first class. I could tell by the way she was biting into her lower lip that she wanted to ask me a million different questions, but she refrained from doing so. She knew something was terribly wrong and was afraid to press me for more information.

The morning passed in a haze of pain for me as I sat beside her, desperate to reach out and touch her, to talk to her, but I knew I couldn't. I had to keep my distance to prepare us both for what was coming. If I got too close to her now, if I kissed her, or tried to make conversation, I would slip and ruin everything. If I allowed myself a single moment of vulnerability in her presence I would not be able to follow through with this. Finally, at lunch, Bella broke the silence.

"Where's Alice," she asked me anxiously as we sat down at our usual table. I didn't look at her as I crushed a piece of tasteless human food with my fingers.

"Alice is with Jasper," I replied coolly, still not meeting her eyes.  
She questioned me further about Jasper's well-being, and I told her the truth about Alice and Jasper going to Denali. She was quiet after that, but I could tell she was thinking of Alice. She wanted to talk to Alice about what had happened last night. I was glad I had insisted that Alice not see Bella again before we left. Bella's shoulders slumped and a look of pain crossed her face a few moments later.

"Does your arm hurt," I asked her, knowing she wouldn't admit it. Her denial was angry, confirming my suspicions.

The silence was driving us both crazy by the time the school day ended, and I was surprised when she broke it by asking me if I would come over later. I had planned to follow her home that evening so we could talk. Then she reminded me that she had to work for the next two afternoons. So our conversation would have to wait a couple of more days. Charlie was always around by the time Bella got off from work so there would be no chance for me to talk to her without his interference. Charlie would complicate matters too much. I agreed reluctantly to stop by the house that evening after she got off work, but I had no intention of staying. I had to keep my distance until it was all over.

After school, when Bella was working, I went home to find that my father was the only one who was still at home. He was in his study as usual, packing up some of his favorite books to take with him to Tanya's. He had given the hospital chief of staff his resignation letter along with the LA story and he was headed to Denali to be with the others.

"You haven't talked to Bella yet," Carlisle said in a quiet voice. It wasn't a question or an accusation. "Is there a reason that you're waiting? It's not too late to change your mind."

"I haven't changed my mind, nor am I going to," I said stubbornly. He had talked to Alice on the phone today about us and he was thinking of her visions of Bella's pain, and of my own agony. I winced at the thought of the tears I knew she would shed for me, but once again I comforted myself with the idea that her pain would be temporary. It was better for her to be sad for a little while than to be condemned to an eternity of night.

Carlisle frowned slightly before he composed himself physically and mentally. "It's your choice, Edward, but Alice has seen how this will impact you both; how it will affect all of us. I just hope you've thought this through carefully."

"I have," I replied simply. "It's the only choice I could make. I will love her as long as I walk this earth, and so I have to do this for her sake."

"And what about the rest of the family," Carlisle replied in an unusually passionate voice, his normally patient demeanor vanishing. "How are you going to cope with this alone; Alice has seen that you won't be going with us to Ithaca and Esme…" he stopped and sighed, worrying over the impact my departure would have on her.

I winced as he thought of what my leaving the family would do to my mother. Alice had seen how hurt she was going to be when I didn't go with them. I had already decided what I had to do after I left Forks.

"I am going to join you all in Denali after I tell Bella..." I broke off, unable to continue as I thought again of the painful conversation to come. "So I will talk to Esme when I get there." I really had no choice but to go to Denali. There was someone I needed to talk to there who could give me information that would be beneficial to my plans for the bleak future.

Carlisle just nodded, composing himself again. He still didn't agree with my choice, thinking that this decision was going to cost me a whole lot more than my Bella. Alice's vision of Bella with cold hard skin and blood red eyes flashed through his mind again. I tried to stay calm; this might be the last time Carlisle and I had a private conversation for a very long time, and I didn't want to spend these final moments arguing with him. He hesitated briefly, and I answered his unspoken question.

"I don't regret the life you gave me at all," I replied softly. "But, my situation was different. I was dying, and she has her whole life ahead of her." I paused to look deeply into my father's eyes, willing him to feel the sincerity in my words.

"I am grateful for what you did for me. If it weren't for you, I never would have met Bella in the first place, and no matter what my future holds, I would have traded my soul a thousand times for one day of loving her." My voice broke on the last word.

"If I believed that in changing you, I was sacrificing your soul, I never would have done it," Carlisle argued intensely. Unlike me, he still believed our kind could go to heaven. "But you're right about your life," Carlisle went on, "your human life was at an end anyway, and Bella's is not. I understand why you don't want to take anything from her, but what if taking yourself away from her is the greatest thing you will ever deprive her of? The one thing she can't live without?"

"She will be safer without me and happier too in the long run," I replied automatically, dismissing his words quickly. He and Esme were so blind when it came to me! They both saw me as this wonderful, perfect son that had so much to offer a mate. It was probably true that I could be good enough for one of our kind, but not for Bella. She had always been too good for me, and I was the only one objective enough to see things clearly.

Carlisle nodded again, and he saw that I wouldn't be dissuaded from my choice. He walked out from behind his desk and embraced me.

"I love you son," he said softly. "And I will stand behind you no matter what, so if you change your mind and decide to come back to Forks, I'll be right behind you, and so will the others."

I went for a run after I saw Carlisle off that afternoon. I ran without joy, and without paying attention to where I was going.

I wound up in a beautiful circular clearing of tall grass; our meadow. I remembered that special first day we'd spent here, when I showed her my skin in the sun for the first time; how she had accepted me for who I was without a thought for her own safety. It was here that we'd first declared our love for each other. This place would always be so precious and so magical to me. I sat down in the middle of the circle on the wet grass, not moving for a long time and crying tearlessly as I remembered her words from that day; she'd told me she'd rather die than stay away from me. I hoped that wasn't true.

As I sat there, I thought of other journeys we'd made into the forest, too. I remembered all those summer evenings when I would run with Bella on my back; the exhilarating speed combined with the warmth of her arms made me euphoric. She'd been afraid the first time I'd ran with her, but she had come to enjoy the experience just as much as I had.

I was waiting for Bella at Charlie's when she arrived home after her shift at Newton's. Charlie and I were watching ESPN when she came into the living room. She looked even more exhausted and worried than before. She excused herself to eat something in the kitchen and returned a few minutes later with the camera she'd gotten for her birthday. I tried to smile as Charlie took a photo of the two of us together a few minutes later. Bella's demeanor was just as tense as mine was, and so I had to remind her to smile too. She knew something terrible was coming; she could feel it, but I was grateful that she never tried to push me for answers. I was also shocked; it wasn't like Bella to be so complacent.

I could tell she was upset when I didn't stay with her that night, but I couldn't bear it. I couldn't stand to hold her, knowing that it would just hurt her all the more when I had to let go. And, I was also afraid that if I stayed with her tonight, I would find a way to talk myself out of leaving. I couldn't give in that way.

As I drove home that night, I wondered again what Bella was thinking and why she hadn't pressed me for answers before now. I wished for the millionth time that I could hear her thoughts as I pulled into the driveway of my now vacant home. What kind of conclusions was she drawing? Was she just trying to give me time to calm down, or did she suspect what I was planning?

No, she couldn't see what was coming; otherwise she would have confronted me. She couldn't possibly know I was leaving…

Or did she? And then another idea occurred to me… Bella did suspect I was leaving, only…

She thought I was taking her with me.

The pain overtook me again and I hung my head in my hands. I was suddenly sure she assumed after what had happened with Jasper that I'd decided she and I should go off on our own. She thought I was upset because I was going to be away from my family. It had never dawned on her that I would go anywhere without her. Because I had told her time and again that I couldn't live without her. She would see through me right away when I tried to convince her I didn't love her, I was sure of it. She would never believe me. This was never going to work.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is Edward's side of The End where he tells Bella goodbye, how he copes with the immediate aftermath and his plans to search for Victoria. I have used some dialog from New Moon out of necessity, and so I want to reiterate that the Twilight Saga is the property of Stephenie Meyer. I thought of a song that reminded me of both Edward and Bella that I thought was appropriate for this chapter. It's called "Do what you have to do" by Sarah McLachlan.**

**Do What You Have to Do by Sarah McLachlan**

What ravages of spirit

Conjured this temptuous rage

Created you a monster

Broken by the rules of love

And fate has led you through it

You do what you have to do

And fate has led you through it

You do what you have to do ...

And I have the sense to recognize that

I don't know how to let you go

Every moment marked

With apparitions of your soul

I'm ever swiftly moving

Trying to escape this desire

The yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

The yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

But I have the sense to recognize

That I don't know how

To let you go

I dont know how

To let you go

A glowing ember

Burning hot

Burning slow

Deep within I'm shaken by the violence

Of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

And I have sense to recognize but

I don't know how to let you go

I dont know how to let you go

I dont know how to let you go

Chapter 4-Devastation (Edward's side of "the end")

  
I expected Bella to question me the next day about why I didn't stay with her the night before, but she didn't, and I was grateful. I could tell by her pallid skin and the dark circles under her eyes that she hadn't slept, and the anxious look on her face made my heart ache with sadness. I realized she was already hurting because of the distance between us.

Was I doing the right thing? I struggled with myself all day, but rather than losing my control, I found to my surprise that the preoccupation made it easier for me to keep from slipping. I didn't kiss her or hold her hand, or even look at her, because I knew if I so much as glanced into her eyes I would never be able to go. The pain reminded me of the time I'd spent trying to ignore her after the accident with Tyler Crowley's van, but it was so much worse because of how much my love for her had grown since then. The deafening silence continued for the rest of the day, and I made it through the whole afternoon without looking at her or touching her.

I maintained my silence as I walked her to her truck after school, but I was desperate to take her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her; to reassure her; to kiss her. But, I could not do any of those things because of what was coming. I couldn't catch my breath as I watched her drive away, thinking of the sacrilegious words I was afraid I was going to have to say to her when I left.

I did not call Bella, nor did I go to her house that evening after her shift at Newton's ended. She didn't bother to call me either, so she obviously thought that I needed space, or that I was spending time with my family because I was preparing to leave. Again, I was sure she would assume I was taking her with me when I broke the news of my departure tomorrow. If I could read her mind, it might make it easier for me to come up with the most effective lie about why I was leaving.

I spent the evening packing and planning for my future, wondering what she was thinking and if she would get any sleep tonight (I doubted that she would). While I was going through my closet, I ran across my beige leather jacket and marveled at how it still smelled like her even though it had been awhile since she'd worn it. I inhaled her scent, my throat burning with a painful emotion that was far more powerful than my thirst for her blood had ever been. I reached into the inside pocket and pulled out the lid from her lemonade bottle I'd kept from that first day she'd had lunch with me. It was ridiculously childish to hold on to something so trivial, but I kept it anyway. I put it back in my coat pocket and continued to look through the rest of my keepsakes.

I read some notes she had written me, some of them just mundane conversations we'd had in class, a few others that were sentimental and signed with love, including a birthday card from the previous summer. My human birthday was in June, and although I hadn't celebrated it in years, she had remembered the date and surprised me with the card. I sank down on the sofa in my room with my head in my hands. Once again, I couldn't breathe. Eventually, I pulled myself together and I packed all of the notes and the jacket in a small duffel bag. I would hold on to those tokens of her love long after her feelings for me had diminished.

Bella looked exhausted when she met me in the parking lot at school the next morning. I tried to keep my face calm and indifferent; it was essential for me to do so. This was the last day we would ever be together and my desire to hold her in my arms and kiss her was stronger than ever. It was torture to walk beside her all day without talking or touching, but it would all be over soon enough. If I were capable of vomiting, I would have been sick as I thought of telling her goodbye.

"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked her in an offhand voice as I walked her to her truck after school. I looked at her face intently for the first time that day and saw a flicker of relief in her eyes that made me want to die where I stood.

"Of course not," she replied, her voice more hopeful than it had been since our last night together. I had to look away from her to keep my composure.

"Now?" I asked her quickly, averting my stinging, dry eyes from her face as I opened her door.

"Sure," she replied, and the hope in her voice was gone now. She heard the urgency in my tone and she knew something was terribly wrong. I could sense her anxiety but she was trying to stay calm. "I was just going to drop off this letter to Renee in the mailbox on the way, but I'll meet you there."

An idea suddenly occurred to me. There was something that I needed to do before I left her. I grabbed the thick envelope from the seat of her truck.

"I'll do it," I said quietly, turning to face her with a phony smile plastered on my face. "And I'll still beat you home." That was the plan.

"Okay," she agreed without returning my smile. She was getting more anxious by the minute. I had to get this over with.

I stuck a phony PS to Renee I forged in a perfect imitation of Bella's handwriting asking her to visit soon. Bella was going to need her mother more than ever when this was over and I hoped that Renee would try to convince Bella to go to Jacksonville with her. I mailed the letter in a flash and managed to arrive at her house 3 minutes after I  
left the school.

I parked the Volvo in Charlie's usual spot and climbed quickly through her bedroom window. I took the silver CD I had given her for her birthday out of the CD player and returned it to the case. Next, I found the scrapbook on the floor beside her bed. I opened it and found the photos I was looking for on the first page. She had folded the picture of the two of us together in half, hiding her face from view.

_Why would she do that?_ I wondered. Her face was too beautiful to ever be hidden. I removed the pictures from the album and put Renee's gift back where I found it as I stuffed the photos and the CD into the pocket of my jacket. I noticed the plane ticket vouchers on her desk, and I took those as well. It would be easier for her to heal if she didn't have these tangible reminders of me to haunt her.

But then I thought of the notes and the jacket that I would always have as cherished tokens of the time we shared together and I reconsidered the idea of taking her things. I decided I needed to leave her something to remember me by. So, I hid the pictures, the tickets, and the CD under a loose floorboard in the middle of her room. Perhaps when her heart had healed, she would find them someday and think fondly of me. I pictured a much older Bella finding these mementos and smiling…

Images of the life she would have without me flashed quickly before my eyes again; her graduation from high school, then college... Bella dressed all in white as Charlie walked her down the aisle, her face glowing with happiness. But this time I saw myself waiting for her at the end of that aisle, and a second later I pictured a little girl with bronze hair and Bella's eyes curled up in my arms. I tore myself away from these unattainable visions; I'm a monster, not a man! Bella could never marry me; and having a child with her was biologically impossible. I had to let her go so she could have the life she deserved!

I suddenly realized that I didn't want to say goodbye to her in the house. It would be better if we went somewhere else. I couldn't lie to her in a place so full of happy memories. It was here that I'd listened to her dreaming of me, where she'd first told me she loved me; where I held her and kissed her for the last time. I wouldn't taint those perfect moments with the vile things I would have to say to her now. Bella would be home in a minute; I could hear her noisy truck and she was only a mile from the house now. With one last glance around the room, I rushed down the stairs and forged another note in an excellent imitation of her untidy handwriting for Charlie to find.

"_Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, back soon-B"_ Then I went back outside to wait for her in my car.

I approached Bella's truck as she got out and I took her book bag like I always did, but instead of carrying it into the house for her, I tossed it back onto the seat of the truck. This seemingly small gesture seemed to make her even more nervous than she already was. I swallowed hard and composed my face into the unemotional mask I had perfected out of necessity. Lying was an essential part of my immortal life; a survival skill I had mastered over 80 years ago.

"Come for a walk with me," I asked her in a dull voice as I took her hand. I tried not to think about how much I would miss the warm feel of it as I led her toward the forest.

I could feel the panic in her reluctant steps as I practically dragged her into the trees. The aching in my chest nearly overwhelmed me and again I was glad I couldn't cry or vomit. But, then again, if I were human enough to do those things, none of this would be happening. I stopped walking just as we reached the trail. I leaned against a tree for support, staring unseeingly at her pale and frightened face.

"Okay, let's talk," she said in a voice that suggested she was using all of her considerable courage to speak. I felt as though my lungs had left my body, and it took all of my strength to take a deep breath.

"Bella, we're leaving," I said in a cold, flat voice that didn't seem to belong to me.

She looked at me with that familiar bewildered frown, and I suspected what she was thinking even though I couldn't read her mind.

"Why now?" she asked, her forehead still creased. "Another year-"

And I knew then that my theory was correct; she thought we were leaving together. It never occurred to her that I would leave her behind. I had told her thousands of times that I couldn't live without her. Despair ripped through my entire body, but I kept my face cold and distant. I had to do this for her! I had to let her go to save her!

"Bella, its time," I went on before she would have time to notice any of my agonized hesitation. "How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for 30 and he's claiming 33 now. We'd have to start over soon regardless." My face was still a mask of indifference even though my insides felt like they were on fire. It reminded me of my transformation, but this was far more painful than the venom that had stopped my heart nearly a century ago.

Her confused expression became more pronounced for a moment before the meaning behind my words started to sink in. Her eyes were wide with horror and her face turned deathly white as she struggled to catch her breath. For a moment, I thought she was going to be sick. Unlike me, she was human enough to react that way.

"When you say we-," she finally managed to whisper a few seconds later.

"I mean my family and myself," I interrupted brutally. The burning pain increased, but my external self-control did not waiver as I waited for her to respond. She stood there for a few minutes, and I wondered if she had gone into shock.

"Okay," she choked finally, "I'll come with you."

I swallowed hard, reminding myself over and over that the pain she was in now would pass and she would be better off, happier, safer in the long run. She deserves a normal life! I chanted in my head as I forced myself to continue.

"You can't Bella," I said coldly. "Where we're going…"I paused for a moment as I nearly choked on my words, but the pause was too brief for her to notice my hesitation. "It's not the right place for you." Using the word we was a lie, too since I would soon be leaving my family to embark on my mission.

"Where you are is the right place for me," She replied quickly, her voice stronger now, insistent. This was going to be just as hard as I'd feared. In an effort to convince her that I meant what I was saying, I decided to speak the truth for the first time since we started this conversation.

"I'm no good for you, Bella," I replied flatly. I wasn't good enough for her, and I never would be. She deserved so much more than a monster. She deserved to be safe, to be loved by a normal man. I had to get through this. I had to protect her at all costs, no matter how much it hurt.

"Don't be ridiculous," she said in a pleading voice. "You're the very best part of my life."

I felt my stone heart break in half at her words. How I wished I could tell her that she is my life, the only reason I wanted to exist; that nothing mattered to me but her!

"My world is not for you," I replied with brutal honesty.

"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing Edward; Nothing!" She insisted; her voice was quiet but angry. So far, the truth wasn't working; she wasn't letting go yet, but I was going to keep trying to be honest. The only other option would destroy me completely, I was sure of it.

"You're right," I replied, and I repeated the words I had said to my family the night we'd decided to leave Forks. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised!" Bella accused, her voice more desperate than before. "In Phoenix you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted, remembering the careful way I had phrased my promise. I knew then that I didn't want to give her my word that I would never leave in case it ever became necessary for me to walk away from her.

"No!" she hissed back, pleading angrily with me now, and I knew what I was going to have to do even before she finished speaking. The burning pain in my chest nearly knocked me to my knees at the thought.

"This is about my soul, isn't it?" She went on. "Carlisle told me about that and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you! It's yours already!"

She had no idea what she was saying; what the implications of her words were! She was barely 18 and desperate to hold on to the only "man" she'd ever had a relationship with. I couldn't let this go on! For that reason, I knew I had to find enough strength to do the unthinkable. I took a deep breath, compelling my broken lungs to work and I paused to try to force out the most abominable and dishonest words I had ever uttered in my 100 years. The agony that twisted my mouth nearly gave me away before I cleared my expression.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I said slowly in a dead voice. I waited for a moment for her to start arguing with me again; for her to tell me she didn't believe me.

"You-don't-want-me," She choked, and I could tell she was trying to make sense of my words. I used her silence as an opportunity to reinforce the lie.

"No," I replied coldly, staring unapologetically into her beautiful brown eyes. Her face was pale and frozen in shock but any moment now, she would regain her composure and demand to know why I would even try to tell her such a horrible and ridiculous lie. She would argue angrily with me, and I would have to say the vile words again. She stared at me for a long moment, and I braced myself for her arguments.

They never came. I watched in anguish as I realized she believed me. The light in her bright brown eyes seemed to flicker and die. My heart shattered into a million pieces and the rest of my insides were completely consumed by the burning pain, destroying what was left of my desire to exist. I wished I were dead.

"Well, that changes things," she said finally in a numb and shocked voice.

She really believed me.

How! How could she think that I didn't want her; that I didn't love her! She was my whole world; the only thing that mattered to me. How many times had I told her that? I knew that Bella sometimes got things turned around in her mysterious mind, but how could she possibly think that I could just cast her aside so easily? She was the most beautiful person I'd ever met in my life!

I had to look away from her to keep from falling apart completely. I still had a role to play, regardless of how devastated I was over her immediate acceptance of my rejection. I tried to soften the blow just a little. I looked away from her, unable to continue to look into her dark eyes.

"Of course, I'll always love you…in a way," I went on, staring at the trees so she wouldn't see the anguish in my eyes. "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…" I paused for a moment, willing myself to continue, "tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella (my throat ached as I said her name) I am not human."

I looked back at her, my expression stony. I knew I didn't look human. I had never felt less human; I was more of a monster now for breaking her heart than I had ever been while I was murdering fiends and feeding my thirst with their blood. I was nothing more than an animated corpse. The burning had ceased now, leaving nothing but a hollow hole where my insides should have been. My new transformation was complete now. The last vestiges of my humanity were gone.

"I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." This was a half-truth. I was sorry I had stayed long enough for her to fall in love with me, but not sorry for a second of the time I'd had with her.

"Don't," she pleaded in whisper. "Don't do this." The shock was wearing off now and I could see the sorrow in her face. But my new acute awareness of the difference between her humanity and my unnatural half-life made it easier for me to play my role.

"You're no good for me, Bella," I said coldly, looking into her eyes with a vacant expression. This was the most ironic thing I had said so far. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. She brought me to life, made me happier than I would have ever thought possible. She was everything to me, and I was nothing without her. My existence was meaningless.

She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again a moment later. I watched her, waiting for her to say something. Her silence frightened me, but my face did not betray my fear. Was she going to faint? I wished she would do something, but her eyes were as dark and empty as the inside of my chest, and my internal anxiety intensified dramatically. What was I doing to her? The hollow numbness in my chest was suddenly replaced by wild panic and horror. And, my mind screamed in agony;

_Stop this now! Take every word of it back! You can't leave her like this!  
_  
"If that's what you want," she finally said in a mechanical voice. Her face was still blank and her eyes devoid of their natural warmth and light.

With a great effort, I nodded once in reply. If I had opened my mouth to speak, I would have recanted every lie and all of my efforts to protect her would be wasted. I wished that the cold hollow feeling would return; this grief and terror was going to bring me to my knees and shatter me like glass.

I remembered her words from that day in the meadow again; _"I'd rather die than stay away from you."_ A feeling of dread permeated every fiber of my being and I felt a terrible sense of foreboding.

"I would like to ask for one favor, though if that's not too much," I said quietly. Her face was suddenly soft and my cold façade was gone; my face betrayed me for a moment.

"Anything," she pledged fervently. I felt a twinge of relief. I knew she would never break any promise she made me. She was so good, so beautiful, and the urge to take her in my arms had never been more powerful. How I loved her! And that was why I had to go.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I replied, my voice thick with tenderness. I had to regain my control quickly. She nodded.

"I'm thinking of Charlie of course," I went on, forcing my face back into the blank mask. "He needs you. Take care of yourself-for him."

"I will," she replied. I felt another twinge of relief at her assurance. I knew how much her father meant to her, and I was counting on her love for him to help her move on. She could have a wonderful life as long as I stayed out of her way.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I went on, feeling I owed her a favor in return for her vow. It was the least I could do. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me."

Agony ripped through my chest again as I realized it would be that time I would see her, too.

"I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You will go on with your life without any interference from me. It will be as if I never existed."

I didn't exist anymore. Edward Cullen, for all intents and purposes, was dead. I was just an empty shell. I was nothing.

Her knees started to tremble and I was afraid again that she was going to faint. I moved away from her quickly, fighting the urge to pick her up and carry her home. I had to go now.

"Don't worry," I reassured her. "You're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." I wanted it to be true, and yet, the idea of her forgetting me completely hurt almost as much as her easy acceptance of my lies.

"And your memories?" she asked me in a choked whisper. For the last time, she'd asked me one of her hard, probing questions that I didn't want to answer.

"Well," I said quietly, unable to continue for a moment. My control was evaporating fast. I had to get out of here soon before I fell apart. "I won't forget," I went on, forcing my lips into a phony smile. "But my kind…" I paused again, trying to emphasize the difference between us. "We're easily distracted."

_Go now before you break down! Leave! _

"That's everything I suppose; we won't bother you again." I moved further away from her as I spoke.

"Alice isn't coming back," she whispered. It wasn't a question.

I shook my head, not taking my eyes off of her. I couldn't look away from her now. It was the last time I'd ever see her beautiful face, and to waste one second of these last moments averting my eyes from it was inexcusable.

"She wanted to say goodbye," I replied truthfully, thinking of what she'd said about her love for Bella. I remembered her vision of the friendship they would share, and I knew Bella would miss Alice just as much as Alice would miss her. "I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." I paused again as Bella's face crumpled and her breathing became erratic. I had to finish this horrible conversation now or I never would.

"Goodbye Bella," I said in a quiet, even voice. My insides seemed to have evaporated completely as I said the words.

"Wait," She called, walking toward me with her arms outstretched, reaching. I took her wrists and pinned them to her sides quickly, though I was desperate to reach back, to hold her one last time. But if I gave in, if I embraced her, I would never break away, never let her go. Being this close to her was unbearable as I felt the heat of her fragile body. I kissed her forehead gently, savoring the sensation of the way her skin warmed my lips. She closed her eyes in response.

"Take care of yourself," I whispered, and I was gone before she could open her eyes.

I had only driven 5 miles when the panic overtook me; I pulled the car over, hyperventilating. Could Vampires have panic attacks? Her scent was so strong in the car that my heavy, frantic breathing only made me feel worse. There was no way I was going to be able to drive the Volvo all the way to Alaska. I would have to go back home and switch vehicles. But, I couldn't seem to pull myself together enough to go anywhere. Given my amazing reflexes and acute senses, I could practically drive with my eyes closed under normal circumstances, but I was too out of control to even try. I felt like what was left of me was coming apart.

I bowed my head and crossed my arms over my chest as though I were trying to keep from crumbling into pieces. Just when I'd decided to abandon the car and run the rest of the way back to the house to get Emmett's Jeep, I heard a soft tapping at my window.

I jumped, abnormally startled and surprised. Alice was standing beside my car, her face worried and tense. She opened the door, pushed me into the passenger seat, rolled down the windows and took the wheel. She had envisioned me here, unable to cope on my own, and so she'd come back to wait for me. It was kind of her to do so, considering she was still furious and hurt over my decision. But, I knew that Alice loved me unconditionally, and it would never occur to her to abandon me in my time of need, no matter how angry she was with me.

We drove back to the vacant house in silence, though I could hear Alice struggling with the idea of forcing me to go back, to change this course. Then she saw me in an unfamiliar fleabag motel, curled up in a ball on a generic bed, my face blank and lifeless. Another image, one of Bella stumbling around in the woods flashed through her head, but she pushed it from her mind quickly as I moaned involuntarily, grief ripping my hollow insides again.

"Get your things; I'll get the Jeep," she said quietly as she parked the Volvo in its usual garage bay.

We'd had to stop for gas a lot more often in the Jeep than we would have in the Volvo, but we would still be in Denali before the sun rose the next day. I had been trying to pull myself together enough to prepare for what I needed to do when we arrived at Tanya's, unable to carry on a real conversation with Alice.

I was going to have to do better than this for Esme's sake. Telling her I was leaving the family to go off on my own on a tracking expedition would be hard regardless, but if she saw what a mess I was, she would try to talk me into going back to Forks. And, the further I got from...her (it was too painful to even think of her name now), the harder it seemed to be for me to fight the urge to turn around. When I closed my eyes to try to think of my upcoming mission, all I could see was her face. The expression of blank shock and the empty darkness in her eyes as I'd told her I didn't want her seemed to be pasted to my eyelids.

"You're only going to stay in Denali long enough to talk to Laurent and say goodbye to Esme," Alice accused as we got on to highway 97. I hadn't spoken in several hours, and the lack of conversation was starting to wear on Alice. She was really worried about me. She'd called Jasper to check in with him and tell him where we were a couple of hours before when she was gassing up the Jeep, and I heard her telling him that I was worse than she'd thought I would be.

"Yes," I replied feebly, my voice flat and devoid of any emotion. "That's all I'll have time for, especially if Laurent can tell me anything about where Victoria might be. I'll have to act quickly on any leads he may have for me."

"I have seen that Laurent has been in contact with Victoria recently," Alice replied, trying to keep me talking. "He's still on good terms with her, though so you'll have to be careful about asking him questions."

I nodded thinking of what I would say to him and hoping I would be able to get most of the information I wanted out of his head rather than having to ask him questions outright. I couldn't afford to make him suspicious.

"I wasn't planning on asking him anything of consequence," I replied flatly.

"I just wanted to say enough to make him think about her so I could read his thoughts. Given her uncanny ability to evade capture and her instincts for self-preservation, I'll need to get as much information as I can to get started. I'm sure that it will take some time for me to catch up with her regardless."

"I don't see Victoria coming back to Forks for any reason, but I asked the others not to mention the fact that we're moving to Tanya or anyone else in Denali," Alice said abruptly. "Jasper decided that it wouldn't be a good idea for people to know that Bella is not under our protection anymore, especially if someone with a grudge against us found out and decided to tell the Volturi about what she knows…

"There's no reason for the Volturi or any others of our kind to ever cross paths with her again," I cried, horrified at the thought of the Volturi finding out about her. "And, I'm not tracking Victoria because I think she's a threat now; I want her to pay for what she's already done." And this tracking expedition was the only distraction I could think of that might make it possible for me to survive.

"Tracking Victoria won't keep you distracted forever," Alice countered as though she could read my mind. "It's going to take a lot more than tracking to keep you away from Bella for long." I winced at the sound of her name as the pain stabbed my chest again.

I knew she was right, of course. But, I couldn't afford to think that far into the future. The last 24 hours had been hell, and the idea of thinking beyond the task at hand only made the panic worse.

Time usually meant little to an immortal, since we had all the time in the world, but now, every minute I'd been away from her seemed like an eternity. The only thought that comforted me enough to make those slow moments bearable was the knowledge that my love was mortal and she wouldn't live forever. And for that reason, neither would I.

**Well, there it is; the big one. This was my first fic and there are still things that could be better in the first three chapters, but there's nothing in this chapter that I would change. Plus I just don't have it in me to do any rewrites. I hope you like it as is. Please leave me a note one way or the other. I don't get many reviews, but a lot of you are adding this to your favorites so I know you're out there. **** Thanks so much for giving me and this story a chance. I really appreciate it. **


	5. Chapter 5

Bottom of Form

Chapter Five-Denali

I went for a run as soon as we arrived in Denali to collect my thoughts. I needed to try to pull myself together before I talked to Esme. Thanks to Alice, the rest of my family already knew that I wasn't going to Ithaca with them but they didn't know why yet. I knew talking to Esme about my plans to leave the family wouldn't be nearly as hard as that unbearable conversation I'd been forced to have in the woods with my love, but it wasn't going to be easy, either. My chest ached horribly again when I started to think her name, and every time I closed my eyes the only thing I could see was her face. It had been that way the last time I ran to this place to escape from her, but now it was the haunted, dead look in her eyes when I told her goodbye that obstructed my vision. I sat down on a patch of sparse grass and buried my face in my hands again.

When I was finally able to gain just enough composure to return to the house, Jasper was waiting for me at the door, and he did his best to try to calm me. I was grateful for his talent, but even his formidable gift was only strong enough to numb my pain. He concentrated all of his soothing energy on me, and I followed him mechanically into the living room where the rest of my family sat talking quietly. I managed to stay numb enough to say hello to everyone, including Esme, but I had to look away from the worry in her eyes as I sat down in the most secluded corner of the large open room. I was surprised to find that Tanya was the only member of her family who was home at the moment. Irina, Carmen, Kate and Eleazar had left on a hunting trip the morning before I arrived. I wondered fleetingly why Tanya had stayed behind, but I didn't really care about the answer.

Alice and Jasper's idea of keeping our departure from Forks a secret didn't seem very important to me once I found out that no one had seen Laurent for over two weeks. Tanya said that he was trying very hard to adhere to our "vegetarian" diet, but sometimes he had problems with it. She felt that he had lost control again and that was why he hadn't returned before now. I was feeling too drained to be terribly disappointed by Laurent's absence, but it certainly was a setback. I had really hoped to try to get into Laurent's head and see if I could find out anything useful about Victoria. All the same, no one mentioned to Tanya that we (or rather the rest of my family) were in the process of moving to Ithaca. The conversation in the living room flowed naturally for everyone else into a variety of topics that held no interest for me. Nothing meant anything anymore.

As the evening dragged on, I found myself wishing that I hadn't bothered to come here. My primary motivation for reuniting briefly with my family was to get information that would help me find Victoria. Jasper's calming vibrations had subsided now, and the artificial numbness they'd created was wearing off. I still needed to talk to Esme about my decision to go off on my own, but the more I thought about that conversation, the less I wanted to have it.

My mother was so distressed by my pain that she was planning to try to talk me in to going back home. My desperate desire to return to Forks was already pressing down on my chest, making me feel like I was buried under a million tons of quicksand. In my weakened state of mind it wouldn't take a lot of coaxing to make me go back. I can't do that to her! She deserves more than a monster! I repeated those words in my head like a prayer for strength.

I was pulled out of my reverie when I felt Tanya's concerned eyes on my blank face. Her expression seemed worried, but when I met her eyes she looked almost... _hopeful? _Her demeanor made me curious enough to try to hear her thoughts, but she suddenly seemed to be deliberately distracted. I wondered for a moment about why she was being so guarded until I just happened to glance over at Emmett. He was uncharacteristically angry at Rosalie, and when I heard the reason in his head I wanted to rip her apart.

Rosalie had decided that I needed help with the whole "Forks Situation" and so she had confided to Tanya that I was having "problems with my little human girlfriend" and she convinced Tanya that some female attention from her might make me feel better. So, Tanya had planned to try to persuade me to go "hunting" with her the next day. She wanted us to be alone, of course...

A snarl escaped from my lips as I read Rose's mind and fully registered the nature of Tanya's plans. I was on my feet in an instant, my thoughts consumed with tearing Rosalie's perfect blonde hair out strand by strand for her callous idiocy. She was hoping that Tanya could occupy me enough to get me to stay. I knew she only wanted to spare Carlisle and Esme the heartache of my absence, but she couldn't have picked a more repulsive and pointless way to achieve her goal. I hated her for thinking so little of me that she would presume for an instant that some tawdry fling would make my excruciating pain go away.

"What's the matter, Edward?" Esme cried, and she was standing by my side with her arm wrapped around me before I could act on my impulsive desire to kill my sister.

I didn't answer her as I glared at Rosalie, and she glared back, completely unrepentant. Then everyone else started to process the sudden tension between us. Tanya understood what I had discerned from Rosalie's thoughts and she was both hurt and embarrassed. My momentary hatred for Rosalie intensified over the way she'd exploited Tanya's feelings for her own gain. Meanwhile, Emmett had gone from being angry to feeling more uncomfortable than I had ever seen him. Alice had deduced what was going on from a vision she'd had about me spurning Tanya's advances, and she was almost as angry with Rose as I was. Carlisle, like Esme, was anxious and confused, but before he could ask questions, Jasper sent waves of peace throughout the room, and I calmed down enough to restrain myself from lunging at Rose.

"Why don't we go outside for a few minutes, Edward," Esme said soothingly, tugging on my arm. "The weather is still nice and I've wanted to go for a run all day." I nodded slowly, trying to clear my head enough to take advantage of the opportunity to explain my plans to Esme.

"Is tracking Victoria really necessary, Edward?" Esme asked me as we ran through the mountains later that night. We decided to hunt when we happened to run across the trail of a small herd of moose. Moose was hardly my favorite food, but they were satisfying, and more appetizing than deer. I had hoped the pursuit might take my mind off of my pain, but her face was still the only thing I could truly see.

"Yes," I replied emphatically. "Victoria was at least partially responsible for what happened to…" I shuddered and gasped, unable to say her name. "For what happened in Phoenix last spring and I have to find her." Anger surged through me as I remembered how broken she was after her encounter with James in the ballet studio.

James used the information Victoria had gotten from the school records to find Renee's home. I would never forgive Victoria for helping him orchestrate the attack that nearly destroyed my world. Without Victoria, James wouldn't have gotten that close. I shuddered as I remembered the decision I'd made to go to Italy if it had been too late to save her.

Esme didn't say anything for awhile, but she was considering what I had said, and thinking of what was best for her whole family; all 8 of us. She still thought that everything would have worked out fine if I had stayed. Like Carlisle, she thought that I deserved to be happy…that I deserved her. They were both so wrong.

"Do you really think your tracking plans will keep Bella safe?" Esme asked me finally we slowed to a walk just a few miles from Tanya's. A stabbing pain shot through my hollow chest at the sound of her name. It had just occurred to Esme that leaving her alone in Forks might be dangerous.

"I'm certain Victoria is not a threat to…her now," I replied, wincing again as the memory of my love's heartbroken face burned my eyes. "But I can't forget what she did; I had hoped to see Laurent while I was here so I could read his mind. I thought he might have some information about Victoria's whereabouts. Since he isn't here, I should leave tonight." This was the same story I had given Alice.

"What about others…like us who might find her," Esme replied slowly. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe Bella will be in more danger alone than she was when we were there?"

"Why would she be?" I snapped, desperate to counter any argument that might give me an excuse to go home. "Our presence was the only thing that caused them to stop in Forks; they would catch our scent and get curious about why there were so many of us in the area. You know that typical nomads would have a hard time avoiding suspicion in a small town. Now that we're gone, how likely is it that one of us would cross Bella's path?" I groaned in pain as her name left my lips before I could stop it, crossing my arms over my empty, aching chest.  
Then, my mind unwittingly conjured up the image of that evil harpy. I could see it hovering over her, trying repeatedly to end my love's life with a variety of hazards, and I shuddered. But, as far as I knew, she had never had any near death experiences before she met me. I was like a plague, a curse, and she would be safe now…she had to be safe!

"I was always the greatest threat to her safety, Esme, and…" I faltered, recalling her words from that night I'd found her in Port Angeles.

"Did you ever think that maybe my number was up that first time, with the van, and that you've just been interfering with fate?" She'd asked me.

"That wasn't the first time," I had replied. "Your number was up the first time I met you" (quotes from Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Ch 8-Port Angeles)

As I remembered that conversation, I hated myself more than ever as I realized just how reckless and selfish it was for me to have stayed with her all those months. I should have stayed away after I'd nearly killed her in Biology. I sank down to my knees in anguish and buried my face in my hands again.

"Oh Edward," Esme sighed, embracing me tightly. I felt as though her arms were the only things holding me together, keeping me from crumbling into pieces like broken marble. I couldn't believe that I was behaving this way. I never lost control of my feelings like this. But now I was so consumed with the pain and emptiness that I had nothing left inside of me to hide behind.

"She's safe now," I managed finally. "I have to at least try to right some of the wrong I've done by making sure Victoria pays for what she did." (I can't continue to sit here and think about her or I'll go mad) I thought to myself.

Plus, I couldn't stand the idea of continuing to live with 3 happily paired couples. Before, being alone wasn't always easy, but it was all I had ever known. Now that I had found and lost my true and only love, reverting back to being the odd man out was unbearable. My family would miss me (well, probably not Rosalie), but the person they would miss didn't exist anymore anyway. If I were gone, they could mourn my loss the same way that one would grieve for a dead relative. Having me around would be like staring at that dead relative's corpse all day long.

"Are you ready to go back?" Esme asked me timidly after several minutes.

I nodded and sprang to my feet. I needed to make my excuses so that I could leave now. The story I would give in front of Tanya was that I was going back to Forks to sort things out with…Bella, (it was the easiest explanation since Rosalie had decided to tell Tanya we were at odds). M family would know better, but it was simpler to stick to the lie.

Alice and Jasper were the only ones who were still in the house when we got back, and Jasper was not pleased to see us. He was holding a blank faced Alice in his lap, trying to soothe her, and it didn't take long for me to see what was in her head. A gaunt and anguished Charlie was trying to get his daughter to talk to him as she lay curled up on her bedroom floor, unmoving, unresponsive, as though she were…

"Stop it!" I shouted, trying desperately to break Alice out of her trance. I didn't want to see anymore. Every muscle in my body, every brain cell in my head was screaming in agony; _**Go back! You can't leave her like that! Go back to her right now!**_

My shouting pulled Alice out of her reverie, and she glared angrily at me.

"I haven't been trying to see her, Edward," Alice snapped defensively. "Do you really think I wanted to see that?"

_**Please let's go back**_**!** Alice thought desperately.

"No," I replied through gritted teeth, answering both questions. The overwhelming pain was burning my empty chest again. I wanted to go back much more than Alice did, but I couldn't be selfish again. For…Bella, the heartache was only temporary; she would recover and be happy, probably sooner than I would have expected considering how quickly she'd accepted my lies. Agony washed over me again as I remembered the look on her face when I told her I didn't want her.

Tanya came in then, so we could not continue our discussion. She looked away from me, hiding her face in her strawberry blonde hair, and if it were possible, she would have blushed. Under different circumstances, I might have felt sorry for her, but there was no room inside me for anything but the burning pain.

"Is everything okay?" Tanya asked, looking curiously from Jasper to Alice. She continued to avoid my gaze.

"Everything is fine, Tanya," I answered her, trying my best to keep my voice even. I felt like I was on fire, but I continued the lie with conviction. "Alice was just trying to talk me into staying here, but I've decided I need to go back and sort things out with Bella."

Saying her name was excruciating, but I had to stay calm for the sake of Alice's story. I wanted to keep up the pretense even though it wasn't necessary. After all, Laurent wasn't even here and he may not ever return. Plus, it seemed improbable that Victoria would ever even spare a thought for the Cullens. If I weren't 100% certain that she was safe I would still be in Forks.

"Oh," Tanya said lamely, and I heard the disappointment in her head. "Won't you at least stay until the others get back from their hunting trip?" She was trying to get more time with me. Rosalie must've really laid it on thick for her to be this persistent. Just then, a familiar scent caught my attention, and my plans changed.

"Well, I suppose I could stay until tomorrow," I backtracked, refocusing my energy on my future plans. "Leaving in the late afternoon would give me more dark hours for travelling." In late September, Denali still gets about 12 hours of daylight.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door, though everyone knew someone was here before it came. Tanya admitted a crimson eyed Laurent into the living room. He looked curiously at us for a moment, then smiled.

"Our old friends decided to surprise us with a little visit," Tanya said cheerfully, glad that I'd decided to stay. I still didn't have it in me to feel badly for her even though this time I was the one who was misleading her.

"Are all of you here?" Laurent asked, and I heard him thinking of Carlisle. He had been greatly intrigued with Carlisle when they'd met briefly last spring.

"The whole clan," Alice replied with a serene smile. "All except for Bella, and she has school, so Edward is going back tomorrow." I saw in Alice's head that she wanted to make sure Laurent believed Bella was still part of our family.

_**I can't see any danger to Bella from Victoria or anyone else, I'm just trying to err on the side of caution**_**.** she thought.

"That human girl," Laurent marveled, his eyes wide. He shook his head, and I saw in his mind that he was still baffled by my relationship with a mortal. He met my eyes for a moment, and his demeanor was more guarded. Clearly someone in the Denali coven had told him something about my abilities. This troubled me a little and I realized it wasn't going to be as easy as I'd hoped to get information about Victoria from Laurent.

"Yes," I said evenly, trying not to betray the pain and anger that flared inside of me as I remembered the last time I had seen him. That was the night Alice and Jasper had been forced to flee with her to keep her safe from James and Victoria. ("Are you sure she's worth it?" Laurent had asked). This unfeeling bastard would never understand that she was worth more than all of God's other creations combined. I ached as the image of her face swam behind my eyes again.

"I hope there are no hard feelings about our last meeting," Laurent replied. There was a hint of apology in his voice, but his thoughts were still very careful. "It's just that the idea of having regard for human life, let alone a relationship with a human is still very…foreign to me."

The others were watching our exchange with apprehension, and I felt Jasper's calming influence flowing through the room. It was only marginally helpful to me. My pain subsided just enough for the fury underneath the surface to dominate the anguish, and the anger was surprisingly useful.

"I understand, and there are no hard feelings," I lied serenely as the rage burning inside of me gave me the focus I needed to master myself. I realized then that my manic craving for revenge was a far more effective means of masking my pain than Jasper's talents.

"As you know, the path we have chosen is not the easiest way to exist, but Tanya says you are trying." I went on calmly, inclining my head at him.

Acting calm was possible now. I would have vengeance for what she had suffered, and getting information from Laurent was a means to that end. I could lie until the end of my pathetic existence for my Bella. The new obsession suddenly made it easier to think of her name.

"Yes," Laurent said uncomfortably, acutely aware of his red eyes. He had let his guard down a little, and I found no trace of suspicion in his thoughts. "But, as you say it's difficult."

"Why don't we all go into the living room and sit down," Tanya said lamely as though we needed to sit. She was relieved that the tension had eased considerably. "Carlisle, Emmett and Rosalie won't be back for awhile."

Thinking about my quest was keeping the pain from crippling me again. I participated as much as I could in the casual conversation, waiting for the right moment to mention Victoria. Alice was talented and subtle enough to move the conversation in the right direction.

"So, did you run into any others while you were away," Alice asked Laurent. At that precise moment, I saw in her head that she knew the answer already. Jasper unleashed a wave of serenity in Laurent's direction, relaxing his mind in an effort to coax him into speaking more freely. It helped enough for Laurent to answer.

"Just one," Laurent replied slowly. "I saw Victoria just outside of Edmonton 4 days ago."

It was nearly impossible for me not to react violently to his revelation as the horribly haunting image of Bella lying unconscious and broken in a hospital bed overwhelmed me. I tried to read his thoughts, but Laurent's mind was focused intently on the hiker who had been his most recent meal. I was sure this was intentional; he was clearly hiding something, though I couldn't imagine what. I was desperate to leave at once to begin the chase, but since I was already committed to staying, I would have to wait to avoid making Laurent overly suspicious.

I took comfort in the fact that Victoria's days were numbered. I imagined the satisfaction I would feel when I slowly ripped her apart as I waited until it was time to leave.

AN:

**Now that Edward knows where to start looking for Victoria, he'll be leaving ASAP. Next Ch: Edward's adventures as he follows Victoria and tries to cope with his life without Bella. I know this chapter is a little anticlimactic after the last one, but ch 6 will pick up the pace. As far as adding Laurent into the story, I got the idea from Eclipse. If you'll remember the meadow scene where the wolves come to get training for killing the newborns, Bella figures out that Victoria got info about Alice and Edward's extra talents from Laurent. My other story, Dark Matter will explain more about this during the fight scene. Thanks for reading and reviews are greatly appreciated. :) **


	6. Chapter 6 Divination

**Chapter 6-Divination**

In spite of Tanya's continued efforts to get me to stay, I left Denali in Emmett's Jeep the following day as planned. I'd considered flying, but since I was supposed to be going back to Forks, driving was the best option. If I flew to Canada, it would arouse suspicion, and if I flew to Washington, it would slow me down. The Jeep's windows were well tinted and it was an overcast day. Alice had predicted that the weather would make it safe for me to leave early.

Before I left, Carlisle gave me a substantial amount of cash, 3 forged passports with credit cards and drivers licenses to match. My father also advised me to go to the house in Calgary and get one of the less conspicuous cars he had in storage there.

It took me just over two hours to get to the Canadian border. I prepared to read the minds of the security agents as I pulled the Jeep up to the gate. I needed to make sure they weren't suspicious of me for any reason. I pasted a smile on my face, rolled down the window and carefully placed my ID and passport into the tall bearded RCMP officer's outstretched hand.

_**This kid is way too sick to be traveling on his own; I've never seen anyone so pale! He looks miserable, too. Wonder what's wrong with him...**_

The border patrolman thought as he got a better look at me.

He considered asking me if I was okay. But like most humans, he was instinctively uneasy around me; too uneasy to express his concerns. He read the passport and Oregon driver's license that said I was 21 year old Anthony Whitlock. I noticed that his name tag identified him as Mark Chambers.

_T__**wenty-one? I never would have guessed he was that old. Probably so sick his growth's been stunted…still think he should have someone with him… oh well, not my business…**_

He looked back up at me, comparing my face to the pictures on the passport and license. When I met his gaze, he shuddered involuntarily and looked away.

It had been a long time since I'd made a human so uncomfortable. Thinking of the way Bella had softened me during our time together, I understood the physical changes in me since I'd left her must be more obvious than I'd realized.

"Enjoy your time in Canada, Mr. Whitlock," Officer Chambers said, carefully averting his eyes from my face as he handed me my bogus IDs.

I certainly hoped I would. I would enjoy it very much if I got to kill Victoria while I was here. I nodded politely in his direction and crossed into Yukon without incident.

The drive grew increasingly difficult since I had little to occupy my mind and I was alone. By the time I got to Alberta, the pain was becoming so unbearable that I thought of stopping. Instead I turned on the radio, hoping for some music to distract me. There weren't many stations to choose from; Emmett didn't drive the Jeep enough to invest in satellite radio. A classical station I found was fine until they played Clair de Lune. I changed it so fast that I nearly ripped the knob off.

I spent several minutes searching…country (yuk)…a promising 80's station that I turned off when Prince's "When Doves Cry" came on _("how could you leave me standing alone in a world so cold?"_ he whined), a rap channel that was too vulgar to tolerate…I kept going for a few minutes until I found a rock station. That one was okay until they played Evanescence's _Missing._

_Please forgive me, but I won't be home again…isn't someone missing me…and if I bleed, I'll bleed, knowing you don't care and if I sleep just to dream of you, I'll wake without you there… even though I'm the sacrifice, you won't try for me, not now…though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone…"_

The song instantly reminded me of her. I felt the dry burning in my eyes and the terrible throbbing in my hollow chest made me gasp. The immediate connection I made between Bella and the song seemed strangely ominous. Bella's haunting words ran through my mind again as I pondered the song's lyrics

_**I'd rather die than be with anyone but you**__…_

_.. though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone…_

If I were a creature with a soul, I might have thought all this music was some kind of divine omen meant for me.

_Go back now Edward before something terrible happens! _

_NO!_

Needless to say, I gave up on the radio for good after that.

From then on I tried to focus on my goal; Victoria, kill Victoria! But in the silence my mind was still consumed with thoughts of my love. Being in Emmett's Jeep made it impossible not to remember the warmth of her body as I strapped her into the passenger seat the night of that fateful baseball game. The night Victoria had entered our lives.

Victoria! Victoria! I had to focus on Victoria. I couldn't afford to allow the pain to overtake me while I had a job to do. I visualized my hands ripping her head off, her sunset colored hair fluttering in the wind as her head flew through the air, and the way her burning corpse would smell when I got the ultimate revenge. The anger superseded my pain again, and for a moment my existence was tolerable; barely tolerable.

For no distraction in the world could erase the image of Bella's face in my mind; her small frame…her smile…the way she bit her lip when she was nervous...the haunted look in her dark eyes when I said goodbye. Victoria! I had to concentrate on my prey.

My thoughts were a vicious circle of agony and fury. The hours passed slowly as my mind continued to go back and forth between the woman I loved more than anything in the universe and the woman I hated in equal measure. But Bella was never out of my thoughts entirely, nor would she ever be. The image of her face and the sound of her voice were permanent fixtures in my mind, and the pain never went away.

It never would.

I made it to our former home in Calgary early the next morning. The trip had taken me 17 hours when it should have taken a day and a half. I hadn't been back here since Maria had visited and made it necessary for us to move in the dead of night 5 years ago.

The house had a neglected feel, but it was still beautiful. It was a substantial log home with cathedral ceilings, large rooms, a copper roof and lots of windows to let in as much light as possible. Most homes in the area had lots of windows. There was a very limited amount of sun in the winter here, and humans tried to get as much of it as they could.

I stared up at it for a moment and recalled how I loved the sound of the rain on the metal roof, and how it had inspired me to compose a couple of short pieces Esme liked.

At one time I would've considered such memories to be happy ones, but now they were inconsequential.

It seemed that everything in my life before Bella was faded, dim and muted; washed out somehow. As though I had been blind until I saw her face, as if my ears hadn't worked until I heard her voice. She intensified everything inside me, and now that I had truly seen, had been truly alive, I understood the life I'd been living before was just a pale imitation of what was possible.

I thought of every other house we'd lived in, and I felt the same sense of indifference. None of them had been or would ever be home. Except for that big white house in Washington; my true home; the home I longed to return to; the home I would never see again.

The lyrics to that Evanescence song echoed in my head again at the thought

_Please forgive me, but I won't be home again…_

I hoped that Bella would forgive me someday for the way I'd left her. Perhaps when she met someone else, she would even be grateful to me for going. My hollow insides ached again and I wrapped my arms around my chest in an effort to keep what was left of me from falling apart.

I went inside long enough to take a shower once I realized the water was still on. It wasn't for the sake of vanity; I knew I had to at least try to look presentable to keep from drawing attention to myself in the city. Then I made some minor adjustments to the 10 year old maroon Range Rover Rosalie had tweaked for better speed, parked Emmett's Jeep in the garage and took off.

Victoria's scent hit me 10 miles before I got to Edmonton. I followed it all the way to the city limits. Her scent was slightly diluted from a recent rain, so I knew she had left. But, it was strong enough for me to know that it couldn't have been more than two days since she'd gone. I would have to look around and see what I could find out about her time here. I needed to analyze her hunting habits so I could find patters that might assist me in tracing her.

I stopped at a gas station and grabbed a copy of the local paper, hoping to find some clues about her activities. I found what I was looking for right away.

Victoria may have left the area, but from the papers I could tell that she hadn't gone quietly.

One of the prominent local news stories was about the disappearances of several experienced hikers on the Waskahegan Trail. People vanished on the trail pretty often, but six people had gone missing over a 5 week time span, and people were worried. Plus, it had been a slow news month for the area press, so the story was getting a lot of attention.

Regardless of the public and the media's interest, it was unlikely that the disappearances would be seen as overtly suspicious. The Waskahegan trail is over 200 miles long and very isolated in spots. There is also an abundance of wild animals in the area, and humans fell victim to them almost as often as they did to my kind. And with the mild fall weather, more people were most unwisely choosing to hike alone.

Humans had been searching fruitlessly for any signs of the missing hikers for weeks. But, my senses were much better than theirs, and I could smell the decay mingled with Victoria's scent all along the trail. I had also hunted in these woods for years. My familiarity with the area combined with Victoria's scent made finding the bodies effortless.

The first body I found was that of a woman in her 30's with long read hair. She was lying at the bottom of a cliff, 5 miles off an isolated stretch of the trail. If the humans found her, they would probably attribute her broken bones to a fall. But based on the blood loss, it was obvious to me at least that she'd been murdered.

I searched the area around her body for other clues and found no ID. Victoria must have taken it for her own use. It would be easy for her to pass for the dead woman considering the similarity in their build and hair coloring.

Victoria's scent was still very distinctive in the air here, but this woman had been dead for at least two weeks and partially consumed by vultures. So she obviously wasn't Victoria's last meal.

Most of the time, our kind will burn their victims and scatter the ashes; leaving no trace of the body for humans to find. However, Victoria had put very little effort into cleaning up after herself. She had obviously put her trust in nature to do the job.

Victoria's carelessness was a good sign. She had no idea anyone was looking for her, otherwise she might have been more cautious about disposing of the evidence and masking her scent.

I located another body near the river; a 45 year old man named Leo Black. His wallet was empty of money, but a family photo of him with his wife and three children was stuck behind his driver's license. I thought of his family, and hoped they never had any idea about how horrible his last moments on earth had been.

The third corpse I found was much more mutilated than the others. The blonde teenage girl had 146 broken bones, multiple lacerations and 15 bite marks. She was completely drained of blood and had been dead for about 4 days; Victoria's most recent kill. The driver's license in an otherwise empty wallet lying beside her said her name was Brooke Robertson. She was 18 years old.

A sharp spasm of horror rushed through me when I noticed her birthday was September 13th, making her the exact same age as Bella. The pain nearly brought me to my knees again as I tossed the wallet aside.

_Another sign! Go back! Go back to Forks and beg her to forgive you now!_

_No! _

If this were any kind of sign at all, it had to mean something totally different. The fact that this poor dead girl shared a birthday with my love should only strengthen my resolve to destroy Victoria. Because Bella would have died before she even made it to her 18th birthday if Victoria and James's plans had worked out last spring.

I glanced down at the dead girl again and saw a beautiful diamond sparkling on the ring finger of her left hand.

Brook Robertson's fiancé was probably among the search party. His love was gone.

Bella could have easily shared the tragic fate of Brook Robertson. I had to kill Victoria.

I sat on the ground for a moment, trying to regain control of myself. The pain and rage made it impossible for me to even consider approaching the other bodies. I could smell them, I knew exactly where they were, but I couldn't stand to look. I had to follow Victoria's scent and figure out where she was going next.

Just then, the cell phone in the pocket of my jeans chimed and vibrated. I had a text message. It was only one word.

Saskatoon.

Thanks, Alice. I thought to myself as I jumped up off the ground. If I drove fast enough, I could be there in three hours.

It had taken several hours for firefighters to put out the flames that had destroyed the old brick building. I stood in an alley behind an old deli and watched the hazy smoke that hovered over what had recently been a retirement home on the outskirts of the city. Reporters swarmed all around the area, broadcasting live to various TV stations.

"_This is the second suspicious fire in this area in the last ten days. And, just like the other blaze at a club downtown on Monday, there appears to be no survivors…" _

Seven people, all employed at the club had died in last week's fire, their bodies charred beyond human recognition. I had just reached the city limits when I found out about it. By the time I had traced her scent to the place, the scene had cleared and there was nothing left to find.

Now this.

A home for the elderly torched after her latest meal. From the smell, I was able to determine that 2 of her 12 victims hadn't been dead when she set the fire. They had burned alive. So cruel...the victims were weak even by human standards. And, so excessive.

Why would she kill all of them? Twelve people! She couldn't have fed on all of them. Why? Just to cover her tracks? I didn't think so.

It was fun for her.

Victoria enjoyed the suffering. She was vile even among our kind, thirsting for a different kind of bloodlust. She just liked watching them die.

She was a monster among monsters.

It was then that picked up the scent of two others through the smoke. Could she have had help? All the evidence I had gathered so far indicated that she was traveling alone...

_**I don't think he was with her, but he's obviously looking for her,**_ the red-haired male vampire thought. He was standing across the alley from me, invisible to human eyes, watching me. The crimson of his eyes clashed oddly with his hair. He was almost tall enough to hide his mate completely from view, but I could see her small dark haired form standing behind him. His stance was protective, wary...

"He's not with her," the female whispered to her mate, and I could tell she had a similar talent to Jasper's. She couldn't manipulate the feelings around her, but she could sense my...mood? And yet, there seemed to be something prophetic about her abilities.

_**His eyes are so odd, and he's terribly sad... **_she thought.

I winced. My grimace turned to shock as I saw recognition in her eyes; she knew what I could do. She stepped around her mate and started to approach me. A low snarl escaped from his chest, but I held up my hands in a gesture of surrender.

"I mean you no harm," I said quietly in response to her approach. I looked at her mate as I spoke. I understood his fear. I would have been terrified to let Bella walk over to a stranger like this; his snarls subsided and he followed closely behind her.

"I'm Samantha," the little brunette whispered softly. "And this is my mate, Matthew." She gestured to the man behind her. Her demeanor reminded me of Alice. I missed my sister so much.

"It's nice to meet you both," I replied formally. "I haven't seen anyone else for awhile."

"Besides the one responsible for all of this, you mean," Matthew said darkly. He wanted to leave; he didn't like the idea of lingering here, especially with some strange eyed vampire like me. He wanted to grab Samantha and run with her.

"He's not going to hurt me, Matt," Samantha said, rolling her eyes. "He's tracking her, not covering up her mess."

"Your mate is just being cautious," I said, smiling down at her. She was only four feet away from me now, and Matthew was right behind her, though he was relaxing a little now.

"Do you know the one who set the fires?" Matthew asked, trying to divert my attention away from Samantha.

"Her name is Victoria, and she is very dangerous," I replied simply, not wanting to explain how I knew her. "If I were you I wouldn't linger here."

"You have a grudge against her,"Samantha said. It was not a question.

"Yes,"I replied uncomfortably. She was too perceptive for my liking. Was this how those who knew about my talents felt when I read their minds?

_**I wonder how long it's been since he lost his mate? **_Samantha thought**.**_** I think it must be really recent. Poor thing; I would die without Matt...I can't imagine what he's going through, but wait she's not... **_

I cringed, averting my eyes from her without thinking. Matthew looked at her questioningly.

"He can read my mind," Samantha explained. "And what I was thinking made him uncomfortable."

"You are gifted, too, Samantha," I replied, thinking of Alice again.

"Yes, I suppose I am," she replied with a shrug. "But, not gifted enough to see why you would risk being found here to hunt down this female..."

"The less we know, the better," Matthew interrupted her, clearly ready to get out of this alley...out of the area.

"I agree," I replied swiftly. "You really should go. When something this conspicuous happens, it's never a good idea to linger."

"Maybe we will see you again someday," Samantha replied, smiling sadly at me. "I didn't catch your name by the way."

"I know you didn't," I said simply.

"You'll find her again," Samantha said quietly. "I can feel it."

"It won't take a tracker to catch her if she keeps doing things like this," Matthew replied, nodding at me as he took Samantha's hand and started to lead her away.

But, I saw in her mind that she wasn't thinking about Victoria.

She was thinking about my mate.

She meant that I would find Bella again.


	7. Chapter 7 Denver

**Welcome to chapter 7. Thanks for sticking with me. I have to say that I like this chapter more than the last one. It's actually one of my favorites of the time when they were apart before he goes to Italy. We're 3 chapters away from Edward's departure. I hope you like it. **

**Chapter 7-Denver**

The snow was falling thickly outside the window of my cheap hotel room. The only light in the room was coming from the large red numbers on a generic alarm clock that told me it was 3:15am. I could hear the humans next door snoring loudly and the cold Colorado wind blowing the snow into drifts outside.

I had followed Victoria from Kansas City to Denver, arriving the day before the worst December snow storm in ten years did. And, most unfortunately I was just as stuck here as the humans who were dealing with cancelled flights and closed freeways. Of course I was physically capable of leaving, but it would be impossible for me to be inconspicuous about it. So, I had to stay put until the weather cleared.

Victoria had continually managed to stay one step ahead of me, and my patience was wearing thin. I'd followed her from Saskatoon to Toronto, where she had killed several vagrants and a family of 5, including two small children. She'd staged their deaths to look like an accident. Then she'd gone on to Portland, Maine. In Portland, she only preyed on the vagrants, killing 3 homeless men in a 7 day period before she left. From there I'd followed her to Detroit, where she'd killed 4 teenage runaways.

In both cities she'd burned the bodies, leaving no trace evidence behind, and by sticking to vagrants and runaways, she'd chosen victims that no one would miss. This newfound caution worried me at first. I was afraid she was starting to suspect she was being followed.

But I was sure my concerns were unnecessary after Kansas City, where she'd murdered two accountants who were working late one night, leaving their bodies in the high rise where they worked to be discovered by the cleaning staff. Then she'd attacked an elderly couple in their homes, not bothering to conceal any evidence at all. I had visited that scene, kicking in the back door and "misplacing" some of the lady's jewelry in an effort to make it look like some kind of botched robbery.

I didn't do this to help Victoria, though; I had other motives.

The Volturi were always on the alert for suspicious crimes like hers. They routinely sent members of the guard to a variety of locations to investigate anything that might warrant an intervention. I didn't want them to look into this situation for fear that they might consider me an accomplice to Victoria's crime spree. But, that erroneous presumption would be preferable to explaining why I had been in every city where the careless killings had been committed.

I thought of Jasper's precautions to make sure that the Volturi never found out about Bella's knowledge of our kind. I shuddered.

Everything that I was doing was to protect Bella from the monsters in my world, and I would do that for the rest of our lives. Our lives. I was more determined than ever to make sure I didn't outlive Bella by more than a few days. The idea of that I would die when she did was still the only thing that made the horrible pain I endured every second of our separation bearable.

The only _acceptable _idea, at least.

I was too weak to keep from thinking about an alternative to the idea of death.

With each passing day, the idea of returning to Forks was becoming more and more difficult to resist. And, at times like this when I had no leads on Victoria, my will was weaker than ever.

I thought of Bella's beautiful face, her expressive brown eyes, her warm pale skin, the sound of her voice, her laugh, and sighed. I fantasized about feeling her arms around me, watching her sleep, of hearing her say she loved me as she forgave me for leaving her. And each image, every sound was like air, like sunshine. It was a pure, divine, and healing concept. I could just imagine the relief and happiness I would hear in Alice's voice if I called her to tell her I'd changed my mind.

**NO!**

I promised Bella that I would leave her in peace, not pieces; I would not be responsible for her death, and she would surely die if I went home. The idea of returning to Forks was selfish, unthinkable. I would not break my word. Allowing her to live a normal life was the least I could do. She had given me so much. I would suffer to keep her safe. I couldn't ever go back, not even to check on her, to see her face...

These thoughts had consumed me ever since the snow started, forcing me to wait out the storm here. I had nothing to distract me from my loneliness. I'd curled up into a ball on my dingy hotel bed two days ago. I hadn't moved my body since. But my mind went back and forth as I argued continuously with myself about how good it would be to go back and the reasons I had to stay away. I would never see her again, never feel her, never...

I would be alone for the rest of my existence.

But, did I really have to be? I could go home to my family. They would be happy to see me; they would welcome me back...

I couldn't even do that.

I thought of Rosalie and Emmett and the physical nature of their passion; Alice and Jasper's spiritual bond, of Esme and Carlisle and how they completed each other. Three perfect pairs.

And I also remembered the two vampires I'd encountered in Saskatoon weeks ago. Though our meeting had been brief, I'd thought of them often; Samantha and Matthew. How intuitive and observant she was, how he adored and protected her. Their relationship reminded me of mine and Bella's in that way. She was gifted, too; Samantha had a talent that was sort of similar to Jasper's in one way, and yet like Alice, her abilities were sort of precognitive. She'd felt certain that I would see Bella again. I sighed as I remembered Alice's words;

_"Tracking Victoria won't keep you distracted forever,"_ she'd said. The miserable visions she'd had of me...

Alice's visions.

Alice had seen me here in this very room weeks ago, curled up on this bed. I'd seen the vision in her head when we were driving to Alaska. Did she also know how my resolve was wavering?

I made my final decision then. I could never go back to live with my family again. Being with them would only make it more difficult for me to resist the urge to go back to Bella, and if my strength were subjected to one more test, I wouldn't be strong enough.

A half a second later, my phone rang. I winced, not wanting to answer it, but I hadn't spoken to any of them for several weeks. I needed to check in anyway, so I opened my phone.

"Come home Edward," Alice's silver bell voice pleaded before I could say hello.

"I can't Alice," I whispered, my voice oddly hoarse from lack of usage. "It wouldn't be good for anyone for me to be there, I would just make everyone miserable."

"We're already miserable, Edward," Alice replied sadly. "Especially Esme. Jasper rarely ever leaves her side because he's always trying to keep her from getting too depressed; And Bella is still un-..."

"I told you not to look for her future!" I hissed, unfolding myself from my fetal position for the first time in 48 hours.

I remembered the vision Alice had before I left Denali; Bella curled up in a ball, motionless and silent, while Charlie tried to get her to eat. But, that had been three months ago. She would be better by now.

"Time will heal her..." I said, trailing off as I remembered the dead look in her eyes that day in the forest. The light gone from her eyes…

"At least come for Christmas and see Esme, even if you aren't planning to ever move back," Alice pleaded.

"Christmas?" I replied blankly, as though she was speaking a foreign language I'd never heard.

"Don't you even know what day it is?" Alice asked.

I paused to look at the gold watch on my wrist.

_December 21st. _

"I guess I've lost track of the time," I admitted, trying to hide the pain I felt over my family's suffering. "But I'll lose track of Victoria too if I leave now, plus there's a terrible snow storm here and..."

"Please Edward," Alice implored.

"I can't do it, Alice," I replied.

She paused for a moment, and I did not break the silence. She was probably trying to see something.

"I can see that you aren't planning to listen to me, but I know where you are; you know I've seen it," She said coolly. "You're so miserable because she's your true other half! Do you honestly believe you could love her this much if she didn't feel the same way?"

"Stop it," I moaned. I was desperate to avoid more temptation to go back to Forks. I heard movements and a soft mutter in the background on Alice's end just then.

"Carlisle wants to speak to you," Alice replied, giving up.

"Edward," Carlisle breathed into the phone a moment later, relief coloring his voice. I felt a stab of guilt as I realized it had been over two months since they'd heard from me.

"Carlisle," I replied flatly. It was all I could manage. I hated thinking of how much he wanted me to come home, but I knew my returning home wouldn't help him or anyone else in my family for that matter. It would do more harm than good to everyone if I went back.

"I heard you turn down Alice's request that you come home for Christmas," He went on, trying to make his voice even. "I don't suppose I could persuade you either, could I?"

"I'm sorry," I said in a hollow tone. "I can't afford to lose track of Victoria now. I have to stop her."

"I understand," he replied, and in spite of his best efforts I heard the disappointment and worry in his voice. I'd known him too long for him to be able to totally hide his feelings from me.

"How is Esme?" I asked reluctantly, not really sure if I wanted him to answer. Alice had said Esme was especially unhappy without me, but I didn't trust her not to exaggerate. She was so desperate for me to come back so we could return to Forks that I was sure she would try anything to get me to cave. So I couldn't stop myself from asking Carlisle.

"She misses you a lot," Carlisle replied simply, still trying to keep his voice neutral. She's hunting with Jasper and Rosalie at the moment. If you could try to remember to call her back on Christmas she would love that."

"I will," I promised, thinking of what Alice had said about Jasper rarely ever leaving Esme's side.

"I love you son," Carlisle whispered. "Your brother wants to talk to you, too." I heard the phone change hands again.

"Hey little bro," Emmett said, a smile in his voice. This had always been his term of endearment for me; he'd been several years older than I was when Carlisle had changed him for Rosalie, but I was still older than him in years.

"Hey Em," I replied, trying not to sound as bad as I felt. I realized I missed Emmett more than I did anyone else. But, even his carefree laughter and brutal honesty wouldn't help me the way they used to. Nothing could.

"Alice says you aren't coming home for Christmas. Rose is going to be pissed if Esme make her play carols on your piano this year. You know she hates Christmas music." Emmett continued.

I knew Emmett wanted me to come home too, but he wouldn't ask. Not because he was afraid to express his own feelings, though. Unlike Carlisle, who had tried to hide how much he missed me, Emmett didn't say anything because he knew it was pointless.

"Oh well," I retorted, feeling no sympathy for Rose. I still hadn't gotten over her stupid matchmaking endeavor in Denali.

"Rose is tired of everyone else missing you," Emmett said in a humorous attempt to defend his mate. "So I guess she misses you too by default."

"I'm sorry about that Emmett," I replied sadly. "But believe me when I say my being there wouldn't make anyone feel any better."

"Yeah, I know," Emmett answered wistfully, his voice unusually serious. "We'd all just try to get you to go back for Bella since we know how miserable you are without her."

I heard a longing in his voice that I had never heard before, and it shocked me. I knew then that he missed Bella almost as much as Alice did. Emmett was always so easy to read; I knew his mind so well. How had I failed to notice how much he loved Bella before now? He must have worked really hard to hide his feelings from Rosalie.

And the fantasy intruded into my thoughts before I could stop it; the house in Forks, covered in clear twinkling lights and all of Alice and Esme's ornate Christmas decorations; exchanging gifts with my family; playing in the snow with Jasper and Emmett; sitting at the piano with Bella at my side, kissing her under a clump of mistletoe…

I quickly forced myself to banish those images.

"I'm sorry," I repeated again, not knowing what else to say. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and my forefinger out of habit as I said it.

"I know," Emmett replied.

I hung up the phone, tossing it aside as I curled back up into a ball; back to my meaningless existence.

The weather cleared the next morning, and by 23rd, the airport opened back up. I could no longer stand to stay in that hellhole hotel, so I cleaned myself up, dressing inconspicuously in a tan sweater, jeans, tan boots and a black trench coat to prepare to interact with humans. I dug the Range Rover out of a snow drift and decided to get back to business. I needed to try to find Victoria's trail again.

I didn't find any trace of her scent in the immediate area, but I was sure she hadn't left the area yet. Her hunting habits proved that she wasn't overly concerned about secrecy, but even she wouldn't have wanted to draw attention to herself by travelling during the storm. I tried to think of places to go to try to locate her scent, but, I couldn't seem to find the energy to really focus on her. My mind just kept wandering back to Forks and Bella.

_My love._

She was never out of my thoughts, but since I knew it was Christmas, I was finding it harder to function. Normally, I could think of many different things at one time, but now memories of her face, every moment of our time together consumed me.

I drove aimlessly for a time, fighting with the traffic. Now that the roads were clear and the airport reopened, people were out in droves, finishing Christmas shopping, travelling to see relatives, or just getting out of the house after being stuck inside for several days.

I followed a large group of cars without really noticing where I was going until I wound up in downtown Denver at the 16th Street Mall. I parked the Range Rover and decided to get out and walk around. Maybe I would hear something useful, or pick up her scent. This was a crowded place full of edible people.

My throat burned slightly as I followed the crowds of people, their hands filled with bags and packages. It had been over 2 weeks since I'd hunted myself. Somehow I rarely ever noticed my own thirst anymore. I didn't care, really.

The crowds gave me a wide berth, subconsciously sensing the danger I presented in spite of my innocuous clothing and wasn't an easy feat considering how crowded the mall was. I was also being careful not to get too close to any of them; I wouldn't want to tempt myself. I listened idly to the thoughts of some of the passers-by, but heard nothing of interest.

"…_**hope my mother-in-law decides not to visit this year…"**_

"_**Will this sweater fit him or should I try to find a smaller size…**_

"_**-can't believe he decided to dump me a week before Christmas. Wish I hadn't bought him a gift; now I have to take it back…**__"_

I walked past a jewelry store, and thought of picking up something and sending it to Esme. I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her. I looked in the display window and the first thing I saw was a delicate garnet pendant set in platinum and diamonds. A pain stabbed my empty chest as I tried to catch my breath. Garnet was Bella's favorite gemstone.

I stood and stared at the trinket for a moment and considered sending it to her anonymously. But, she would know it was from me, and she wouldn't want it. Besides, I promised her peace without reminders.

I thought of how much I'd always wanted to spoil her, dote on her, and the way she would never allow it. Maybe when she fell in love with someone else, he would be able to convince her how much she deserved to be spoiled and treasured.

Somehow, I had never been able to make her understand how precious she was, how grateful and fortunate I felt that she'd chosen a monster like me over all the others. I'd told her this a thousand times, told her how much I loved her, how much she meant to me.

And then I'd taken back every word of it in that forest.

The pain nearly knocked me to my knees. I folded my arms over my empty chest and walked away from the display. I slumped into an empty seat outside the stores and hung my head, trying not to lose it in a crowded mall full of humans. For the first time, I really started to wonder how much emotional damage I had done to… her. Had I undermined her self-confidence? Would she have a hard time trusting someone else to love her?

It was suddenly difficult to think her name again. The fury that had fueled me, made being without her barely tolerable for the last three months had vanished when I'd gotten stranded here and lost Victoria's scent. And, the anguish overtook me again, and I was sure I was going to crumble to pieces...

I wished that I could just die and easy human death. But I knew I deserved to suffer for what I'd done to her. Not just for leaving her, but for inserting myself into her life to start with. I should have left Forks as soon as Alice warned me I wouldn't be able to stay away from her.

Alice had started to tell me about her most recent visions of Bella when we were on the phone yesterday. I'd stopped her when I realized what she was going to tell me probably wasn't good. Was Bella still hurting? I hope she wasn't. She deserved to be happy.

Maybe Alice was wrong. It wouldn't be the first time. I wondered fleetingly how she was spending her first Christmas in Forks. I was sure Charlie would try to make it special since she hadn't been with him for the holidays since she was really small. Perhaps she had met someone else and he would be spending the holidays with her, too.

The idea nearly crushed what was left of my insides.

And yet, I knew it was inevitable. She would say yes to someone else someday. She had to. There were countless mortal men out there who would give anything to be with her. I just hoped that whomever she chose deserved her at least a little. That he wouldn't hurt her the way I had.

I told myself for the millionth time that she was 18 years old, resilient and strong enough to forget me.

I sighed and looked up when I felt a pair of eyes on me.

A little girl with bright blue eyes and long, dark hair looked directly and unflinchingly into my black eyes. Her thoughts were simple and easy to read;

_**That man is so sad. People are supposed to be happy on Christmas. I love Christmas. I wonder what's wrong with him. Did he lose his mommy? My mommy told me to wait right here, but I want to go sit with him and say hi. I'm not supposed to talk to strangers and she would be real mad if she saw me talk to him, but someone needs to make him feel better…**_

I managed to smile sadly at her as I marveled at how unafraid she was. How odd! She smiled shyly in return, blushing as she twirled a lock of her hair between her tiny fingers.

"Come on Bella, we're in a hurry," I heard a voice call from behind me.

The little girl looked up in response as a woman who looked very like her rushed over and took her hand. The mother glanced over at me and she quickly scooped the little girl up in her arms and walked toward a group of clothing stores. The little girl named Bella looked back over her mother's shoulder at me and waved.

I waved back.

Surely this was a sign. But what did it mean?

"_Go home! Go home! Go back to Bella! Call the others and tell them to meet you there.__"_ The voice in my head screamed.

I laughed humorlessly to myself as I hung my head again. Was there any such thing as a sign for a soul-less vampire monster? What a joke. If my encounter with this little girl meant anything, it was that I should stay away, not go back. The child had been beautiful, happy and innocent. Her protective and loving mother had scooped her up and put her out of harm's way from the monster she wanted to comfort.

I couldn't ever go back.

In spite of myself, it was all I could do not to sprint from the building, grab the Range Rover and drive straight to Washington.

I needed to distract myself. So, I got up from my seat, walked over to a nearby newspaper machine and put my quarters in the slot. The headlines jumped out at me immediately.

"_Rash of violent crimes in Boulder frightens residents" Three deaths in the last 4 days, no leads or evidence evidence; police baffled._

I'd found the distraction I was looking for.

Hopefully, the police in Boulder wouldn't be able to catch up with Victoria before I did.

**Author's note;**

**I hope you all liked this chapter. Okay, so Edward still refuses to listen to any signs he might receive, or his family, or his heart, or Alice's visions because he's the most pig headed vampire in the universe. :) Coming up next: Edward follows psycho vamp Victoria to Dallas, and we know she figures out what he's up to at some point and she lays a false trail for him there. We're getting a little closer to Italy all the time. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. **


	8. Chapter 8Dallas

**Chapter 8-Dallas**

It had been a sunny 66 degrees the afternoon I arrived in Dallas, a little warmer than usual for January. Thanks to the bright sun, I was forced to hide behind the dark tinted windows of the Range Rover until well after dark. I parked in the shadows, reading a newspaper article about the mysterious disappearance of two married Richland College professors earlier in the week. The story had garnered a lot of attention, primarily because the teachers' home was in an affluent area of the city. I was sure they had been Victoria's most recent meal. I needed to try to find them so I could pick up her scent again.

As I sat there trying to deduce where she might have disposed of their bodies I felt oddly… tired. It occurred to me then that I was weak with thirst. I went to a hunting ranch near Plano, where I managed to get a couple of deer without being noticed, vowing not to wait so long between meals in the future. It was irresponsible in so many ways; being too thirsty meant that I was much more dangerous to humans, and if I had managed to catch up to Victoria in such a weakened state, she would have a really good chance of finishing me off. I wouldn't have minded dying, but I wouldn't want it to happen before Victoria met her end. Anyway, I felt stronger after I hunted so I headed back to the city.

"I need a room please," I said to the young blonde night clerk behind the desk at the hotel. She looked up from the romance novel she was reading, startled at my sudden and silent appearance. 10pm wasn't really a typical time check in time, especially in a nicer place like this.

"Sure, sir," she answered after a moment, averting her eyes from my face as she spoke. "How many are in your party?"

_Where the hell did he come from? I didn't even hear the chime on the door… he's so pale… probably on drugs._ She thought to herself.

"I am alone," I replied flatly, wincing internally as I thought of Bella. My hollow chest burned and ached.

_He sounds almost as dead as he looks. Creepy_! **She thought. **

"How long will you be staying?" she asked as she took in the rest of my appearance with increasing interest. Her thoughts were still very clear as her fingers flew over the keys of the computer in front of her, searching for rooms.

T_hose clothes are expensive…he's probably the son of some rich recluse from California or something. He'd be really hot if he took better care of himself… __**  
**_  
I sighed. I was getting used to hearing humans think about how dreadful I looked. She wasn't the first to think that I looked like a corpse. That's what I was after all; a walking, talking corpse.

"Would you like a suite or a standard room with a king sized bed?" she asked, scanning the computer screen at the vacancies she'd located.

The accommodations didn't matter to me since I didn't sleep. I'd chosen this hotel because it had Wi-Fi and was very close to the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport. I wanted to be able to leave at a moment's notice if necessary. I would have just roamed the streets or continued to hide out in the car, but I was in the south, and the Volturi always kept a close watch on this area because of its violent history. I needed to remain inconspicuous.

"A standard room will do just fine, thank you," I replied, handing her a black American Express card. My name was Robert Durham today. I changed aliases on a regular basis, using a variety of driver's licenses and credit cards. I wished for the millionth time that it were that easy to completely change who and what I was permanently.

"Yes, sir," she nodded.

The clerk eyed my card carefully before running it through the machine.

_**I was right about the rich part. Hope he's not one of those suicidal celebrity kids like that TV star's son we had in here last fall who overdosed in a bathroom and died.**_

"Here you go Mr. Durham," She said a minute later, handing back my credit card along with a room key and paperwork with my checkout information on it. I slid everything into my wallet, ignoring the dead battery warning beep coming from the cell phone in my pocket. I nodded politely at her and headed upstairs to my room.

I laid my laptop case and a small duffel bag onto the bed and took the dead cell phone out of my pocket to charge it. I noticed the hotel room receipt sticking out of my wallet and I was going rip it up and throw it away when I noticed the date.

_January 27th._

It was a year ago today that I had saved Bella from being killed by Tyler Crowley's van.

A million memories flooded through my mind all at once; Alice's hazy last second vision of the accident... how that unbidden voice in my subconscious had shouted NOT HER!..Running across the parking lot... the feel of her body against mine as I pulled her out of the van's path... the sound of her head hitting the pavement... the fear I'd felt at the possibility I might have hurt her; how much it hurt me to lie to her when she questioned me about how I'd managed to save her... And, the realization that the reason for my fears the pain, and the intensity of all of my feelings meant that I was falling in love with her.  
Alice had seen it before I could even begin to comprehend what was happening to me.

But, that wasn't all Alice had seen.

Alice's two visions of Bella flashed through my mind; in one, Bella was arm in arm with Alice, and Bella's skin was just as pale and cold as my sister's; in the other, Bella's blood glowing in my red eyes, her body broken and still.

I had tried to stay away from Bella to keep Alice's visions of her future from becoming a reality. I couldn't allow myself to hurt her, or to fall in love with her and condemn her to this life.

I had failed miserably in my attempts to leave her alone the first time. I must not fail again.

I had to keep her safe; to keep her from death or damnation. She was so precious, so amazing and she did not deserve either fate.

Bella was perfect, so beautiful and special; she was so warm and soft; how I missed the feel of her arms around me...

_No!_

I had to be stronger than this. I had a job to do. I had to keep her safe. She deserves a normal life!

_Victoria!_

I had to focus on Victoria. I had to find her and kill her. For all the people she'd tortured and killed.

For Bella.

After taking a very long and very hot shower, I started up my laptop to check tomorrow's weather. I was pleased to see that the forecast said there was a very good chance of rain for the following day. I really wanted to get out and do some digging during the day tomorrow. I'd wasted a lot of time today courtesy of the weather. The weather was another reason I detested the south. I hated being imprisoned by the sun, unable to move around during the day. I was surprised that Victoria had traveled in this direction. Victoria had preferred living in the north for many years, and most peace loving nomads avoided the south. But, she'd spent the last month moving southward.

Her travel patterns and careless attitude were baffling to me. I was missing something crucial. It was almost as though she didn't care if someone found her, like she was deliberately trying to get caught, or to leave a trail for someone.

Was she trying to leave a trail for me?

Surely not. I had been most careful in my attempts to follow her, changing my name, the tags on my vehicle, and traveling very little by car when I could help it. I'd even dyed my hair a couple of times. The chemicals only lasted for a few days at a time before my superhuman body broke them down, though.

Perhaps Victoria was just getting eccentric and reckless since she'd been traveling without a companion for the last year. Being alone does odd things to people, vampires included.

I hated being alone, living like a nomad. It was an empty, hollow existence.

I missed my family. I thought of the last conversation I'd had with Esme. It had been Christmas day. She'd begged me to come home, and when I'd refused, making my usual excuses, she'd offered to come to Boulder. I couldn't see her. I couldn't bear to look into her beautiful, kind face and see the pain she was in because of me.

I was useless.

All I could do now was track Victoria to the best of my ability. Then, maybe I could go and see the others, say some kind of goodbye to them, explain why I could never live with them again. Distance myself from them for a number of years before the time came for me to go to Italy and end my existence when Bella...

I couldn't even bear to finish the thought. The idea of a world without her in it was unfathomable…pointless.

It rained the next day, which was an odd stroke of good luck for me, considering that January was usually the driest month of the year in Dallas. I was able to get to the lake right after the police and the coroner arrived. I hid in a tree covered in brown leaves about a half mile away, watching the scene from above.

The bodies had been found near the WPA bridge. It was another stroke of luck that anything had been located at all, given the area.

"So many broken bones," the coroner, a tall burly man dressed in a white shirt, bolo tie and Stetson was saying to the paunchy sheriff and two of his deputies. He was examining the body of a small blonde haired woman. I was sure it had to be Professor Nancy Sherman, one of the missing college professors. I could smell Victoria's scent through the trees now.

_**How strong would a man have to be to do this kind of damage?" Pure cruelty! Why?**_ The coroner went on mentally

"I don't know, but whoever or whatever it is has to be stopped," the sheriff agreed. "We need to get this scene cleared up as soon as possible. I don't want the media snooping around here, and you and I both know those kooks from the paranormal society will be down here talkin' about that Lady of White Rock Lake shit as soon as they get the chance."

The coroner nodded. _I don't believe in that kind of superstitious BS, but something inhuman killed this woman,_ he thought to himself.

The breeze blew Victoria's distinctive fragrance in my direction, and I knew I'd seen enough here. I followed the scent and it led me back to where I'd just been. Back toward the airport. How had I missed the scent before? Unless...

She had just left this scene to go in that direction. She was leaving.

The scent of fresh blood mingled with her scent in the dank parking garage near terminal E told me that she'd killed again. I shuddered when I realized from the scent that her latest victims were young...very young. I knew I didn't want to see what she'd left behind this time, but I had no choice.

If I had still been human, I would have vomited. As it was, I could almost feel the ghost of a heave in my throat.

The two little girls were still strapped into booster seats in the back of their mother's SUV. They were little more than babies; probably 3 or 4 years old. Twins; identical in every way.

Their mother's body was lying in the floorboard beside them. Clearly she had tried to protect her children. Carlisle's memory of my own mother's face inexplicably flashed in front of my eyes. I heard her voice in my head the way Carlisle had heard her on her deathbed, begging him to save me.

I had never wanted to kill Victoria more than I had in that moment. She was evil to the core. A true monster. Thank God she would never have a reason to go near my Bella again.

I didn't linger there. Victoria's scent was still strong. I had to stop her at all costs now. I couldn't bear the thought of visiting another scene like this one.

A small piece of paper caught my attention then; a credit card slip with a signature on it. The name on the receipt was Brooke Robertson. The name of a girl Victoria had killed near Calgary last fall. The girl with Bella's birthday.

I examined the receipt carefully, noting the items purchased. Sunglasses, a hat, flip flops, and something else...a tourist guide book of Rio.

Rio?

Was Victoria going to Rio?

Carnival was just a few short weeks away, and it was an ideal place for predators to get their fill of human blood. It was like a buffet for our kind. I'd been there myself many years ago during my time away from Carlisle and Esme, when I was feeding off monsters. There had been plenty of food to go around there.

I rushed to the nearest gate to check the flight schedule. A flight from DFW to GIG with a connection in Miami had just left 20 minutes earlier. Victoria's scent lingered here.

Would she really go to Rio?

From a hunting perspective, it certainly made sense. For one thing, she'd been causing quite a stir in the states lately with all the bodies she'd been leaving around the country. For another, Rio was a great place to be during Carnival in February. So much blood for the taking, so much going on that no one would suspect what she was up to.

Victoria seemed to have no other perspective.

I made my way up to the ticket counter, bags in hand a few minutes later to buy my tickets.

I was heading somewhere even warmer than Dallas.

**********************************************************

**AN:**

**Thank you so much for reading. Now we know how Edward wound up chasing Victoria to Brazil. I wrote a one shot from Victoria's POV. I'm going to post it shortly. It goes along with this chapter and explains how Victoria persuaded Laurent to help her check to see if the Cullens were still protecting Bella in Forks. Chapter 9 will be up soon and after that one, we'll be on our way to Italy. Please leave me a note to tell me what you think, good or bad. Thanks. **


	9. Chapter 9 Directionless

**Hi Everyone! Two updates in one day, I know. I hope it's not too much. I'm really kind of ready to get to chapter 10. To me that's when this story really starts to get good. In retrospect I wish I would have had a beta for all of my stories. But I didn't, primarily because I had no idea what I was doing when I first started writing fics. I was totally green. Anyway, I haven't had much feedback on ff, but the response to this story has been positive. Thanks to all of you for reading, and even more to those of you who have reviewed. The song lyrics to Missing are referenced in chapter 6. I decided to put them here to sort of lead up to Bella's cliff dive and the repercussions of it. **

**Just to restate the obvious: I own nothing. Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer. It's her world. I'm just playing. **

_**Missing  
By Evanescence**__****_

_Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
Maybe someday you'll look up,  
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:  
"Isn't something missing?"_

_You won't cry for my absence, I know -  
You forgot me long ago.  
Am I that unimportant...?  
Am I so insignificant...?  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?_

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?_

Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
I know what you do to yourself,  
I breathe deep and cry out,  
"Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?"

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed,  
Knowing you don't care.  
And if I sleep just to dream of you  
I'll wake without you there,  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?_

Songwriters: (David Hodges, Amy Lee, Ben Moody)_  
_

**Chapter 9-Directionless**

It didn't take me long to figure out that I had lost Victoria. I knew within hours of my arrival in Rio that she wasn't there. I spent several days thinking about what to do next. Should I go back the way I came and try to pick up the trail again?

Every part of me hated to admit it, but Victoria had outwitted me. My confidence was shaken and my pride was wounded. I had underestimated her and now I was paying the price. I could call Alice and ask her to look for Victoria for me so I'd know where to go next, but my ego wouldn't allow me to acknowledge my failure. I had talked to her once since I'd been in South America, but our conversation was brief and she never mentioned seeing anything about Victoria. Regardless of whether or not she could help me by seeing something now, the very last think I needed right now was to listen to Alice beg me to go back to Forks. I wasn't strong enough for that.

So, how to proceed?

I was mulling it over for the thousandth time on a dark night at the end of February as I wandered aimlessly through the favelas. I couldn't come out during the day of course, but I didn't come out much anyway. I'd only hunted twice in the last month. I spent most of my time in motionless silence, hiding in the attics and crawl spaces of rundown tenement houses. The best way to describe these periods of painful stillness would be catatonia. I'd stay curled up in a ball for days, losing track of the time as I immersed myself in my memories. I was still carrying the bag of my sentimental mementos of her, and sometimes I would pull out one of her notes or the silly little lemonade bottle lid just to feel more connected to B…her. Ever since I'd failed in my attempts to track Victoria, thinking of my love's name had become unbearable again. The anger I'd relied on to keep me from losing my mind in the overwhelming grief had evaporated with Victoria's trail.

Wandering the dark streets brought no real relief, but I could distract myself enough to keep from going completely insane. Rio's slums were crowded, dirty and full of the kinds of criminals I used to make meals of. I attracted very little attention here after dark. I was just another nocturnal monster in a ghetto full of drug dealers and killers. When a human actually did notice me, they would sometimes marvel internally at how pale I was, or how sick and scary I looked, but most of them just shuddered and kept their distance.

I kicked halfheartedly at a glass soda bottle lying on the pavement at my feet. It shattered into a million tiny pieces beneath my shoes as I tried to make up my mind.

The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that I should wait a little while before I went looking for Victoria again. She would be expecting me to start over right away, but if I held off, perhaps I could corner her when she least expected it. But it was hard to try to wait when I thought of those hikers in Canada, the little girls and their mother in Dallas and almost impossible when I remembered… her injuries in Phoenix. I wanted to stop Victoria before more innocent lives were lost.

I sighed bitterly. Victoria's penchant for cruelty disgusted me, but she was a typical vampire in most respects. All vampires were killers; soul-less monsters… nightmares.

Myself included.

My train of thought traveled down the familiar tracks of self-loathing at the comparison. I'd killed more humans than I could count. It didn't really matter if they were not innocents, they were still lost lives. I'd taken it upon myself to be their judge, jury and executioner; one monster passing judgment on another. A twinge of guilt twisted in my hollow core for a moment as I remembered the faces of my victims. Just a twinge, though. They'd all been rapists and murderers after all.

The image of four more faces flashed in my mind just then; the faces of a quartet of monsters I hadn't killed on a dark street in Port Angeles nearly a year ago.

I'd made sure Lonnie was captured, and he was currently awaiting trial in Texas for the rapes and murders of three other girls. He was facing a death sentence I sincerely hope he got. As for the other three, they hadn't known what Lonnie's intentions were. But Lonnie and his friends had nearly taken away my whole reason for being on a cool dark night last March when they tried to attack my love.

I had barely refrained from torturing Lonnie to death because of… her. I'd needed to take care of her that night, so I had forced myself to leave Lonnie and his friends alive. And, in a fit of insanity, I'd wanted to try to deserve Bella by not killing humans.

As if I could have ever been worthy of her.

Maybe I wasn't as bad as Victoria, but I was still a murderer, and I still thirsted for human blood… for her blood. I had nearly killed the most precious person in the world to me for the same reasons Victoria had murdered those two little girls and the mother who tried to protect them in Dallas. I had more in common with Victoria than I did with the woman I loved.

My frozen heart ached at the thought of her again. Her face was always in my mind, and when I closed my eyes it still seemed to be pasted to my eyelids. The last 5 months had not dimmed those images of her or lessened my anguish. I hadn't imagined that time would heal me at all, but I had expected it to get a little easier to resist the urge to go back to her. I was fighting it, but I was losing a little every day.

It got harder every second.

It was excruciatingly difficult now, knowing I'd lost Victoria. Nothing was holding me here. I had no distractions left. Her face, her voice, her scent, every little detail about her filled each particle of my brain.

It would be so easy to go back.

I imagined running in the rain toward her house, climbing up to her window and into her room. I pictured her sleeping in her little bed, hair tangled wildly across her pillow and her arm stretched over her head. I'd give anything to hear my love say my name in her sleep one more time. I could go back… just to check on her of course… just to make sure she's safe and happy.  
_  
NO!_

I couldn't go back. If I did I wouldn't be able to leave again. Even if…Bella… was happy, (and I desperately hoped she was) I wouldn't have the strength to stay away from her. I would try to win back her love. I'd promised her I'd stay away. Couldn't I keep my word to her about anything? And, I was still a danger to her. I'd been away from her scent for months now; resisting her blood would be a challenge all over again. How to distract myself from this inexcusable train of thought? I should start looking for Victoria again.

What did it really matter, though? It wasn't as though Victoria had any reason to go back to Forks even though she knew I'd been tracking her. She would still be too afraid to approach a coven the size of ours on her own.

Nonetheless, it had been smart of Jasper to insist that we not mention our move to the Denali clan. Laurent was still friendly enough with Victoria to make me a little nervous for my family. Even if she was too intimidated to start a fight with them, her indiscreet hunting habits could still cause them trouble if she turned up in Ithaca.

I briefly considered going after Victoria for their benefit, but they could take care of themselves. So the idea of ever resuming my hunt seemed more and more like an exercise in futility every second. Nothing was going to distract me from the unrelenting and terrible grief I felt. All I ever saw was my love's perfect face. Sometimes she would be smiling at me, and that was bearable because at least it was her smile I could see. But my fierce longing to see that smile again in person made it almost impossible to stay away from her.

Other images were agony past endurance. Like the memory of her empty brown eyes and pale expressionless face that awful day in the forest when I'd told the cruelest, most profane lie of my worthless existence. That was the worst of all. The hurt I'd inflicted on her would torment me for the rest of my days. But I deserved no less for what I'd done to her. Seeing her face like that in my head made me desperate to check on her, to make sure she had healed from those wounds.

The idea that she might still be in pain made it impossible for me to keep walking. My stone body felt like it was going to crumble into gravel, and I slumped down onto a dirty sidewalk outside a tenement house and buried my face in my hands. Luckily, the streets were deserted and no one saw me falling apart. I couldn't stand the idea of listening to humans think about what a pathetic freak I was at the moment. That was the consensus of every human I encountered now.

Thinking about people's reaction to me suddenly made the hurt more intense. Something I would've thought was impossible. I actually cried out in agony; my thirsty black eyes stung dryly as though they were hoping for the relief that tears would never bring them.

Bella's presence in my life hadn't just made me feel human on the inside; it had made me more human on the outside, too. When I was with her, people treated me differently. They didn't shy away from me as much; they didn't avert their eyes from my face or keep such an extensive distance from my cold body. I had been more accepted, almost normal. It made me happy to be less of an outcast. She had enriched my life in a million different ways. Without her, people were more frightened of me than ever. I wasn't even attractive to my prey in a way that would help me hunt anymore. I looked like a zombie. Nearly everyone I had encountered since I'd left her last fall were alarmed by my appearance at the very least. The only exception had been the little girl named Bella I'd seen in Denver months ago.

As I pictured the beautiful little girl's face again, I remembered how I had fleetingly (and stupidly) wondered if my encounter with her had been a sign for me to go back home. Then I remembered the drive through Canada and the lyrics to that Evanescence song "Missing" came back to me with perfect clarity, as did the words she'd said that seemed to mirror the song

"_I'd rather die than be with anyone but you",_ Bella had said

"…_though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone"_

I shuddered as a terrible feeling of foreboding like the one I'd felt that day in the forest nearly overwhelmed me.

I'd made her promise me she'd take care of herself, and she would keep her promise. She had to keep her word for Charlie…and some small part of me hoped she'd do it for my sake too. That in spite of my words in the forest, somewhere deep inside her heart she knew I loved her, and I would always love her.

My whole existence hinged on that promise, and that hope.

My reverie was interrupted abruptly by a vague mental humming sound that meant someone was in the range of my mind reading talents. This was followed by the subsequent shuffle of approaching footsteps. Two pairs of feet were heading in my direction and I estimated they were less than a block away from me.

I focused automatically on their mental voices. I was surprised to hear that one voice was thinking in English; a young woman. The other voice was male, and Portuguese, but I was nearly equally fluent in both tongues. I easily understood both of them.

_I can't believe I drank that much! I don't even know how I wound up at that party. I didn't get this wild last year when we came here for Carnival. I don't remember how I got here! Damn it! How am I going to get back to the hotel…no idea where I am and I think that guy is following me…Oh God!__!_ She thought, her mind racing frantically.

She'd been out all night the night before with her roommate, woke up in a strange place after sunset and had been trying to figure out where she was for the last three hours.

_Just keep moving away from the streetlamp, pretty. No one's here but us she's a tourist and if I see somebody…that little dress of hers is going to look even better when I rip it up_… he leered mentally.

I could see her now, smell the stale booze on her skin, but she couldn't see me. She was tall, thin and sandy haired. She carried a pair of heeled sandals in her hand, and the white cotton sundress she was wearing was dirty and wet with sweat. I supposed she would have been pretty to someone who was able to see women, even in her current state of disarray. She was terrified, and with good reason. The tall, thick, middle aged man following her was a lot like Lonnie, a lot like so many other monsters I had killed in the days I consumed human blood. What an odd coincidence that I'd just been thinking of that night in Port Angeles.

My eyes were black with thirst, and it was so tempting to make him my next meal. Save the girl and satiate my hunger all in one blow. It would be easy, and he would never hurt anyone else again. Like Lonnie, he'd done this before. I could grab him before her human eyes could see what I was doing.

I hid in a shadow on the corner, waiting for him to get close enough.  
_  
He's following me! I knew it! Get a grip on yourself Krista! What was it they said about self defense at our last sorority retreat…_**  
**  
In that instant, I was reliving a conversation in my mind from almost a year ago.  
**  
**_**"What were you thinking just before I came around the corner," **_I'd said to Bella that night on the way back from Port Angeles. _**"I couldn't understand your expression; you didn't look scared-you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something."  
**_  
_**"I was thinking of how to incapacitate an attacker,"**_ Bella had answered, to my horror. _**"You know, self-defense; I was going to smash his nose into his brain."**_

The image of the indignation on her perfect face and the sound of her tiger-kitten anger stopped me dead in my tracks. My chest felt as though someone had stabbed through it with a hot sword as I remembered the way she'd looked at me with such trust and admiration when I'd saved her, her courage, and the way she'd accepted me for what I was without a thought for her safety.

I had to thwart this monster tonight.

But the image of love and trust in my love's face was burned into my eyes and I knew I couldn't kill him.

The hung-over girl was close enough to see me now, and her fear intensified. I needed to reassure her fast before she panicked and made it impossible for me to keep this from turning violent.

"Are you lost, miss?" I called out to her in the most non-threatening tone I could manage. I wanted to reassure her and let her would-be assailant know that he was no longer alone with her.

My love smiled warmly at me in my mind's eye and I smiled at the girl in response. The gesture relaxed her considerably.

_He speaks English! Thank God. He's…odd, but I don't think he's dangerous-he's an American at least. Maybe he can help me find my way out of here!  
_  
"Yes," the girl named Krista said breathlessly. "I have no idea where I am."

_Damn it,_ the man was thinking in Portuguese as he heard our exchange. _I'd better get the hell out of here before he sees me. Damn it! _

He had taken off at a sprint in the other direction. I let him go.

"You're in a place where a young lady shouldn't be during the day, let alone at night," I replied. I pulled out my cell phone. I rarely used it and I didn't think about it often, but tonight I was really glad to have it. "Why don't I call you a cab to get you back to your hotel."

_Why is he being so nice to me? Does he think I'll take him back to my room if he gets me a cab? I hope not. It doesn't seem like he wants to hurt me, but a nice guy probably wouldn't be out here this late at night.  
_  
"You really shouldn't linger here," I prompted her, trying to get her to take me up on my offer. "It's not safe."

"I know," she replied shortly. "I just-"

"Don't want to accept help from a strange man in a bad neighborhood," I said, finishing her sentence rather rudely. The swirl of intense emotions I'd been coping with for the last few hours had worn me out and I no longer had the patience to deal with the poor young woman's reluctance politely. I wanted her to let me help and move along so I could hunt and then curl back up into my catatonic ball in some hole somewhere. I was too emotionally drained to do anything else.

"Yeah," she replied lamely, seemingly unaffected by my curt manner.

"I don't blame you, but you don't really have many options," I replied flatly. "Just let me call you a cab so you can get out of here before you run across someone more dangerous than I am." I smiled humorlessly to myself at the irony of the idea that there could be someone more dangerous to a human than a thirsty vampire.

She nodded uncertainly, and her thoughts were conflicted. _He's right, I don't really have a choice unless I want to stay out here all night. I don't speak Portuguese…and I don't even have my purse or a cell phone. How did I get into this mess? I'll never forgive Lori for leaving me at that stupid party. I was so wasted__!_

I dialed the number of a nearby cab company, watching the girl's grimy and astonished face as I spoke fluent Portuguese into the phone. The dispatcher said that they could send a car, but it would be very costly to come to this area so late. It was dangerous. I assured him the money wasn't a problem, and they agreed to be there within a half hour.

"The cab will be here shortly," I said as I flipped the phone closed. "I'll wait here with you until it arrives."

"You don't seem like the kind of guy who normally hangs out in a place like this," the girl said to me while we waited for the taxi. She was embarrassed by her predicament and trying to diffuse her tension with small talk.

"First impressions can be rather deceptive," I replied vaguely, staring off into space. I didn't really want to talk to her. I didn't have the energy to even feign interest in such an exchange. I didn't have it in me to feel any real sense of satisfaction that I had been in the right place at the right time tonight. I just didn't want this girl to be hurt like Rosalie had been hurt, like… she had almost been hurt.

"Right," she replied quietly. _He doesn't wanna talk to me; he's not even looking at me. I must look like hell…worse than him. He's cute but he looks so sick…probably he's a junkie trying to score some crack or something, no other reason for him to be here. He's helping me out, so it's none of my business. I'll have to promise the cabbie I'll pay him when I get to the hotel since I don't have any cash on me. Damn it. _

We waited in silence until the cab pulled up to the curb where we were standing a few minutes later. I approached the driver as she got inside and handed him a stack of bills before the girl could ask him about getting money for the fare when he took her back to her hotel. I knew the driver wouldn't move an inch if she told him she didn't have cash in hand.

"Please take this young lady wherever she wishes to go," I said to the driver in English. "And keep the change for your trouble."

The girl and the driver both looked at me in astonishment as I started to step away from the car. But, before I could walk away, she called out to me.

"Sir," she said loudly, her eyes still wide with shock. "Can I get your number? I want to pay you back."

"That's not necessary," I replied as I took in her grateful expression and thoughts. "I like to do good deeds when I get the opportunity."

"But I want to repay you." she repeated.

You can repay me by being more careful about where you get lost in the future." I answered as I motioned for the driver to go. She yelled a fervent thank you out of the open backseat window as they drove past.

I watched the car disappear, deciding to head to the Tijuca forest to hunt. I thought about my love again, hoping with every fiber of my being that she was being careful and keeping her promise to stay safe.

I was still holed up in the damp moldy basement of an abandoned warehouse when the sound of my phone ringing for the first time in several weeks pulled me out of my reverie. I'd been struggling with the desperate longing to go home again and I didn't want to answer it. I didn't have the desire or energy to speak to anyone, especially if it was Alice. I turned reluctantly to look at the caller ID and was shocked to see the number. I decided to answer since he wouldn't have tried to reach me unless it was something important.

"Hello," I whispered warily a second later.

"Edward," Jasper said quietly. His voice was tense, and my worry increased.  
"What's going on?" I asked him directly. I hadn't spoken to Jasper since I left Denali. Besides Rosalie, he was the only member of my family who hadn't tried to persuade me to come home since I'd left. Jasper didn't believe it was his place to interfere that way.

"I just wanted to talk to you for a minute," Jasper replied simply. "Well… I wanted to ask you for a favor actually."

"Okay," I answered, even more wary now. "Ask me."

"The family is getting back together to go to Denali during Cornell's spring break next week and I was wondering if you'd come." he said. His tone was not hopeful.

Whatever I had been expecting, it was nothing like this. His request shocked me, and for a moment I couldn't think of anything to say.

"I can't Jasper," I answered wearily after the pause. "I just can't face them. I can't be around anyone."

"That's what I thought you'd say," Jasper replied with a sigh. "But I figured I'd try anyway."

"Did Alice put you up to this?" I asked him abruptly. It was the sort of thing she would do.

"No," Jasper said sadly. "Alice doesn't know I'm calling. She isn't even here. She's been in Biloxi researching her family history for the last 3 weeks.

"And is there a reason why you aren't with her?" I asked, stunned at this news. Jasper rarely ever left Alice's side for any reason. It shocked me that he would allow her to go south on her own after everything he'd seen. Of course, he probably hadn't let her leave without an intense argument.

"I needed to stay with Esme," Jasper said with a sigh. "Alice insisted that I should, and I agreed. "Rosalie and Emmett have been on an extended honeymoon, and Alice knew it would be unbearable for Esme not to have at least one of us around. I've been keeping her calm, but it's really taking a lot out of me. It would help her so much if you came back for a few days."

I winced at his words, thinking of my poor mother and how much I knew she missed me. But, allowing her to see me in my current state of misery would only hurt her more than my continued absence. I'd rather she have good memories of me. I really had no intention of seeing any of them again. I would bare my pain and misery until I ended my existence at the end of the long happy life I'd left my love to live.

"I can't," I replied sadly. "I just can't do it, Jasper."

"Edward…" Jasper began wearily, but I cut him off, thinking of an ironclad excuse.

I'm tracking Victoria," I said defensively. "And I think she...might know that I've looking for her. I can't afford to be around Laurent. He'd make sure she knew where I was, and I don't want her to cause the family any more trouble."

Jasper didn't say anything for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking. Sometimes the range limitations of my mind reading abilities bothered me.

"That won't be an issue Edward," Jasper replied. "Tanya told Carlisle that no one has seen or heard from Laurent for over three weeks now. They're starting to think that he's decided to give up and move on. He'd never managed to control himself and abstain from killing humans, and Tanya thinks he may have been tired of trying."

An odd twinge of fear washed through me for a moment. Did this mean Laurent and Victoria rejoined forces? If they were together, it would be unwise for me to ever try to hunt her again. Not that I really planned to do that. I had resigned myself to the meaningless existence that stretched out in front of me for the rest of her mortal life.

"I'm sorry Jasper," I said again in a flat voice. "I just can't."

I heard him take a deep breath on the other end of the phone and I was sure he was going to say more, but he paused for a moment, seeming to think better of whatever it was he'd started to say.

"I understand," he said quietly. "Take care of yourself, Edward."

The line went dead a half second later.

**Thank you so much for reading. This is the last chapter before we head to Italy. Something I wanted to try to illustrate here with Edward's rescue of Krista is that he continually ignores his own instincts in favor of what he thinks is right and refuses to see his redeeming qualities. In many ways, his sense of self is just as distorted as Bella's. In preparation for chapter 10 when we head to Italy, you might want to read the conversation between Edward and Rosalie where she tells him the news of Bella's "death." It's in the New Moon extras on SM's website. Here's a link. **

**.com/pdf/nm_extras_**


	10. Chapter 10

___**Here we are; on our way to Italy. As I said before, this chapter is the one where I think the story really starts to get better. I think when I got to this point in my writing I had a better feel for Edward. Anyway, this has all been done before. I own nothing. **_

___**Songs for this Chapter; Paint it Black. Originally recorded by the Rolling Stones, but I like U2's version for this. Sing for Absolution, by Muse and My Immortal, by Evanescence. That one reminds me more of Bella, but it fits this story. **_

_"Man," I cried, "how ignorant art thou in thy pride of wisdom!" _

_"Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley__  
_  
_**Paint it Black by the Rolling Stones. (Jagger/Richards) **__****_

_I see a red door and I want it painted black___

_No colors anymore I want them to turn black___

_I see the girls walk by dressed in their __  
__summer clothes___

_I have to turn my head until my darkness goes___

_I see a line of cars and they're all painted black___

_With flowers and my love both never to come back___

_I see people turn their heads and quickly look away___

_Like a new born baby it just happens every day___

_I look inside myself and see my heart is black___

_I see my red door and it has been painted black___

_Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts___

_It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black___

_No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue__  
__I could not foresee this thing happening to you___

_If I look hard enough into the setting sun___

_My love will laugh with me before the morning comes___

_I wanna see it painted, painted black__  
__Black as night, black as coal___

_I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky___

_I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black_

**Chapter 10-Damned**

___"He's at the funeral,"_ the hostile, accusing young man had said.

The sound of his voice as he said those words rang in my ears like the echoes of fatal gunfire. So much louder than the shrill screaming of the plane's engine that vibrated the chair beneath me as we gained altitude; a reverberating, deafening horror.

The sound of death.

The end of the world.

Rosalie had broken the news that shattered what was left of me on the phone just hours ago.

"_She's dead, Edward.__"_

The most heartbreaking phrase imaginable, and yet her words didn't haunt me the same way his did. His words were the ones that made it real; made it true: made it final.

Bella was dead.

Dead by her own hand by all accounts, but I had killed her.

_"__Bella…threw herself off a cliff two days ago; Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything,_" Rosalie had said. She was so calm that I initially thought she was lying in another evil, thoughtless effort to get me to come home.

_"Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything,"_

_"Stop trying to see her future, Alice,"_ I'd said the night my family agreed to leave Forks after that horrible party.

Alice had listened to me; she wasn't watching out for Bella, so the vision had come to her at the last moment.

By the time she'd seen, it had been too late.  
**  
**_"It's too late,"_ Bella's voice said in my mind.

_"We've done enough damage,"_ I'd said to Alice in the same breath after the party. Those words were mocking in my head.

Mocking because I'd done the real damage; irreparable damage the day I'd lied to her in the forest. The last day; the day I'd always believed would be the worst day of my pathetic, eternal half-life.

Until now.

_"You-don't-want-me?__"_ Bella had asked, her face cold and blank with shock as we stood in the forest.

_"No,"_ I replied.

The voices in my head replayed fragments of conversations like highlight reels and sound bites of every mistake I'd made in the last 6 months.

Bella's dead.

"Did you say something, sir?" someone with a thick accent asked from somewhere beside me, pulling me out of my repetitive memories. I was baffled by the question; had I spoken out loud?

"Sir," the soft female voice said again. "Are you okay?"

I slowly registered a gentle shake as a warm hand jostled my shoulder. I heard someone gasp a second later. I looked up and saw a tiny black haired Portuguese flight attendant staring down at me with large worried eyes. She was unconsciously rubbing the hand that had touched me up and down her forearm. I realized that the gasp had been her reaction to my icy body temperature. I could hear a faint buzzing in her mind but I was unable to focus on her thoughts; I didn't want to hear how repulsed she was by me anyway.

"What?" I asked vacantly before the woman could speak again.

"Should we try to find out if there's a doctor on board?" another female voice, American this time, asked. I registered the second woman's thoughts easily, because she was mentally shouting. _**We definitely need to get a doctor... this kid looks like he's got one foot in the grave.**_

Ah, the irony. I didn't need a doctor to keep me alive. I couldn't die, and I really wanted to die.

"That won't be necessary," I said a second later in a flat voice.

"Are you sure?" the little flight attendant asked without meeting my black thirsty eyes.

"I'm fine," I answered with a little more animation this time. I was an expert liar.

"I'm just really tired and I'd like to sleep." I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and tried to feign the physical tiredness that would never relieve me.

How I longed to be human and sleep; to dream of my Bella; my angel, my world; the only reason for anything!

If I were human, none of this would be happening. And even if something like it had happened and I wanted to kill myself, I could have done so without the assistance I was seeking to find in Italy. If I were merely human, I wouldn't be here.

Even the most flawed mortal couldn't possibly make as many mistakes in their entire lifetime as I had in the last few months. Every single choice that I had made since Bella's last birthday had been a mistake.

_"__This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella,"_ I'd said angrily outside my house the night of her party.

Another mistake, because it had been her last birthday; I was wrong about everything.  
**  
**_"Edward you are seriously underestimating Bella's feelings for you and her ability to make her own choices! She not just going to get over this and move on like you think she will!... you're making a mistake!"_ Alice had said, trying to reason with me the night I'd decided to leave.

But I didn't listen.

_"Don't do this,"_ Bella pleaded in my mind as I replayed our conversation in the forest. I could see her pale, agonized face pasted in front of my closed thirsty eyes. I didn't realize it then, but she was begging for her life that day; the life I was taking from her when I left. In an effort to save her, I had killed her.  
_  
__"Either you'll kill her yourself or she'll be one of us someday,"_Alice said the day I'd saved Bella from the van.

I had killed her.

I hadn't killed her in a fit of bloodlust with my thirst or with incautious use of my physical strength like I'd always feared. What I'd done was so much worse. I broke her heart and her spirit. I killed her with lies.

_"You promised,__"_ she accused me in the forest as she reminded me of the day in Phoenix when I'd promised to stay with her. Another vow I'd broken. I was a lying bastard; a monstrous hypocrite.

I was a hypocrite because I'd expected her to keep her promise to me even after I had broken all of mine.

_"Don't do anything reckless or stupid,"_ I'd demanded that last day. She'd nodded in agreement and I felt relief because I was certain she'd keep her word. Unlike me, Bella was good to the core.

I never would've believed she'd do something like this because of that promise. A fragment of another conversation I'd had with her echoed in my memory.

_"I don't like double standards."_ She'd said angrily in a fit of temper in the school cafeteria the first time we'd had lunch together.

Was this why she'd had no qualms about breaking her word to me? Was it because I had broken all of my promises; because of a lying monster?

I was suddenly irrationally and unjustly furious with her. What the hell was she thinking to take her life because of a worthless piece of vermin? Wasn't it bad enough that she'd wanted to give up everything to be with me when we were together? Did she have to kill herself because she thought a vampire didn't want her? Why in God's name did she have to be so damned determined to take herself away from everyone who loved her? How could she do this to herself? To Charlie!

Oh God, poor Charlie! She was all he had.

He's at the funeral.

I was immeasurably grateful to Rosalie for telling me the truth. I knew she'd done it for her own selfish reasons in a futile effort to get me to come home, but I appreciated it anyway. Before she'd called me I'd known I wasn't going to be able to continue to resist the desperate, aching need I had to go back to Forks. Things would have been so much worse for Charlie If I had found out from him when I returned. At least he hadn't been forced to look into the face of the fiend responsible for taking his precious daughter away from him.

The rest of my family planned to keep Bella's death a secret to prevent me from making this journey. They knew I would seek out the means to end my life when I heard. And if I hadn't gotten the call from my sister, I would probably be on my way to Seattle right now instead of Italy.

If only I had given in a couple of days ago! None of this would be happening if I had just gone home 48 hours earlier.

The pain hit me in full force all over again, and I had to bite down on my cold stone hand to keep from screaming. I pierced the skin of my knuckle, barely registering the burn of the venom that penetrated through the holes my teeth dug into my flesh.

She was gone. I would never hold her again, see the blush on her cheeks or hear the sound of her voice or her laugh; I would never get to look into her beautiful brown eyes and see the loving warmth that glowed inside her. Her life was over; taken by her tragic love for a monster.

_"__…what if taking yourself away from her is the greatest thing you'll deprive her of; the one thing she can't live without,"_ Carlisle had argued with me the last time I'd seen him; the last time I would ever see him.

Carlisle; my father; the man I respected and trusted beyond anyone else in the world. Carlisle always made the right choices. I should've listened to him that night. I should've listened to Alice; heeded her warnings_. __"She's not just going to get over this, Edward! I've seen what it will do to her!"  
_  
And, I should have listened to my better instincts. I remembered the horrible sense of dread I'd felt in the forest that made me ask her to promise to take care of herself and the inner voice that kept begging me to go home. All the signs that I'd encountered; the songs, (_"Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone.")__, _the little girl named Bella, Brooke Robertson-the girl with Bella's birthday who was one of Victoria's victims; Samantha and Matthew the nomad mates, and Krista, the girl I'd saved in Rio the way I'd rescued Bella from Lonnie in Port Angeles.

Fate, or God had given me countless chances to right the wrong I'd done, but I'd missed every single one of them because of my own foolish pride. It almost seemed as if some higher power had been giving me the chance to redeem myself. I knew now that even if Carlisle was right about God, I was damned for ignoring every chance I'd had to save my love.

I had failed her in every way.

My Bella was in a box in the ground; cold and still. She wasn't going to have the life I'd tried to give her when I left. She would never grow old, never go to college or have beautiful brown-eyed babies with a human man.

I realized the biggest mistake I'd ever made was trying to give her what I wanted her to have as opposed to what she'd needed.

So, worst of all, I had failed to listen to Bella herself.

_"__I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."_

"I'd rather die."_  
_  
Die.

My body shook with grief at the finality of her words.

I was reminded then of the conversation we'd had watching Romeo and Juliet the afternoon before her horrible birthday party.

_"Well, I wasn't going to live without you,_" I'd said as we sat on the couch watching Romeo kill himself after finding his bride cold and still. ... "_s__o I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi. ...anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi...not unless you want to die, or whatever it is that we do."  
_  
_Whatever it is that we d_o.

I wondered idly what my death would be like. Would I simply cease to be after my dismembered corpse burned to ash? If I still had a soul, would I go to some kind of vampire hell? There could be no heaven for me, after all. Even if I'd once had a sliver of hope that a vampire had a chance at redemption, salvation was lost to me now. I had destroyed the most beautiful, amazing creature in the universe. What I had done to Bella was an unforgivable sin.

Carlisle and Bella would not have agreed with me. They both believed that all could be forgiven, and that God granted absolution to anyone who asked for it, including vampires. Neither of them would approve of what I was going to do in Volterra.

_"__You must never, never, never think of anything like that again; no matter what might ever happen to me you are not allowed to hurt yourself!_**"** Bella had exclaimed vehemently after I'd told her of the decision I'd made to go to Italy and end my life if she had died in Phoenix.

_"What would you do if the situation were reversed?"_ I asked her in reply.

_"__That's not the same thing."_ she replied.

The hypothetical conversation was real now; things had changed.

_"__That changes things,"_ Bella had said when I told her I didn't want her to come with me when I left Forks.

Everything had changed.

_"Bella…threw herself off a cliff two days ago."_

Rosalie's words echoed in my fractured mind again; Spontaneously, I thought of my mother and I had a sudden profound revelation.

Esme had also jumped off a cliff in an attempt to end her life, but unlike Bella she'd been unsuccessful because Carlisle had saved her. The reason for her actions was her love and her grief for the loss of her precious baby son. He was the most important thing in her life, and his death made it impossible for her to go on living. Most human memories fade, but Esme had held on to the mental pictures she had of her son for nearly a century now.

**"**_I had a difficult human life with few attachments to others, so I never really understood the power of love until I had my son,"_ Esme had once told me many years later when she'd finally had the strength to talk about him. _"__And, when he was gone, I knew I could never go back to my life as I knew it; I couldn't survive without him. He was the best part of my life." __  
_  
I fully grasped how Esme felt in that moment, and more importantly, I understood my Bella better than I ever had before.

_"You're the best part of my life,"_ Bella had said to me in the forest that day.  
_  
__"I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."_

How often had I admired and appreciated Esme's ability to love others unconditionally with such fervor and devotion? She was so kind and gentle, giving to others without a thought for herself.

Bella was just the same. She'd taken care of her parents without a thought for herself, always putting the needs of the people she loved most ahead of her own. She was so wise beyond her years, selfless, and brave and beautiful inside and out.

I had known all those things about her, and yet I'd been too myopic to apply that same knowledge to her feelings for me. I was so stupid!

She'd willingly risked her life time and again to be with me, embraced me and my family with an open heart and mind because of her capacity to love. Her love for me was stronger than anything else in her world, including her instinct to survive. She'd been prepared to give up everything for me, and I had trivialized and dismissed her sacrifices as youthful inexperience. I'd thought I was doing the noble thing by leaving; proving how much I loved her by letting her go, but I could grasp now that I was only seeing things from my perspective when I'd made the fatal choice.

A choice that would kill us both.

She'd told me once that I couldn't know how she felt about me because I couldn't read her thoughts and I finally realized she was right.

The mind reading abilities I possessed had made me unobservant and obtuse. I had no skill whatsoever in assessing the thoughts and feelings of others without the advantage of my talents and so I had underestimated the intensity of her love. I'd thought her chronological age meant that she couldn't possibly love me as I loved her.

I was wrong.

Dead wrong.

The torturous grief in my chest made me groan and the shaking in my body intensified. My reaction was obvious enough that the flight attendant who'd approached me earlier returned to reassess my condition. My eyes were still closed but I could smell her and hear her footsteps.

"Sir," I heard her say in thickly accented English moments later.

"I am fine, senora," I answered quietly, opening my eyes slowly as if I were emerging from sleep. I didn't really know why I was bothering to pretend for the woman, but I guess the alternative would be her finding a doctor who would examine me, check my pulse and my body temperature and pronounce me dead before I had a chance to really die. "I just had a bad dream."

"We will be landing in Lisbon in just a few minutes," she said quietly. "I could have a doctor waiting for you at the airport if you wish."

"No thank you," I replied flatly. "I have another flight to catch as soon as we land."

"Are you going to Rome?" she asked me.

"Yes," I answered simply, too far gone to try to read the reason for her question in her thoughts.

"That flight has been delayed," she said apologetically. "There was a mechanical issue that needed to be resolved, so you will have time to…"

"How long?" I interrupted her, repressing the urge to scream. I would go mad if I had to wait too much longer to die, and I really didn't want to lose control and wind up draining the lifeblood out of all the passengers on a plane in a fit of insanity.

"About 30 minutes," she replied, raising her eyebrows in surprise at my sudden animation. "Are you in a great hurry?"

"Yes," I answered. "I am planning to see someone who can cure my…illness, and I am anxious to reach my final destination."

"Well, if there is anything I can get you while you wait, please let me know," she replied, looking relieved. She was under the impression that I was planning to seek medical attention.

I felt the plane begin its descent a second later, and I hoped for the sake of the people in Lisbon that the flight to Rome wasn't delayed more than a half hour.

In order to tolerate the extra time I was going to have to wait to get to Rome, I spent that extra half hour in the airport with my memories of Bella. I still had the little duffle bag of keepsakes I'd carried with me ever since I left Forks. I opened it for what would probably be the last time as I sat in a one of the padded chairs near my flight's gate and pulled out the beige leather jacket she'd worn a few times. I held it to my face and inhaled the remnants of her scent that clung to its silk lining. The fragrance made my throat burn and swell with grief, but there was no trace of the craving for her blood in my mouth. It had taken her death for me to overcome it, but I was cured.

"Oh Bella," I whispered, my voice muffled by the jacket as I buried my face in its lining. I was vaguely aware of people walking past me, but I didn't care who saw me here. There was no room inside my shattered heart or mind for anything but my grief. After a few moments, I laid the jacket across my lap and pulled out one of her notes. It was a short one from over the summer.

_Edward,  
_  
_Charlie forgot his lunch so I'm running to the station to take it to him. Be back soon, go on inside. I love you__._ –B.

_I love you._

She'd only just had the cast removed from her leg a few days before that, and she'd already resumed all of her household chores, including taking care of Charlie. She was so strong, recovering much faster than Carlisle had expected her to, tolerating the pain and physical therapy without complaint. In fact, the only time I could remember her showing any signs of stress during her stay in the hospital had been when I'd suggested that she move to Jacksonville so I couldn't hurt her.

I marveled again at my own stupidity.

The last 6 months must've been nearly as hellish for her as they had for me; otherwise she would have managed to recover from my lies and abandonment.

I was sure she'd tried her hardest in those 6 months to hang on, to survive for her parent's sake, but it had proven to be too much.

What had triggered her choice after that amount of time? Had she been holding on to some kind of hope that I would return? Or, had someone else hurt her? The idea of that happening was absurd. No one else would have ever been stupid enough to let her go the way that I had. So, why now?

"Flight 913 from Lisbon to Rome is now boarding," a male voice said over the PA system, first in English, then in French, Spanish and Portuguese. I returned the note to the duffle bag, but I held tightly to the jacket, savoring her scent as I boarded the last flight of my life; the last journey of a condemned man.

I spent that last short flight remembering every detail Carlisle had ever told me about Aro, Marcus and Caius, and the history of Volterra. I hoped that I would be able to recall some detail from the memories I'd borrowed from Carlisle that would help me plead and win my case for execution. I knew that entering the city would be easy enough, but being granted entrance to the castle might prove to be much more difficult. Carlisle had said there were permanent members of the guard stationed throughout the city, so surely one of them would stop and question me. When I explained that I was Carlisle's son, surely Aro would want to meet me.

Carlisle.

Carlisle was my maker, my father. He had been my only constant companion. With the exception of the time period I'd spent killing fiends, I had never been away from him, and even then, he had always kept track of me.

My choice was going to devastate my family, but no one would suffer more than my father. Not Esme, though she loved me as she did her own son, or Emmett, or even Alice, who would have the misfortune of seeing what I was going to do in her visions. She would probably try to find a way to stop me, but I couldn't see how she would manage it. Carlisle would beg her to try even if there was no hope.

My loss would be painful for all of them, but they still had each other. They all still had their mates. And I knew that all of them would have at least seriously considered death if they'd lost their true loves the way I had. Jasper, at least would have made the same choice I was making. I'd seen that in his mind before. He would not go on without Alice. And, Rosalie, who didn't care for her immortal life anyway, would die without Emmett.

They would understand.

I arrived in Rome just after midnight, and I decided to run to Volterra rather than rent a car or take a bus. It was dark enough for me avoid detection. Breaking the rules would have been an easy way to get the Volturi to kill me, but I knew the innocent humans witnesses to any kind of supernatural display would become their next meal, and I didn't want to hurt anyone else if I could help it. It would be better if I arrived in the darkness, inconspicuous.

I reached the gates of the city a short while later, and less than a half second after I approached the entrance, I was surrounded by three figures in flowing cloaks the color of midnight.

It was time to plead my case.

To ask for death. 

**AN: Well? Please tell me what you think. I have gotten very few reviews for this story, and I'd like to hear it, even if you want to critique me. Thanks for reading. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11-Decisions**

  
_**Porcelain- By Moby**_

In my dreams I'm dying all the time  
As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind  
I never meant to hurt you  
I never meant to lie  
So this is goodbye  
This is goodbye

  
"Welcome to Volterra," the tallest, thickest cloaked figure in the trio said in a pleasant voice. He and his companions were all dark haired and pale, with Mediterranean features and irises that were a deep burgundy around the edges.  
**  
**_This should be interesting; this boy is too thirsty to be left unattended here, especially since the St. Marcus Day celebration starts in the morning. Surely he didn't come here to hunt! If he slips up and does something stupid, maybe I can let Jane have a little fun with him before we kill him; she'd like that,_ he thought to himself.

"I didn't come here to hunt, if that's what you're thinking," I said, answering his unspoken question without revealing my gift. My mind was oddly clear at the moment, more peaceful than it had been since I'd gotten the news that destroyed me utterly. My imminent death was an undeserved comfort to me.

"What brings you to our city, then young one," one of the shorter men asked, smiling slyly at me.

_I think he means that._ _F__elix wants to have a little fun tonight with this one, but I sense something strange about him; he is undoubtedly gifted and intelligent even for our kind, but there's something else….Hmm…_ he thought to himself.

I deduced that Felix was the large one who had spoken first, and this second man's name was Demetri.

"My name is Edward Cullen, and my father is an old friend of Aro's," I replied slowly. "I would like to see him if I may." Carlisle had told me that Aro was the Volturi leader with the greatest influence, so I thought it best to ask for him directly.

"Father?" the third hooded figure said curiously at my words. He had a very deep and resonant voice and was the slightest of the three, but he had powerful, long muscular legs. I could tell that he would be able to outrun even me with ease.

"Our masters do not accept visitors," Felix said stiffly before his other companion could say anything else.

_I__ don't know who this insolent boy thinks he is, but the only person I want to introduce him to is Jane_. He thought smugly.

I shuddered at the thought of Jane's talents. Carlisle had told me all about her and her twin brother, Alec.

"Are you referring to Carlisle Cullen," Demetri said with an expression of curious surprise.

_If he is part of Carlisle's coven, then Aro will want to meet him. But, we'd better check first. Hmm_…he thought.

"Yes," I replied politely, though I was growing a little tired of the preliminaries. "I am Carlisle's son. He rescued me from death nearly a century ago, and I have spent most of my existence with him. He has told me many wonderful stories about your master, and I would really like to meet him."

The pain in my hollow chest was threatening to overwhelm me again. I wished I had held on to my bag of mementos for a little longer, but I'd abandoned it outside the city walls. The items inside were the tangible and comforting connection to her that I craved, but I wouldn't need them for long anyway.

"Why are you here now, though?" the third figure, whose name I read in his mind was Santiago, asked me suspiciously. I had hoped to wait until I was face to face with Aro before explaining the reason for my visit, but I knew then I was going to have to be a little more specific before they'd take me to the castle.

"I actually have a small favor to ask, but I would prefer not to discuss it here," I replied calmly. Thinking again of my death made me feel a small sliver of undeserved peace. "Is there somewhere discreet that I could wait while you go and ask your master if he would be kind enough to see me?"

_How dare he suggest that we do his bidding this way!_ Felix shouted mentally, shooting a dark look in my direction. He opened his mouth to say a few choice words to me before throwing me out of the city, but Demetri spoke first.

"Certainly," Demetri replied cordially. I inclined my head slightly in a gesture of gratitude as he continued. "If you will just follow us to the castle, you can wait with our assistant while we discuss your request with Aro."

Felix and Santiago eyed him with incredulous disbelief. Their thoughts were apprehensive. They were afraid of what Caius might do to them for asking to bring visitors into their quarters.

Santiago had been tortured by Jane on more than one occasion at Caius's request and he was loath to go through it again. The memory of his pain was severe, but then the smug afterthought he savored about his illicit secret relationship with Caius' mate distracted him.

"Demetri," Felix said sternly. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea. Perhaps it would be better for Santiago to wait here with..."

"Follow me, Mr. Cullen," Demetri said quietly, ignoring Felix's protests. Without a word, he turned toward the mouth of the alley and I followed. The other two fell in step behind me. Their thoughts were wary, but they both decided if Caius got upset, they would blame Demetri for any perceived lapses in judgment.

Demetri on the other hand, was still thinking there was something unusual about me, some talent that he couldn't quite understand. He knew Aro would be interested in learning more about me, and he would be pleased with Demetri if I turned out to be special. I should've been concerned about that, but I had nothing left in me to feel afraid. The only fear that I could feel was for continuing to exist past this day.

The reception area reminded me very much of a high rise corporate office waiting room. The walls were paneled in mahogany and covered with ornate artwork. Floral arrangements adorned the room and the deep green carpets were plush and soft underfoot. A petite female vampire with golden hair and ruby eyes sat behind the large mahogany counter in the middle of the room. She looked up and smiled at the four of us as we approached.

"Good evening," she said quietly, eyeing me with a curious expression.

_I wonder if he's a new acquisition of Aro's. That would be odd; we don't usually see anyone down here except at mealtimes when Heidi comes in with the catch of the day. Too bad that human girl who works here during the day isn't here to see him come in. Gianna would love to get an eyeful of him. She wants someone to change her so badly__. _She thought.

I wasn't really surprised that the Volturi employed humans. It would be necessary for them to have some mortals to take care of daytime business, but I didn't expect that the humans would be aware of their secrets.

"Good evening, Sophia," Demetri replied pleasantly. "This young man is waiting to see if Aro has a few moments to speak to him," he gestured in my direction and the young Sophia nodded at me in greeting. "Santiago is going to wait here with him while we announce his arrival. We will return shortly." The girl named Sophia nodded politely and smiled.

Santiago took a seat on a plush pale leather sofa and gestured for me to do the same. I copied him without a word, and he soon began an uninteresting conversation with Sophia and I discerned that Caius's Athenodora wasn't the only female vampire in Volterra who enjoyed Santiago's company.

I tuned them out and started to ponder exactly how I would ask Aro to kill me. I wondered if his affection for Carlisle would impact his decision. I thought of ways to carry out my plans in the unlikely event that he denied my request. I knew from Carlisle's memories that Aro possessed a talent very similar to mine, so I hoped that when he saw the desperation in my mind he would take pity on me and grant my wish. If he refused me, my choices would be limited, and I hoped it wouldn't come to the point that I would have to do something drastic.

_**"Don't do this,"**_ Bella said softly in my mind.

My hollow insides burned and twisted at the sound of bleak desperation I heard in her imaginary voice.

_**I**__** can't survive in a world without you, love, I thought you knew that**__._ I said to myself.

I closed my eyes; they stung and ached as I longed for tears. She hadn't known, though, had she? My Bella had jumped off a cliff to her death believing that I didn't love her. The image of her pale, stricken face haunted my thoughts again as I pictured her on some steep precipice preparing to end her life, her brown eyes hollow and devoid of light. I could only imagine how horrible it was for Alice to have to see it firsthand. I hope she'd forgive me someday for all the pain I'd caused her. I'd taken Bella away from her too.

"Mr. Cullen," Demetri said from behind me, pulling me out of my reverie. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't even registered the mental sounds that indicated his return. Felix was standing beside him. "Aro is waiting to see you in his quarters, and his brothers will join you shortly as well."

"Thank you," I replied, feeling a little relieved as I stood. I didn't like Demetri; he was the worst kind of predator in our world, but he'd just delivered the news I'd been hoping for.

"You may return to your post, Santiago," Demetri said, interrupting his conversation with Sophia. Santiago nodded, bowed, and turned to go back outside.

I followed Felix and Demetri down a large and elaborate corridor that led to a beautiful, gilded door. I could tell it was made of real gold. Demetri tapped lightly on the shiny surface, and a papery voice invited us to enter.

Demetri opened the ornate door and the room behind it was unequivocally the largest, most opulent room I had ever been in. The large stained glass windows shot beams of rainbow moonlight all over the suite. The floors were made of polished mahogany, and the furniture was of the exact same grain. Large mahogany bookshelves in the corner were filled with priceless volumes and an ornate, round mahogany bed was raised on a platform above the rest of the suite. Burgundy velvet curtains hung around it. An elaborate sitting area with several large golden brown leather chairs and a burgundy velvet sofa dominated the primary space, and a table made of white marble inlaid with gold sat in front of it.

An ancient vampire with papery skin, milky eyes, and long jet hair dressed in a billowing black cloak sat on the sofa beside a frail looking female with chestnut hair that was tied into an intricate twist at the nape of her neck. I knew them from Carlisle's memories as Aro and his mate, Sulpicia. Another female vampire I recognized as Aro's body guard looked warily at me from behind the sofa.

"Welcome, Edward Cullen!" Aro cried, springing lithely from his place beside his mate on the sofa. Demetri and Felix stepped aside for his approach. He walked toward me with his arms spread wide in welcome. His bodyguard shadowed behind him, still looking at me with mistrust.

"This is such a splendid surprise! How often I have thought of my old friend Carlisle. I had heard about a half century ago that he created a small family for himself in the new world, but I have heard very little since then."

_Demetri says the boy wants to make a request. Surely if it was on Carlisle's behalf he would have come himself. Demetri senses he is talented._ _I can't wait to hear his mind! It has been too long since I had a new vampire mind to entertain me. My food is hardly interesting enough to read for enjoyment. _He thought.

"Thank you," I replied, trying to sound sincere. I couldn't feel anything but the horrible emptiness of my Bella's absence. Aro would know the severity of my grief soon enough, but I still wanted to try to sound composed and observe the pleasantries that meant so much to him.

"You look thirsty, young one," Aro observed, looking at the black irises of my eyes and the purple shadows beneath them. "Could I get you some refreshment? The banquet hall is just outside this door and down the corridor."

"No thank you, sir," I replied shortly, my jaw tightening at the idea of having human takeout brought to me by Demetri.

"Ah," Aro said with a smile. "I suppose you adhere to Carlisle's diet! Tell me, does your palate adapt to it after a time, or do you still crave human blood?"

I was eager to ask for my death. I couldn't handle the small talk anymore. My broken lungs were making it nearly impossible for me to breathe and every image of Bella's face that kept running through my head made me want to scream from the unbearable sorrow that permeated every part of me.

"Perhaps I could show you instead," I replied a second later, thinking of how much I had longed for Bella's blood. "Carlisle explained your talents to me, and I also have an unusual mental gift that allows me insight into the thoughts of others."

I knew that it would be unwise for me to conceal my abilities from Aro any longer. If I wanted to get my way, I needed to play by his rules.

Aro's milky eyes widened in shock and his face lit up with excitement. I could hear his gleeful thoughts as he anticipated learning about my talent. He was like a child in a toystore; he collected people like me the way some humans collected antiques. Without a moment's hesitation, he danced forward, and I imitated the gesture. His bodyguard let out an involuntary snarl.

"Peace Renata," Aro said gently as he extended his forearm. I took it at once.

I felt an odd pulling sensation, as though someone was trying to tug lightly at the roots of my hair and suddenly I was seeing every moment of my life through my eyes and Aro's too. It was the strangest thing I had experienced in my entire existence. And, the reminiscence was fitting, considering what I came here for. I was getting that whole "life flashing before your eyes" experience. A prelude to my death, I hoped.

First came the dim human memories of my old life; I saw myself at the age of three, sitting beside my mother at her piano; recalled the floral smell of her perfume as she cradled me in her arms; sitting on my father's knee a couple of years later as he read in his study; having dinner with my parents; playing hide and seek with the little boy next door; my teacher hitting me with a ruler in grammar school for speaking out of turn; my deathly ill mother standing over me as I burned with a fatal fever…

Then the sharper memories flowed between us, and I replayed every single moment of my immortal life with my family like a film being viewed at the speed of light. Carlisle's lips at my throat and the searing pain of my transformation; my first hunt with Carlisle; Esme's face as a newborn and her wedding to Carlisle; Rosalie's red eyes as she awoke; wrestling with Emmett; stalking a murderer in a dark New York City alley as he chased a woman through the dirty streets; Alice and Jasper joining the family; a plethora of Alice's accurate visions, including the ones about Bella.  
_  
My Bella.  
_  
I thought I would crumble to pieces as every moment I'd spent with her came flooding back to me: the day we met and the way her blood called to me; saving her from being crushed by the van; my inability to read her thoughts; watching her sleep as she called my name and the realization that I loved her completely; driving home from Port Angeles the night she confronted me about what I was; lying beside her in the meadow, my skin glittering in the sun; our first kiss; sucking the venom from her hand after James bit her; holding her while we danced at prom; my arms around her as she slept in her little bed; every summer day we'd spent together, talking, laughing and kissing; Jasper lunging at her as the scent of blood from her paper cut permeated the air; arguing with Alice about my decision to leave her; standing in the forest when I told her goodbye; every terrible pain of my separation from her; and finally, the news of her death, my journey here and my desire to die.

Aro's eyes were wide and staring as we broke apart. The others were looking at him with identical expressions of concern. Sulpicia started to rise from her seat to approach him, but he stopped her with a gentle wave of his hand.

"How extraordinary," Aro breathed a moment later. "I never would have believed being in such close contact with a human was possible. I don't think I have ever seen such restraint…such devotion! And I have never heard such morbid request from a vampire." He shook his head sadly at the thought of my wish to have the guard assist me with suicide.

"What do you mean?" Felix asked. His voice was respectful, but I could hear the irritation in his thoughts. He hated it when Aro didn't explain what he'd seen in someone's mind right away. Felix was a barbarian with little patience. His brute strength made him a huge asset to the guard. Otherwise Aro would not have tolerated his crude disposition.

"Patience, Felix," Aro replied pleasantly with a genial smile. "I shall explain more thoroughly when my brothers arrive. In the meantime, please have a seat young Edward."

He gestured toward one of the oversized leather armchairs across from the sofa, and I sat down obediently. He rejoined his mate on the sofa, folding his pale thin-skinned hands in his lap and watching the gilded door expectantly. Renata had resumed her position behind him. Felix and Demetri joined her this time, standing behind Aro and gazing at me curiously. I tuned out their thoughts and focused strictly on Aro.

_The bond between the Cullens is extraordinary! No other coven that I'm aware of is as large besides us…And Edward has a remarkable talent! What I wouldn't give to be able to read minds without physical contact. And Alice…_ He mused silently.

I heard the indistinct unease he felt at the idea of the size of our family and the greedy longing in his mind as he thought of my sister.

Aro's thoughts should have been very disturbing to me, but I was still unable to feel anything but my loss. His flimy eyes met mine and his mental musings suddenly became more carefully controlled.

A knock on the door interrupted Aro's thoughts, and he stood. I did the same nearly a half second later, so only Sulpicia remained seated. She was completely disinterested in the entire exchange.

"Come in, my brothers," Aro called softly as the door opened an instant later. Two men with features similar to their brother entered the room gracefully, followed by two much smaller figures that could only be Jane and Alec.

"Ah, and I am pleased to see that you have brought Jane and Alec with you as well," Aro crooned, smiling at the beautifully sinister grey-cloaked twins that stood on either side of Marcus and Caius.

"Dear master," Jane cooed, walking forward to kiss Aro's cheek as Alec bowed before him. They both looked at him with nauseating love and devotion in their ruby tinged eyes.

"What is this all about?" Caius asked Aro, eyeing me with mild curiosity.

Co_uld this be another one of his discoveries? We don't really need anyone new to join the guard, though I would love to be rid of Santiago, so maybe he could replace him. He's worthless and I cannot stand the way he looks at my mate._ Caius thought.

"Please, take a seat and I will explain," Aro replied blandly. Marcus, looking apathetic, took the seat on Aro's left while Caius situated himself on his right. Jane and Alec continued to stand.

"As Demetri has informed you, we have a most intriguing and talented visitor," Aro said. "I know that you are acquainted with my family in a way through your father's memories, Edward, but allow me to introduce you to them. This is Edward Cullen, Carlisle's son."

"What do you mean when you say he is already familiar with us?" Caius asked, aware that his brother's words were more significant than they might seem to someone who didn't know him well.

"Edward has a similar talent to mine," Aro went on, his opaque eyes excited again. "He can read the thoughts of others. But while he cannot see as much detail as I can, he does not need physical contact to do it."

Demetri was paying more attention now as he thought of ways my mind reading talents might compliment his tracking skills. I gritted my teeth audibly; the only thing I wanted from Demetri was for him to kill me.

"I have just had an interesting look into his head and I regret to say that he has made a most grim request of us."

_I hate the idea of granting it; he's so gifted and Carlisle loves him very much! But I must consider it…Marcus might agree to it if I don't get Chelsea in here to subdue him_. Aro thought.

"Please explain further, Master," Jane said, her juvenile voice dripping with false enthusiasm. She resented Aro's interest in me; Jane hated for Aro to pay attention to anyone besides herself.

_**'I'll bet I can rid him of any desire he might have to join us when I get a chance to get into his head.**__' _Jane mused sadistically.

"Young Edward has lost his mate and he came here to ask that we assist him in ending his life," Aro went on, his voice filled with exaggerated sadness.

"He had a human mate," Felix gasped, unable to restrain himself as the meaning of Aro's words about my relationship with a human a few minutes ago sunk in.

'_How disgusting! I'd love to kill him myself for that! Humans are only good for mealtimes, unless you find one worth turning, and that's almost impossible.._ Felix fumed mentally.

"Yes," Aro replied to confirm Felix's words, shaking his head in bewilderment.

_I still can't fathom how he was able to resist her blood! So repulsed by the idea of changing her that he left her to die a horrible death! She would have died eventually anyway but how Shakesperian for her to jump off a cliff to end her grief at their separation_. Aro said silently to himself.

I groaned in agony in response to his thoughts before I could compose myself. I was too far gone to care about the appalled looks and disgusted thoughts of all the others. They didn't know how special my Bella was. They didn't understand.

"Forgive me, Edward," Aro said in reply to my reaction. "I didn't mean to upset you further with my callous thoughts. I just don't understand how you could resist her blood when it appealed to you so strongly, and why you couldn't bring yourself to change her. I saw it in your mind, but I cannot relate."

"Will you help me?" I asked evenly, unable to control myself enough to tolerate more small talk.

_Who cares?_Marcus thought, his dead face indifferent;_Let him die if that's what he wants._

"Let us consider it," Aro said in a businesslike tone. "If you would all excuse us while my brothers and I discuss the matter privately?"

"Edward, you may wait in the lobby with Demetri; Renata, please take my precious one to your quarters and look after her there, and Felix, if you could bring Chelsea to me that would be splendid."

I waited in the lobby for what seemed like an eternity, tuning out Demetri's baffled thoughts about my request. The human girl, Gianna, had replaced vampire Sophia at the receptionist desk, and she was watching me with interest. I ignored her as thoroughly as I did Demetri. How slowly time had seemed to pass since my world ended. How I hoped they would hurry up and kill me.

I knew that death was too good for me, too easy. Unless there was some sort of hell waiting for me in another dimension, but even then, I couldn't imagine anything more horrific than living in this world without Bella. There was no point to anything. Finally, just as the sun had started to rise, Jane came to take me back to Aro's suite.

"They are ready for you now, Edward," Jane said in her prepubescent soprano voice_**. **_

_**I'm ready too. **__I__ hope they let me play with you before they dispose of you, _**Jane** thought sadistically. She smiled an evil angel smile at me, knowing I head what she was thinking. My face remained impassive. She could torture me from now until the end of time and it wouldn't be enough restitution for what I'd done to Bella.

I followed her back down the corridor and through the gilded door, where the three brothers, Felix and Chelsea waited in the parlor area.

"Please sit down, Edward," Aro said, gesturing toward one of the leather chairs again. His thoughts were careful, and I knew he didn't want me to see what they'd decided before he had a chance to say it out loud. I knew what it must mean.

"I'd rather stand if you don't mind, Aro," I replied, my hands balled into fists so tight that if I had been human the bones would have snapped.

Aro nodded indulgently, understanding my demeanor.

"We have considered your request, Edward, and upon careful consideration, we've decided to tell you no," Aro said with an apologetic sigh as Marcus and Caius looked on without interest. "You see, it would be a waste for us to destroy you, especially considering that you ask us to do this for the sake of a dead human..."

A growl ripped through my chest at his words.

_Bastard!_! I thought furiously. He'd seen Bella in my memories, knew how precious she was to me, and he still had the gall to suggest that she was just a human! I read his thoughts then and saw the selfish motivation behind his choice and I was even angrier.

"We believe you have potential, Edward," Caius said blandly, ignoring my reaction to Aro's words. "Therefore, we would like to offer you a place here with us."

"Not a chance in hell," I yelled, causing Jane to bare her teeth and advance toward me in defense of her masters.

_Give me a reason! Please!_ Jane taunted me silently, her thoughts sadistic.

"Please consider our offer, Edward," Aro implored, ignoring the tone of my voice and motioning for Jane to calm down with a withered white hand.

"It could be a fresh start for you; a chance to rebuild your life! We would love to have a talent like yours to enhance our family."

_Chelsea could keep him calm, I'm sure. He would heal eventually. She was just a human__._ Aro mused.

I'm sure that Carlisle would be grateful if you decided to stay here rather than end your life." Aro went on, trying to play on my sympathies for my father.

"My father is the most compassionate creature on this earth and he would understand my choice," I said coolly. I didn't add that I knew he would try to stop me if he could.

"Relax, Edward," Aro implored me again. I could see he was entertained by my response.

I hated him then, knowing that he'd seen every single moment of my life, the intensity of my pain and he'd never had any intention of helping me. All he cared about was getting what he wanted; another prize for his collection.

"If you won't help me," I growled furiously, "I will help myself."

"It is unfortunate that you feel that way, Edward," Aro said with mock sadness. But there was also an undercurrent of malice in his voice. A warning.

_I__ can't believe he's willing to risk the trouble it will cause if this fool does something to expose us in the city just on the off chance his little psychic sister will come here looking for him. Using him as bait__! _Caius thought angrily. _I__t's Saint Marcus' Day! Too dangerous! _

I was disgusted as I listened to Caius's thoughts. I understood then what Aro really wanted; the chance to get his hands on Alice if he could manage to get her here to try to save me me. Alice would never fall for that, though. I was sure she already knew it was too late to stop me, and she would foresee Aro's plans for her. Plus, Jasper would never let her risk herself to come after me anyway since Bella was dead and there was nothing they could do to help me.

"If that is your final word, we have nothing more to discuss," Aro said evenly, dismissing me. I stormed out of the gilded door without another word.

I would force their hand on the very day their unsuspecting human subjects celebrated their freedom from fear of violence and monsters. I would make a mockery of their rules before Alice could even consider coming after me.

I shuddered at the idea that she might try in spite of my wishes.

I had to act before the day was over.


	12. Chapter 12 Discovery

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. None of this belongs to me, though I did have a lot of fun filling in the blanks. This is the moment we've all been waiting for when Bella and Edward are reunited. Enjoy. (I hope)**

**Songs for this chapter;**

**Sing for Absolution, by Muse**

**Mozart's Requiem**

**Bring Me to Life by Evanescence **

**No Ordinary Love, by Sade**

**Chapter 12-Discovery**

I stood in the shadows of the cobbled streets behind a stone archway near a small grouping of shops, preparing myself to act. The city had been deserted when I'd left the Volturi just over an hour ago, but the streets were gradually filling up.

The humans that had ventured out early were already focused on the St. Marcus Day activities they wanted to participate in. They admired the large red flags that billowed noisily in the wind above them as they thought about street vendors they wanted to visit during the day and their costumes for the parties they were planning to attend after dark. Some were going dressed as cape-clad, fanged vampires while others were opting for priestly robes and crosses.

I snorted bitterly to myself at I listened to the thoughts of all these ignorant humans planning to attend celebrations either dressed as caricatures of monsters they didn't believe in or as holy men that couldn't hope to fight off the real thing.

But, there was no reason for the human residents and visitors to Volterra to fear for their safety. There hadn't been a vampire attack here in centuries.

I was going to change that now.

I knew Demetri and Felix were close by, watching me carefully from an alley behind a bakery on the other side of the street. I also knew they had reinforcements ready to deal with me or any other problem that might arise as a result of my actions. They were all safe from the sun's rays under their cloaks, biding their time until I made my move.

Aro had asked them to bring me back to him alive if at all possible. He knew how desperate I was to die, and I hated him for being so determined to prolong my life for his own selfish reasons. He was hoping to be able to explain away whatever crime I chose to commit to expose them so his henchmen could bring me back to the castle. He wanted to buy some time in the hope that Alice would see me alive and come looking for me. He wanted to get the two of us together and try to persuade us to join the guard. He would "forgive" my transgression and spare our lives in exchange for servitude. So, I had to do something drastic to keep them from taking me back alive.

Hunting was the last thing I wanted to do, but it seemed like the only choice I had. If I killed someone right in the middle of a crowded street, they would be forced to act. If word got around that I had blatantly flouted the rules in their city and escaped with my life, it would set a bad precedent.

For nearly an hour, I watched people come and go as the crowds thickened, searching for a suitable victim. I'd tried to find someone who had no family, or a terminal illness or some personality trait that would make it easier for me to tolerate ending their life. So far, I had only found reasons to let each of them go, but I had to act soon.

My throat felt like a desert in July as a paunchy, balding middle aged man walked within a few feet of my hiding place; no one else had gotten this close to me since I'd been here. I was really thirsty, and he had an oddly appealing spicy scent that made my venom flow freely. I crept silently behind him, tuning out his thoughts and being careful to stay out of the rays of the morning sun. I moved in closer…

_"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people,"_ Bella asked me on the way home from Port Angeles.

_"I don't want to be a monster,_" I replied.

I gasped in pain at the sudden sound of her voice in my head, and for the millionth time I pictured the way she'd looked at me that night, her beautiful brown eyes full of love and trust. The man kept moving, but I didn't follow. I stood in the shadows, deliberating for a moment.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't allow my final act to be murder. I was desperate to die, but I didn't want to take anyone else with me. I needed to leave this pointless earth that shouldn't still be turning on its axis now that Bella was gone, but I was going to have to find another way to force the Volturi to kill me.

Bella was gone, but the changes I'd experienced because of her love remained. It would be a disgrace to her memory for me to go back to being the killer I once was. She'd had more faith in me than that.

_"I don't believe that you're bad,"_ She'd said to me the first time we'd sat together at lunch.

I moaned in agony and buried my face in my hands as I remembered her misplaced trust. She was wrong, of course; I was bad; I was a wretched creature who had destroyed her life with my twisted love. I had let her down a million times, but I didn't have to make it a million and one.

Another voice, my father's, echoed in my head; _"Every life is precious."_ He'd said it so often, and he was right. I didn't want to disappoint him either.

There had to be an alternative to taking more innocent lives.

I saw a blue Fiat parked near a small store across the cobbled street. I could race over and throw it through the large front display window in front of passersby. That would attract some much needed attention, but it would be impossible to do without hitting some people in the process. That plan was just as fatal as the hunting scheme.

The sun rose a little higher into the sky and I shifted automatically to avoid the light.

And the answer came to me. It was so simple I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before.

"_I can't go out in the sun, at least not where anyone can see,_" I'd said to Bella to explain my absence from school on sunny days.

Not where anyone could see.

Today was St. Marcus Day; the streets were already starting to fill up and it was still early in the morning. By midday, hundreds of humans would be walking through the streets of Volterra; too many witnesses to count.

Too many for the Volturi to ignore or eradicate entirely.

I remembered the day in the meadow when I'd shown Bella what I looked like in the sun. I recalled the surprise and wonder in her eyes and the way she'd never once shied away from me. I thought of the feel of her hand caressing my sparkling arm in the light, and how much warmer she made me feel than the sun did. She'd told me later that she would never forget the sight of me in the light. A wave of unendurable grief washed over me again as I thought of how accepting and kind she was.

The booming hourly toll of the clock in the square solidified my plans. I would step out of the shadows I'd been hiding in for the last eight decades. I would walk into the high noon sunlight and expose myself for the hideous abomination I was. It was time to confess the sins of my existence to the world; no one else would have to die because of me.

And, there would be too many witnesses for Felix and Demetri to take the time to bring me back to Aro. They would have to act immediately and destroy me. I could end my misery without taking more lives or endangering Alice.

An odd, peaceful finality settled into my hollow chest. My plan was going to work; I was sure of it.

Felix and Demetri kept me within their sights as I made my way to an alley near the clock tower that was the main feature of the city. I hid in the shadows, waiting for the time to pass; for the final moment to arrive at high noon.

I spent my last hours with Bella in my mind; reliving the happy moments we'd shared together. I pictured her smile, heard her laugh and remembered the blissful feel of her small, warm body cradled in my arms.

I also wondered what my death would be like. Would I feel the fire as it burned me to ash, or would I be numb after Felix and Demetri ripped me apart? Would I go to some sort of vampire hell, or simply cease to be?

I shivered involuntarily at the thought of an eternity without Bella. The anguish tore through me and I felt as though I were breaking to pieces again. I moaned in anguish and sank to my knees in the shade of the alley where I was hiding now.

How I wished there were some way for us to be reunited in the afterlife. But, there was no hope of that, was there? Bella was surely in heaven; there was no other option. She was so beautiful; she was kind and loving and compassionate. Heaven was a better place now with her in it.

I, on the other hand, am the embodiment of evil; a murderer who indirectly took her life and intentionally spilled the blood of countless others to sustain my unnatural existence. So, it stood to reason that I was either bound for hell or nowhere at all. In my opinion, the answer was probably nowhere because I believed that my soul had been destroyed nearly a century ago during my transformation. But, even if I did still have my soul, there could be nothing good left for me in the beyond.

Suddenly, I had a flash of a dim human memory; a memory of attending church with my mother when I was a very small boy. The image was weak and almost 2 dimensional, but her words were clear.

I could see her sitting in a church pew beside me, her head bowed as she prayed some prayer I couldn't remember the name of aloud with the minister. I was too young to join in, but I remember feeling curious about the meaning of the words she recited, so I'd questioned her in a whisper during a break in the service.

"_What does that prayer mean, mother?"_ I'd asked.

"_It means that God forgives anyone who asks Him to, no matter what kind of sin they've committed._" She replied softly.

_"If I believed that by changing you I was sacrificing your soul I never would have done it,"_ Carlisle said the last time I'd seen him.

If they were both right, if forgiveness was possible and I still had a soul, then maybe there was hope somewhere. I didn't really believe it, but maybe I should try to ask just in case.

I sank to my knees on the ground and silently confessed to all the wrongs I'd done in the last century; the murders I'd committed, the lies I'd told, everything I could remember. I didn't know if anyone heard me, or if it had helped at all, but it couldn't hurt; and if there was some small chance that I could be reunited with Bella...

The sun was shining bright and warm overhead now, and the time was almost up. I opened my eyes briefly, got to my feet, and approached the end of the alley. I closed my eyes again, trying to imagine how wonderful it would be if Bella and I did see each other in heaven.

Abruptly, the words she'd said to me on Charlie's couch while we watched Romeo and Juliet echoed in my head again, interrupting my musings about a perfect afterlife.

_"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again; no matter what might ever happen to me you are not allowed to hurt yourself!" _

You promised me you would look after yourself, love, I thought, arguing silently with my memory of her. I told you I couldn't live in a world where you didn't exist. I told you what I would do if you were gone; I may have lied about a lot of things in my life, but I meant that.

_"Don't do this,_" I heard her say in my mind.

"I haven't got a choice, love; I can't go on without you," I whispered, so softly that no one, not even another vampire, would be able to hear.

_No_! Her voice yelled in my head, replying to my murmured argument.

The booming sound of the clock's chimes vibrated my stone body; I removed my shirt and let the fabric fall into a disheveled pile near my feet. I kept my eyes closed as I walked toward the light, palms facing forward, picturing her face in my mind. The image of her was smiling silently, and, oddly enough, I could have sworn I smelled a whisper of her sweet warm scent.

"Edward!"I heard her scream in a breathy, desperate voice. She was angry with me for my choice. I could hear the clock toll again, and the sound of her voice seemed to be lost for a moment.

"Edward!" I heard her scream again. "No, Edward!"

I paused to listen to the sound of her voice. Hearing her speak in my mind one last time made me feel an odd sense of peace in spite of the fury and panting desperation in her voice. It was almost as if she was here with me. I took a step toward the light.

"No!" I heard her cry in that same winded tone of panic again. "Edward, look at me!"

I kept my eyes closed; I was looking at her in my mind's eye, and she was still smiling at me in odd contrast with the breathy screams. The image of her face would be the last thing I ever saw, and I was content. I smiled slightly as I started to take that one last step that would bring me into the light at last, when something soft and warm collided with my stone body; instinctively, I caught the object in my arms, feeling something silky brush against my hands, and a warm familiar floral scent burned my throat. I opened my eyes slowly…

I looked down into the face of my love, astonished. Bella was with me.

"Amazing," I breathed in shocked ecstasy, "Carlisle was right!"

I'd confessed my sins and here I was, in heaven with my love. I'd been redeemed after all.

"Edward," she gasped, out of breath. "You have to get back into the shadows…you have to move."

I looked at her in polite confusion. There was no need for us to hide anymore; we were dead.

"I can't believe how quick it was," I marveled, staring down at her lovely face as I stroked her soft, warm cheek. "I didn't feel a thing: they're very good." I closed my eyes and kissed her hair.

"Death that hath sucked the honey of thy breath hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." I whispered, quoting Romeo and Juliet. I was awed at how real she looked and felt in my arms; how alive she seemed to be.

"You smell just exactly the same as always, so maybe this is hell. I don't care; I'll take it." I went on, my voice giddy and elated.

"I'm not dead," she exclaimed "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move, they can't be far away!" She squirmed in my arms and I held her tighter.

I was confused by her statement. What could possibly be chasing us in the afterlife? What did she mean we weren't dead?

"What was that?" I asked, frowning slightly as I waited for her to explain.

Were we in some kind of purgatory? Had I messed up heaven for her too?

"We're not dead," she answered urgently "Not yet, but we have to get out of here before the Volturi…"

I heard their thoughts a half second after the words left her lips. Horror washed over me like ice water as I jumped to my feet whirled around, pulling Bella behind me protectively, placing her between me and the brick wall. I was conscious of her heart pounding frantically in her chest; she was alive! I felt a sense of indescribable relief at this revelation.

I knew we were in a terrible mess, but I couldn't help but feel a sense of healing completion from being reunited with her. My insides were suddenly intact again, and I took a deep cleansing breath, relishing in the oxygen. I hadn't been able to breathe properly in months. I didn't need to, of course, but the sensation was so wonderful; I felt alive, almost human again. However, the feeling didn't last long as I listened to the mental voices of the approaching vampires.

_We've got him cornered now; Aro will be pleased that he didn't carry out his plans. But, what stopped him?_ Demetri thought curiously. He tasted the air around us. _There's a human right behind him so we'll have to be careful_. He continued mentally.

_Someone smells tasty,_ came Felix's mental voice. _**Maybe the kid decided to hunt after all. MMM! What a fragrance. Wonder if he'd share if I told him I'd kill him fast myself after we eat. He's got her behind him like he's guarding her. No one watches their food like...**_

Felix paused, registering the way that Bella clung to me, her trembling hands resting on my cold, bare back.

_This is the girl! I thought she was dead! How did she get here? No matter; Maybe Aro will let me have her as an appetizer if his sister shows up like he thinks she will._ He marveled silently.

"Greetings gentleman," I said in a falsely polite voice as Bella stiffened behind me. She was looking under my arm at the two grey cloaked vampires that were close enough for her eyes to see now.

"I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters. "

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix purred smoothly. _It wouldn't do for me to get my cloak dirty trying to deal with you here._ He thought.

"I don't believe that will be necessary," I replied, my voice less controlled as I bit back the growl I could feel building in my chest. "I know your instructions, Felix; I haven't broken any rules."

I had to remain calm for Bella. There was no way I could run with her, and if I lost my temper now there would be no chance at all for me to save her from this disastrous mess I'd gotten us into.

Bella was alive! How? Had Alice made it in time to save her, or was the vision she'd had inaccurate? That didn't seem likely. Why didn't she go straight back home when she realized Bella was okay? And, where was she now? She had to be here somewhere; she'd obviously brought Bella here to stop me. All of these questions raced through my mind in a matter of seconds.

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," Demetri replied untruthfully, his voice dripping with phony diplomacy. "Let us seek better cover."

I knew he was worried about making a scene and he had no intention of letting me go. But Alice was nearby, so I had to try to convince them to let Bella leave. If they let her go, Alice would be able to get her out of here. They'd both be safe.

"I'll be right behind you," I replied, trying to keep the desperation out of my voice as I realized I had probably doomed us to die with my hasty stupidity. I tried to stay casual as I added, "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

I felt her tense behind me as her hands shifted further down my back; if I had been wearing a shirt she would have fisted the fabric in an effort to cling to me. I knew that even if they did give her the option of leaving, she wasn't going to walk away from me. Damn it! Why did she have to be so stubborn!

_**Aro would want us to bring her back, too. This foolish boy was willing to die for her, so she's valuable to us for now**_. Demetri thought.

_**Not a chance...**_ Felix thought. _**She's bait until Aro gets what he wants, and then she's lunch. **_

"No, bring the girl," Felix said in a menacing purr. _**Perhaps Aro will let me play with her before I eat her; she's pretty for a human.**_ He thought, and the fantasies in his head made me want to lunge at him and tear him apart.

I bit back another growl. "I don't think so." I replied in a hard, cold voice now. I shifted my weight slightly. I would fight them and die here before I let Felix touch a hair on her precious head. Hopefully Alice would see what was happening and get Bella out.

"No," Bella whispered behind me. She felt the subtle change in my posture and knew what it meant. I didn't need to be able to read her thoughts to know that she didn't want me to compromise my safety for her. She was just as selfless as always, and I didn't deserve her sacrifice.

"Shh," I murmured softly. It was all I could say. I wanted to turn around and look into her beautiful face, wrap my arms around her and tell her how sorry I was and how much I loved her before my imminent death. I couldn't think about her dying too. I would save her if I could no matter what I had to do.

"Felix," Demetri said in a cautiously warning voice. "Not here." _**We can't afford to be indiscreet ourselves, no matter what the boy's plans are**_. He added mentally.

Demetri turned to talk to me then. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again if you have decided not to force our hand after all_**.**_"_**Now that we know the girl is alive, it stands to reason that the psychic sister is here somewhere. Aro was insistent that he wanted her at all costs; and he wants the boy alive too if we can manage it; I have to keep him calm.**_ He mused silently.

"Certainly," I acquiesced, cringing mentally at the thought of Aro reading Alice's thoughts and getting a better understanding of her amazing talent. "But the girl goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Demetri replied in that same falsely polite tone. _**She is too valuable to you for us to let her go until Aro has what he wants; plus, she knows too much about us to be allowed to escape.**_ He thought, knowing I could hear what was in his head. "We do have rules to obey."

"Then I'm afraid I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri," I replied through gritted teeth. I tried to keep my voice calm, but I heard the tremor of anger in my tone.

"That's just fine," Felix said eagerly before Demetri could respond to me. _**I'm really going to enjoy killing him; maybe I could finish the girl first beforehand and let him watch.**_ Felix thought. He took a step closer to us, and I heard Bella gasp in fear at his approach.

My poor Bella! She was terrified. But she wasn't my Bella anymore, I corrected myself mentally. If we survived this, she might not ever want to see me again. My heart ached at the thought of being separated from her again.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri replied before Felix could say anything else.

On the surface, he seemed to be making an effort to diffuse the tension, and he was clearly trying not to draw attention to us because there was a human family nearby. But he altered his position to my other side and I knew they were going to corner me.

I shifted slightly again, preparing to defend Bella at all costs. I caught a faint sweet musky scent and knew that Alice was close, but Felix and Demetri were too focused on me to have noticed yet. If I could distract the two guards for a few seconds, she might be able to grab Bella.

_**Wait Edward**_! Alice shouted in my head. _**Don't fight them! I'll be right there. We can't escape with her; they're everywhere. We'll have to cooperate. If you stay calm, there might be a chance they'll let us live, but I know if you try to fight them they'll kill us all! **_

I saw a horrifying image in her head of Demetri in a dark, indistinct place outside the city standing over a pyre of ashes while Felix drained Bella.

A second later, Felix, Demetri and I simultaneously turned our heads toward the sound of approaching footsteps on the other side of the alley. Bella noticed the diversion a moment later and responded by looking too.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Alice said lightly as she came into view beside me. "There are ladies present."

I felt Bella relax slightly behind me as she took in Alice's appearance. She obviously felt safer with Alice here. Alice had never let her down the way I had.

Felix and Demetri moved out of their defensive positions and retreated a little.

_**Damn it!**_ Felix thought, shooting a disgruntled look at Alice. _**Aro wouldn't let me live if I take care of them now and I really want the girl. She smells so good. **__**  
**_  
I gritted my teeth again, and I knew I was on the verge of losing it, which was what Felix wanted. He was trying to provoke me with his thoughts and I couldn't afford to take the bait. There was a human family standing nearby and if I reacted in front of them, Alice's vision would come true.

_**Stay calm and let me handle this!**_ Alice said silently. I nodded imperceptibly. I had a million questions for her, but they would have to wait.

"We are not alone," Alice reminded Felix and Demetri, gesturing toward the family standing on the corner of the square.

"Paulo, maybe you should go and get a policeman. Something is terribly wrong here," the human woman whispered urgently to her husband in Italian. He nodded and walked toward the plaza to get assistance, tapping a policeman dressed in a traditional red blazer on the shoulder to get his attention.

Demetri shook his head at me in exasperation. "Please Edward, let's be reasonable," He implored, really hoping to avoid a scene now that our exchange had garnered the attention of humans.

_**This is getting ridiculous; Aro will be really upset if we have to kill them. He wants this Alice to join the guard**_. He thought irritably.

"Let's," I replied coolly, hoping to take advantage of Demetri's fear of causing a scene. "We'll leave quietly now with no one the wiser."

Demetri sighed again, growing more irritated by the second. "At least let us discuss this more privately," He said in what he hoped was a persuasive voice as six police officers joined the family staring at us with growing unease. _**I have to get them back to the castle.**_ He thought.

Bella flinched behind me again, her heart racing even faster. I felt her soft hair brush lightly against my back as she turned her head in the direction of the human witnesses. My teeth clenched together in reaction to her fear.

"No," I answered, glancing pointedly at the family again. An instant later, Felix's expression turned smug and I understood before I even heard her speak from behind me.

It was all over now.

"Enough," Jane said in her juvenile soprano voice.

_**Give me a reason, Edward! I'm begging you**_. She jeered silently.

_**Edward! Don't provoke her. Just do whatever she asks. **_Alice shouted in my head; she knew who Jane was from Carlisle's stories about the guard. But I didn't need her warning; I'd seen how much Jane wanted to torture us; she hated Aro's interest in us and she was particularly jealous of Alice.

"Jane," I said in a tone of dull resignation. Alice folded her arms across her chest in a defensive pose, but her face remained neutral.

"Follow me," she said, turning silently toward the darkened alley away from the mortal spectators. Felix smirked again and motioned for us to go ahead of him and Demetri.

Alice obeyed immediately and I followed suit, wrapping my arms around Bella's waist and pulling her along side of me. I noticed then for the first time how thin she was. She'd lost too much weight, and I could feel the prominence of her fragile ribs beneath my arms.

"Well, Alice," I said in a light manner that contradicted my internal turmoil. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake," she replied simply. "It was my job to set it right." _**I'm so sorry Edward! I had no idea that Rose would be stupid enough to call you. I would have called you myself if I had known what she was planning. I'd intended to explain everything to Carlisle once he returned from the hunting trip he was on with Esme so we could decide what to do.**_ She added silently, pleading with me to understand.

What did she mean by decide what to do? What the hell was going on?

"What happened?" I asked in the same nonchalant tone, carefully concealing my curiosity from Felix, Demetri and Jane.

"It's a long story," Alice replied vaguely, her eyes darting toward Bella for a second. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff but she wasn't trying to kill herself."  
_**Or so she says, but I don't believe her,**_ Alice added mentally.

"Bella's all about the extreme sports these days." I saw Bella's blush as she turned away in embarrassment. Alice told me the rest of the story in her mind.

_**I saw her jump off the cliff and go into the water, but I didn't see her come back out and I thought she'd drowned. I knew I was seeing it while it was happening, and I would be too late to save her. I was devastated and I wondered why it took me so long to see her do something so drastic. I went straight to Charlie's to take care of him. I was waiting for Charlie at his house when she showed up, all messed up but alive. I was shocked and confused. She explained to me that her friend Jacob Black pulled her out of the water just before she could drown. I couldn't understand why I didn't see him save her. But then she explained that he's a werewolf! There's a whole pack of them in La Push now, and Bella's been spending a lot of time on the reservation. I think the reason I was blind was because she'd been with the wolves so much; apparently I can't see them. But, that's not the worst of it, Edward. Brace yourself… **__****_

_**The main reason she's been in La Push is because Victoria came after her and the wolves were guarding her. And before that, Laurent tried to kill her and the wolves disposed of him. We knew he was missing of course because we'd been in Denali, but I had no idea he'd come to Forks. She told me the whole story and I was horrified. I'm so sorry I didn't check on her sooner! I knew you didn't want me to interfere, but she was such a mess, Edward. I couldn't leave her with no one but a pack of young werewolves to look after her. Charlie told me about her having nightmares every night since we left. I decided I was going stay with her at Charlie's until I could talk to Carlisle to see if he thought we should all come back when I had the vision of you coming here. Charlie was at his friend's funeral when you called, and the Black kid answered the phone. I know you wish I hadn't brought her here, but I knew she was the only thing that would stop you from acting and she insisted on coming when she knew what I'd seen. **_

"Hmm," I replied shortly. It was all I could say in front of Felix, Jane and Demetri as I tried to absorb her story. I wanted to smash up every building in sight with the strength of my fury. How had I allowed this? I was filled with unadulterated self-disgust.

I remained lost in my thoughts, holding tightly to Bella as I continued to follow Jane down the sloping cobblestone streets toward the Volturi's hidden lair. I hated myself more than I would have ever thought possible. I left Bella alone, broken hearted and unprotected for Laurent to find, and my inept tracking skills had driven Victoria straight to Forks. Then to top it off the only thing that had kept Bella alive were a bunch of nasty mutts that were just as dangerous as Victoria and much more unstable.

Werewolves!

I'd seen what they were capable of when a member of Ephraim Black's pack had attacked and killed his wife and young daughter when he lost control and changed in front of them. I hadn't witnessed the event personally, but I'd seen it in Josiah Clearwater's head when we'd met with them to finalize the treaty. The images still haunted me. I heard he'd stopped phasing and died of a broken heart shortly thereafter, leaving his son to be raised by Ephraim and his wife.

I shuddered internally at the thought of Bella being close to one of them when he changed that way. If we lived through this, I would stay in Forks to look after her until the danger passed whether she wanted me back or not. Right now, I needed to focus on getting us out of here alive.

Jane disappeared down the open drain hole at the dead end mouth of the alley before we were close enough for Bella to see her vanish. I could hear the impatient thoughts of Felix and Demetri behind me, but I had no intention of making Bella go any faster. I could have easily carried her, and I would have loved to hold her close to me, to comfort her, but I knew the intimacy of such a gesture would antagonize the situation with Felix. He was already plotting ways to provoke me further, and if I held her, my feelings would be even more transparent and he would up the ante.

Plus the longer we took to get to Aro, the more time Alice and I would have to think about what we might say to talk us out of this horrid mess I'd made.

When we reached the drain hole ourselves, I wondered how best to get Bella down safely.

_**I'll go first and you can pass her to me; you'll need to stay up there to keep an eye on Demetri and Felix.**_ Alice thought.

I nodded imperceptibly and she disappeared at once. It took a second for Bella to notice her absence and when she realized where we were going, she cringed and held tightly to me.

"It's alright Bella," I soothed, speaking to her for the first time since she'd warned me of the Volturi's approach. "Alice will catch you."

She looked up at me for a second, and I registered the unnatural pallor of her too-thin face and the severe dark circles under her tired and scared brown eyes. I felt a stabbing pain in my chest at the physical evidence of her suffering. Her frail state was my fault.

She glanced worriedly down into the hole and shuddered before she stooped and dangled her legs down into the hole. "Alice?" she called fearfully down into the darkness. I winced. She clearly didn't trust my reassurances. Of course she didn't. I had given her no reason to trust me at all. I'd hurt her so much.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice replied gently. _**She'll be fine, Edward. I'll catch her.**_ Alice said silently to me. She knew how hard it would be for me to let Bella out of my sight even for a second now. We had so little time left, and being away from her even for a moment was an agonizing prospect. I bent over her and wrapped my hands gently around her wrists, feeling her speeding pulse on my fingertips as I lowered her into the dark damp hole. She was trembling visibly, and I felt another surge of self-loathing for getting her into this mess.

"Ready?" I called down to Alice, my voice echoing down into the blackness.

"Drop her," Alice replied. I saw Bella close her eyes and purse her lips as I let her go. My heart ached as I released her. I felt an intense wave of anxiety wash over me at the physical separation, even though I knew it would only last a few seconds.

I followed her an instant later and I wrapped my arms around her as soon as I got to the bottom. I held her close as I pulled her forward at human speed. She stumbled over the rough, wet stone floors, unable to see clearly in the dark musty corridor. I heard Felix replace the cover of the grate and he and Demetri followed us impatiently down the sloping corridor that led us further underground.

_**I wish they would hurry up. I'm ready to get this over with. Why the hell doesn't he just carry her? I guess he's in no hurry to get to Aro because he knows Caius is probably going to kill the girl at the very least**_. Felix thought with an impatient sigh. _**The way he holds on to her is disgusting. She's food, and he's thirsty. If he loves her so damn much, why not change her? **_

I ignored Felix's provocation and held Bella close to me as I guided her through the darkness. She clung to me, but I couldn't be sure if she did this simply because she was afraid or if she still wanted me. I touched her as much as I could to try to convey my feelings.

I cupped her face in my hands, rubbing my thumb across her soft, warm lips, and breathed in her scent as I pressed my face into her hair. I had no desire for her blood at all now, even in my state of desperate thirstiness. The painful burn paled dramatically in comparison to the pleasure I felt from the knowledge that she was alive and we were together for the moment.

_**Listen to her heart race! I'm glad we brought them through this entrance. I wondered why Jane wanted to take the long way in, but I see why now. It must be pure torture for that stupid little human. She can't see a thing.**_ Demetri thought with grim satisfaction at Jane's choice of a route.

Hatred rose like human bile in my throat.

_**Stay calm, Edward! **_Alice implored silently. _**Your volatile mood is making it hard for me to see. **_

Alice was right, I needed to control myself. I suppressed a growl and seethed in silence. I had to protect Bella. I held her shaking form tighter to soothe both of us and kissed her forehead. She responded by pressing herself closer to me and I felt grateful that she would at least know I loved her no matter what happened to us now.

But, this didn't assuage my guilt. It was my fault we were in this potentially fatal mess. I focused on Alice's thoughts in front of me, hoping she'd seen something that might help us.

_**Everything is still too uncertain for me to see anything clearly!**_ Alice thought frantically. _**Nothing will be decided until we talk to Aro. There's a chance we might be able to get out of here. I can see us spending some time in discussion with him. But the room I see us in bothers me for some reason. **__**  
**_  
I felt a stab of horror as she envisioned us being led into a large castle turret room with stone floors and a large drain in the center. I'd passed the entrance to it on my way to the large gilded door that led to Aro's living quarters. This was the room where the Volturi and elite members of their guard congregated to pass judgment on wrongdoers and to eat when humans were brought in for mealtimes. If this was where we were going, there was very little hope of us leaving here alive.

I felt Bella's shaking intensify, and at first I thought it was in response to the increase in the tension she probably felt emanating from me, but when her teeth began to chatter, I realized she was freezing cold. The lower legs of her jeans and her shoes were wet, and the temperature of the corridor was around 58 degrees. My frigid body was undoubtedly making her colder, so I let go of her, only keeping her hand.

"N-N-No," she protested as I let her go. She threw her arms back around me. She was so cold and I was terribly worried about the impact this would have on her already frail condition. I didn't push her away; she was truly terrified and I had to keep her calm. I rubbed my cold hand up and down her arm, hoping the friction would warm her a little.

_**Hurry up!**_ Felix thought with another impatient sigh. He was eager for us to reach our destination, and this only increased my anxiety. We were close now.

I followed Alice and Jane through the small door made of metal bars and into another stone walled room that reflected enough light to make it easier for Bella to see. I heard Demetri shut the iron door behind us with a resounding clang. Bella tensed beside me at the sound. I pressed my face into her hair again in an attempt to comfort her. But my own turmoil intensified exponentially as we proceeded through a heavy wooden door and into the well-lit carpeted hallway that led to the very room Alice had envisioned.

We had already been condemned to die. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13- Disclosure**

Alice's uncertainty about our destination was gone before I saw Jane waiting for us at the end of the corridor beside the elevators. As my tension increased exponentially, I felt Bella relax beside me. I looked around the bland, well-lit room and I could understand the reason for the change in her demeanor. This bright and warm hallway had to seem much less threatening to her than the cold dark passageway we'd left behind. She didn't know we were going somewhere far more ominous.

Jane was holding the elevator door open for us. She wore a bored expression under her dark cloak, but her thoughts were eager and excited.

_**I don't care if Felix wants her as an appetizer as long as I get to play with her first. Edward can watch.**_ She mused silently.

I suppressed another growl and Alice hung back and moved to stand on the other side of Bella. I read her desperate thoughts clearly as we stepped into the elevator, followed closely by Felix and Demetri.

S_tay calm Edward! I don't want them to hurt her either. They are trying to provoke you and if you give in they'll have every reason in the world to justify their actions. Aro wants to see us alive but they know if you give them a reason to act he won't punish them for killing us. It's not over yet; I still can't see what Aro will decide to do with us if you keep a cool head._ Alice thought frantically.

I nodded imperceptibly to show Alice I understood while I watched Jane without blinking. I still held Bella tightly against me with one arm while my other arm continued to rub absently up and down hers. In spite of the warmth inside the elevator, she was still quite cold. I noticed she was taking in the appearance of the three Volturi vampires as they removed their cloaks and revealed the uninteresting clothes they wore beneath them. She trembled slightly and shifted deeper into my embrace.

I was sure she still loved me, that she loved me more than I'd ever realized when I left her. I'd had an epiphany about her feelings when I thought she was dead. The fact that she'd come to try to rescue me even after everything I'd put her through reinforced my belief. However, this experience with the Volturi had exposed her to the true nature of my kind. Because of this new knowledge I couldn't help but wonder if it was simply her terror that caused her to cling to me now. Had her encounter with these monsters finally convinced her of how much better off she'd be without me? Would she see how much more she deserved than what I could give her? The selfish part of me felt sick at the thought of losing her that way again. But, I was getting ahead of myself. None of these things were relevant now. We had to get out of here alive before any of that would matter.

In spite of my musings, I was still watching Jane intently. She was sizing Alice up and she was hoping that Aro would be unimpressed by her. Jane was jealous to the core when it came to Aro. He and her twin brother Alec were the only two things in the world that meant anything to her. She loved Aro like a father. Jane thought of Alice as a rival for the ancient vampire's affections and it was eating at her. She was hoping that Aro would sentence us to die.

Seconds later, the elevator doors opened with a soft creaking sound and we stepped out into the same reception area where I had waited for the Volturi's decision about my death less than 24 hours ago. This green carpeted room full of flowers and comfortable pale leather furniture was just as benign in appearance as the hallway we'd been in before, but something about it seemed to shock Bella. I glanced down at her and realized she'd caught sight of Gianna, the human receptionist who wanted so desperately to be a vampire.

Gianna's face was perfectly polite and serene as she glanced at us, but her thoughts were a snarled tangle of emotions. She was intrigued by my reappearance but her thoughts quickly turned to furious jealousy as she registered Bella's humanness.

_**They'd better not be bringing her here to turn her! I've been waiting for the chance to be changed for over a year! I heard Felix say they were looking for new converts. She's pretty, but I am beautiful! I've been loyal! I deserve this! Who is she, anyway? **__**  
**_  
"Good afternoon, Jane," she said sweetly, pulling herself out of her silent tirade to do her job.

"Gianna," Jane nodded in reply. Jane knew that Aro was still undecided about killing Gianna, and this time she didn't care one way or the other about his choice. Aro was thinking that Gianna might make a good mate for Felix; he enjoyed playing matchmaker from time to time; it entertained him. This was the only reason Aro was considering keeping her around. Gianna had shown no signs of real talent so far. Felix winked at Gianna as we passed and she giggled flirtatiously.

We passed through a pair of large wooden doors, where Alec was waiting patiently for his twin sister. He walked forward to meet us, his eyes only for her. He was relieved that she had returned with us intact. He'd been afraid that Aro would be angry with Jane if they'd failed to get me back here unharmed.

"Jane," he said, his voice dripping with relief and smugness.

"Alec," she replied in the same tone as they embraced and kissed each other's cheeks. Bella was watching them closely as they turned their attention back to us.

"They send you out for one, and you come back with two...and a half," Alec said as he looked Bella over with baffled amusement. Jane was even more amused, and she let out a tinkling chuckle in response.

_**Why didn't they just dispose of the girl before they got here?**_ Alec thought.

"Welcome back, Edward," he said to me in a pleasantly polite tone. "You seem to be in a better mood." _**I don't know why he would be. The human is still alive and revealing our secrets. It's an unforgivable offense. He's going to die and he's not even suicidal anymore.**_ He added mentally.

"Marginally," I replied flatly. I wanted him to know that I was fully aware of the irony in my situation. Bella was alive and I wanted nothing more than to save her from this mess. I was about to get what I'd asked Aro for when it was the very last thing I wanted now, and Bella and Alice would suffer for my stupid mistakes too.

Alec chuckled in response, knowing that I had heard his unspoken words. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?" His tone was insultingly doubtful, though I expected nothing less.

I smiled stiffly in response, but I froze a second later when I heard Felix's loud, disgusting thoughts from behind me.

_**I'm glad we finally made it; I'm so thirsty! The girl is all mine! Yum. I'd better stake my claim before the others say anything. I know Jane's been bored lately and I wouldn't want her to decide to keep the girl all to herself after she has her fun. .. **__**  
**_  
"Dibs," Felix said coolly.

I was stressed past endurance and this time I couldn't stifle the growl that was resonating from deep inside my core. I would rip him apart if he touched her. Felix smiled gloatingly at me. He raised his hand and crooked his fingers expectantly in my direction. Come on boy! I beg you.

_**DON'T EDWARD**_! Alice shouted in my head as she touched my arm in an effort to calm me.

"Patience." she said aloud in a soothing tone.

However, her thoughts were much less controlled and serene than her words.

_**Calm down before you get us killed for certain. Felix wants Bella and he knows Aro will hear you out before making a decision about what to do with us. You should know he's hoping to get you to lose your temper before we get to see Aro! **_She added mentally.

She was right; he wanted me to lose my temper and I couldn't afford to. I sighed deeply, tuning out Felix's disappointed thoughts as I turned to look at Alec.

"Aro will be pleased to see you again," Alec said courteously as if he hadn't just witnessed me snarling at the strongest member of the guard. He didn't want this to turn into a fight.

_**He really would forfeit his life for a human! Madness! It must be all that animal blood that eventually causes incurable insanity. I wish Felix would stop antagonizing him. Aro will be upset if this goes badly**_. He thought.

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane said evenly.

I nodded once in response as the feeling of foreboding inside me intensified further. I could see the gilded door that led to Aro's living quarters at the end of the hall, but we stopped in the middle of the corridor as I knew we would.

Alec and Jane's hands were intertwined as they revealed the secret passageway that led to the horrible room of death. I felt Bella tense beside me as we entered another cold, dark, damp stone hallway. But, we only walked a few steps before we were ushered to our final destination.

The large, circular room was one of the oldest portions of the castle; an ancient turret that was part of the original structure built over 1500 years ago. Long, narrow windows along the ancient walls provided an abundance of light during the daytime. I would have considered it to be a beautiful piece of architecture if I hadn't known what this room was for. How many millions of people had lost their lives in this place? I didn't want to know. I glanced at the throne-like wooden chairs spaced around the drain in the floor that allowed for easy after dinner cleanup. I suppressed a shudder.

The most elite members of the guard surrounded Aro as he stood in the center of the room. Renata, Chelsea, Santiago and Corin were all wearing similar pale human clothes, but I knew Aro never dispensed of his traditional black cloak. All eyes turned to stare at us as soon as we followed Jane and Alec into the room.

"Jane, dear one, you have returned," Aro said in his soft resonant voice. He moved swiftly forward and approached Jane, cupping her face in his hands before kissing her in a fatherly way on the lips.  
I glanced over at Bella and I saw her taking in Aro's strange appearance. Her heart was still racing, but curiosity seemed to be out weighing her fear at the moment. I knew that wouldn't last long.

"Yes, Master," Jane replied, her thoughts exultant as she smiled sweetly at Aro; she reveled in the attention he was giving her. "I brought him back alive just as you wished." _**He will always love me best.**_ She thought smugly.

"Ah Jane," Aro sighed happily. "You are such a comfort to me." _**I am sure Felix tried to thwart her efforts through subterfuge but Jane never fails me. Such a lovely find! Hopefully getting Edward here alive will yield results.**_ He thought.

I flinched, hating myself all over again as I thought of the way I had played right into the old vampire's hands. I'd led Alice here, and he wanted her. He turned his gaze toward us and his evil smile lit up the sunny room.

"And Alice and Bella, too!" He gasped in pleasant wonder as he clapped his papery white hands together. "This is a happy surprise!"

_**Alice must have brought the girl so she could use her to stop Edward, but how is she alive in the first place? Edward was so sure she was dead. Did his other sister, Rosalie, lie to him about Alice's vision? Her contempt for the girl was clear in Edward's mind. How amusing**_. He added mentally.

Bella's face was filled with shocked disbelief at the way Aro addressed us. His demeanor was so cordial and casual that this seemed more like a pleasant social call rather than the trial it really was. I could tell she was very afraid of him in spite of his benign attitude, but the shock still seemed to be prevailing over her worries.

"Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this." Aro continued.

"Yes, Master," Felix replied. He glanced fleetingly a Bella with a longing expression, but the gesture was too fast and subtle for her to notice. I bit back another growl with difficulty.

"You see Edward," Aro said, turning his attention back to me. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"_** Thank goodness I didn't give in to his haste. How splendid that we got him back here with Alice just as I'd hoped. Perhaps we can use the girl to persuade them to stay. I daresay they wouldn't want Felix or Jane to…**_He thought introspectively.

"Yes I am," I replied through clenched teeth, interrupting Aro's musings and tightening my grip on Bella protectively.

"I love a happy ending," Aro said with a happy sigh. His pleasure had nothing to do with Bella and everything to do with Alice and I; especially Alice. "They are so rare! But I want the whole story. How did this happen, Alice?" He turned to gaze at Alice with ill-disguised curiosity and longing. "Your brother seems to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

_**Perhaps her answer will give me some more insight into the exact nature of her abilities.**_ He thought.

Jane smiled widely from behind him, still hopeful that Aro would dismiss Alice's talent.

"Oh, I'm far from infallible," Alice answered evenly. Her voice was calm and pleasant, but Aro didn't miss the way her hands curled into tight fists, and neither did Bella. She tensed in response to Alice's body language.

_**Why did you tell him about my visions? What the hell has gotten into you? **_Alice thought irritably.

"You are too modest," Aro replied in a slightly admonitory tone. "I've seen some of your more amazing exploits and I must admit I've never seen anything like your talent. "

Alice's anger increased and she glanced at me without bothering to hide the gesture. She was furious and hurt now. _**Damn it Edward! What does he mean he's seen some of my exploits? Were you just so freaking eager to let them kill you that you didn't worry about the consequences of what you were telling them about me? **__**  
**_  
I did not react. I was a little hurt that Alice would think I'd be so disloyal to her, but I knew she was too angry to think clearly at the moment. She would understand when she found out what Aro could do. He had noticed her irritation and he wanted to diffuse the tension.

_**I can tell she's upset with Edward for revealing her secrets to me. Now would be a good time for me to explain my own abilities. I need to put her at ease to win her over**_. Aro thought, deciding to reveal himself to Alice.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we?" Aro asked in a tone that suggested he was apologizing for a mundane lapse in manners. He might have been expressing regret for stepping on her toe.

"It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." Aro shook his head softly, and his thoughts were even more envious than his voice, though he was careful not to be too explicit with them.

"And also exponentially more powerful," I explained to Alice coolly, taking my attention away from Bella and Aro to look at her for the first time since we'd arrived. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through a person's head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind ever had."

_**Of course!**_ Alice exclaimed mentally, raising her eyebrows at me. _**You couldn't hide anything from him. Carlisle said he was talented, but I had no idea it was anything like this. I'm sorry for what I was thinking earlier. I should have known better. **__**  
**_  
I bowed my head slightly at her to let her know that I didn't hold her assumptions against her. I loved my sister dearly and I was glad that she was no longer under the ridiculous impression that I would ever betray her trust.

"But to hear from a distance," Aro sighed again, waving his hand to indicate that he'd noticed our silent exchange for Alice's benefit. "That would be so convenient."

I registered the buzzing of three more brains a half second before I heard their footsteps in the hallway. Every vampire turned their heads toward the door simultaneously, and Bella mimicked the gesture a second later, trying to see what had distracted us. Felix had returned with Marcus and Caius trailing behind him. Felix leered at me, his thoughts still on Bella, but fortunately, Aro spoke a second later and I was able to control my temper by focusing on him.

"Marcus, Caius, look," Aro purred enthusiastically. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

_**Felix wasn't kidding when he said the girl smelled good, but since he got them back here like Aro wanted, he deserves her, I suppose. I can wait for Heidi.**_ _**I really hope Aro decides to dispose of all three of them. Talented or not, the boy has flouted the rules for the sake of a human, and Aro says this Alice is fond of the girl too. **_Caius thought sourly as he looked around the room.

I cringed internally, but I knew it would be a really bad idea for me to show my irritation, so I carefully kept my face blank. Considering how poorly I'd been faring at controlling my feelings for the last six months, it took an extensive amount of effort for me to remain calm. I was out of practice at it.

Caius didn't approach his brother; instead he went to take his place on one of the thrones. He intended to play a less assertive role than usual in this matter. Corin and Santiago went to stand beside him, guarding the ancient vampire who, in spite of his thin skin and white hair, was not nearly as frail as he looked.

Marcus, on the other hand, approached Aro, and though his face was still a mask of indifference, his thoughts were surprised and even pained.

_**Their attachment to each other is extraordinary, especially since she's human. I have only felt such a connection between two mates one other time, and that was over 700 years ago. It makes me miss my Didyme.**_ Marcus thought sadly.

I felt a stab of pity for him as he touched Aro's palm for a brief moment. Aro's eyebrows shot up in an understated expression of surprise. Marcus didn't respond to the look on Aro's face as he broke contact with his brother. He simply turned to go and join Caius, followed closely by Renata and Chelsea. He tried to occupy his mind with other things to keep from thinking of his missing mate.

Aro's expression was subdued, but the shock in his thoughts was far more revealing than his mildly surprised expression.

_**I had seen the intensity of Edward's feelings, but it is extraordinary that the human girl should feel as strongly for him as she does. I didn't know humans were capable of such devotion. It almost makes me feel some compassion for her.**_ He mused silently.

I chuckled darkly in response to Aro's unspoken comments and my own stupidity. Marcus had spent less than a minute in the same room with us but he'd understood the bond between Bella and I better than I had. He'd lived for over 8 centuries and he had never encountered a connection like ours. Of course, a human's emotions are not quite as complex as a vampire's, so I knew she couldn't possibly feel the way that I did, but what Marcus saw made me realize that what she did feel was more powerful than I'd imagined. I was such a fool.

Alice was looking curiously at me and hoping that Aro was going to explain what Marcus had shown him.

"Amazing," he marveled aloud, shaking his head as he spoke. "Simply amazing."

_**Will you please explain what in the hell is going on, Edward. I can't see anything right now because everything keeps shifting, and since I can't read minds this is making me crazy**_. Alice thought impatiently. Her expression was openly annoyed now, and Bella was watching us both with curious eyes.

"Marcus sees relationships," I whispered quickly, feeling ashamed to explain what Marcus had seen because it reinforced the lunacy of my choice to leave Bella. "He is surprised by the intensity of ours."

_**Well, I'm not**_. Alice thought smugly. _**And you shouldn't be either. I told you not to underestimate Bella. **_

Yes, I should have listened to Alice.

Bella didn't react to my words, and I was confused. Did this mean that she was just as unsurprised by Marcus's assessment as Alice had been? Or was she determined to show no emotion because she was planning to leave me immediately if we survived? Regardless of what Marcus had seen, I was still afraid that she may not be able to tolerate being in a relationship with a vampire after seeing the true nature of our kind. I'd never wanted to be able to read her mind more than I did right now.

"So convenient," Aro said with smile. He was referring to my abilities again. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you." He paused for a moment before addressing me directly again.

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," He went on, marveling at the way I had my arm wrapped tightly around Bella's small waist. "How can you stand so close to her like that?" _**She smells so sweet to him, and he's so thirsty I'm sure he hasn't hunted in weeks. If it were me, I would have taken her without a second thought the first time I'd smelled her. **_He mused silently.

"It is not without effort, "I replied evenly.

This was hardly the truth anymore. I felt no temptation in spite of my intense thirst. The smell burned my throat the same as always, but the pain of being separated from her when I'd thought she was dead had cured me of any real desire for it. The only thing I felt was relief at the flaming sensation; relief because she was alive and I was holding her. I could stand that burn for an eternity as long as her heart was still beating.

"But still," Aro countered. "La tua contante! What a waste."_** What I wouldn't give for just a taste of someone who smelled that sweetly to me.**_ He thought.

I laughed bitterly again. "I look at it more as a price." I would pay any price to keep her safe. She is my world.

"A very high price," Aro replied doubtfully. He truly loves her, though I still don't see the appeal! He added silently.

"Opportunity cost," I countered.

Aro laughed in response. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories I never would have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift and yet you…"

"Waste it," I finished for him in an acerbic tone. His cavalier attitude toward Bella was wearing on me a little more every time he thought of her.

_**Stay calm for Bella. **_Alice chastised me silently. She knew me so well that she could interpret every subtle reaction in my body language.

"Ah how I miss my friend Carlisle," Aro replied with a chuckle. "You remind me of him, only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well," I reminded him, thinking of what I'd said about my father's compassion in our last meeting when I'd been fighting to die rather than to live, as I was doing now.

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control, but you put him to shame," Aro replied. His tone suggested that he was trying to be complimentary, but there was condescension underneath the surface.

Aro was enjoying our banter, trying to make up his mind. His thoughts were carefully guarded now, and I suspected he was trying to come to a decision. He was also trying to avoid revealing too much about his true intentions. I was curious about what he was attempting to keep from me, and my patience was wearing thin.

"Hardly," I replied, and the irritation leaked into my tone now. I felt Bella tense beside me. She'd clearly noticed my ill-disguised anxiety, and it increased hers. I wanted to say something to soothe her, but I had no words of comfort to offer her even if I could talk to her.

"I am gratified by his success,"Aro said thoughtfully. "Your memories of him are quite a gift to me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised at how it….pleases me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow I am happy to be wrong."

I didn't comment on his statements. In spite of his superficially earnest words, there was an edge of anxiety in his mind. I couldn't get anything distinctive from his thoughts because he was clearly attempting to conceal something from me. I worried that he was trying to make a decision and he didn't want me to see the grave outcome of what he was planning.  
_**  
**__**He's going to want to try to read her thoughts before he makes up his mind, but I don't think he'll be able to read Bella any better than you can,**_ Alice said silently. _**I still can't see what he'll decide because he' still really unsure. **__**  
**_  
I felt a terrible wave of anger and panic that I barely managed to conceal as I thought of Bella standing so close to Aro and his guard as he used her like some sort of human ginea pig. I couldn't bear the thought of letting her go long enough for him to test his talents on her.

"But your restraint," Aro said wonderingly, moving the subject carefully away from Carlisle and our family situation. "I didn't know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once, but again and again…if I had not felt it myself I would not have believed."

I stared back at him blankly, not trusting myself to comment on anything he'd just said because my head was still full of fear and fury at the idea of allowing him to get any closer to Bella. I felt her gaze on me, and I could tell that she sensed my panic when I felt her tense beside me and her heart rate accelerated even further. This made me afraid too. She was human, and the physical stress of this situation might be too much for her in the frail state she was already in.

"Just remembering the way she appeals to you…." He went on with a light laugh…."it makes me thirsty."

_**Don't react! Stay calm!**_ Alice urged me silently.

I was consumed with a burning anger. Bella trembled beside me in response to the way my body went rigid with fury. She was doing her best not to panic but I felt her control was slipping. This had to be sheer torture for her. My poor love.

"Don't be disturbed," Aro said reassuringly in response to my silent reaction. "I mean her no harm. But, I am curious about one thing in particular." His face was full of an eager anticipation I recognized, but his thoughts were skeptical. _**Surely the girl will not be immune to me the way she is to Edward. I am much more powerful than he is.**_ He thought before finishing his request. I knew that Alice's vision was about to come true.

"May I?" he asked me pleasantly, holding his hand up for Bella to touch.

"Ask her," I replied curtly. I was tired of him treating her with such disregard. She deserved his respect for being brave enough to come here.

"Of course, how rude of me," He exclaimed. _**I suppose if I have to resort to addressing a human to keep this conversation moving in the right direction I will.**_ He thought.

"Bella, "he continued, looking directly at her now. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent; so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in so many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try-to see if you are an exception for me as well?"

Bella's heart pounded harder than ever and she looked at me with horror written all over her pale face.

_**He won't hurt her, Edward, and she doesn't have a choice anyway. Send her.**_ Alice thought emphatically.

I nodded at her reassuringly, and she gazed up at Aro as she raised her shaking hand and extended it to him. He walked confidently toward her and her fear mounted. His thoughts were smug as he pressed his hand gently into hers. He smiled patronizingly at her for a moment, but his expression changed from self-assured to uncertainty, and on to shock. _**I don't believe it! She's just a human.**__**  
**_  
He couldn't see anything.

"So very interesting," he said, composing himself as he let go of Bella. How is this possible?

I tried not to let the pride I felt show in my face. Ha! He couldn't read her any better than I. Aro was silent for a moment, lost in his thoughts as he gazed at the three of us.

_**She's just a human, though!**_ He mused. _**She has to be keeping me out somehow. **__**  
**_  
"A first," Aro said thoughtfully. _**Is she blocking me intentionally? Hiding something perhaps…maybe her thoughts can be penetrated another way. We shall see what we can do about that. **_

"I wonder if she is immune to our other talents."

The snarl built in my chest as soon as I realized what he was going to try next. I wouldn't allow it, I couldn't.

"Jane, dear?" Aro said pleasantly, summoning his cruelest and most powerful mental weapon.

_**Calm down!**_ Alice yelled at me in her head.

"NO!" I growled furiously. I wouldn't let her hurt Bella; I would die first. She was too fragile to withstand Jane. She would break Bella. I'd seen how powerful and painful Jane's gift was through Santiago's thoughts.

Alice grabbed me and tried to restrain me physicall y when I didn't respond to her silent words of caution. I jerked my arm away from her, still snarling with rage.

"Yes, master," Jane replied angelically. _I'm really going to enjoy this; the girl looks weak even for a human._ She thought jubilantly.

My thunderous growls were reverberating off the walls as I glared furiously at Aro, ignoring the shocked and appalled thoughts of the rest of the guard, including a smiling Felix, who had taken a triumphant step toward me, waiting to spring.

_**It looks as though we get to celebrate the destruction of bad vampires on St. Marcus Day this year like the humans do; the boy's finally lost his temper.**_ Felix thought in response to my outburst.

My snarls didn't cease as Aro stopped Felix's approach with a glance and his smile turned to disappointment at once. Jane will deal with Edward if he gets out of hand. Aro thought.

"I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to you, "Aro continued, ignoring everyone in the room, including me, as he addressed his sadistic little pet.

My growls had reached a fevered pitch as I let go of Bella quickly and moved to stand in front of her. Cauis moved forward slightly, his body guards in tow as he took in the scene with interest.

_**I wonder how long she'll scream before the pain kills her**_ Jane mused as she looked in our direction with an eager smile that made her look almost bestial. She knew I could hear her thoughts.

"Don't!" Alice cried just as I lunged toward the pint sized monster.

An instant later, I was on fire. Every part of me was burning and I was completely consumed with nothing but pain. I could feel the flames exploding in each and every cell of my being. My body was contorted into an unnatural and impossible heap on the stone floor and I couldn't control the writhing movements. I felt a terrible scream building in my throat as I begged silently for it to end. It was pain beyond endurance. Worse than the fiery venomous death of transformation; the most excruciating physical thing I had ever experienced.

_Please let me die now! Please! I want to die. Make it stop. __  
_  
The scream was on the tip of my tongue when I heard her voice.

"Stop!" I heard Bella cry out in terror from somewhere behind me. She was begging for me, saying what I couldn't. I kept silent, knowing that she would lose control completely if I screamed. I couldn't allow that; I couldn't let them hurt her for trying to protect me. The burning continued, and I was sure I woudn't survive another moment without losing all of my sanity when I heard Aro call Jane's name from a million miles away.

The burning stopped, but I couldn't move.

"He's fine," Alice was saying to Bella in a soothing voice.

"Try it on the girl now," Aro whispered to Jane in a voice so soft that Bella wouldn't have heard him.

I leapt to my feet just as I saw Jane turn her dark angel gaze toward Bella. I was filled with terror as I met Bella's wide and fearful brown eyes, but I relaxed an instant later.

Bella was completely unaffected by Jane.  
_**  
**__**What the hell is wrong with this little human bitch!**_ Jane shrieked silently, putting every ounce of effort she could manage into hurting Bella. Her face showed every bit of the anger in her thoughts.

I saw Bella cower in fear, but I knew she was safe from Jane now. Whatever it was about her mind that kept Aro and I from reading her thoughts made her immune to Jane as well. I walked quickly to her side and took her from Alice, wrapping my arms tightly around her in relief. Thank God Jane hadn't hurt her and Alice had restrained her from running to me.

_**If you had just waited for a second I could have told you that Jane wouldn't be able to hurt her. You're lucky Renata or Felix didn't attack you before Jane did! **_Alice admonished me wordlessly.

"Ha ha ha," Aro laughed, and he was genuinely entertained by his little experiment. _**Extrordinary! **_He thought.

Jane hissed furiously, her rage too powerful for coherent words or thoughts now as she crouched into an offiensive position. She glared malevolently at Bella, and I took pleasure in her anger now because I knew she couldn't hurt her.

"Don't be put out, dear one," Aro cooed at Jane as he placed a hand on her delicate looking shoulder. "She counfounds us all."

_**Give me a few hours alone with her and I'll bet I could solve the mystery. I've yet to encounter a mind I couldn't decode.**_ Demetri thought excitedly as I cringed.

"Ha Ha Ha," Aro laughed again as he turned his attention away from Jane and back to me. "You're very brave to endure that in silence, Edward. " _**And very foolish to put yourself in a position to try,**_ he added mentally. "I asked Jane to do that to me once - just out of curiosity…" It was nearly unendurable. I've never felt such pain, he thought as he shuddered.

I glared at him in disgust. We were nearly there, though. Aro was about to get to the point.

"So what do we do with you now?" Aro mused with a sigh.

Alice and I both froze and Bella was shaking all over. I would give anything to ease her fears. My heart ached at how she was suffering. I knew what Aro was going to ask me before he spoke, and so did Alice.

C_**hoose your words carefully, Edward**_. She warned me. _**Aro is pretty sure you'll decline his invitation again, but he wants to see how you go about refusing him. If you say it like you're considering his offer, he'll be more inclined to let us go. **__**  
**_  
"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked me in a falsely optimistic voice. "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company."

I paused for a moment as though I were giving the matter some thought. Jane and Felix were both hoping that I would refuse. Jane had hopes of torturing me some more and Felix was growing thirstier by the minute. I tuned out his thoughts about Bella so I could give Aro my full attention. His decision was the only one that mattered. Our lives were in his papery hands and he relished the power.

"I'd rather not," I said slowly and carefully.

_**Good.**_ Alice thought approvingly.

"Alice?" Aro asked, more eager for her answer than she was mine. He really wanted Alice. But, I saw in his head that he wanted Bella too. He was thinking about her potential. He wanted to study her.

I suppressed a snarl as Alice prepared to answer him.

"No thank you," Alice replied cheerfully.

"And, you Bella?" Aro asked, turning his gaze to Bella's frightened face. I hissed involuntarily as Bella's pulse raced and her breathing accelerated.

She stared at him for a moment, clearly unsure of whether or not he was serious. I could see in his head that he was.

"What?" Caius asked incredulously before Bella could answer Aro. _**What in the world is he up to? Surely he isn't serious.**_

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro replied in an admonitory voice. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?" _**I saw Alice's visions in Edward's thoughts. Aro mused mentally. She will be changed one way or the other, and I'd rather have her here than…elsewhere. **_

_**I suppose I can see what he means.**_ Caius thought. _I've never heard of anyone being immune to Aro and Jane. _

_**How dare he compare me to this worthless little mentally subnormal human!**_! Jane thought bitterly.

I was doing my best to stifle the hatred and anger burning inside me, but it was nearly impossible as I thought of the idea of Bella being forced into this immortal life by the Volturi. But it was more important than ever for me to stay composed. I'd been such a mess for the last several months that I'd nearly forgotten what it was like to hide my feelings.

"No thank you," Bella whispered timidly, her voice cracking as she said it. My anger waned at the sound of her fear. I had to get her out of here. She was close to the breaking point; I could feel it.

_**Their answers are no more than I expected, but all the same.**_ Aro thought unhappily.

"That's unfortunate," Aro said sadly. "Such a waste." _**How I hate to destroy them. But, if he won't change the girl, I don't see how we can get around it. **_

_**Say something now!**_ Alice shouted in my head. _**Call his bluff about what I know you heard him thinking. I've just seen what he intends to do if he doesn't get his way. **_  
An image of the two of us chained to the wall as Bella was herded in with a bunch of humans for feeding time flashed in her mind. This wasn't what Aro wanted, but it was what he would allow to happen. Alice had seen what his true desire was, and I couldn't allow that. Not ever.

"Join or die, is that it?" I sneered angrily. "I should have suspected as much when we were brought to this room! So much for your laws."

I knew that my choice of words would bother Aro. Nothing meant more to him than his rules and regulations. Technically, we hadn't broken any laws today, so there was no reason for them to destroy us. But, I could see from his mind that the idea of us returning to Carlisle was unsettling to him, and he didn't really want to allow us to leave, especially not with Bella. He was just as concerned as he was curious about her future.

"Of course not," Aro said in an affronted tone. _**The boy's succinct and brash manner is disturbing. He is daring me to flout my own rules.**_ "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

Aro shot a split second covert glance at Caius that Bella didn't notice. He was going to try to get his brother to do the dirty work for him.

"Aro," Caius interjected in a soft leer, playing along with his deceptively diplpmatic brother. "The law claims them." _We can't let him get away with revealing himself to this human. The sister is his accomplice. Aro really wants him to consent to change her but he won't. __He thought. _

"How so?" I demanded, though I already knew what his argument would be.

"She knows too much," Caius replied, pointing a papery skinned accusing finger at me. "You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here as well," I countered, trying to puncture holes in the only justification he and Aro could come up with. A second before he spoke, I knew it wasn't going to go smoothly.

"Yes," Caius conceded. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets are you prepared to destroy her? I think not." _**He was willing to die for her, wanted to kill himself because he thought she was dead. Of course he can't refute my point.**_ Caius thought smugly.

"I wouldn't-"Bella whispered feebly in reply.

_**Insolent little beast!**_ Caius thought as Bella was rendered mute by his murderous glare. _**How dare she address me!**_

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us," Caius went on as though Bella hadn't spoken. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability; though it is true, for this, only her life is forfeit." _**Any immortal who would give his life for a human deserves to die.**_ Caius said silently to me.

I snarled almost inaudibly at him as I bared my teeth in fury.

"That's what I thought," Caius said triumphantly. _**Aro said he'd rather die than make that choice.**_ He added mentally.

_**Yes!**_ Felix thought eagerly as he made a move to position himself closer to us.

_You're going to have to promise to change her for them to let us leave._ Alice told me then.

It was the one promise I couldn't honestly make. I couldn't do it.

_This has gone horribly awry._ Aro thought. _**I wanted their talents, not their lives. And the girl has so much to offer. She's so brave and she will be gifted. I would love to have all of them. **__**  
**_  
"Unless," Aro said aloud, his voice just as uneasy as his thoughts. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?"

I pressed my lips together to hide my anguish. I paused, hoping that Alice would see some other way in a vision.

_**It's the only option.**_ Alice said silently.

"And if I do?" I said, hating myself for even pretending to entertain the idea.

"Why then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle, "Aro said jovially. _He doesn't really think I would just take his word for it, does he?_ Aro wondered wordlessly.  
"But I am afraid you would have to mean it." He raised his hand in front of me to indicate that I should take it.

_Well, that settles the matter once and for all,_ Caius thought calmly.

My lips tightened into a pencil thin line as I met Bella's eyes. They were scared and beseeching.

"Mean it, please," she whispered imploringly as her heart continued to race in terror.

My face twisted in agony at her words. She must really be desperate to ask me to make such a promise. She couldn't possibly want to be one of us after what she'd witnessed here. Maybe she thought the Volturi would leave us in peace if Aro thought I was sincere. They would check, of course, and I couldn't do this to her against her will no matter what it cost us now. I wouldn't take her soul away from her to save our lives. It wasn't worth it.

_**For God's sake Edward! You'd rather sentence us all to die than to give her what she wants! Well, if you can't respect her wishes and do it, then I will!**_ Alice cried.

Before I could react, she pushed past me and extended her outstretched hand to Aro.

Aro subdued his bodyguards with a wave of his hand. He'd been hoping for a reason to touch Alice ever since we got here. He was alight with anticipation and excitement.

I saw a flood of memories flowing from Alice's mind to Aro's. The day she'd awoken to her new life; wandering from place to place on her own. Visions of Jasper and the day she finally met him; their journey together to find Carlisle; our first meeting when they located us in Canada; various happy memories of our lives together; and finally, all of her visions about Bella, including the ones of her being changed. I cringed as I saw Bella fling herself off the cliff at first beach.

"Ha Ha Ha," Aro chuckled as they broke apart. "That was fascinating." _**Her talents are truly phenomenal; even moreso than I realized from Edward's memories. And she's rarely ever been wrong about anything, and in the cases where she has been mistaken, some event or decision has shifted. But, she's been seeing Bella's transformation consistently for over a year now, and that is sufficient**_. Aro thought.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Alice said in a somber voice. She was uncomfortable with Aro seeing all of her memories, including her most personal ones with Jasper.  
_**  
**__**There was no point in trying to get out of changing her Edward.**_ Alice chided me silently.  
I_t's going to happen. __**  
**_  
"To see the things that you've seen, especially the ones that haven't happened yet," Aro marveled, shaking his head in awe.

"But that will," Alice said with conviction. She was sure of Bella's future. But I still knew that anything could change, and I hoped there was another way. I had to find another way. Bella may not even want to be with me anymore as a human, let alone be changed into a monster. For she had now seen first hand that we were monsters. She was just trying to find a way out of here.

"Yes, yes," Aro answered briskly. "It is quite determined. Certainly there is no problem." _**Otherwise we would not permit them to leave with her**_. He added mentally.

_**No way!**_ Jane thought furiously. _He can't really let them go! They all deserve to die! They are not worth the animals they drain to survive. __**  
**_  
_**But I want the girl**_! Felix thought dejectedly.

_**I think this is too big of a risk!**_ Caius mused silently.

"Aro," Caius started to argue.

"Dear Caius," Aro soothed. "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future! Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household! Besides, I am so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!" _**I am sure that her gifts will outshine even her immortal beauty! Phenominal!**_ Aro thought.

"Then we are free to go, now?" I asked Aro in a neutral voice. It wouldn't do for him to see how vehemently I objected to Alice's version of Bella's future.

"Yes, yes," Aro replied at once, his voice pleasant. "But please visit again! It's been absolutely enthralling!" _**I would love to meet the rest of them, especially Alice's Jasper. He sounds fascinating. How wonderful it would be to have him and Bella too once they are changed. **_Aro added silently.

"And we will visit you as well, "Caius said, his eyes narrowed distrustfully. "To be sure that you follow through on your side; were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances."

The threat in his voice was implicit, and I knew better than to argue. I nodded once in assent, but I gritted my teeth reflexively.

Caius did not miss the gesture. _**It would be a pleasure to attend to your punishment should you procrastinate.**_ He said silently to me with a smirk as he rejoined Marcus.

Our fate had been decided. We were free today, but only conditionally. And the stipulation was one that I couldn't bear. No matter what Alice saw, I would not be responsible for stopping Bella's heart and taking her soul away. I had to find another solution. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I had time. At least I had that. I glanced down at Bella and I noticed the devastated expression on her face. The look in her eyes surely meant that she didn't want to be changed anymore, and she probably didn't want me either. I felt a terrible wave of sadness. This was all my fault. I had to protect her from them at all costs. I would not allow her to be forced into this endless existence, especially if she didn't want me in her life anymore. Losing her again was going to be almost as unbearable as thinking that she was dead. But I would always watch over her.

A second later, I was distracted by a groan of longing. Felix was nearly overcome with bloodlust as the movement of Caius's cloak sent a breeze of Bella scent in his direction.

"Ah Felix," Aro said with an amused sigh. "Heidi will be here at any moment; patience."

_We have to get Bella out before she comes in here!_ Alice thought in a panic. _**She doesn't need to see that, and if she were to get separated from us somehow…**__**  
**_  
"Hmm," I said, unable to keep the fear out of my tone. "In that case perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later. "

"Yes," Aro agreed thoughtfully. "That's a good idea. Accidents do happen."_** And I wouldn't want to make a meal out of Bella before she could be changed, and Felix wouldn't hesistate to take her if he had the chance.**_ He thought.

"Please wait below until after dark, though if you don't mind," he added politely.

"Of course," I conceded without a second thought. The only thing that mattered was getting Bella away from this horrible room before the catch of the day started filing in. I felt Bella tense beside me at the idea of having to stay in the castle for the rest of the daylight. My poor love.

"And here," Aro said as he beckoned for Felix to join him. I knew what he was going to do and I cringed internally at the idea of wearing anything that had touched that filthy brute's body and bore his scent. I wished I had my shirt or my bag with the beige leather jacket.

"Take this. You are a bit conspicuous," Aro continued as he removed Felix's cloak and handed it to me. I put it on without raising any objections. Aro took in my appearance and his thoughts were wistful.

"It suits you." He said.

I snickered for a moment at his delusional mental pictures of me willingly taking a place beside him but the laughter died in my throat a second later as I heard the shuffling noise of human footsteps coming closer. I glanced over my shoulder reflexively.

"Thank you Aro," I said, trying to stay calm. "We'll wait below".

_**Hurry Edward! They're getting close!**_ Alice thought urgently.

We had to get Bella out of here. There was no time to waste.

"Goodbye young friends," Aro said. His eyes were eager as he tracked the sound of the approaching humans. _**Heidi is here at last!**_ He thought. I could hear the thoughts of the vampires in the room becoming more primitive as their prey drew nearer.

"Let's go," I said frantically.

Demetri approached and guided us back out the same way we'd come in. _This ought to be interesting. Let's see what the little human makes of our hunting practices. She's never been exposed to real vampires before._ He thought. He was entertained by the idea of seeing the fear in Bella's face. He could have shown us out another way.

I pulled Bella quickly alongside me and Alice stood on her other side protectively. The footsteps of the incoming group of humans were deafening to my vampire ears now, and I could hear the buzzing of their voices, physical and mental.

Alice's face was contorted with rage and fear now.

"Not fast enough," She whispered bleakly. _**She's going to see them. She'll know what's going on.**_ She added mentally.

Bella glanced fearfully at Alice, hoping for some reassurance. She trusted Alice. A moment later, I saw her expression change when the approaching voices were close enough for her to hear.

"Well, this is unusual," said one man loudly. _Can't wait to tell the guys about this when I get back home. I'll bet Vernon never got to see this when he came to Volterra for the festival last year._ He thought.

I was willing to bet he was right.

"So medieval," A woman behind him said. I tuned out her thoughts and tried to ignore the others who were on their way to their deaths. I couldn't bear to listen to the horror they would soon be feeling when they realized their fate.  
Demetri was elated as he took in the fear on Bella's face. He motioned for us to stand against the wall to make room for the procession of newcomers. We obliged and Alice and I made sure we kept Bella between us.

The human parade continued past us and I observed that many of them were growing increasingly uneasy. One little woman in particular was already in a state of panic. She lagged behind the others, clutching her rosary tightly as she tried to make conversation with the others. She was speaking Portuguese and so none of the humans, who were mostly American and British tourists, could understand her.

I could.

_I don't understand! They said we would be touring an ancient castle, but no one seems to be explaining where we are or anything about the castle! Do any of you know where we're going!_

Bella gasped in horror a second later as her body began to tremble uncontrollably.

She knew.

I pressed her face into my chest to shield her eyes from seeing more. I hoped we could get her out of here before she saw or heard anything else.

_**We aren't going to make it.**_ Alice answered me silently. _She'll hear them_.

I pushed urgently through a break in the crowd just as the tears forming in Bella's eyes soaked through the cloak. I had to let her go for a moment in order to get us through the doors that led out of the stone corridor and into the opulent hallway that we would follow until we reached the reception area.

A tall female vampire with long dark hair stood in the hallway we'd just entered. She was dressed in a racy long sleevedred vinyl top that shielded her pale vampire skin from the effects of the sun and a disgustingly snug miniskirt to match. Her legs were covered in tights and she wore blue contacts to hide her crimson eyes.

"Welcome home, Heidi," Demetri purred. Demetri thought she was beautiful and he didn't blame the humans, particularly the men, for following her like the mindless sheep he considered them to be.

Heidi smiled smugly. She was the most talented huntress in Volterra and she often came back with large groups like this one. Her every thought was tainted with her vanity and arrogance as she registered Demetri's appreciative glances at her skirt. Bella was staring at her intently, no doubt taking in her flamboyant appearance. She was still trembling fearfully, and her eyes were still leaking.

"Demetri," Heidi said lithely as she stared at us with interest. I_**s he the newest member of the guard! Did they give him this human as a special treat to celebrate his arrival? I know she isn't one of mine. I would have remembered her smell**_. She thought.

"Nice fishing," Demetri said admiringly. His words were sincere, but he was also hoping that flattery would get him some much desired special attention from Heidii later. I was disgusted by the distinctive imagery in his mind.

"Thanks, "she said with a smile, and I knew from her mind that Demetri would get his wish after they fed. "Aren't you coming?" she wondered, still puzzling over the three of us, particularly Bella.

"In a minute," Demetri said smoothly, glancing down almost imperceptibly at Bella's horrified face with pleasure as he added "Save a few for me."

Heidi nodded, her gaze flickering curiously back to Bella one more time before she disappeared out the door toward the fruits of her day's labor. I could hear Alec and Jane's whispers in the hallway as they sized up their prey. I knew they were getting ready to start.

Without a second thought, I ran as fast as I could with Bella in tow.

_**It's no use!**_ Alice thought bitterly.

Seconds later, the screaming echoed all through the corridors and I felt the very last of Bella's composure dissipate completely.


	14. Chapter 14

**Merry Christmas! Another long chapter. I took some creative license with this one because I had to use my imagination on the events that Bella missed while she was sleeping. The next chapters will cover the Truth and Vote in New Moon. After that there will be some extras that cover the time when Edward and Bella are settling back in together before the Epilogue. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Songs for this chapter: **

_**Tonight Tonight**_** by Smashing Pumpkins **

_**Trouble**_**, by Coldplay**

_**I'd come for you, by Nickelback **_

_**Home**_**, by Foo Fighters. **

_Well make things right, well feel it all tonight  
Well find a way to offer up the night tonight  
The indescribable moments of your life tonight  
The impossible is possible tonight  
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight_

Tonight, Tonight by Smashing Pumpkins  
  
I don't own Twilight, nor will I profit from this. It's just for fun.

**Chapter 14- Deliverance  
**

The garishly bright lobby was just as deceptively mundane as it had been when we'd passed through earlier. A muzak version of Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles was echoing through the built in speakers in the ceiling and Gianna was sitting behind the counter with a cup of coffee and a romance novel. The irony of the scene and the soundtrack weren't lost on me.

I held Bella tightly against me to try to control the violent tremors that rocked through her entire fragile body. I needed to get her calmed down. I could feel her warm tears on my chest as I held her closer. She was on the verge of collapse, I was sure of it. This was all my fault.

_**Looks like his little human has seen enough of us for one day; I wonder if she still wants to be changed.**_ Demetri thought with amusement before he spoke aloud.

"Do not leave until dark." Demetri said quickly before he turned to rejoin Heidi. _**But if you do, finding you and bringing you back will be my pleasure.**_ He added mentally.

As he spoke, Gianna looked up at us for a moment with intent interest before returning to her book. She was curious about my cloak and relieved that they hadn't changed Bella.

"Are you alright?" I asked Bella automatically as soon as Demetri had vanished. It was by far the stupidest question I had ever uttered in my entire existence. Of course she wasn't alright! I was an idiot and she was falling apart at the seams. We were still alive, but I was losing her all over again. She was shaking like the epicenter of an earthquake and I was asking her dim-witted questions. I felt so useless.

"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice said quietly. "She's going to pieces." _**You have to calm her down before she makes too big of a scene in front of Gianna. I just saw that Caius will call her in two minutes to ask her to watch us and if she thinks Bella is a problem they won't let us leave.**_ She added silently.

A horrible gut-wrenching sob erupted from Bella a moment later. The sound seemed too forceful and violent to be coming from someone so small and soft. Bella's pain was unbearable to me. I had to take care of her.

_**Calm her down Edward**_! Alice thought loudly.

"Shh Bella, shh," I said pointlessly as I led her to one of the large leather sofas in a quiet corner of the room. I was sure Gianna would have a hard time spying on us from here. I couldn't think of anything to say or do.

"Help me, Alice!" I whispered quickly in a frantic voice that was too quiet for Bella or Gianna to hear. "What do I do?"

_**I've bailed you out enough today to absolve me of any obligation to help you for an entire century!**_ Alice thought angrily. I_**f I weren't so happy you were alive, I'd kill you myself for getting us into this mess. Besides, I have no idea what to do, and it isn't me that she needs. **_

"I think she's having hysterics; maybe you'd better slap her," Alice advised aloud. She was just as clueless as I was._** I can't see anything around her right now because she's too upset. I just know you have to calm her down.**_ She thought.

I looked up at her with an expression of powerless panic as I tried feebly to comfort Bella. Alice merely shrugged in reply.

I need to let everyone know we're okay," she said in a low murmur that Bella didn't hear. She pulled out her cell phone to call Jasper. She couldn't think of anything but him right now, and I couldn't blame her.

"It's alright, you're safe, it's alright," I said repeatedly to Bella as I picked her up and sat her on my lap. She was still freezing, and I was afraid that shock might exacerbate her condition. I swaddled her in the cloak to try to raise her body temperature. Her clothes were still a little damp and she was shivering and shaking with the chill and her sobs.

"All those people," she croaked finally through her tears.

"I know," I said softly. I heard the phone on Gianna's desk ring and the faint, brief conversation with Caius that Alice predicted.

"It's so horrible," Bella continued.

"Yes, it is," I conceded miserably as I remembered the final thoughts of the people we'd encountered just before they met their deaths. "I wish you hadn't had to see that." _  
_  
_Because you've been scared and traumatized and now you know I'm a monster_. I thought.

I remembered how she'd once mentioned seeing me hunt and I shuddered.

She pressed her face into my chest and wiped her eyes on the cloak, trying to regain her composure. Although I knew the gesture was probably just a need for comfort, I savored the sensation of her warm cheek on my cold skin. She was alive and for the moment, she was with me. She breathed slowly and deeply, and the sound was music to my ears. A second later, I heard the closing of a book and shuffling footsteps from behind me as Gianna approached us.

"Is there anything I can get you?" she asked in a professional tone. Her face was polite with the perfect amount of mock concern in her eyes. She didn't know about my little talent, so her thoughts were loud and unguarded.

_**I have to have something to report back to Caius and this boy knows I can't see or hear him from over there. Maybe I could get the girl to talk to me since I'm human if they'd let me take her to the restroom alone**_. She added silently.

"No," I answered her coldly. I knew that if Bella needed a bathroom break she would have asked Alice to take her when she got off the phone, and there was no way in hell I was going to leave her alone with Gianna anyway.

_**He's too hostile for me to do anything else. I suppose I'll just have to wait**_. Gianna thought. She nodded and shot a cordial smile at Bella as she walked back to her desk.

"Does she know what's going on here?" Bella asked in a surprisingly indignant tone. Her voice was still thick from her tears but she was much more composed. I was relieved that she'd calmed down, but her question made me uneasy.

"Yes," I answered, not really wanting to discuss the matter further. "She knows everything."

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?" Bella asked in a disbelieving tone.

I cringed a little, but Bella didn't seem to notice my discomfort. "She knows it's a possibility." I replied blandly.

The shock on her face was painfully obvious. Of course someone as inherently good like Bella would never understand the thought processes of the vile Gianna.

"She's hoping they'll decide to keep her." I went on, thinking of what I'd heard in Gianna's head earlier about her hopes that Aro would allow her to be changed.

"She wants to be one of them?" Bella asked incredulously. Her already pale and tired face was suddenly the pallid color of a corpse. I nodded slightly as I studied her expression. She shivered involuntarily and I felt goose bumps rising on her skin.

"How can she want that," Bella murmured. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of that!"

My newly restored insides writhed with excruciating pain as my suspicions were confirmed. She came here to save me, but it was likely fear that caused her to cling to me now. She would never be able to see me the way she had before. No matter how much she'd loved me, she'd seen what my kind were capable of now, and there was no going back. My inexcusable abandonment and the consequences of her encounter with the Volturi had damaged our relationship beyond repair. She stared at me for a moment, and from the familiar crease between her eyebrows, I knew she'd seen some hint of my feelings in my face.

"Oh Edward," she said abruptly in an agonized voice and she broke out into renewed sobs. Was she starting to realize the full impact of Alice's promise to Aro? Had our conversation about Gianna forced her to accept the horrible knowledge that the Volturi had only freed us under the condition that she be changed?

"What's wrong?" I asked her in a worried voice, though I wasn't really sure how I would handle her answer if she had questions about the future. Alice was still on the phone, so I couldn't get any insight from her. She was talking to Carlisle now about our travel plans.

To my immense surprise and pleasure, Bella abruptly flung her arms around my neck and pressed herself against me.

"Is it sick for me to be happy right now?" She asked, her voice cracking through her tears.

If she was sick for being happy, then I was even sicker because the intimate contact with her changed my anxiety into elation. Maybe there was hope. I crushed her against me as forcefully as I could without hurting her before I answered.

"I know exactly what you mean," I murmured into her ear. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."

"Yes," she replied nodding her head against my throat. "That's a good one."

"And together," I continued in a whisper as I heard Alice's phone close with a very soft snap from beside us.

She nodded reluctantly, and a good portion of the happiness I felt ebbed away. What did that mean? I wished I could hear her thoughts!

"And with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow." I added.

"Hopefully," she answered in an uncertain voice. She didn't trust me to keep her safe, and I didn't blame her. I had betrayed her trust and left her at the mercy of dogs.

"The outlook is quite good," Alice interjected cheerfully. "I'll see Jasper in less than 24 hours."  
_**  
**__**Carlisle and the others are back in Forks and he's arranged for us to get a 10:00 flight from Florence to Rome. He's trying to get us a flight from Rome to somewhere in the states where we can get a flight to Seattle, but he's still checking to see what's available. We need to get Bella back to Charlie as soon as possible because he's frantic.**_ Alice added wordlessly.

I nodded subtly to Alice, but I was unable to take my eyes or my attention away from Bella. I looked greedily at her features, knowing that a thousand lifetimes wouldn't be long enough for me to get my fill of her. We didn't have that kind of time. We were only afforded so many years, or days or perhaps even hours. I still had no idea whether she would be willing to allow me back into her life, but I could see the tenderness in her face as she stared back at me. So, for now I would revel in the time we did have. I was just so grateful she was alive and here in my arms that I would take the future as it came. But no matter what she decided, I would never leave her. I would follow her to the ends of the earth just to watch over her from afar for the rest of her life. I'd go back to being a vampire stalker.

"You look so tired," I said softly as I ran my fingers over the dark circles under her deep brown eyes. I would make sure she got some rest and something to eat as soon as we got out of here.

"And you look thirsty," She replied as she stared at the purple shadows under my parched black eyes.

"It's nothing," I said indifferently. And, it really wasn't an issue. As long as she was safe and healthy I couldn't care less about the involuntary burning in my throat.

"Are you sure?" She asked apprehensively. "I could sit with Alice." She bit her lip as she said it.

I'd missed all of her little nervous habits, but I wasn't sure what was making her uneasy. Was she afraid that I was having a hard time with my thirst or was she reluctant for me to let her go? I really hoped it was the latter.

"Don't be ridiculous," I answered with a sigh. "I've never been in better control of that side of my nature than right now." I thought of the agony I'd felt when I thought she was dead and I knew I would never be tempted by her blood again.

She gave me a searching look and her lips trembled for a moment as though she wanted to say something, but she didn't speak. I saw the questions in her eyes and I knew we had a lot to talk about. There were so many things I needed to say to her now, but I knew she was physically and emotionally exhausted and it wasn't the right time or place for such conversations.

I needed to tell her how much I loved her, how sorry I was that I'd hurt her and left her in such a mess. Sometimes talking about my feelings was a difficult endeavor for me. It was going to be especially hard now since I'd made so many mistakes over the last six and a half months. But I owed it to her to explain everything, to beg on my hands and knees for her forgiveness. For now, though, I was content to stare at her face and inhale her sweet scent as Alice and I ironed out the details of our travel plans. Bella didn't say anything as we discussed our departure; she just stared back at me with a soft but reluctant expression.

"We're going to need to find another car so we can make the drive to Florence," Alice murmured exuberantly. "I wish I still had the Porsche, but oh well. When I found it I couldn't believe my luck; you should've seen the look on Bella's face when I pulled up in it. I would've been funny if the situation hadn't been so dire."

I chuckled a little at the image in Alice's mind of Bella's shocked face. Now that some of my panic had subsided, I was giddy with relief that we were really going to go home. I was going back to Forks with Bella and I would see my family again tomorrow. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, savoring the warmth of her petal soft skin. She closed her eyes a little as though she enjoyed the contact too but I could still feel a certain level of hesitancy in her demeanor. Maybe she was just too worn out to push me away. I pressed my face greedily into her hair, hoping that it wouldn't be my last day with her.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said quietly as I kissed Bella's forehead again, "truly sorry for everything." She knew I wasn't just apologizing for today; I was sorry I'd forced the family to leave Forks, too.

_**Jasper is furious with you, but I told him he'd better calm down before he sees you. He assured me that he wouldn't make a scene, mostly because he still feels so guilty for what happened with Bella last fall. He's had a hard time since you've been gone, you know. He's had to try to keep Esme and Carlisle from being too depressed because they missed you and he's carried around the weight of thinking our leaving was his fault**_. She added mentally.

"It's all over now," I muttered to Alice.

Alice had a vision of Carlisle calling her a moment later, and before her phone could actually ring she answered it.

"A connecting flight from Florence to Rome and then on to Atlanta, then," Alice was whispering quickly to him. "So we should get to Sea-Tac around 8am Pacific time tomorrow… no, it would be a really bad idea to call Charlie…he'll react badly if you do…it's better if we take her straight home from the airport…she's been through a lot, but she's going to be okay…Edward has her…yes I'm sure he knows we have a lot to talk about…so am I…okay…we'll talk to you soon… you too."

Alice's cell phone reception wasn't that great here, so I couldn't hear Carlisle's side of the conversation. Alice filled me in.

"'Carlisle wanted to call Charlie and tell him that he's spoken to us and we we're safe, but I talked him out of it," Alice said in a voice too fast and quiet for human comprehension. "He was also going to let Charlie know that we're coming home, but I saw Charlie storming over to the house while he was on duty and demanding to know when we were scheduled to arrive at the airport so he could meet us at the terminal with a restraining order against you," Alice went on sadly.

I didn't look away from Bella as I tried to keep the anguish off my face. Charlie must surely hate me for what I'd done to Bella. If he did, his feelings would be more than justified, but I couldn't allow him to keep me away from her. If anyone was going to send me away, it would have to be Bella. And even if she didn't want me back, I wouldn't leave her at the mercy of wolves for protection from Victoria. I stifled a growl at the mere thought of her name.

Victoria was all mine.

"And I know you heard me say we have things to discuss when get back," Alice said severely. "Carlisle wants to have a family meeting as soon as possible. You won't be able to stay with Bella when we get her home anyway because Charlie won't let you."

I saw a vision in Alice's head of Charlie planting himself in the old rocking chain in Bella's bedroom while she slept all day. I wouldn't be able to sneak back into her room until he went to bed.

"Yes, I know," I said stiffly, wondering how I was going to be able to tolerate letting her out of my sight; I wasn't sure that I could. I leaned down and kissed the tip of Bella's nose as she continued to stare into my eyes. I could hear an increase in her pulse whenever my lips touched her skin in spite of the somewhat mixed signals I was getting from her. Her reaction merely added to my confusion.

"I'll keep an eye on her for you," Alice reassured me. "With Victoria running around, we can't leave her alone, so I'll stay hidden and watch the house. Carlisle and Esme are insisting on taking to you when we get home. He'll also need to discuss the situation with the wolves and Victoria with everyone else and how that's going to affect our return. I can't see them, so I wouldn't have anything to contribute to the discussion anyway." She muttered in a disgruntled tone.

Alice hated this newly discovered blind spot of hers. It was a first. I just nodded in reply. What would we do about the werewolves?

"You won't be away from her for long; I'll let you take over the watch when you're done catching up with everyone. That shouldn't take more than an hour and then you'll be able to sneak in her window when Charlie goes to bed. But, you have to go home and talk to the family," she finished.

"Okay," I agreed reluctantly.

I kissed Bella's on the head again, brushing her hair with my lips. She was so tired. I hoped she would sleep in the car on the way to the airport. I could smell a trace of Jacob Black's scent in her hair and it made me sick to think she'd been that close to him.

"What was all that talk about singers?" Alice asked me curiously. She was trying to distract me.

"La tua cantante," I replied, mimicking Aro's singsong tone.

"Yes, that," Alice confirmed with a frown.

I shrugged without letting go of Bella. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my…singer….because her blood sings for me."

_**How artistic,**_ Alice thought sarcastically, laughing at the explanation.

We continued to discuss our travel plans, including the easiest way out of the city and the amount of time it should take us to drive to Florence. The festival traffic was going to slow us down a little, and we would have to be really careful not to draw attention to ourselves. I continued to drink in Bella's every feature, expression and movement, kissing her as often as I felt she would allow me to.

Finally, I heard Alec approaching the lobby area to tell us we were dismissed. I gently shifted Bella off my lap so I could pull us both into a standing position next to Alice. The gesture frightened Bella and she buried herself back in my chest at Alec's approach.

"You are free to leave now," Alec said politely. _**Good riddance.**_ He thought. "We ask that you do not linger in the city."

"That won't be a problem," I answered him coldly. I couldn't wait to get Bella away from this place.

Alec smiled and gave a courteous bow before he disappeared through the large doors again.

Gianna showed us the exit, and I was relieved she directed us through the shorter route. It was far less stressful and intimidating for Bella.

"Goodbye now," Gianna chirped pleasantly as we left the room.

_**She wouldn't be so damn cheerful if she knew she's only got about two weeks left to live.**_ Alice thought as she glared darkly at Gianna.

They weren't going to keep her after all.

We made our way out into the streets full of merrymakers dressed in cloaks and fake fangs. It was disgusting.

_**I'm going to go and find a car now and get Bella's things so she can freshen up. I'll get your bag too. I won't be long.**_ Alice told me silently as I took in the appearance of the crowds. She was gone an instant later.

"Ridiculous," I muttered scathingly as a woman wearing a red cocktail dress, a black satin cloak and pearly white plastic fangs leered suggestively at me.

"Where's Alice? "Bella asked me worriedly as she scanned the streets for any sign of her. She still felt safer with Alice than she did with me.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them earlier," I replied evenly.

Bella smiled, tugging unconsciously at her damp clothes. It was wonderful to see her look pleased about something, even if it was just the idea of having clean clothes.

"She's stealing a car too, isn't she?" Bella asked, still smirking.

"Not until we're outside the city," I said, smiling too as we walked toward the gates that led out of Volterra. I couldn't wait to get out of that wretched place.

Bella staggered as she walked beside me through the cobblestone lanes. She was completely worn out. Surely she would fall asleep in the car. I half carried her to the dark alley where Alice was waiting in a small black Fiat.

"I'm sorry," Alice said sheepishly as I guided Bella into the cramped back seat and wrapped my arms around her. "There wasn't much to choose from."

_**But we'll make it to Florence with enough time for me to get you some clothes**_. She thought. Alice would never pass up an excuse to shop no matter what the circumstances were. I chuckled.

"It's fine, Alice. They can't all be 911Turbos." I replied in an amused voice.

I may have to acquire one of those legally," she mused.

_**You owe me big, you know**_. She hinted silently. I laughed again.

"I'll get you one for Christmas," I assured her.

"Yellow." She answered with a smile.

I could feel Bella relaxing as she curled herself into a comfortable position in my lap. She was warm thanks to the cloak. For that reason I was glad to have it.

"You can sleep now, Bella," I said happily. "It's over." She was safe and in my arms, which was something I believed to be impossible 24 hours ago.

"I don't want to go to sleep; I'm not tired," She answered me in a feeble voice. I sighed. I knew she was lying. She was still terrible at it.

"Try," I pled as I kissed her neck. She shook her head forcefully as though she were trying to shake off the exhaustion.

"You're still just as stubborn," I said with amusement. I had missed every little thing about her.

We made it to Florence without meeting much traffic, and Bella didn't succumb to her weariness. Alice made it to Ferragamo's with little time to spare before it closed. She made the most of her time and she found me a nice new outfit; a pale green shirt and khaki colored slacks that I gladly changed into when we made it to the airport. I threw the cloak away.

I insisted that Bella eat something while we waited for our plane. There was a small restaurant in the airport that served pastries and gelato near our terminal, but little else. I bought her several things from their rather limited menu while she changed clothes. She nibbled on the items unenthusiastically while we waited for our flight. I chastised Alice for not feeding Bella sooner. She was too thin as it was and skipping meals wasn't going to help that.

Our short trip from Florence to Rome was uneventful. Bella was still awake when we landed, but I'd seen her eyes droop a couple of times on the short flight. As we made our way through the airport in Rome to catch our next flight, I thought of how I'd felt less than two days before when I'd been here. I pulled Bella closer to me.

Our flight to Atlanta was scheduled to leave a half an hour after we'd arrived in Rome. We boarded the plane and I stored my bag and Bella's in the bins above us once I'd helped her into the window seat; Alice sat behind us, talking nonstop to Jasper on her cell phone. I sat down beside Bella and moved the armrest that separated us. She curled up against me, and I hoped that she would finally go to sleep, but she didn't close her heavy eyes. Instead, she asked the flight attendant for a caffeine laden soda.

"Bella," I chastised her. Why wouldn't she just give in and go to sleep? She didn't seem to want to talk to me and I couldn't think of any reason why she was fighting so hard to stay awake. Bella rarely ever drank anything caffeinated, and I knew it wouldn't take a lot of soda to keep her from getting the rest she needed so badly.

"I don't want to go to sleep," she said emphatically, her voice taking on that childlike quality that it had sometimes when she was being stubborn. I started to argue with her, but she continued before I could protest further.

"If I close my eyes now, I'll see things that I don't want to see…I'll have nightmares." She whispered.

I didn't respond. No wonder she didn't want to sleep! She'd just seen several strangers being herded into a lair of monsters to die horrific deaths, watched Jane torture me, and worst of all, she'd nearly lost her own life.

She was silent for the rest of the flight. I wanted to talk things out with her so badly, but now wasn't the time. It wouldn't be right to question her while she was in the throes of exhaustion and reeling from the terrible things she'd been through. So, I held her, stroking her face and kissing her to try to convey my love without words. She didn't protest, but she didn't reciprocate my kisses either. I wasn't sure what it meant. Was she just too tired to ask me to stop?

I embraced her, laying her head against my chest and stroked her hair for a very long time, trying to enjoy every second of the contact in case it was my last chance to hold her.

I wanted to ask Alice if Bella would forgive me, but her mind was consumed with thoughts of Jasper, so I tried to give her some privacy. She had been convinced she would probably never see the love of her life again when we were in Volterra, and all she could think about now was their impending reunion in Seattle. I felt terrible for everything she'd had to deal with in the last few days. I knew that my whole family had been through hell because of me.

Bella stayed awake for the entire flight to Atlanta, and she never faltered on the trip to Seattle either, thanks to all the sodas she'd been drinking. However, I could tell by the time we landed in Washington that it would take a lot more than caffeine to keep her awake for much longer. I wrapped my arms around her waist and guided her through the terminal, where, to her apparent surprise, Carlisle, Esme and Jasper were waiting for the three of us.

Well, Carlisle and Esme were waiting for all of us, at least. Jasper wasn't thinking about anything but Alice. He was standing a good distance away from Carlisle and Esme, and he didn't even look at Bella and me when we walked past him.

_**Oh, thank God! **_Carlisle thought when he saw us approaching. He had been terrified of losing us, but mostly afraid of losing me. I felt horrible when I heard the intensity of his feelings.

Esme was just as relieved to see me as Carlisle was, but it was Bella she reached for first. Esme wrapped her arms around Bella and hugged her tightly through my embrace.

"Thank you so much," she whispered to Bella, who blushed in response as though she didn't deserve any gratitude or admiration for what's she'd braved to reach me.

Esme let go of Bella and turned her attention to me, her relief and gratitude giving way to anger. She was a seething mother who had nearly lost a wayward child, and I expected it.

"You will never put me through that again," she fumed, and there was pain in her mental voice to equal the anger. _**How could you do this to us! I thought I was going to lose my mind! Carlisle was frantic, and Jasper was scared to death for Alice!**__**  
**_  
"Sorry, mom," I said inadequately as I tried to smile at her.

"Thank you Bella," Carlisle said gratefully. "We owe you." _**She is so brave and extraordinary, Edward; stronger than I ever would have imagined. I'm so glad she had the strength to stop you. **_

"Hardly," Bella mumbled sleepily and I held on to her tighter.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme said, giving me a reproachful look that echoed her thoughts. "Let's get her home."

_**Poor little thing…she's so thin and frail looking. Maybe Carlisle should examine her.**_ She added mentally.

"I can smell the caffeine in her blood! Why would you let her drink a bunch of soda? She should have slept on the plane, Edward," Carlisle whispered as he took Bella's bag from me and we walked toward the parking garage. "You should know what sleep deprivation can do to humans."

"She was afraid of having nightmares," I muttered guiltily in reply. He nodded knowingly as he pondered what Bella had been through and he didn't comment on the subject again. How was I going to leave her even for a moment! What if she had a nightmare and woke up alone? I had to take care of her. She couldn't be by herself after everything she'd been through. And, what if that reeking mongrel showed up at Charlie's? Alice wouldn't be able to see him coming.

I was so lost in my musings that I didn't notice Rosalie and Emmett until I felt Bella gasp in surprise at the sight of them standing next to Carlisle's Mercedes. I tensed. Rosalie was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. I heard the remorse in her thoughts but I didn't give a damn. I wasn't ready to forgive her. She was a selfish bitch who was incapable of understanding anyone's feelings but her own.

"Don't," Esme said softly. _**Please forgive her Edward! She didn't mean any harm; she just wanted you to come home! **_Esme thought.

"She feels awful." Esme said aloud.

"She should," I yelled angrily. I felt Bella tense beside me at the harsh sound of my voice.

"It's not her fault," Bella slurred sleepily. Naturally, she was holding herself responsible for everything that had happened rather than apportioning the blame where it belonged.

"Let her make amends," Esme begged, hoping that her words along with Bella's sentiment might persuade me to be forgiving. "We'll ride back with Alice and Jasper."

I gritted my teeth defiantly and glared at Rosalie. She winced at my expression.

"Please, Edward," Bella implored quietly.

Only Bella could be compassionate enough to immediately be willing to forgive Rosalie for nearly getting her killed. Rosalie didn't deserve Bella's kindness. She'd been consistently cold and rude to Bella, always treating her like an unwelcome nuisance every chance she got. The way my sister had treated her was inexcusable. Right now, I was so angry at Rosalie that I didn't think I could stand to ride home with her, let alone forgive her. But, Bella was looking at me with pleading eyes and I could tell she wanted me to do just that.

I sighed and pulled Bella toward the car. I couldn't deny her anything, so I would attempt to at least be cordial to my egocentric sister. No words were spoken aloud as we got into the car, but Emmett was trying to persuade me to hear Rose out.

_**You should have seen her when she realized what you were going to do.**_ Emmett told me silently. _**She was a mess, Edward. I know how pig-headed she can be, but I wish you'd forgive her. She's sorry. **__**  
**_  
I didn't respond as I buckled Bella's seatbelt. She rested her head against my chest and I kissed her cheek, still glaring at Rosalie. Bella was drifting off to sleep when I heard what Rosalie was planning to do, and my expression changed from fury to shock.

"Bella," Rosalie said timidly. This was the first time she'd ever had the decency to speak to Bella directly. Bella tensed fearfully in my arms and she looked up at Rose with apprehension and surprise in her shadowed brown eyes.

"Yes, Rosalie," Bella whispered nervously.

_**She's afraid of me…I've been so horrible to her. I'm sorry Edward.**_ Rose thought regretfully.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella," Rosalie said, her voice thick with the severity of her remorse and shame. "I feel wretched about all of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me."

"Of course, Rosalie," Bella mumbled almost incoherently, but without hesitation. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you."

_**I'm sorry Edward.**_ Rose thought. I nodded once. Bella's compassion and Rose's willingness to apologize directly to her had softened me.

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett joked, and I smiled at the relief in his voice. I had missed him.

_**Can't believe she jumped off a cliff.**_ He added wordlessly.

"I'm conscious," Bella protested in a feeble slur. Emmett chuckled again, glancing back at Bella.

"Let her sleep," I whispered softly as I stroked her hair. She was out a second after I'd finished my sentence.

_**I missed the little squirt. I'm glad we've got you both back. Things weren't right at home without you two, Edward.**_ He thought.

"The two of us," I lamented. Was there an 'us' anymore; would she forgive me?

Emmett really laughed this time, rolling his eyes at me. "Come on, Edward! She traveled halfway around the world and faced the freakin' Volturi to save your stupid ass! She's gonna take you back; she loves you for some reason."

"I know, but that doesn't means she can forgive me after everything I've done," I replied sadly.

"She forgave Rose and she didn't deserve it either," Emmett pointed out, adjusting his speed to accommodate Seattle's morning rush hour traffic. "She's a crazy little human."

Rosalie glared angrily at him, her thoughts full of ways to deprive Emmett in retaliation for his little jab. I chuckled in spite of myself, and Bella muttered something unintelligible in her sleep. We were silent for a few minutes. I watched Bella sleep, searching her face for any signs that her dreams were unpleasant, but so far she wasn't having any nightmares.

"Carlisle wants to talk about our plans for Victoria when we get home," Emmett said casually as we merged onto the highway. "You know Alice filled him in about her and the wolves …said that crazy bitch was back in Forks to kill Bella 'cause James was her mate and we offed him."

"There's nothing to discuss," I growled. "Victoria is mine. I will kill her myself."

"Maybe you should at least let us help you find her, since tracking isn't really your thing," Emmett replied crassly.

I cringed, and Rosalie punched his shoulder pointedly.

"Sorry." He muttered. "But Carlisle says we have to iron out some details for the sake of the treaty. Alice sees that Victoria isn't going to give up, and she's much more familiar with the area than she was when she came through with James, so she's bound to have some sense of the treaty lines; she's been around for a couple of weeks."

I glanced back down at Bella's beautiful but careworn face and I was filled with guilt again. She was so defenseless. How could I have been so stupid! She shouldn't forgive me, no matter how badly I wanted her to.

"Stop Edward," she whispered in her sleep. She must have been dreaming about running through the alley.

We spent the rest of the drive in virtual silence that was occasionally interrupted by Bella's soft sleep talking or light snoring.

The sky over Forks was the typical soft, thick grey when we entered the city limits a couple of hours later. It was a welcome sight.

It was the last welcoming thing I would see in the city limits.

Carlisle had called Charlie right after we made it to town to tell him we would be arriving on his doorstep with Bella in a matter of minutes, so he was waiting in the front yard when the car pulled into the driveway. Alice hadn't foreseen Charlie making any attempts to kill me, so Jasper, Alice, Carlisle and Esme went straight home.

"Bella!" Charlie yelled, half angry and half relieved when he saw me pulling her out of the car.

"Charlie," Bella muttered drowsily into my shoulder.

"Shh,' I whispered. "It's okay; you're home and safe…just sleep." Charlie's angry form was approaching us quickly, and I hoped he would see that Bella was sleeping and restrain himself.

Charlie Swan's thoughts were still indistinct to me, but I registered the surging hatred in his head as he watched me carrying Bella toward the front door. His fury was quickly eating away at the relief.

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here!" He screamed, his face inches from mine. I flinched, knowing that I deserved every ounce of his disgust and anger. But I really wished he would calm down for Bella's sake. She was so tired, and she'd been through so much, but I couldn't explain that part to her father.

"Stop it, Dad," Bella whispered imploringly in a voice that was too soft for Charlie to hear.

"What's wrong with her!' He yelled at me, and I heard some distinctive words in his head. Most of them had to do with inflicting irreversible bodily harm on me.

"She's just very tired, "I answered, trying futilely to reassure him. "Please let her rest." I knew instantly I'd chosen the wrong words as the rage in his head reached a fevered pitch.

"Don't you tell me what to do!" He yelled. "Give her to me! Get your hands off her!"

I saw Emmett put his hand on the door handle of the car, but I shook my head at him. With a terrible pain in my chest, I started to hand Bella to Charlie, but she wouldn't let me go. This would have thrilled me if the situation wasn't so tense. Charlie tugged fruitlessly on her arm in an attempt to pry her away from me.

"Cut it out, Dad," Bella muttered in a more coherent voice this time. She opened her tired bloodshot eyes to look at him. "Be mad at me."

"You bet I will," Charlie vowed. "Get inside."

I felt a prickle of unease at the fury in his mind. I knew he would never intentionally hurt Bella, but Charlie had an irrational temper, and Bella told me he'd spanked her a few times when she was small because that temper had gotten the better of him. He'd regretted those incidents deeply, but he wasn't thinking rationally at the moment, and his anger was overwhelming.

"Okay, let me down," Bella replied, pushing away from me as she made a feeble attempt to get to her feet. I obliged reluctantly, knowing she was too weak and tired to stand on her own. I moved with unnatural speed as I caught her before she could injure herself on the sidewalk.

"Just let me get her upstairs," I pleaded with Charlie. "Then I'll leave." The idea of letting her out of my sight was agonizing, but I knew I had no choice.

"No," Bella protested frantically as she fisted the fabric of my shirt in her slender hands.

"I won't be far," I promised her in a whisper.

I was pleased and relieved that she wanted me to stay with her. The feeling was even more intense than it had been when I'd first heard her ask me to stay in her sleep so many months ago. I carried her to her bedroom, loosening her grip on me so I could lie her down. Charlie turned down the covers for me, and I placed her head on the pillow. Reflexively, I started to pull the blankets back up around her, but Charlie pushed me away and did it himself. Then he grabbed my upper arm and pulled me from the room with nearly all of his strength. It would have been easy for me to stop him, but I let him drag me down the steps.

"Get the hell out of here," he hissed, too angry to register my abnormal body temperature under his fingers. "Don't you ever darken my door again, Cullen. You put her through hell and I'll be damned if I let you do it again. "

Charlie was so angry that I heard him more clearly than ever. He was thinking that he never wanted to see me again, and that he should have known I was involved when Bella vanished with Alice. He let go of my arm and turned to face me when we reached the bottom of the stairs. He looked at me with nothing short of hatred in his eyes. Eyes that were so much like Bella's it hurt to look into them.

"I'm so sorry," I muttered pointlessly. I knew that he wouldn't listen, regardless of how much I meant it. He had every right to hate me. Were I in his shoes, I would have felt no differently.

"Do you really think I give a …do you think sorry is going to make it better!" he fumed, his voice an angry hiss. He was desperate to scream at me, but he didn't want to wake Bella. "You nearly killed her, you worthless son of a bitch! She was… she…" he faltered, and his pain over what Bella had suffered rendered him speechless for a moment.

"Every bit of trouble my daughter has gotten into since she moved here has been your fault," Charlie went on when he'd collected himself. "I'm assuming Bella's latest disappearance was because Alice needed her help to bail you out of some kind of trouble, and if I find out anything illegal was involved, I'll make sure you pay for it."

He had no idea just how right he was.

"Charlie, I'm really…" I began, but the sound of familiar thoughts interrupted me.

_**Just go, Edward; trying to apologize again will only make it worse. Talk to Carlisle and then come back.**_ I heard Alice say mentally. She was waiting just outside the very forest where I'd broken Bella's heart, listening to Charlie's diatribe.

"I'll leave now," I said lamely, following Alice's advice and heading for the door. I hoped he would forgive me someday too, even if I couldn't forgive myself.

"Alice is still welcome here anytime, but you stay away from my daughter," Charlie growled as he opened the door. Without a backward glance, I walked outside to the first drops of an approaching rain shower.

Charlie watched through the front window as I got into the car with Emmett and Rosalie. I heard him go back up the stairs and into Bella's room. The old rocking chair creaked as he sat down in it to watch her sleep. We pulled out of the driveway a moment later, and the pain in my chest grew with every movement of the car. The drive reminded me irresistibly of my last departure, and I had to fight the desire to throw open the car door and run back to Charlie's.

"Calm down, kid," Emmett said as we sped down the highway toward the house. "You know you gotta face the music over what you did. I can't believe you went all the way to Italy without even bothering to call Alice."

_**It's because he believed me.**_ Rosalie thought miserably as she twisted her hands in her lap.

The house looked as though we'd never left. Carlisle was standing in the doorway before we even got to the porch. His face was somber, and I heard the pained disappointment in his thoughts. He held the front door open and stepped back to let us inside. Rosalie and Emmett went in to join Esme in the dining room, but I hesitated, looking at my father.

"Carlisle," I began as I started to cross the threshold. Before I could continue, his arms were around me.

"You don't have to say anything else," He said quietly, embracing me tighter. "I'm just glad you're okay." _**I missed you; we all missed you. Please don't ever do anything like that again. **_

Jasper's thoughts weren't quite so warm. _**If you had gotten Alice killed, I would have…**__**  
**_  
"You would've done exactly the same thing that I did when I thought Bella was…" I said in response to his silent words, unable to finish the sentence. "I'm sorry, Jasper."

Jasper nodded, his anger ebbing away. "So am I," he replied. "Yes, I would have done the same thing, but you're still an idiot for not checking things out first."

"I tried," I answered. "Alice told you I called Charlie's house."

"Yeah, she did," Jasper conceded. "She said that wolf boy answered the phone, but Bella was right there, so it was just rotten luck that she didn't take the call. "

"Rotten luck indeed," I agreed. "If she had answered, I would have been on the first plane back to Seattle instead of going to Italy."

When I first decided to call Charlie's, I'd convinced myself I would have hung up if Bella had answered, but I knew now that I would have given in to my desire to go home as soon as I heard her voice.

"We need to talk about the situation with Victoria and the wolves," Carlisle said, his attitude suddenly businesslike as he let us to the dining room.

Emmett, Rosalie and Esme were already seated in their usual places. I remembered the last time we'd met in this room, and I winced. We were here now to deal with the consequences of the choices I'd made in our last meeting.

"Do the Quileutes know we're back yet?" Rosalie asked as soon as Carlisle, Jasper and I had taken our seats.

"I don't think so," Carlisle replied. "Alice said that Jacob Black informed the pack of her visit, but they were also told about her departure with Bella. I picked up the pack's scent trail about 5 miles west of here; they've been in the area as recently as two days ago, and if they knew we were here, they wouldn't have crossed the line."

"Then they broke the treaty," Emmett growled. "So why should we be worried about looking for Victoria on their side of the line?"

"Because they saved Bella's life on more than one occasion," Carlisle said forcefully. "They kept Victoria from getting to her, and Alice told me that Laurent was in our territory when he attacked, and if they hadn't crossed the line, she would have died."

"Laurent?" Emmett exclaimed. He didn't know about that part of the story.

"Laurent came to the area to assess the protection around Bella as a favor to Victoria," I answered mechanically. "He came across her in the clearing just off the trail near the highway when he was hunting, and…" I couldn't continue; I wanted to break something.

"And he didn't find any protection, so he tried to make a meal out of her," Emmett finished tactlessly.

_**Jeez, kid! Everything that could have gone wrong did, huh? **_He added silently to me.

"Can we talk about strategy now?" I snapped, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. "Laurent is dead and I want to go back to Charlie's."

"Alice said that Bella won't wake up until 2am at the earliest," Carlisle replied. "So you have time to listen and contribute." _**Esme wants to have a few words with you when we're done.**_ He added mentally.

"We haven't picked up any fresh trails anyway," Jasper said, eager for us to get to the point so I could trade places with Alice. "Victoria seems to have vanished. Alice thinks she scared her off when she showed up at Bella's, but we can't be too careful."

"I'm going to find her wherever she is," I seethed, nearly crushing the edge of the table with my hand. "I will kill her for this. She's mine."

Jasper stared intently at me, and I felt my body relax before I could break Esme's dining room table.

"Why do you think the wolves have returned?" Esme asked, speaking directly to Carlisle.

"I don't know, but I think we should be grateful that they were in the right place at the right time," Carlisle replied, looking pointedly at me. "We owe them, and so I am willing to forgive their breach of the boundaries."

"So now what?" Emmett asked impatiently. "And how many wolves are we talking about?"

"According to what Bella told Alice, there are 5 in the pack at present," Carlisle replied. "And what we'll do now is take turns watching the areas around Forks and the Hoh forest. I think Alice will probably see anything pertinent, but because of the wolves, we can't rely on her vision alone to alert us to danger. We'll need to canvass our territory on a regular basis, but we must be careful not to cross the line. The wolves are going to be on edge with Victoria hunting in the area."

"Or…" Jasper interjected. He paused to look at me. I heard what he was thinking and I growled. I would not allow it.

"Or what?" Emmett asked.

"Or maybe Bella would consent to go and talk to Jacob Black on our behalf," Jasper said quickly. "She goes to La Push all the time, and if she could convince them to sit down with us and renegotiate some borders, then…"

"Bella isn't going within 5 miles of that mutt," I said through clenched teeth. I wanted to rip Jasper apart for even suggesting it. "It's bad enough that she had to rely on wolves while I was…"

"No way, Jasper," Emmett said before I could finish. "You don't know what werewolves are like; you've never seen them because you weren't with us when we lived her before…they're"

"I agree with Emmett and Edward," Carlisle said quickly. "We can't put Bella in the middle of this; she's already risked her life for Edward out of necessity, and I won't be responsible for putting the most vulnerable member of our family in that kind of danger."

My insides burned with guilt and shame at his words.

"The most practical course of action is to be patient and patrol the area." Carlisle finished, staring at me with sympathy on his face and in his thoughts that I didn't deserve. "Edward will look after Bella, and the rest of us will sort out a schedule and divide up areas when Alice gets home."

Jasper started to argue his point further, but Esme cut him off.

"I think we've sorted out everything we can on the issue for now," she said. "Edward wants to get back to Bella."

"Thanks, mom," I said gratefully even though I knew she wasn't done with me yet. Everyone else got up and left and Esme and I were alone.

"I'm not going to lecture you too much because I know you're already feeling terribly guilty," She said, wrapping her arms around me. "But the next time you decide to do something crazy like leaving Bella or trying to kill yourself, I will strangle you."

"I am so sorry," I replied, saying those words for what felt like the thousandth time in the last 24 hours.

"I know you are, dear," she answered. "But the person who really deserves the apology is Bella, so I'll let you go to her. Give her our love when she wakes up." She kissed my cheek before she let me go.

_**Maybe you should hunt first, though. You're awfully thirsty, but I suppose Alice would have insisted you do so if she thought there was a risk.**_ She thought.

"Don't worry, mom," I answered. "I'll be fine."  
As I sprinted out into the familiar rain at breakneck speed, Rosalie called after me.

"Emmett's right; she'll forgive you too."

It took me 3 minutes and 32 seconds to reach the place where Alice was hiding in the woods, watching the house for any signs of trouble.

"I didn't talk to Charlie," she whispered as I joined her. "He's still so mad I knew he wouldn't even listen to me. Bella will have to sort it all out when she wakes up."

"If she wants to sort it out," I muttered doubtfully. I was still terrified that she would send me away.

"I think she will," Alice said, and I was alarmed at the doubt in her voice. Alice usually knew the answers. She'd been the one who'd predicted my relationship with Bella to start with.

"Even you aren't sure?" I asked.

Alice answered me quietly. "Something is clouding my vision."

I was sure I knew what it was, but I didn't want to think about it.

"Charlie is in the living room watching a basketball game, so you can go in now." Alice said. "I don't see him catching you there."

"Thank you Alice," I whispered. "For everything."

"Jasper's waiting for me, and I need to fill the others in on the details of our trip, so I'll see you in the morning."

I climbed into Bella's window without making a sound. She was lying on her side, her hand resting on her cheek. Seeing her resting peacefully took my breath away. She was really safe. I stood near the window and watched her sleeping for several minutes, and when I was sure she was sleeping deeply enough, I lifted her gently off the mattress so I could lie down with her. I cradled her in my arms and listened to her slow, even breathing.

As I looked around the all too familiar room, I noticed several changes. There were no books or CD's scattered about, and the place was far too tidy. Where were all of her things? Then, I remembered Alice's conversation with Charlie. I'd seen the exchange in her head when she touched Aro.

"She was avoiding anything that might remind her of him," Charlie had said to Alice.

I had hurt her so much. "I'm so sorry, love," I whispered as I pressed my face into her hair. She sighed and snuggled closer to me.

"No," she muttered, twisting slightly in my arms. "No, Edward, no...the sun..."

She was dreaming about chasing me through the streets of Italy.

"Leave him alone," she moaned. "Alice make her stop…Jane…."

I began to hum her lullaby in the hope of soothing her. The talking stopped for a time, so it seemed to work. I held her for several hours while she slept without stirring and her breathing seemed to be attuned to the rhythm of the rain.

In and out. Drip drop.

Charlie ate a solitary dinner that evening, and I could hear him thinking of how much cooking Bella was going to be doing when she was grounded for the rest of the school year. He was still furious with her, and he was planning to set some clear ground rules when she woke up. He was thinking of making a list of all of her new chores and scaring her with threats of shipping her back to Renee when the phone rang.

"Billy," I heard him say into the phone. "Yes, she's fine...just tired...she's been asleep ever since she got home this morning. A pause as he listened to Billy's inquiries for additional information about Bella's condition. "Yes, I'm sure she's asleep."

"No, it wasn't Alice Cullen who brought her home, " He answered. "It was Edward and his other sister and their brother Emmett...I don't know what their plans are...don't worry Billy, Edward Cullen won't be Bella's problem anymore if I have anything to say about it. Tell Jake I said hi. Yeah, talk to you soon."

Charlie hung up the phone, cleared his dinner dishes and returned to the living room to watch basketball.

I growled to myself as I mulled over the conversation. The Quileutes were undoubtedly trying to find out whether or not we were back for good, and Billy had been asking about me on his son's behalf, I was sure of it.

The image of Jacob Black's face I'd seen in Alice's mind swam to the forefront of my thoughts. I saw how he looked at Bella from Alice's perspective. He was in love with her, and they had gotten close over the last few months.

Was the feeling mutual? I felt sick at the thought. But the idea shouldn't surprise me. If Bella were going to fall in love with someone else, it would be just like her to find another monster. I felt her sigh in her sleep again, and I kissed her cheek when she shifted in my arms again.

The hours passed, and I watched her sleep, wondering if this would be the last time I could hold her like this, and terrified that it would be. I wanted her to get up so we could talk, and at the same time, I wanted to keep watching her sleep because I was afraid of what she would say when she did wake.

The nightmares started an hour after Charlie went to bed.

"No," Bella moaned, thrashing restlessly. "Those people...no...they're going to die...no...monsters"

"It's okay love," I whispered, disgusted with myself for causing her nightmares. "No one is going to hurt you."

"Edward," she mumbled, still lost in her dreams. "Gone."

I wasn't going anywhere.

"Jacob," she said, frowning slightly. "I'll come back...sorry."

The pain ripped through me like a hot knife at her words as I waited for her to wake up and send me away for good.

**Poor Edward! He's so afraid he's lost Bella for good this time. The next chapter will correspond with The Truth in New Moon. I hope you all have a safe and wonderful holiday. Thanks again for reading. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Here it is; the chapter we've all been waiting for. You know, the one we all searched the pages of New Moon for as soon as we read chapter three-The End. This is "The Truth" chapter from EPOV. A great deal of dialogue is taken from chapter 23 of New Moon. Please leave me a note to let me know what you think. I've had a lot of people adding me to their favorites and I really appreciate it but I would love to have some feedback too. Thanks. **

**I own nothing of Twilight, besides my copies of the books, by the way. **

**Songs for this chapter;**

_**Sympathy, **_**by the Goo Goo Dolls**

_**She is Love, **_**by Parachute**

_**Far Away, **_**by Nickelback. I've posted the lyrics to that one here because to me it's a perfect fit. **

_**Far Away by Nickelback**_

_This time, This place_

_Misused, Mistakes_

_Too long, Too late_

_Who was I to make you wait_

_Just one chance_

_Just one breath_

_Just in case there's just one left_

_'Cause you know,_

_you know, you know_

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_

_and you'll never go_

_Stop breathing if_

_I don't see you anymore_

_On my knees, I'll ask_

_Last chance for one last dance_

_'Cause with you, I'd withstand_

_All of hell to hold your hand_

_I'd give it all_

_I'd give for us_

_Give anything but I won't give up_

_'Cause you know,_

_you know, you know_

_So far away_

_Been far away for far too long_

_So far away_

_Been far away for far too long_

_But you know, you know, you know_

_I wanted_

_I wanted you to stay_

_'Cause I needed_

_I need to hear you say_

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I forgive you_

_For being away for far too long_

_So keep breathing_

_'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

_Hold on to me and, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

_Hold on to me and, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_Hold on to me and, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_Hold on to me and, never let me go_

**  
Chapter 15-Devotion**

The last hour of Bella's sleep was a hellish waiting game. Thankfully, she never uttered Jacob Black's name again, but the sound of if still echoed in my ears, feeding the flames of my doubts like gasoline. I watched her move from one phase of sleep to the other, feeling her tense and relax in my arms and watching her eyelids flutter rhythmically when she dreamt. I was surprised when she started to show signs of wakefulness at three minutes after 1 am. Alice had been sure she would sleep longer than that. But, Alice's visions had proven to be a little less reliable than usual over the last couple of days.

"Hmm, Edward," Bella murmured, her limbs stretching slightly as she started to emerge from unconsciousness. I waited with bated breath for her eyes to open. This was it; it was time to face my fate. Instinctively, I brushed my fingers over her forehead to push a lock of hair that was falling into her eyes out of the way, and she flinched at my touch. Her eyes scrunched more tightly together as though she were trying to block out one of her unpleasant dreams. This was going to be just as painful as I feared. She sighed a moment later, hesitating before opening her eyes.

"Oh!" she gasped in surprise, and to my horror, she balled her hands into fists and pressed them into her eyes.

She didn't even want to look at me! My silent heart ached. I was motionless as I waited for her to look up at me and ask me to leave. Three seconds later, her hands relaxed. She opened her eyes and stared at me, and I was surprised to see that she looked confused; I'd been bracing myself for repulsed, terrified or angry.

"Did I frighten you?" I whispered lamely, and I could feel the anxiety written all over my face. Of course she was scared, and probably disgusted too, but I wasn't going to let her go until she made me. She blinked again and then her face twisted into the horrified expression I'd been anticipating. How was I going to survive this?

"Oh crap," she grumbled, her voice hoarse from exhaustion. She frowned at me.

"What's wrong Bella?" I asked, unable to stop myself from prompting her to start naming all the reasons why she never wanted to see me again. I couldn't take the suspense anymore.

"I'm dead, right?" she replied miserably. "I did drown. Crap crap crap! This is going to kill Charlie."

Dead? What on earth was she talking about? Why would she think she was dead? Was she still half asleep? She looked like she was alert enough. I was totally confused. Bella's reactions were just as baffling to me as they'd always been. Apparently that hadn't changed as much as everything else had.

"You're not dead," I answered, my face puckered into a frown to match hers.

She looked at me with a slightly irritated expression, raising her eyebrows at me.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she countered.

Okay, now I was thoroughly confused. First she thought she was dead and now she thought she was asleep? Perhaps her trip to Italy really had pushed her over the edge into madness. This was all my fault.

"You are awake, Bella," I replied. What was she thinking?

She shook her head at me, her chin jutting out in a way that told me an argument was coming.

"Sure, sure," she babbled irritably. "That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up...if I wake up, which I won't because I'm dead..." she paused for a moment, and the agitation in her voice increased. "This is awful! Poor Charlie, and Renee and Jake..." she shook her head sadly.

Jake.

Jacob Black.

My frozen insides twisted with agony at the sound of his name on her lips. The way she called him Jake instead of Jacob emphasized their familiarity in a way that made me want to scream, or break something, like that dog's neck. Besides her parents, Jacob Black was the first person she'd thought of when she mentioned people that she cared about...people she worried over...the people she loved most. My dim hopes of a reconciliation evaporated. But, I would not let her see how much her impending dismissal was going to hurt me. I wouldn't do that to her on top of everything else. She was too precious to suffer for my heartache, and if she saw the depth of my pain it would make her feel guilty. She deserved to be happy.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare," I replied, trying to smile and failing miserably. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?" The idea of her hurting anyone was still laughable to me. I almost chuckled at my own feeble attempt at a joke.

"Obviously not," she replied with a scowl. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed miserably. Did she still think there was some good in me after seeing the Volturi and the unforgiveable way I'd abandoned her?

I watched her expression change from irritated to confused again as she looked around the room. It seemed that she was becoming more lucid and aware. Her cheeks were colored with the beautiful blush I'd missed so much.

"Did all that really happen, then? She asked skeptically as though she were still trying to process all of the events of the last three days. She'd been through so much; her disorientation was understandable.

"That depends," I answered with another stiff attempt at a smile. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then yes." I hated having to confirm that her nightmares were true. How could I ever tell her how sorry I was that I'd exposed her to them? There were no words for my remorse and shame.

"How strange," she replied thoughtfully, and I could tell she noticed the regret in my face. "Did you know I'd never been further east than Albuquerque?"

I rolled my eyes at her attempt to lighten my mood. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent." I replied as I tried to compose myself more effectively. I couldn't let her see my pain; it would only make things harder for her.

"I'm not tired anymore," she said with a sigh. "What time is? How long have I been sleeping?"

She'd started with an easy question at least, which was a first for Bella.

"It's just after one in the morning, so about 14 hours." I answered, thinking of how tired she had been. She looked much better after the long rest. The circles under her eyes had diminished and her skin looked much healthier. She stretched stiffly, and I loosened my hold on her reluctantly to allow her to move.

"Charlie?" she asked, clearly still worried about her father.

I remembered the way he'd thrown me out of the house the morning before and I frowned.

"Sleeping," I answered grimly. "You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said that I was never to walk through his door again and I came in the window...but still, the intent was clear."

It had been clear alright. He didn't want me anywhere near his daughter, and I didn't blame him. I was sure that his warnings were unnecessary though. Bella was going to send me away soon enough.

"Charlie banned you from the house?" she asked incredulously, and I noted a hint of anger in her tone. What did that mean? Was she angry that I had defied him and sneaked into her room anyway? Surely she wasn't going to come to my defense! Why would she? My actions were indefensible. Her father had every right to hate me, and she had to know that he would.

"Did you expect anything else?" I asked her, wondering how she could question his reaction.

I saw fury in her eyes then. She didn't respond to my words as she collected her thoughts. She was probably counting up all the horrible things that had happened to her since she'd met me...her near death at James's hands...then at Jasper's...the way I'd abandoned her so callously, leaving her completely unprotected from the lethal vampire who wanted revenge for my actions, and nearly getting us both killed halfway around the world. No amount of love she may have felt for me could ever justify forgiving me for those things.

"What's the story anyway?" She asked me abruptly. Her expression had changed from angry to intrigued, but I could tell there was something more behind her eyes that she didn't want me to see. I knew her well enough to know that she was stalling. She was trying to put off the difficult conversation to come.

But I knew we were getting to it; the thing I dreaded. I was determined to answer any questions she had for me; I knew she would have plenty of those, and she deserved the truth. But this question was too vague for me to really understand what she wanted to talk about first. I stared at her intently for a moment.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my insides burning with fear and impatience as I waited for her to elaborate.

"What am I telling Charlie?" she asked, surprising me. "What's my excuse for disappearing for...how long was I gone anyway?" She bit her lip and she appeared to be trying to account for all the time.

This was not what I'd expected her to ask me, but it was an important query. I certainly owed her an alibi. She was in deep trouble because she'd come to save me. But, I couldn't think of any plausible story to tell Charlie. I was too upset to think clearly enough to help her.

"Just three days," I answered, trying to keep the remorse out of my face. I had caused her so much grief. I smiled at her in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing." She knew what a terrible liar she was, so the humor shouldn't be lost on her.

"Fabulous," she answered unhappily. I could hear the worry in her voice.

"Maybe Alice will come up with something," I replied hopefully in an attempt to reassure her.

Her face relaxed. The thought of Alice's help seemed to ease her worries at least.

"So," she said a moment later, her face calculating. "What have you been doing up until three days ago?"

Why did she always have to ask me the very questions that were the most difficult to answer! This was the thing I dreaded explaining the most, because I would have to admit to losing Victoria and leading her here. Bella would know how incompetent and foolish I was on top of everything else. Maybe I could divert her attention to something else.

Right.

You're such a coward! I thought to myself.

"Nothing terribly exciting," I answered vaguely.

"Of course not," she muttered, looking away from me. Her face was full of something like disappointment.

"Why are you making that face?" I asked in a slightly irritated voice. I hated not being able to read her thoughts, and my intense discomfort with this subject made it impossible for me to conceal my impatience.

"Well," she said, pausing to gather her thoughts. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you'd say. My imagination must be all used up."

Dream? She was still hung up on the dream theory? Did that mean I starred in her nightmares on a regular basis? I sighed. I really was going to have to confess to all my shortcomings and failures before we moved on.

"If I tell you, will you finally believe you aren't having a nightmare?" I asked her, exhaling loudly.

"Nightmare!" she replied indignantly, as though the idea were ludicrous. Did that mean her dreams about me were not unpleasant? I beat back an atom sized fragment of hope.

"Maybe," she went on, and the hope died. "If you tell me."

"I was...hunting" I answered lamely, knowing that the flimsy statement would not satisfy Bella. She was far too intelligent and perceptive for that to work. If I were a better man, I would have explained it all without hesitation, but I couldn't stand the thought of seeing disappointment in her eyes when she learned of my ineptitude.

"Is that the best you can do?" she answered irritably, just the way I knew she would. "That doesn't prove that I'm awake."

"I wasn't hunting food," I said cautiously after a moment's pause. How should I explain further? "I was trying my hand at...tracking. I'm not very good at it." I admitted in a neutral voice. My insides were squirming with shame.

"What were you tracking?" she asked me curiously, her chocolate brown eyes were boring into my thirsty black ones. She wasn't going to give up.

"Nothing of consequence," I lied. She saw the expression on my face and I could tell she wasn't going to change the subject. The familiar crease forming between her eyes confirmed that.

"I don't understand," she answered, giving me a searching look as she waited for me to explain myself.

It was time to swallow my pride and be a man. Besides thinking that she was dead, this was the hardest thing I'd ever faced; even harder than leaving her because this time I was going to be the one to face rejection. I thought of how hard it must have been for her when I'd pushed her away. Well, it was my turn wasn't it? I took a deep breath and tried to find the words.

"I-" I began, sighing. "I owe you an apology," I paused for a moment, thinking of how ridiculous and feeble that must sound. The words were inadequate to say the least.

"No, I owe you much more than that," I went on as I tried to find a way to explain. "But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here; so safe." I stopped the quick flow of words for a half second to think.

Was I really trying to defend myself against what I'd done? There was no excuse for me.

"I had no idea that Victoria (I suppressed a snarl as her name left my lips) would come back." I went on, my voice agitated. "I'll admit when I saw her that one time I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her."

I cringed internally as I thought of how she'd sent Laurent here to look for Bella after she'd realized I was following her. I had seriously underestimated her tenacity.

"I had no idea that she even had such a tie to him," I continued before Bella could notice my pause. "I realize why now…she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him-that kept me from seeing the depth of them...the bond there." I really was trying to justify my actions, and that was wrong.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face," I added, trying to make her understand that I knew the mistakes I'd made were appalling and unforgivable. "When I heard what you told Alice-what she saw herself-" I thought of Jacob Black again and my insides were in knots. What if he had changed in front of her, lost control the way Josiah Clearwater had?

"When I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of ...werewolves (I nearly choked on the word)...immature, volatile, the worse thing out there besides Victoria herself…"

I thought of all the different ways her life had been threatened while I was away and I shuddered. It was truly a miracle that she'd survived.

"Please know that I had no idea of any of this! I feel sick-sick to my core, even now when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for a..."

"Stop," Bella interjected forcefully.

This was it...we'd reached the part in our story where she would tell me that my pathetic explanations would never be enough for her to forgive me for what I'd put her through. She'd tell me she cared for me and that she was glad I was safe, but she didn't want me in her life. She was going to say that I was too late. I braced myself for the words that would crush me, my face full of remorse and anguish. I stared at her face and saw that she was preparing herself to say what she needed to say. There was pain in her expression, and I knew she was kind enough to feel bad for hurting me. I did not deserve her sympathy.

"Edward," she said in a choked whisper a few seconds later. There was something strange about the way she seemed to be trying to hide the emotion in her face. Was she trying to keep me from seeing how much I'd made her suffer over the last several months? She averted her eyes from me before she spoke again. I waited on tenterhooks for her to finish.

"This has to stop now," she continued in a calm voice that seemed to be forced. "You can't think about things that way. You can't let this...this...guilt rule your life."

Guilt? What was she talking about? I was confused again.

"You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault." she said in a clinical voice.

Not my fault? Now I was totally lost. Everything was my fault; all of it. Every moment of danger she'd faced, every tear she'd shed. Why in the world would she try to say otherwise?

"It's just part of how life is for me here," she went on stoically. "So, if I trip in front of a bus, or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me."

What? No, surely she didn't think...I listened to her carefully as she continued.

"Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice and not your fault. I know it's in your...nature to blame yourself for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to extremes! It's very irresponsible! Think of Esme and Carlisle...and..." She broke off, taking a deep breath, and I could see that she was trying to hold on to her calm demeanor.

Did she mean what I thought she did? I stared at her face for half a second.

And I suddenly understood.

It all made sense now.

Her guarded demeanor, the contradictions between some of her words and her body language, the way she'd tried to stay calm during her little speech...I was shocked, and furious.

She still didn't understand that I loved her.

_How_?

How could she not know after what I'd tried to do in Italy when I thought she was dead? How could she possibly attribute my drastic actions to guilt?

"Isabella Marie Swan," I said, trying unsuccessfully to keep the anger and shock I was feeling out of my voice. "Do you really think that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?"

She looked back at me with a disbelieving expression that seemed to confirm my new theory.

"Didn't you?" she asked in bewildered tone.

"Feel guilty," I repeated, still unable to fathom how she could think that guilt was the extent of my motivations to kill myself. "Intensely so! More than you can comprehend."

She nodded in an unconscious and uncertain way before speaking. "Then….what are you saying? I don't understand."

I could scarcely believe what I was hearing. Bella was so smart and perceptive! She had always been able to see through me, to get to the heart of the truth whether I wanted her to or not. Hadn't she figured out what I was with very little outside help? I'd seen in Alice thoughts that she'd understood what I was planning an instant after Alice had told her I was going to Italy. Until now, I had assumed that she would have inferred the truth about my feelings based on my reaction when I'd believed she was… gone… but apparently I was wrong. Would I ever stop being astonished at the way her mind twisted things around sometimes? I had to make myself clear this time. I stared intently into her eyes, willing her to listen to what I had to say.

"Bella," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. "I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead." I paused for a moment before I could continue." Even if I'd had no hand in your…death," the last word caught in my throat and I barely managed to say it. "Even if it wasn't my fault, I would have gone to Italy. "

It _was_ my fault, though. If I had never left, Victoria wouldn't have sent Laurent to Forks and she never would have returned either. And Bella wouldn't have been in La Push jumping off cliffs. I shuddered at the image I'd seen in Alice's mind. And if I'd made just one phone call to Alice, it would not have been necessary for her to follow me to Italy. I needed to explain that part too.

"Obviously I should have been more careful. I should have spoken to Alice directly rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie, but what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral! What are the odds?" I looked away from her, thinking of that travesty of a conversation I'd had with Jacob Black and how that 90 second phone call had started a chain of events that had nearly cost us our lives.

"The odds," I whispered, mostly to myself. "The odds are always stacked against us." I thought of the last peaceful afternoon she and I had together before I'd left when we were watching Romeo and Juliet. As I sat there mocking Romeo, I'd confessed my plans to end my life in the event of her death. Surely she would remember too and see the significance and the irony.

Mistake after mistake! I'll never criticize Romeo again." I finished, looking back up at her. I expected to see comprehension on her face, but she still looked baffled.

"But I still don't understand," she said seriously. "That's my whole point… so what?"

"Excuse me?" I replied, feeling more wrong-footed than ever. Did she mean that she didn't care about my explanations? I realized that nothing I said could ever justify my colossal errors and stupidity, but I thought she'd wanted answers.

"So what if I was dead?" she answered nonchalantly, as though this were a throwaway question of no consequence.

She still didn't see! Had her near drowning impacted her memory somehow? I stared at her for a moment, searching for some sign that she might not be lucid. Was she still tired?

"Don't you remember anything that I told you before?" I asked, still staring at her with an apprehensive expression.

"I remember everything that you told me." She replied significantly, her dark eyes full of pain. I didn't have to be able to read her mind to know which words carried the most weight in her thoughts.

_I don't want you._

Of all the things I'd ever said to her, those were the words that had impacted her the most; the easiest for her to believe, and a powerful sadness washed over me. I remembered the way she hadn't understood my feelings for her once before when I thought I'd made them obvious. I was wrong on that occasion and I was wrong now too.

I rubbed the tip of my index finger across her soft lower lip.

"Bella," I sighed hoarsely, staring deeply into her eyes. "You seem to be under a misapprehension." I closed my eyes, shaking my head as a bitter smile crossed my lips. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before…I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am….confused," she replied, her brow furrowed.

I groaned too softly for her to hear in reply. She was trying to reconcile what I was saying now with what I had said when I'd left her…to discern the lies from the truth. I was so sure that my clarifications would make sense to her, but they hadn't. I reminded myself that I had betrayed her and she had no reason to trust me. I would have to explain it better. I stared intently into her eyes, willing her to see the love and sincerity in my face.

"I'm a good liar Bella; I have to be," I began, but before I could continue, a look of intense agony marred her face and her breathing ceased. Horror washed over me as I realized that she'd completely misconstrued my words.

I felt her whole body tense and turn to ice and I shook her shoulders in exasperation.

"Let me finish," I said severely, jostling her gently as though I could physically reason with her. "I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly…that was…excruciating."

To say the least; her reaction had devastated me. I thought back to that day in the forest, remembering the dead look in her eyes for the millionth time. Her expression had haunted me for months. I grimaced and shuddered at the memory.

She waited for me to continue.

"When we were in the forest…when I was telling you goodbye…" I continued, feeling the frozen tension in her body intensify at the mention of that horrible day. I forced myself to keep speaking. I knew it hurt her terribly to remember, but I had to make her understand.

"You weren't going to let go," I murmured, my insides burning with the pain of the recollection. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it….I thought it would kill me to do it…." I paused for a moment. It had killed me figuratively at the time. "But I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that if you thought I'd moved on, so would you." The idea of me ever moving on was ludicrous, of course, but I'd though it was possible for her to heal, but she hadn't.

"A clean break," she murmured bitterly through clenched teeth, and the anguish in her voice was unbearable. I had hurt her so much… too much for her to take me back.

"Exactly," I replied as I remembered every brutal detail of the wretched lies I'd told that day. "But I'd never imagined that it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible-that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry- sorry because I hurt you; sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

Sorry!

I nearly snorted at the insignificance of the word. It wasn't nearly enough to convey my regrets. There were no words to express how horrible I felt for what I had done. I'd left her alone, unprotected, broken her heart and possibly driven her into the arms of a dog. She'd nearly died on multiple occasions as a result of my idiocy.

I looked at her and saw that her eyes were wide with shock and apprehension, and my frustration boiled over.

"But how could you believe me!" I demanded. "After all the thousand times I've told you that I love you, how could you let one word shake your faith in me?"

Bella didn't reply; she merely looked at me with a stunned expression. I wished I could tell what she was thinking! Even her usually expressive face was impossible to read as she seemed to be trying to process my words.

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore," I went on, hoping to illicit some kind of response from her. "The most absurd, ridiculous concept…as if there was a way that I could exist without needing you!"

She was still silent. The deadened look in her eyes that day had haunted me the entire time I was away was gone now, but I could still see the impact of my absence on her face. Her cheeks were hollow and her chocolate eyes wary. She didn't trust me; my words were not convincing her. This was so damn frustrating! It had taken her all of 90 seconds to believe my lies when I told her I didn't want her, and here I was baring my….well, not my soul, but my deepest feelings and she wouldn't accept a word of it. Well if words weren't going to do the trick, maybe actions would work. I grabbed her shoulder and shook her a little harder than I'd meant to.

"Bella," I breathed, exasperated. Really, what were you thinking!"

What was she thinking now? I paused for a moment, and to my horror, her eyes clouded over and she burst into tears.

Great job Edward!

"I knew it," she sniffed thickly through her tears. "I knew I was dreaming."

Now we were back to square one! What was I going to do with her!

"You're impossible," I moaned as I chuckled bitterly at the irony. I wasn't going to give up until I got it through to her.

"How can I put this to you so you'll believe me? You're not asleep and you're not dead! I'm here and I love you! I have always loved you and I will always love you! I was thinking of you every second I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

And I had been sure I was damned for it when I'd thought she had lost her life. Or rather, when I was sure I had taken it from her by leaving.

I watched her face carefully, hoping that I'd finally made my point, but she just shook her head at me as the tears continued to flow down her now blotchy face. I was all out of ideas on what to say next. Maybe getting her to talk would be the best thing. Then I could at least get some idea about what I was going to have to do to prove my love.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I asked, trying to stay calm in the wake of her tears. I wanted to pull her to me and kiss each one of them away.

"Why can you believe the lie but not the truth?" I asked when she didn't answer my first question right away. What had I said in the forest that was so much more persuasive than anything I'd said to her before I'd left or since I'd returned? I watched her, waiting for her to say something. The suspense of her silence was maddening.

"It never made sense for you to love me," she choked, her voice thick and uneven through her sobs. "I always knew that."

The astonishment I felt at her reasoning was unprecedented. I remembered a conversation we'd had more than a year ago in which she had described herself as "absolutely ordinary." I had tried to explain to her that she was completely wrong about that, but she hadn't understood. I'd told her time and again how beautiful and amazing she was, and she would always blush and try to contradict me. I'd meant every word of it, but apparently she thought that my statements in the forest cancelled out those sentiments too. How could she still see herself as ordinary after what she had endured in my absence! She'd gone all the way to Italy and faced a hoard of the most powerful vampires in the world to save my life, and there was another man who was in love with her, too!

I gritted my teeth at the thought of Jacob Black. He might be part human, and he might be able to give her things physically that I was incapable of, but he couldn't possibly love her the way that I did. I looked at her with narrowed eyes as I burned with jealousy at the thought of him touching her and frustration at her unwillingness to accept my declarations of devotion. Well, if I couldn't explain with words, maybe I could show her.

"I'll prove you're awake," I said forcefully, cupping her soft warm face in both of my cold hands. I would kiss her and make her understand. She tried feebly to turn away from me as I leaned in closer, but I felt her heart racing in her chest and I didn't let go of her.

"Please don't," she murmured sadly. Her words stopped me immediately, but I didn't move. I had never wanted to kiss her so badly in all the time that I'd known her. Her rejection stung me, but it was no more than I deserved. My patience was paper thin and frayed.

"Why not?" I challenged. Was this about her insecurities, Jacob Black, or something else entirely?

"When I wake up," she began and I started to argue with her. Not that ridiculous dream theory again! I couldn't stand any more of this. Maybe she needed to go to the hospital for a few days' rest.

"Okay, forget that one," she said quickly before I could speak. "When you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this too."

Did she really think I would leave her alone with Victoria running around? Hadn't I just told her how sorry I was for leaving her safety up to the werewolves? I started to contradict her again, but I knew that more talk from me wouldn't get us anywhere. It was time for her to give me some answers. I put some distance between us before I spoke, trying to brace myself for the worst.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so…hesitant, so careful," I began softly and if my heart were still beating it would have been trying to pound its way out of my body with anxiety. "I need to know why," Is it because I'm too late…because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to?" I paused again, praying that Jacob Black had not replaced me, and knowing that if he had, it was no one's fault but my own. "That would be…

_Hell for me_

… quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please…just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" My voice was just a desperate sigh now as I waited for her to say the words that would break me.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?" she replied impatiently. Her tendency to be evasive was manifesting itself again and I couldn't take anymore.

"Just answer it, please," I begged. I knew it was a stupid question, but I needed to hear her say the words outright. For her to tell me that she was in love with Jacob Black, or that she would never trust me again.

"The way I feel about you will never change," she said in a voice that was almost insulted. "Of course I love you. And there's nothing you can do about it!"

She still loved me. After all of this she was still mine.

"That's all I needed to hear." I said.

Indescribable elation flowed through my body like electricity and a second later, I leaned toward her and crushed my lips to hers, kissing her with a level of passion I had never allowed before. She responded immediately, her heart racing as she stroked my face and kissed me back. No longer tempted by her blood, I pressed myself against her as we lay side by side on her narrow bed in the dark. I stroked her face and savored the soft warmth of her skin. The burning in my throat merely intensified my need for her. I only moved my mouth a centimeter away from hers in half second intervals when I had to because she needed to breathe.

"Bella…Bella… Bella," I moaned while she caught her breath in short bursts between kisses. Her heart continued to pick up speed and I tore myself away from her reluctantly when the accelerated rhythms seemed to be making her light headed. I shifted my position, hoping that she hadn't noticed the extent of my excitement as I pressed my ear to her chest, listening to her heart and lungs working harder than usual. The sounds of life in her warm body were like the most beautiful music I'd ever heard. She was alive and we were together. She still wanted me even though I didn't deserve her, and I would never let her go again.

"By the way," I said lightly after we'd both had time to relax. "I'm not leaving you."

I waited for her to say something, but she didn't, and I understood what her unresponsiveness meant. I moved my head from her chest and looked into her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere! Not without you." I said emphatically.

"I only left in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy human life. I could see what I was doing to you…keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in…risking your life every moment I was with you," I continued, looking at her beseechingly, begging her to understand my motives for leaving.

"So I had to try…I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish." I paused for a fraction of a second to gage her expression. She was looking intently at me, but her face was calm and impassive, so I couldn't tell what she was thinking. She had clearly learned to control her emotions much more carefully while I had been away.

"Only you could be more important than what I wanted…what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you. I know I'll never be strong enough to leave you again. I have too many excuses to stay…thank heaven for that! It seems that you can't be safe no matter how many miles I put between us." I said, smiling slightly to myself. Bella still needed a guardian vampire.

My smile vanished when I saw the look on her face change from neutral to pained and doubtful.

"Don't promise me anything," She said softly and the mistrust in her voice was painfully obvious. I had poured out my heart to her, kissed her, touched her; I'd done everything to show her how much I loved her…the hurt I felt made me want to lash out at her, and I was angry.

"You think I'm lying to you now?" I asked her furiously. I watched her closely, seeing the fear and sadness in her dark eyes. I was instantly full of remorse. I had no right to be angry. She was only trying to protect herself from more pain. She'd suffered so much because of what I'd done. What else could I expect?

"No, not lying," she replied finally with a shake of her head. She paused for a moment, the familiar frown creasing the space between her eyebrows. She seemed to be trying to think through her response. The suspense was killing me.

"You could mean it now," she continued. "But what about tomorrow when you think of all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I tensed in pain at the memory of that horrible night that had set off a life altering chain of events for both of us. I would have to deal with the repercussions of all the errors in judgment I'd made in response to Jasper's lapse in control for a long time to come. The hardest of which would be working to regain the trust that Bella had given me so freely before.

I waited for her to say more, but she was lost in her thoughts again. I could only hope that she was trying to process everything that I'd said to her tonight.

"It isn't as though you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" She said finally. "You'll end up doing what you think is right."

I hadn't thought it through long enough, apparently. Otherwise I might have taken the time to calm down and think rationally. Well, probably not. I had never been rational when it came to Bella's safety. I worried incessantly over her from the moment I knew that I loved her. Her human frailty frightened the hell out of me, and all the near death experiences she'd had intensified my fears.

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," I admitted, swallowing the last of my pride. I had never been strong enough to stay away from her, and I would never have the fortitude to leave her again. It was too painful to even think about. I was already worried about letting her out of my sight to go hunting. I would have to do that soon; I was getting weaker by the day.

"Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; before Rosalie told me the news, I was coming back anyway. I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to get through a single hour. It was only a matter of time, and not much of it, before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that." Begging was the least that I could do. Maybe shameless pleading would convince her where my words and kisses had failed.

"Be serious, please," Bella replied, wincing. She didn't think I meant it. Getting her to trust me again was going to be harder than I thought.

"Oh I am," I replied forcefully. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?" There were no words to sufficiently describe the profound love I have for her, but I would try my best, and I would start from the beginning. I needed to say all the things I'd never told her. I'd taken it for granted that she'd understood, at least to a certain extent, how strong my feelings were, but I was wrong. I looked at her for a long moment to make sure I had her full attention. Her eyes were completely focused on me, so I took a deep breath and made myself more vulnerable to her than I ever had before.

"Before you Bella, my life was like a moonless night," I began, thinking of when I'd first met her and I'd ran off to Alaska. "Very dark, but there were points of light and reason…and then you shot across my sky like a meteor." I remembered looking at the stars and only seeing her face after that first day. "Suddenly, everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore, and there was no more reason for anything."

I suddenly realized that the astronomy analogy was perfect. The light had gone completely from my universe when I'd left her behind; as though it had been sucked into a black hole; still in existence, but invisible to me. I was the event horizon on the outside of the light.

"Your eyes will adjust," she answered quietly. Did that mean she was going to send me away? Was she trying to assure me that I would move on someday? Fear rose in my throat, constricting it for a moment. Did she really think that I could go back to the dark, lonely existence I'd lived before I met her? Before I had the knowledge of a love so powerful that I would move heaven and earth for it? I was permanently and irreversibly altered by the beautiful and extraordinary woman in front of me.

"That's just the problem," I replied. "They can't."

"What about your distractions?" she asked. I laughed bitterly. She was going to make me explain and recant every single lie I'd told her in the forest that day.

"Just part of the lie, love," I replied. "There was no distraction from the…agony." Agony; yes, I supposed that word would do. "My heart hasn't beat in almost 90 years, but this was different; it was like my heart was gone…like I was hollow….like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

I remembered the unrelenting emptiness I'd felt from the moment I'd lied to her in the forest until I'd seen her again in Volterra and I shuddered imperceptibly.

"That's funny," she muttered.

Was she mocking me now?

"Funny?" I repeated questioningly, trying to keep the pain out of my voice.

"I meant strange; I thought it was just me," she explained. "Lots of pieces of me went missing too. I haven't been able to breathe in so long." She took a deep breath as she said this, as though she hadn't taken in any air for several minutes. "And my heart, that was definitely lost."

I relaxed as I understood that she wasn't making fun of me; she was comparing her feelings with mine. I wrapped my arms around her again and laid my head back on her chest, listening to the steady pounding inside her. She turned her head and pressed her cheek into my hair, and I smiled. We were finally getting somewhere.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction, then?" she asked me, and I could feel the vibration of her voice on the side of my face. My smile vanished and I took a deep breath. It looked like I was going to have to admit to my ineptitude at tracking too. My ego was in shreds already, so why not? I had Bella back, and that was all that mattered anyway.

"No," I replied, exhaling loudly. "That was never a distraction; it was an obligation."

"What does that mean," she asked, and her breath in my hair tickled my scalp. It was wonderful.

"It means that while I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with…" I broke off, thinking of how the revenge I was seeking had backfired. I had underestimated her tenacity and intelligence and overestimated my own.

"Well, like I said I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas and I followed a false lead down to Brazil." I thought I was so clever when I found those credit card receipts, but she'd planted them and I took the bait. "And really she came here; I wasn't even on the right continent; and all the while, worse than my worst fears…" I groaned audibly. My arrogance had led Victoria straight to Bella; so while I was holed up in Rio, wandering the streets and wallowing in my misery, my love was fighting for her life and hiding behind werewolves.

"You were hunting Victoria!" Bella cried angrily. Her voice was so loud that she nearly woke Charlie. We both froze and waited for him to settle back in to a deeper sleep before resuming our conversation.

"Not well," I conceded as I got up to look at Bella. Half of my face was warm from the contact with her chest and I hated to pull away. Her expression confused me; it was alarmed almost to the point of hostility. Was she angry with me for letting Victoria slip away; for leading her here? "But she won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer," I assured her.

Carlisle and the others were probably monitoring our territory at this very moment, and if Victoria was in the area there was no way she could elude all of them; they were much more skilled than a bunch of mutant dogs. I desperately wanted to kill her myself, but as long as she died I guess it didn't matter which of us finished her.

"That is…out of the question," she spluttered finally. There was an anxious expression on her face that I still didn't totally understand. Surely she didn't want me to just let her go? There was no way I could do that.

"It's too late for her," I replied coldly. "I might have let the other time slide, but not, now!"

Not after she sent Laurent after Bella…not after she'd spent weeks trying to kill her. I hated to admit it, even to myself, but I was grateful for the Quileutes.; if they hadn't looked after her…Bella might have…

"Not after…" I continued, planning to explain my logic, but Bella interrupted me.

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?" she accused, and her face was pained and wary again. "That isn't exactly compatible with a long tracking expedition."

Ahh! Her anxiety made sense now. She was afraid that I was going to go off and leave her again. That was impossible. I kept forgetting how little she trusted me.

"I will keep my promise, Bella," I replied with a low instinctive snarl. "But Victoria is going to die soon."

"Let's not be hasty," Bella answered quickly, her voice shaky. "Maybe she's not coming back. I'll bet Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. "Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

Carlisle had already predicted that the wolves would impede our ability to search for Victoria, because we would have to be extra aware of the treaty lines and Alice couldn't see around them. I wanted her dead. But it hadn't occurred to me that she might have vanished entirely thanks to Jacob Black and his kennel mates. Jacob Black.

Jake.

I hated the way she said his name. There was a subtle affection in her tone that made me burn with jealousy. I imagined how much fun it would be to rip them both apart, Victoria and the dog.

"It's true. The werewolves are a problem," I muttered more to myself than in response to Bella's comment about having bigger problems than Victoria. I frowned to myself, wondering what I was going to do about making sure the boy stayed away from Bella.

Bella laughed impatiently. I looked up in surprise at the sound.  
"I wasn't talking about Jacob," she said, still chuckling. "My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent werewolves getting themselves into trouble."

She still had no survival instincts. Naturally, she should have been scared of the wolves but she wasn't. Typical Bella! Well, I had to make her understand that there was nothing funny about werewolves.

The somber lecture I wanted to give her on the dangers of werewolves was on the tip of my tongue before I stopped myself. I ground my teeth; now wasn't the time to argue about the subject. We had so many other things to think about. I had just gotten Bella back and I didn't want to start a fight. So, I wouldn't bring it up until I had to. I focused instead on something else she said that was almost as foolhardy.

"Really, what would be your greatest problem?" I asked her skeptically, wondering what could possibly be worse than a mad vampire running wild in the area. "That would make Victoria returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison."

"How about the second greatest?" she responded uncomfortably, biting her lower lip as was her custom when she was nervous.

"All right," I said warily. How many problems did she have anyway?

"There are others who are coming to look for me," She whispered tremulously.

Ahh. The Volturi of course! To her they would seem to be more of a threat, especially since our terrifying encounter with them was so fresh in her mind. But I wasn't nearly as worried about them as I was matters that were closer to home. Yet, I had to wonder what could possibly be worse than Victoria, the wolves, and the Volturi?

"The Volturi are only the second greatest?" I asked her curiously.

"You don't seem that upset about it," she replied, not answering my question. This inflamed my curiosity, but I didn't question her further. She would tell me in her own time, and it was more important for me to comfort her than anything else right now. She'd been through a terrible ordeal.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through," I replied simply, and this was perfectly true. "Time means something different to them than it does to you, or even to me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again."

I wasn't prepared for the intense hurt and fear that marred her face in response to my words. Her eyes filled with unexpected tears. She was so frightened, and it was all because she'd come looking for me. How could I be so insensitive! I should have known from her nightmares that she was still reeling from what she'd witnessed in Italy.

"You don't have to be afraid," I soothed. "I won't let them hurt you." I had made my plans already. I would make sure they never found her. I'd seen the look on her face when she'd witnessed those people being herded into that cold dark hallway for dinner. I wouldn't condemn her to this life, especially not now.

"While you're here," she whispered. What was I going to have to do to convince her of my sincerity! I took her damp face in my hands and pulled it up to mine so that she could see into my eyes.

"I will never leave you again!" I said fiercely, repeating my promise.

"But you said…thirty," she sniffed, her face crumpling. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

That wasn't what I'd expected. How many times was she going to surprise me tonight? She still wanted to be changed! Or, at least she thought she did. She had never seen a newborn vampire in action, and she was still so young…she still had so much to lose; her ability to have children, to be in the sun, to be with her parents, and most of all, she risked losing her soul. Still, it was hard to resist her impulsive desire for this life when she looked at me with tears on her face…when I thought of keeping her with me forever. But I wouldn't allow my own selfish desires to cloud my vision. I wouldn't permit anyone to change her, not for me and not for the Volturi. I was sure of that.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," I answered her through pursed lips. "What choice have I? I cannot be without you but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really…" she began in a thick, uneven voice. But, she didn't finish her sentence. Instead she looked away from me, her soft face still wet with tears, reconsidering whatever it was she wanted to ask me.

"Yes," I prompted her after a moment. I wanted to hear what she was thinking.

"But what about when I get so old people think I'm your mother, or your grandmother," she said in an appalled whisper.

She was afraid that I wouldn't want her when she was older. Was this all about vanity, then? I doubted it. I was sure there was more to her question…more that she wanted to say, and I could infer the rest.

"That doesn't mean anything to me," I murmured, kissing away her tears. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world." I wanted her to know that I would always love her no matter what… love her unconditionally no matter what she decided to do with her mortal life. But, it was hard to say the words for selfish reasons.

"Of course…" I began, unable to keep the fear out of my face, "If you outgrew me…if you wanted something more…I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me." I meant it. It would kill me, but I would let her go if that was what she ever needed. I would watch over her and try to be happy for her.

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she said bitterly. Of course I did. I'd resigned myself to her eventual fate and to mine as well.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can," I assured her. I hadn't changed my mind about that. When she left this world, so would I.

"That is seriously…sick," she hissed. I had expected her reaction. She'd been appalled when I'd first mentioned this course of action to her last fall, and back then she hadn't totally understood how serious I was.

"Bella," I protested, ignoring the remark she made about my sanity. "It's the only right way left…"

"Let's just back up for a minute," she interrupted angrily. She wasn't crying now. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. Even if they don't remember me until I'm thirty…do you really think they'll forget?"

They wouldn't forget. She knew that just as well as I did, but I had a plan for that too. I'd had time to think about it while she was asleep.

"No," I replied slowly. "They won't forget, but…"

"But?" she interrupted me impatiently.

I smiled reassuringly at her. "I have a few plans."

"And these plans," she hissed angrily, reminding me irresistibly of her father for a moment. "These plans all center around me staying human?"

"Naturally," I replied simply. This was a foregone conclusion. She believed me on this matter at least, even if she doubted other things that I'd told her tonight. I was sure my plans would work, especially after Bella's immunity to Aro.

She glared stubbornly at me, and I returned the angry expression. I usually saw her fury as endearing, but the seriousness of this situation made it hard to be amused, and I had never seen her so upset with me. The anger in her face did not soften as it usually did after a time. She sighed in exasperation after a long moment before she pushed me away and sat upright in the bed.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked her sadly. I could hear her heart rate change as I said the words. I tried not to look hurt as I braced myself for her to throw me out.

"No," she replied, her voice businesslike. "I'm leaving." She got up and left me lying alone on her little bed, still wrapped in her blankets. She stumbled around the room, unable to see in the dark, searching for something…her shoes more than likely. I could see them sitting at the foot of the bed, but I wasn't about to help her find them. I was too afraid of where she might be headed.

"May I ask where you are going?" I inquired, terribly afraid that she was going to say La Push. I couldn't follow her there, and Jacob Black would be more than happy to see her. Charlie was going to ground her, but he wouldn't be awake for several hours, and he probably wouldn't object to any plans she had with her Quileute friends anyway.

"I'm going to your house," she said as she bent down beside the bed to look underneath it.

That was unexpected, but I was relieved; I didn't think sneaking out of the house was wise, but at least she was going somewhere that I could go too. I got up off the bed and picked up the sneakers sitting next to the footboard.

"Here are your shoes," I said, handing them to her. "How did you plan to get there?"

"My truck," she replied. That noisy fossil would wake the dead, and Charlie would be up as soon as she turned the key. He would know where she was going, and that would fuel his already unparalleled anger at me.

"That will probably wake Charlie," I said, hoping to get her to reconsider. I had a sinking suspicion that she wanted to see Alice to discuss the argument we'd just had because she knew my sister would support her, and I really didn't want to deal with both of them.

"I know," she answered sadly. "But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

With Bella, there were no limits on the amount of trouble she could find. But, saying such a thing was a really bad idea.

"None," I said instead. "He'll blame me, not you." That was true, and I was hoping to play on her sympathies by pointing that out.

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears," She countered.

"Stay here," I replied, knowing that I was wasting my breath. Bella never backed away from anything when she'd made up her mind; she was the most determined person I'd ever known. And right now, she was hell bent on going to my house to further her cause.

"No dice," she said jokingly. "But you make yourself at home." It was nice to hear the humor in her voice, but there was nothing funny about the idea of Charlie finding me here, or of Bella talking to Alice about changing her. She started to walk toward the door to leave, but I was standing in front of it before she even had time to register my movements. She scowled at me and started toward the window.

She looked out of the smudged glass as though she was trying to see how far down it was. She knew I would never let her jump out of her second story window.

"Okay," I said, knowing she was going to go no matter what. I sighed in resignation. "I'll give you a ride."

She shrugged nonchalantly at me. "Either way, but you should probably be there too."

I frowned, not understanding what she meant. "And why is that?" I asked, knowing that the answer wasn't going to be to my liking.

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated," she replied in a methodical tone. "And I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

"My views on which subject?" I grumbled, though I already knew. Did she really think that talking to Alice would have any impact on my opinion or my sister's? Alice had been saying that Bella would be changed for over a year now, and she'd actually debated on doing the job herself. Was Bella going to give me a chance to try to stop her?

"This isn't just about you anymore," Bella replied in the same businesslike voice. "You're not the center of the universe you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us for something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

Stupid? My family…not just Alice, but the whole family? This was not going to be good.

"A say in what," I asked her unnecessarily. She was going to try to get all of them behind her.

"M y mortality," she answered, confirming my strong and unpleasant suspicions. "I'm putting it to a vote."

Without another words, I took her into my arms and jumped out of the window, already planning my counter arguments.

You'll either kill her yourself or she'll be one of us some day. Alice had predicted.

I didn't know what my family would decide tonight. As I checked to make sure Bella was comfortably and securely wrapped around my back before I started running, I was suddenly sure that I was fighting fate. All I could hope to do what prolong the inevitable, and at that moment, I had no idea how to manage it. 

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	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 Discourse**

Even though I was really worried about Bella's plans to persuade my family to change her, I couldn't help but appreciate the pleasure of running with her again. The sensation of her body pressed against me was indescribable. I could feel the heat of her arms and legs wrapped tightly around me; hear her heart beating steadily against my cold back, and the warmth of her breath on my skin was a soft sigh. She rested her head upon my shoulder, the cool, damp breeze rushing through her hair as she watched our progress through the sea of evergreen trees.

As I ran, I tried to think of many arguments to counter Bella's request. The most pressing concern that my family would want to address was the threat of the Volturi. I'd decided the strongest point I could make would entail explaining how Bella's immunity to their talents put them at a disadvantage. The other factor would be timing; if she were to be changed, we would have to plan carefully to avoid rousing suspicion, not to mention the treaty. I hoped my arguments would buy me some time at the very least.

Bella interrupted my clever plans when she turned her face toward me and kissed my neck. I could feel that wonderfully familiar tingling heat pass through my skin where her lips had touched me. I didn't know if she realized it or not, but this was the first time she had initiated any physical contact between us since we'd returned home.

"Thank you," I said gratefully in response to the gesture. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

She laughed, and for the first time since we'd been reunited she sounded like my Bella.

"Not really," she replied. "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up; not tonight." I grimaced and gritted my teeth. I had my work cut out for me.

I'll earn your trust back," I vowed, "if it's my final act." I would spend the rest of my remaining years making things up to her, no matter what I had to do.

"I trust you," Bella replied after a moment's pause. "It's me I don't trust."

I felt a twinge of fear at her words. Was she saying that she didn't trust her judgment when it came to our relationship or was she torn over her feelings for someone else? Someone I didn't want to think about.

"Explain that please." I said curiously. I reduced my speed as I approached the stretch of forest near the house. As I waited for her answer, I listened to the familiar sounds of home.

I could hear the rushing water from the nearby river, and Emmett's laughter as he and Rosalie watched an old cartoon on the pricey Korean TV Emmett had just gotten. I was surprised Rose was sitting through a Bugs Bunny marathon but she was in a good mood. Esme and Carlisle were in his study talking about the events of the last few days and Alice was rearranging everyone's closets and unpacking clothes with Jasper's reluctant assistance. She was waiting patiently for Bella and me to arrive, but she hadn't said anything to the others yet.

"Well," Bellla began, her head still nestled into my shoulder. She seemed to be trying to figure out how she wanted to phrase her response and I was getting impatient as usual. "I don't trust myself to be…enough to deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."

This was the last thing I had expected to hear, but I shouldn't have been so surprised. Bella had always harbored a certain level of insecurity because she had a skewed perception of me, but after I'd left her, that insecurity must have taken on a new meaning. She was afraid I would leave her again through some fault of her own. This was ridiculous, of course. She had everything backwards again. She was the one who was too good for me, and it was never her fault that I'd gone. The fear and the pain in her voice was agonizing.

As soon as I stopped walking, I reached behind me to help her down. I set her on her feet and embraced her at once, stroking her hair and holding her close to me. I had to make her understand.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I reassured her emphatically. "Never doubt that."

Bella hid her face from me and I sensed her skepticism. There was something else I'd wanted to ask her, and I had a feeling there would be a correlation between this issue and her response.

"You never did tell me," I started to ask the question, but I knew I wouldn't like the answer and I hesitated.

"What?" she prompted.

"What your greatest problem is," I finished reluctantly. She looked up at me and sighed sadly. This was going to be bad.

"I'll give you one guess," she replied, tapping my nose with one soft fingertip.

I nodded knowingly, trying to hide the pain this revelation caused me. It was pain I deserved a hundred times over.

"I'm worse than the Volturi," I answered darkly. "I guess I've earned that." I had earned it, but it was still hard to hear. I scared her more than a bunch of elitist monsters that threatened her life and gave her nightmares.

She rolled her eyes at me, and the gesture confused me. Would I ever figure her out completely? I was willing to spend the rest of our lives trying.

"The worst the Volturi can do is kill me," she answered bluntly.

I was shocked and anxious as I searched her face for some hint of the meaning behind her words.

"You can leave me," she clarified in a sad, desperate whisper. "The Volturi…Victoria; they're nothing compared to that."

The burning, torturous grief that rushed through me was so pronounced that I gasped. She would rather lose her life than to have me abandon her again. My love was more important to her than her own survival. She'd told me this in a different way before, but I'd never really comprehended it. I was such a fool for leaving her alone, for not understanding. She had nearly died at the hands of Victoria and the Volturi, but I had nearly killed her in another way. She'd been dying of a broken heart for months before Victoria had ever come back to Forks. Had she been trying to speed up the process by jumping off that cliff? Charlie's account of her behavior in my absence had made Alice believed she was suicidal. Bella's pronouncement meshed with that theory.

"Don't," Bella murmured softly as she registered the pain on my face. She stroked my cheek in an attempt to soothe me. "Don't be sad."

Sad was a powerful understatement; her words cut me to the core. But, they were true and I deserved every morsel of heartache they caused me. I couldn't allow her to see how much what she'd said had hurt me, though. I didn't want her to ever be afraid to tell me how she felt about what I'd done. I tried to smile at her, but it was a feeble effort.

"If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you," I sighed quietly, knowing the words were meaningless to her. How could she trust anything I said after what I'd done?

"Time, I suppose will be the way to convince you." I continued. I knew the only thing I could do was allow my actions to sway her; I had to be patient.

"Okay," she answered with a nod. She was going to give me time to show her. The idea made me feel a little better, but only marginally. She stared intently at me and I could tell she regretted her honesty.

"So, since you're staying, can I have my stuff back?" she asked in an attempt to change the subject. She tried to sound cheerful but I knew she only wanted to make me feel better.

I laughed at her choice of topics. Bella never cared for material things.

"Your things were never gone," I confessed. I thought of the reasons I'd left those mementos behind and the black bag I'd carried all around the world with me before I explained further.

"I knew it was wrong since I promised you peace without reminders; it was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets…they're all under your floorboards."

"Really?" Bella asked, and she looked very pleased about this.

I nodded in affirmation, and I was glad this seemingly inconsequential fact made her happy. How odd! I had assumed just the opposite would be true after hearing about the way she'd gotten rid of all of her books and CD's. The current state of her room seemed to indicate that she hadn't wanted any tangible reminders of me at all.

She scrutinized my expression and I saw that she was still worried about having hurt my feelings.

"I think," she said pensively, biting down on her bottom lip for a moment. "I'm not sure but I wonder…." She paused again, still thinking. "I think maybe I knew the whole time."

"What did you know?" I asked curiously. Her attempts to distract me were working to a degree. My interest in her silent mind had temporarily sidetracked me.

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you cared whether I lived or died; that's probably why I was hearing the voices." She replied thoughtfully.

I stood there, frozen in place by her insane words. She'd been hearing voices in her head because she thought I cared nothing for her welfare!

My absence had driven her mad.

"Voices?" I managed finally, making every effort to keep the fear out of my voice.

"Well, just one voice," she explained reluctantly as she studied my face. "Yours…It's a long story."

She could see the worry in my expression and I could tell she didn't want to elaborate but I needed to hear the rest.

"I've got time," I replied calmly. I needed to be able to assess her mental state. If she needed counseling for some mental health condition she'd developed while I was gone I would make sure she got it.

"It's pretty pathetic," she answered apologetically. I didn't respond; I just waited for her to explain.

"Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?" she asked finally. Was she going to confess the real reason why she'd jumped off that cliff?

"You jumped off a cliff for fun," I said flatly.

"Umm, right," she answered uncomfortably. "And before that, with the motorcycle…"

"Motorcycle?" I interjected as fresh anger began to bubble up inside me. Who the hell had been teaching her of all people to ride a motorcycle? But, of course, I knew the answer.

Stupid, irresponsible mongrel! I bit back a growl.

Werewolves, vengeful vampires, and motorcycles! I was never going to let her out of my sight again.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part," she said nervously, sensing the fury that was building in my chest.

"No," I answered stiffly, forcing myself not to get sidetracked with this new horrifying piece of information. I had to get to the bottom of the truth about her state of mind.

"Well, about that," she said worriedly. "See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid… I could remember you more clearly." she paused for a moment and I felt a little relief at her assessment. At least she was cognizant enough to see that her actions were unwise.

"I could remember how you sounded when you were angry," she continued. "I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much. It was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt and…well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because…underneath it all, I knew you hadn't stopped loving me."

"You…were…risking your…life to hear…" I choked in a horrified whisper. Well this wasn't what I'd imagined but it made me feel even colder than I already was. She was cognizant of her actions, but what she'd been doing was the saddest, most desperate thing I'd ever heard.

"Shh," she interrupted, cutting me off mid-sentence. "I think I'm having an epiphany."

I silently berated myself while I waited for her to tell me what it was that this conversation had helped her understand. How could I have done this to her? She'd been in so much pain that she'd tried to hold on to me by nearly ending her life. The fact that she was still alive was extraordinary; a sign that she should stay human, I was sure of it. Had she decided the same thing?

"Oh!" she exclaimed finally.

"Bella?" I urged, unable to take the suspense any longer.

"Oh, okay…I see," she said, nodding to herself.

"Your epiphany?" I begged.

"You love me," she said in apparent amazement.

"Truly I do," I answered with a smile. Her face was alight with a fevered happiness that I had never seen before. And an instant later I had an epiphany of my own.

She finally understood and so did I.

Bella was perfectly sane; it was our love that defied all rational thought, not her. Our connection to each other was extraordinary and unbreakable. It went against the laws of nature, of logic and age and reason. It was perfect…a miracle.

Our love was powerful enough to try to force us both to see a truth we'd been denying for the last half year. And the truth was we couldn't survive without each other. I'd seen signs everywhere; messages from some higher power begging me to go back and she'd heard me in her mind as a voice of concern and caution that pled with her to understand how essential she was to my existence.

Fate had been trying to push us back together the whole time we were apart. I would never fight fate again, whether I had a soul or not.

An instant later, I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her with even more passion than I had in her room an hour before. I felt her heart racing beneath her chest and the rise of her body temperature as I stroked her face with my fingers and her lips with my tongue. My breathing was ragged and my hands were shaking when I finally forced myself to pull back before I got too carried away. I rested my cold forehead on her hot one and tried to catch my breath.

I_ really _wanted to get carried away.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I panted, shifting a little to adjust my slacks before she had the chance to notice; one of the advantages of vampire speed.

"Better at what?" she asked in a breathless whisper. Her heart was still pounding.

"Surviving," I replied. "You at least made an effort; you got up in the morning and tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't tracking I was…."

I paused, feeling needlessly embarrassed. Bella and I had already made ourselves completely vulnerable to each other tonight. What would be the point of holding back now? She should know that I had no right to judge her, nor would I.

"….totally useless," I went on. "I couldn't be around my family…I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to say that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." I smiled sadly and if I were capable of blushing I would have turned tomato red. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices, and you know I do that too."

I saw the intense relief on her face as I said this. She'd been worried about what I would think of her confession.

"I only heard one voice," she contradicted with a smile. I couldn't help but laugh. We were quite the pair, Bella and I. I wrapped my arms around her and we continued to walk toward the house.

"I'm just humoring you with this," I warned her, gesturing through the trees toward home as I led her through the trees. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

I knew she was going to be angry with me, so I thought I might as well speak up before we were surrounded by my family. I had already made up my mind; regardless of what Alice and Bella thought, I had no intention of allowing Bella's transformation plans to be decided by some ridiculous vote influenced by scare tactics. This wasn't an election and Bella's fate would not be dictated by Aro and his minions.

"This affects them now, too," Bella argued, frowning slightly at me. I shrugged. I wasn't going to discuss the matter further.

I led her up the front porch steps and opened the front door. The entryway was dark now; everyone was already waiting for us. Alice had told them we were coming and Bella wanted to meet with the whole family, but she hadn't explained why. They were all curiously expectant as we walked into the house.

I turned on the lights in the front room, and Bella squinted as her eyes adjusted to the change. She looked around the room, taking in the familiar sight with eager eyes. Everything was just as it was the last time she was here; she seemed surprised. I supposed she'd though we emptied the place before we left. I called out the names of all of my family one by one and I heard their whisper quiet movements as they responded. Carlisle was the first to greet us; he was pleased to see us both.

"Welcome back, Bella," Carlisle said, surprising her. His movements were too fast for her to see and she wasn't expecting to find him standing next to her. "What can we do for you this morning? He asked.

_**I can see that she's forgiven you already…that was fast. But, I knew she would. She loves you, and I'm glad to see you together.**_ He added mentally.

"I imagine, given the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?" Carlisle continued when Bella didn't answer him right away.

"I'd like to talk to everyone at once if that's okay," Bella replied with a nod. "About something important." She added. She looked over at me as though she was waiting for my protests to begin, but I didn't say anything. Carlisle was also studying my expression.

_**You look upset so I can only assume this has to do with her future plans to become one of us,**_ Carlisle thought at me. His eyes met mine and I nodded so subtly that Bella didn't notice.

"Of course," Carlisle replied aloud to Bella's request. "Why don't we all talk in the other room."

We followed him wordlessly into the large dining room that we used strictly for family meetings. Esme's antique dining room table for eight would have been wasted otherwise. I pulled out a chair for Bella and took the seat beside her as the others entered one by one and took their usual places.

_**Every chair is filled now! Our family is complete and together again!**_ Esme thought, beaming at me as she sat down beside Carlisle.

B_**ella's first family meeting, huh Edward…and she called it herself and everything! This should be fun.**_ Emmett added silently, smiling at me before he gave Bella an inquisitive look.

_**What are you so upset about, Edward?**_ Jasper thought, staring at Bella with curious eyes. Surely you're not mad at her already. _**She's anxious too…Aha! I bet I know what this is all about. No wonder Alice is so excited.**_

_**I told you she'd forgive you**_, Rosalie thought as she smiled slightly at Bella. The change in her attitude was nice, but I was too upset over the subject at hand to really appreciate it.

_**Yay!**_ Alice thought excitedly as she gave Bella a knowing smile. _**It's about time we worked out the details. I told you this would happen, Edward. You can't stop it. I'm going to have to get Jazz to calm you down if you don't relax and I really don't want to. He's feeling a little worn down from everything that's happened over the last few days. **_

I glared at her, and she suddenly started reciting the names of Foo Fighters songs in alphabetical order to keep me out of her head. She was hiding something from me.

"The floor is yours," Carlisle said to Bella with a nod after everyone had settled in.

Bella gulped, looking nervously around the room and I took her hand automatically. I could feel her turn her gaze toward me, but I was too preoccupied with trying to read the others to meet her eyes. Their thoughts were all expectant, but only Carlisle, Alice and Jasper seemed to understand what Bella wanted.

"Well," Bella said in a nervous but clear voice. "I'm hoping that Alice has already told you about everything that happened in Volterra?" she asked.

"Everything," Alice affirmed with a smile.

_**Including our chat about changing her**_ Alice added mentally to me.

"And on the way?" Bella prodded her, asking the question Alice had just answered for me.

"That, too," Alice replied with a nod.

"Good," Bella said with a small sigh, relaxing a little. "Then we're all on the same page."

I looked around at the others as comprehension echoed in Rosalie, Emmett and Esme's minds at the same time. We were indeed all on the same page now, as Bella put it.

_**No wonder Edward's pissed,**_ Emmett thought, smiling a little. _**Squirt wants to talk about Alice changing her. That's why Alice looks so smug!**_

**Y**_**ou need to make her think this through, Edward**_. Rosalie mused urgently. _**Alice has her own agenda here**_.

_**Oh, Edward, please try to stay calm,**_ Esme thought desperately. _**We just got you both back…please don't start a fight. **_

"So I have a problem," Bella continued after a brief pause.

I felt a terrible surge of guilt and anger. This was MY fault, not hers. And, it wasn't HER problem, it was OUR problem. Every single member of my family was thinking the same thing; none of us would leave Bella to face this alone. We would all fight for her.

"Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you," Bella continued. "They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing…something to avoid. So now this involves all of you. I'm sorry about that," she paused to take in the expressions of everyone sitting around the table. The look on her face was remorseful, and she had no right to feel any responsibility for this burden.

My face twisted in pain and before I could compose myself, Bella saw my expression. She didn't react to what she'd seen though; she was trying to stay focused.

"But I'm not going to force myself on you whether Alice is willing or not," Bella assured us.

I glared at Alice again. She'd been blocking me ever since the start of this conversation, but when her eyes met mine, she slipped for a moment. She was afraid to change Bella herself and she was hoping that Carlisle would consent to do it. She composed herself a half second later and I had no idea if she had seen what Carlisle would decide. I gritted my teeth.

_**Well, Bella's trying to be diplomatic, I'll give her that, **_Rosalie thought. _**But I won't support this anyway. **_

At least I had one person on my side.

_**Surely she doesn't think we don't want her,**_ Esme thought loudly. She started to speak, but Bella silenced her with a gesture of her hand.

"Please let me finish," Bella interjected politely. "You all know what I want, and I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too."

Jasper nodded toward me, thinking that Alice and I were feeling equally passionate in our opposing views on the subject.

_**We certainly do know what Edward thinks,**_ Carlisle mused silently, smiling a little. I glowered at him.

_**Damn right we do,**_ Emmett thought. _**You're just as stubborn as she is, bro**_.

"I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote," Bella went on. "If you decide you don't want me, then…" she gulped nervously again. "I guess I'll go back to Italy alone…I can't have them coming here." she frowned at the words.

I snarled angrily at her words. As if I would allow her to do that! As if any of us would let her face the Volturi alone, the others thought collectively, including Rosalie. Bella thought she was giving everyone a chance to make a fair choice, but my family was shocked that she would even entertain the idea of going back to Volterra.

"Taking into account then that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire," Bella said evenly. She smiled slightly and acknowledged Carlisle.

_**I think changing her is probably for the best.**_ Carlisle thought. I_**t's what she wants, and the Volturi will act accordingly if we don't comply with their decree. We'll have to leave of course, but we're lucky they even offered the option. I've never known them to give anyone a chance like this. **_

"I have something to add before we vote," I said quickly before Carlisle could say yes. Beside me, Bella sighed in irritation but I ignored her.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," I continued. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

Alice nearly laughed out loud at the irony of my statement, since I was always overly anxious when it came to Bella. The others however were listening to me with open minds. I felt a surge of hope.

"You see," I said eagerly. "There was more than one reason I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of and I didn't want to clue them in." I smiled reassuringly at the group.

_**I find that hard to believe, Edward**_, Jasper thought. T_**he Volturi are impeccably thorough. **_

"Which was?" Alice prodded me skeptically.

_**This had better be good; otherwise you aren't going to be able to convince Carlisle or Jasper. **_ She added mentally.

"The Volturi are overconfident," I replied, hoping to address Jasper's silent concerns effectively as I tried to convince the others. "When they decide to find someone, it isn't really a problem." I looked over at Bella, who was eyeing me with the same level of doubt that Alice was.

"Do you remember Demetri?" I asked her patiently. I wanted to try to sway her as well. She shivered involuntarily; she would never forget Demetri. Her fear only strengthened my resolve. I wanted to ease her mind. She needed to know that I wasn't going to allow anyone to hurt her and she didn't have to choose this life out of fear.

"He finds people," I said, addressing the rest of my family again. "That's his talent…that's why they keep him around. Now, the whole time we were with them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works."

"He's a tracker…a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does." I paused for a moment as I tried to find the right word to explain Demetri's formidable gift. "He catches the…flavor?" I don't know how to describe it…the tenor of someone's mind and then he follows that. It works over immense distances."

_**I see where you're going with this Edward and its nonsense!**_ Alice thought emphatically, interrupting me for an infinitesimal moment. I ignored her pessimism.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I shrugged, watching them as they absorbed the meaning of my words.

_**Bella was immune to Aro and Jane and you've inferred that Demetri wouldn't be able to find her.**_ Carlisle thought, and he inclined his head slightly in my direction. I_** see your logic, but I'm not entirely convinced that it will work. Hmmm**_. He mused silently.

_**That's a really flimsy plan**_, Rosalie snarled silently at me.

_**I don't know about this Edward,**_ Esme mused doubtfully, rubbing her chin as she considered my theory.

_**Guess you thought this up while she was asleep…real slick bro.**_ Emmett thought, smiling a little at me.

_**I see,**_ Jasper thought with a nod.

"You think he won't be able to find me," Bella said in an almost bored voice, summarizing the conclusion my entire family had reached.

"I'm sure of it," I answered confidently. The odds of turning this travesty of an election in my favor seemed to be improving a little. "He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?" Bella asked irritably. Everyone understood where I was going with this, and I was sure she did, too but she wanted me to elaborate so she could find some weakness in my plan to exploit.

Good luck with that, love.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell me when they are planning a visit and I'll hide you," I replied smugly. "They'll be helpless. It'll be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack."

_**Speaking of haystacks and straws, I think you're grasping at them, as they say,**_ Carlisle thought humorously. _**I suppose you think running away with her sounds romantic**_. He added wordlessly.

Romantic? Hmmm…Carlisle was joking, but maybe I could make it that way. I was suddenly thinking of isolated and sunny places to take Bella… Isle Esme, perhaps? She would enjoy the beach.

"But they can find you," Bella argued with a frown.

"And I can take care of myself," I countered, stating the obvious. I could take care of her, too.

_**Yes!**_ Emmett thought excitedly as he reached across the table with his fist. _**You could take him down if he did find you and then we'd be in the clear. **_

"Excellent plan, my brother," Emmett said aloud with his booming laugh. I reached over to bump fists with him in a cave man sort of way.

"No," Rosalie said angrily through gritted teeth.

_**Even if they can't find you they'll find the rest of us! Do you want to get us all killed? I don't think Bella should be changed either, but your plan is ridiculous! You're a fool!**_ She added mentally, throwing insults at me.

"Absolutely not!" Bella replied angrily. She gave me a disgusted look. She was always worried about me, which was absurd.

"Nice," Jasper said appreciatively.

_**It would be easy enough to hide her since her appearance will change through the course of her life, and if Demetri finds you, your mind reading will give you the upper hand in a fight.**_ He thought pensively.

"Idiots," Alice said with a sigh.

Y_**our logic is pathetic, you know.**_ She added mentally. _**They would find all of us eventually…and Bella doesn't want to be changed just because of them! She wants to be with you forever! Didn't you learn anything while you were gone?**_

Esme glared at me and the action was sufficient enough for everyone to see how she felt.

_**You can't put the whole family in danger like this! I won't support that! I love you all too much and this is what Bella wants.**_ Esme said wordlessly to me.

Okay, so this has turned into men versus women…interesting. We were sort of split down the middle at the moment. But, I was happier with my chances now than I had been when we'd first arrived. Some of the stress I'd been feeling dissipated.

Bella sat up straighter in her chair; she was clearly frustrated with this turn of events. I smiled to myself.

"All right, then," Bella said stiffly as she tried to regain control of the situation. "Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote."

I assumed that Bella would start with Carlisle, so I was surprised when she turned her attention to me first.

"Do you want me to join your family?" she asked me in a cool, businesslike voice.

I heard the dual meaning in her words and my optimism evaporated. Was she giving me some kind of an ultimatum in front of everyone? I glared back at her.

"Not that way," I answered stiffly. "You're staying human."

Her expression was carefully composed as she gave me a small nod, but I saw the hurt flash in her eyes before she turned her attention to Alice. Damn it! Why did everything have to be so cut and dry with her?

"Alice?" Bella asked unnecessarily.

"Yes," Alice replied a half second later.

_**You're going to lose this fight, Edward. Don't you see how much it hurts her when you tell her no?**_ This is her choice. She added silently.

I winced at Alice's below the belt jab. She knew the idea of hurting Bella was unbearable to me. But, this was too important! Bella's too young to throw her life away for me! What if she regretted it later? Hated me for it? I couldn't bear that! I would not make this concession.

"Jasper?" Bella asked, pulling me out of my reverie. I turned my attention to my brother and I was astonished at what I heard in his head.

_**I'm sorry, Edward, but I'm going to agree with Alice and Bella on this.**_ He thought apologetically. _**This isn't about the Volturi…it's about what Bella wants, and it's what I want…Alice loves her, and so do I. **_

"Yes," Jasper said solemnly.

I saw a flicker of surprise on Bella's face for an instant. She had been expecting Jasper to side with me.

So had I.

"Rosalie?" Bella asked, turning her attention to my recently forgiven sister.

Rosalie sighed and bit her lip nervously. She was torn because of the Volturi and sad because she was going to have to undo the progress she'd just made with Bella less than 24 hours ago.

_**I can't agree to this. I know the Volturi will come looking for us, but I can't say yes. She's too young to know what she wants. She's making a mistake**_ Rosalie thought darkly.

"No," Rosalie answered flatly. I felt grateful and sympathetic toward my sister.

Bella's face remained calm and controlled, but I knew her well enough to know that she was disappointed to say the least. She clearly thought that Rose's feelings for her were still just as contemptuous as they had always been. Bella nodded and started to move on to Emmett, but Rosalie held up a hand to stop her, desperate to explain herself.

"Let me explain," Rosalie begged sadly. Bella waited. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister; it's just that…this isn't the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone to vote no for me."

_**If I hadn't have been dying anyway I would have hated Carlisle for changing me.**_ She thought.

Bella nodded hesitantly and I could tell she didn't really understand what Rose was implying.

It was strange; Rose and I were nearly always on the opposite sides of everything. But for once, she understood me better than anyone else in this room. She looked at Bella and saw what I did; a young woman with her whole life ahead of her…a world of possibilities. Opportunities Rose had ached for… the life she'd grieved for. Bella had everything and she didn't realize it. Rose's motives were selfish, but she was right for once.

Two yeses and two nos; we were even for now.

"Emmett?" Bella asked without another word to Rosalie. Rose winced, but Bella was too caught up in her agenda to notice.

"Hell yes!" Emmett exclaimed at once. I suppressed a growl at his enthusiasm.

Traitor.

_**Sorry, kid, But it's for the best**_. Emmett thought. Y_**ou'll be happier in the long run. She's tough! She'll make a helluva vampire. We'll have to leave to keep from fighting with the wolves, though. **_

"We can find another way to pick a fight with this Demetri," Emmett said aloud with a cheerful grin.

Bella's face puckered at Emmett's pronouncement but she didn't say anything else before moving on to my mother.

Esme was planning to side with Bella, but it was Carlisle's opinion that really mattered. If he said yes, then the others wouldn't raise any more objections and I wouldn't be able to either.

"Esme?" Bella asked tentatively.

"Yes, of course Bella," Esme answered sweetly. "I already think of you as part of my family."

_**She completes us all, Edward, not just you. She is my daughter and I want to keep her forever.**_ Esme added wordlessly to me.

"Thank you, Esme," Bella replied thickly and I could tell she was deeply touched by my mother's words.

At last, Bella turned her attention to Carlisle. The anticipation in the air was almost palpable, and I could feel the increase in Bella's pulse as her nervousness reached a fevered pitch.

Carlisle turned to face me instead. I stared beseechingly at him, but the words in his head made me feel that same horrible hollow feeling in my limbs that I felt the day that Alice had her first vision of Bella as a vampire. A vision she'd had in this very room the day I'd saved Bella from Tyler Crowley's van.

"Edward," Carlisle began. He'd made up his mind.

"NO!" I snarled, seeing a red haze around the room in my anger. I wouldn't allow this! I couldn't let them destroy her life…her soul!

"It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle reasoned calmly as though we were discussing some sort of medical research project he was working on. "You've chosen not to live without her and that doesn't leave me a choice."

_**We've done this your way, son and it didn't work. You've tried being with her as a human, and she nearly died twice. Then you tried leaving her and it tore the whole family apart. She was nearly murdered by Victoria and she jumped off a cliff in our absence. And you tried to kill yourself. Being apart nearly destroyed both of you.**_ He added silently in an attempt to reason with me. He wanted me to understand his logic, but I couldn't.

I jerked my hand out of Bella's and launched myself away from the big mahogany table in a split second. I thundered out of the room, my chest vibrating furiously with the growls that were emanating from my core. I slammed the dining room door behind me and stood against it for a moment, panting and listening to the rest of the conversation.

"I guess you know my vote," Carlisle said with a quiet sigh.

_**I'm truly sorry this is so hard for you, Edward. If I thought there was another reasonable course of action, I would have made a different choice.**_ He thought.

"Thanks," Bella murmured to my father. That one little word from her obliterated the last particle of sanity and control I possessed. It was over; she was going to be damned.

The rage and pain that burned inside me exploded as I ran into the large, open sitting room. Before I really knew what I was doing, I grabbed the first thing within my reach and tore it away from whatever it was attached to. In an instant, Emmett's new TV was lying in pieces in the middle of the floor. I'd ripped it apart the way a child might tear a piece of paper out of a notebook. I heard Bella's chair shift as the deafening crash startled her.

_**Damn it, kid!**_ Emmett shouted in his head as he heard the sound of his new toy being torn to smithereens. _**I'm going to strangle you. **_

The rest of his thoughts were disgusting swear words that I would never repeat.

"That's all I needed," Bella said in a rush, and I knew she was worried about me. "Thank you for wanting to keep me. I feel the same way about all of you."

The last sentence came out a little thick and muffled because she was getting emotional. I could smell the salt in the tears I was sure she was trying to blink away.

_**So much for making amends,**_ Rosalie thought bitterly, misreading Bella's sentiments.

"Dearest Bella," Esme said softly and I heard her rise from her seat to embrace Bella.

_**She's such an angel. Edward deserves to spend eternity with her.**_ She thought. I winced at the irony of her thought. She was willing to take the soul of someone she considered to be an angel.

"Well, Alice," Bella said a moment later. "Where do you want to do this?"

_**Edward**_! Alice shouted in my head. I saw the blind panic on her face through Jasper's worried eyes. _**I can't….I don't have the control yet!**_

"NO NO NO!" I screamed as I nearly ripped the door off its hinges to intercede. Before Bella could take a breath, I was towering over her. The fury that burned in every pore of my body made it very difficult to resist the mad desire to pick her up and run. But, I was too angry to touch her with the necessary care, and Carlisle placed a warning hand on my back. Jasper was trying to calm me down, but I was impervious to him at that moment.

"Are you insane! Have you utterly lost your mind?" I thundered, and my voice was so loud that she clamped her hands over her ears at the sound and flinched.

_**We have to try to talk her out of this**_. Alice said silently to me. I wanted to wring her little neck. She was to blame for a lot of this mess.

"Umm, Bella," Alice said nervously. "I don't think I'm ready for that…I'll need to prepare."

_**I didn't foresee her asking to make the change tonight! I didn't see anything happening until after graduation. I'm sorry. **_ Alice added mentally.

"You promised," Bella interrupted, her chin jutting out in a familiar stubborn expression as she glowered at Alice.

"I know, but seriously Bella," Alice countered desperately. "I don't have any idea how not to kill you."

_**And I can't see what will happen if I try right now**_. She added wordlessly.

"You can do it," Bella said confidently as though she were giving Alice a pep talk before a sporting event. "I trust you."

The instinctive growls in my chest were so loud that the thick mahogany table vibrated from the force. She still had no sense of self-preservation. What the hell was I going to do with her?

_**Not now! It's too soon**_. Alice thought frantically, shaking her head with vigor. I wanted to kill her.

"Carlisle?" Bella called, looking over my shoulder toward him.

_**This is awfully sudden, but it might be best to go ahead. I have enough morphine on hand to sedate her…maybe we could keep the pain to a minimum and she would be asleep when I bit her. We'd need to leave before she woke up…otherwise the treaty would be broken and we'd have to fight with the wolves; perhaps we could go back to Ithaca….**_Carlisle mused.

I held out one hand to stop him from speaking and grabbed Bella's face with the other, forcing her to meet my eyes. I stared down at her intently, willing her to be reasonable, but I could see from her mulish expression that she would not be deterred.

"I am able to do it," Carlisle said, ignoring my gesture and speaking directly to Bella. "You would be in no danger or me losing control."

_**Enough, Edward! The decision has been made**_. He added silently

"Sounds good," Bella replied determinedly. Her voice was slightly muffled due to the way I was holding her chin.

My mind was racing, desperate for some means of trying to stop this, to delay her. I was sure she hadn't thought this through enough. Less than two hours ago she was convinced that I didn't love her and I was a figment of her sleeping imagination. She was not ready to make this choice.

"Hold on," I hissed through gritted teeth. I had to come up with something. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," Bella grumbled stubbornly, her voice still distorted under my hand.

"Man, she's stubborn," Emmett muttered to Jasper in a voice that was too quiet for Bella to hear. "I'll bet she's too pig headed to even act like a real newborn when she's changed. She's a bigger control freak than Edward."

"I can think of a few," I grumbled to Bella in reply. I wasn't really sure exactly what I was going to say to deter her from having Carlisle change her tonight.

"Of course you can," Bella hissed back as I scrambled to come up with a good argument. "Now let go of me."

"How many of your Microsoft stock dividend checks would you be willing to wager on her self-control?" Jasper asked Emmett in a nearly inaudible whisper. Emmett gave him a number and they shook hands, sealing their bet.

I wanted to kill them both for taking this so lightly.

_**She knows what she wants, but she's not quite ready to leave Charlie yet. And if she vanishes tonight, I can't see what Charlie will do and I'm sure it's because Jacob Black and the rest of the wolves are involved. But I know Charlie would be heartbroken if she disappeared.**_ Alice thought.

Yes, Charlie. The idea of hurting her father should slow Bella down.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you," I said through gritted teeth. I thought of mentioning the werewolves, but the last thing I wanted was for Bella to start thinking about Jacob Black. "I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police." That was an understatement.

I already knew Charlie would have gotten a restraining order against me if he'd had time to plan it before we got back to Forks. If he thought I'd taken off somewhere with Bella, he'd be calling in every favor he was owed and every cop in Washington would be tracking us.

"All three of them," Bella retorted, but the insistence in her voice had waivered a little, and she frowned thoughtfully.

She was silent for a moment, clearly thinking about her parents and how her sudden and permanent disappearance would affect them. I used her pensive silence to my advantage.

"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," I grumbled stiffly to Carlisle. My jaw was still tense with anxiety, but I had come up with a good counterpoint. "I suggest that we put this conversation off at the very least until Bella graduates from high school."

Carlisle nodded slightly. "That's a reasonable request, Bella," He agreed.

_**But you can't delay her forever, Edward. I will change her when the time is right.**_ He added silently to me.

Bella waited for a moment before she answered.

"I'll consider it," she replied through pursed lips. She wasn't happy about the idea of waiting, but she could see the logic in postponing her change for at least a few weeks.

I sighed in relief, grateful that I'd won this small battle in spite of the fact that I had apparently lost the war. Maybe in the time between now and graduation, Bella would find some reason to change her mind or at least delay the change for a little bit longer. Was there some way that I might be able to slow her down further?

Then I saw a vision in Alice's mind; a brief flicker of the future that was just a half an hour away. Bella and I were in her little bedroom, lying side by side on her bed. I was asking her what she wanted more than anything in the world. And I had my answer in her response. I couldn't see any more of the conversation beyond her answer. What sort of terms would she be willing to accept to if I offered to grant her wish?

"I should probably get you home just in case Charlie wakes up early," I said seconds later in my desperation to get her out of here. Bella wouldn't have registered my pause and her back was turned to Alice.

"After graduation?" Bella asked Carlisle.

"You have my word," He replied. Bella gave a relieved sigh and she grinned at him.

"Okay, you can take me home," she said, still smiling. I winced at the triumphant look on her face.

Carlisle's image of Bella with cold, white marble skin and red eyes flashed in his mind again. A fierce longing rushed through me for an instant at the thought of having her with me forever. Disgusted with myself, I tried to shove that selfish notion to the very deepest, darkest part of my mind at once. I wouldn't allow my profane wishes to influence me.

The others filed out into the living room, but I decided to take Bella out through the back door. She didn't need to see the results of my temper tantrum lying in the middle of the living room floor. Besides, Emmett was seeing red like an oversized, enraged bull, and I was afraid he would scare her. If I went into the living room right now, he would be ready to instigate a very physical fight. I could hear his mental fury as I led Bella outside and helped her onto my back.

I could feel the joy in Bella as we ran through the forest. My mind was racing with the implications of the choices that had been made this morning as the darkness slowly began to give way to dawn. How much time would she give me if I offered her what she wanted? I didn't think she'd consent to wait for long. However, I fully intended to ask for much more than she would be willing to give in an attempt to reach some sort of an agreement that would slow her down. I wanted to give her more time to change her mind before it was too late, and she wanted me to change her. According to Alice's brief and unexpected vision, she wanted that more than anything, and I was determined to use that to my advantage. But how?

What did I want more than anything?

Was there something I wanted more than to extend her human life?

Yes, I suddenly realized there was one thing.

The vision I'd had so many months ago of Bella in a beautiful white dress came flooding back to me as the trees around me blurred into the cool darkness. I could see her walking beside Charlie as I waited for her at the end of the aisle. It was the greatest desire of my silent heart. It always had been, even before my mind understood that I loved her. I'd had the same image in my mind the day I saved her from Tyler Crowley's van over a year ago. It was an image that pained me the then because I'd seen her with someone else, but now it was one of joy and elation because I was part of the mental picture.

I could hear the vague timbre of Charlie's disgruntled dreams as I climbed quickly into Bella's bedroom window. I sat her down on the bed and began to pace back and forth. I watched her carefully as I tried to think of the right thing to say. Should I ask her now, or was it too soon to even consider it? She would likely want a long engagement-assuming she said yes-would I get more time if I asked her to marry me? What if she told me no? Could I handle the rejection? I didn't really deserve a yes, but I wanted it badly.

Bella was staring intently at me with growing irritation on her face.

"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," she said abruptly, interrupting my nervous musings. Her expression was mistrustful and annoyed.

"Shh, I'm thinking," I said.

"Uhh," she grumbled in an exasperated tone as she threw her favorite old quilt over her face, hiding herself from my view.

I couldn't stand that; I had to be able to look at her, to discern her thoughts from her expressions. A fraction of a second later, I was on her bed and the blanket was only covering her from the chest down. Her hair had gotten even more disheveled from the covers and I smoothed it back away from her face.

"If you don't mind, I'd rather you didn't hide your face," I said quietly. "I've lived without it as long as I can stand. Now…." I hesitated for a moment, my nerves nearly getting the better of me. I kept my face smooth as I continued. "Tell me something."

She frowned at me for a moment before she replied, and the suspense was nearly unbearable.

"What?" she asked reluctantly with an apprehensive look on her face.

Now we were at the point in the conversation Alice had foreseen a flicker of earlier at the house. So, the question I asked was rhetorical since I knew the answer.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?" I asked her succinctly.

She looked at me with a familiar, doubtful expression.

"You," she answered slowly. She was clearly confused about the direction of this exchange.

I shook my head quickly. I was ready to move on to the next portion of the conversation.

"Something you don't already have," I countered dismissively.

She frowned at me in a bemused way. Her forehead creased with a familiar, endearing frown. I waited for her answer, growing more impatient by the second even though I knew what she would say.

"I would want….Carlisle not to have to do it; I would want you to change me," She replied slowly. Her face was guarded, but I could see profound apprehension in her dark, expressive eyes. She was afraid to tell me this, especially after my reaction at the meeting. She watched me carefully for a moment, and her expression gradually changed from wary to surprised when I didn't lose my temper.

It was time to move on to the unknown.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?" I asked bluntly. My face was shrewd and thoughtful but my insides were churning nervously at the prospect of her answer to my proposal.

She gaped at me in astonishment. The look on her face would have made me laugh if it weren't for my extreme internal panic.

"Anything," she said eagerly after a half second's pause.

I suppressed the huge smile that was forming on my lips by pursing them. I was originally planning to ask her to wait two years, but based on her response, I decided to press my thin luck a bit further.

"Five years?" I asked nonchalantly without an ounce of hope of getting a yes.

Her face changed from eager surprise to horror and disappointment. Perhaps she would be more willing to accept my marriage proposal than I had anticipated.

"You said anything," I challenged her, trying to hide my amusement.

"Yes, but…you'll use the time to try to find a way out of it" she spluttered irritably. "I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human…for me at least…so, anything but that."

I frowned, thinking hard again. Was fear the driving force behind her desire to be changed? I wouldn't allow anyone to hurt her or pressure her into this life, no matter what my own ulterior motives might be.

"Three years?" I asked, knowing she wouldn't accept that offer either.

"No!" she hissed vehemently.

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?" I asked, trying to get a reaction out of her. She was trying to keep her feelings from showing in her face, but I could tell that she really wanted me to be the one. I watched her carefully for a moment. I was sure she was getting ready to put her own offer on the table, and it would probably be something I wouldn't be willing to accept.

"I'll give you six months," she said finally.

Six months! That was worse than I had expected. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Not good enough," I chided.

"One year, then," she haggled grudgingly. "That's my limit."

I knew why she didn't want to go more than a year, but I thought her reasoning was absurd. Besides, I didn't really want her to give in to my time conditions; I wanted her to marry me, and I might get more time with an engagement.

"At least give me two," I argued, knowing she wouldn't. She had this issue with getting older, and the idea of being more than a couple of years older than me in the technical sense was repugnant to her. It was ridiculous, considering I was nearly a century older than her, but Bella had always had her own unique way of looking at things. And I loved her for it when it wasn't driving me crazy.

"No way," she replied stubbornly, and I bit back another smile. "Nineteen I'll do, but I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

I paused for a moment, thinking hard about the way I wanted to word the hardest question I'd ever asked anyone in my century of life. I considered waiting for the perfect moment…I could plan to take her out to dinner…or a picnic lunch in our meadow. But, those kinds of romantic gestures had never appealed to Bella, and if I made a big deal out of it and she rejected me, I would be all the more devastated than if she told me no here. I swallowed hard.

"All right," I said quietly. "Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one…then you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" Bella repeated coolly. Her voice was even but I could see the apprehension in her beautiful eyes. I stared at her intently, studying her face. It was now or never, I decided abruptly.

"Marry me first," I said in a measured whisper. I tried to keep my voice steady but the emotion was nearly choking me. My throat was thick with it.

She stared at me in disbelief, apparently waiting for me to say something else. What more could I say? Those three little words were the most profound thing I'd ever said…much more difficult and frightening than I love you had ever been. The suspense grew more painful with every silent second. I wished she would say something.

"Okay, what's the punch line?" She asked finally.

She thought I was joking!

"You're wounding my ego, Bella," I said with a sigh. I tried to hide how disappointed I was that she hadn't taken me seriously. I reminded myself that I had abandoned her for over a half a year and we'd been back together for less than 48 hours.

"I just proposed to you and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious," she implored and her voice almost sounded hurt.

Did she really think I would tease her about something so important? She finally understood that I loved her completely and irrevocably; wasn't marriage the next logical step in our relationship? It was certainly more logical than being transformed into a vampire. And, according to laws written by fickle humans it was a lot less permanent too.

"I am one hundred percent serious," I replied soberly as I stared unblinkingly at her.

"Oh, come on," she replied in a shaky voice. "I'm only eighteen."

That was my whole point about her being changed into a vampire. She was only eighteen years old. She needed time to be able to change her mind if she wished to do so. How was it that she could be so rational and analytical about some things and completely unorthodox and impulsive about others?

"Well, I'm nearly one hundred and ten," I reminded her in the hope that she would see this wasn't some teenage whim for me. "It's time I settled down." Of course, I was already permanently settled.

She bit her lip and looked away from me, staring unseeingly out of her bedroom window. I waited. I was desperate to know what she was thinking, but I had to be patient. I knew Bella would never just say yes to my request on impulse, but I hoped she was considering my offer at least.

I wanted Bella to be my wife. I needed her to belong to me in every way…to be mine completely. It probably seemed old fashioned to her, but I was a product of the culture I grew up in.

"Look," she said at last, meeting my eyes again. Was she getting ready to tactfully tell me no? I held my breath. "Marriage isn't exactly high on my list of priorities, you know?"

No, I didn't, though I guess I should have.

"It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie." She finished lamely, biting her lip in a fit of nerves.

"Interesting choice of words," I replied acidly.

"You know what I mean," she said irritably, and to an extent, I did.

Bella was a product of her culture, too; a child of divorce. She'd been too young when her parents separated to even remember what life was like when they were together. Still, her trepidation was insanely bizarre when compared with the life altering (or ending) choice she'd made less than two hours ago.

"Please don't tell me you're afraid of the commitment," I answered her in a skeptical tone.

"That's not it exactly," she stammered reluctantly. "I'm…afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

She was worried about what her mother thought? The mother she'd described to me as irresponsible, impulsive and co-dependent? Bella loved her mother deeply but she knew Renee wasn't great at giving advice about relationships or any other adult issue. This didn't make sense.

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternally damned than get married," I countered with a humorless laugh. There was more to her reluctance, I was sure she wasn't being totally forthright with me.

"You think you're joking," Bella replied severely.

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" I paused, shaking my head at her in exasperation. I was baffled by her twisted, illogical desire to become immortal versus her fear of being my wife. I wanted to marry her so much, and I wasn't ready to give up yet.

"If you're not brave enough to marry me…" I continued in a goading tone. To my surprise, she interrupted me.

"Well, what if I did?" she asked curiously. "What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?" She was bluffing, thinking that I would back down if I had to change her in three days.

She was mistaken.

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face as I answered. "Sure," I said eagerly. "I'll get my car."

"Damn it," she cursed under her breath. "I'll give you 18 months."

This was an about face; seven minutes ago she'd told me a year was her limit because she wanted to stay in her teens. This marriage proposal had proved to be a powerful bargaining tool. She was willing to give me the time that I wanted, but at a price that was breaking my heart.

"No deal," I said, smiling deceptively. "I like this condition."

"Fine," she said mulishly. "I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."

I felt my insides twist painfully. She'd said she'd do anything to have me change her…anything but commit to me, apparently.

"If that's what you really want," I replied, smiling and calling her bluff again. I knew she really did want me to do it but I wasn't going to give her what she wanted until she was my wife.

"You're impossible," she grumbled irritably. "A monster."

I snorted. Of all the things I'd done to her that would warrant that moniker, she uses it because I proposed to her.

"Is that why you won't marry me?" I asked, hiding my wish for an honest answer with a teasing demeanor.

She moaned in a half amused, half annoyed way.

I looked into her deep brown eyes and the longing I felt for her stole every ounce of oxygen from my lungs. Her expression changed from chagrined to that oddly blank and distracted look she sometimes gave me when I dazzled her.

"Please Bella," I begged, taking a deep breath of unnecessary air.

Her breathing stopped altogether as she stared into my desperate face. I was just about to remind her to breathe when she inhaled loudly and shook her head. I sighed sadly, but it was too quiet for her to hear.

"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" I asked her, knowing that she wouldn't want me to spend any money on her. But, I had a solution for that conundrum should she decide to tell me yes someday.

"No!" she said much too loudly. "No rings!"

Bella's voice had awakened Charlie as completely and abruptly as if she'd fired his police revolver. His thoughts were clearer than usual as he bolted out of bed. I could pick out some distinct words.

_**Oh God, please…not the nightmares…if he's got her all torn up again…**_

"Now you've done it," I whispered sadly as the guilt and shame burned me like acid. I had no right to feel hurt at her rejection of my proposal. Her father's anxiety reminded me of the hell I'd put her through.

'_I still hear her screaming in her sleep,'_ Charlie had told Alice.

"Oops," Bella murmured apologetically.

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," I said miserably.

Her face twisted into an expression of terror and anguish and her heart skipped several beats. Her reaction made the guilt and pain I felt so intense that I could barely speak to reassure her.

"Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?" I asked her quickly. Charlie would enter the room in 11 seconds.

"No," she whispered eagerly. "Stay, please."

I grinned at her response, feeling reassured that she wanted me to stay. That would have to be enough of a commitment for now.


	17. Chapter 17

**Happy New Year! I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday and I wish you all the best in 2011. This chapter has several things in it that were not in New Moon, including a hunting trip with Edward, Emmett and Jasper that I initially cut. When I went back to re-read and post the story here, I decided to add the scene back in to the chapter. It isn't in the version on Twilighted, though I did post it as an extra there. **

**PS: If you're reading Dark Matter, I posted a teaser for the upcoming chapter to TwiMuses Please me Tease Me Friday. You can see it on their blog. **

**I'd like to say a special thanks to RedSock for all the love and support she has shown to my writing. I appreciate you so much. **

**Chapter 17 Domino Effect**

I heard Bella's bedroom door creak open seconds later, and I watched through a crack in the closet door as Charlie entered the room. Through the darkness, I could see the worry on his face. I saw her shift her gaze to greet him as he approached her bed.

"Morning, Dad," she said in an offhand voice.

Charlie's expression changed from anxious to slightly embarrassed surprise at her greeting.

"Oh, hey Bella," he said sheepishly. He knew that Bella didn't like to be coddled and he didn't want her to think he was hovering. "I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah, I've just been waiting for you to get up so I could take a shower," she replied, throwing her blanket aside and starting to get out of bed.

His thoughts were slightly opaque again, but the worry he'd been feeling was changing to anger as he registered the serene look on Bella's face. He couldn't believe that she thought he would let her off the hook that easily.

"Hold on," Charlie said irritably as he turned on the light with a flourish. Bella squinted as her eyes tried to adjust to the new brightness and I heard her heart speed up uneasily. "Let's talk for a minute first." The quality of his thoughts were getting more agitated by the second as he pondered what kind of an explanation she would have for him.

Bella winced in reply. I felt a stab of guilt at the prospect of her having to face her father's interrogations alone. I wished that I could support her now. It was my fault she was in trouble and I couldn't even help her get out of it. I should have asked Alice to come up with some kind of story to explain Bella's disappearance but I had totally forgotten to do so.

"You know you're in trouble," Charlie said, his eyebrows raised in an expectant expression. His thoughts came through clearly as he waited for her reply.

_**And I know this is Cullen's fault but I'm still going to punish you**._ He thought. I winced.

"Yeah, I know," Bella replied. Her voice was even, but she was twisting her hands in her lap. Charlie didn't notice the gesture, and he misinterpreted the forced calm in her tone as indifference and the hurt and anger he was feeling came out in a rush.

"I just about went crazy these last few days," he hissed. "I come home from Harry's FUNERAL and you're gone! Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen and he thought you were in trouble."

_**And Jake was a mess, too**._ Charlie thought forcefully. I could see an image in his head of the brooding Quileute boy with red rimmed swollen eyes and I grimaced again.

"You didn't leave a number and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or...when or...if...you were coming back! Do you have any idea how...how..." Charlie faltered and his voice thick with emotion. He turned his head to hide his suddenly too-glossy eyes from Bella. I could read his memory of the terrified panic he'd experienced during her absence.

How much damage could one person do? I wondered. As the conversation continued, I knew it was the wrong question to ask myself.

Bella's face twisted with guilt at his words, but Charlie was too busy trying to regain his composure to notice.

_**She never would have done this on her own! How does Cullen manage to bring out the worst in her**? I** have to keep her away from him...keep her safe**_**.** He thought emphatically.

"Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?" Charlie snarled angrily after he'd managed to blink away the moisture in his eyes.

He'd been hoping for some degree of remorseful pleading from Bella, but he'd said the wrong thing. Bella's eyes narrowed angrily at his tactics. She stiffened and straightened up in the bed.

"Because I won't go," she said, her chin jutting out stubbornly.

Charlie's pulse accelerated rapidly as a result of the upsurge in his anger. The more frustrated he became, the easier it was for me to hear his mind.

**_I knew she wouldn't want to go back to Renee; she refused to leave after he'd gone... I hope he isn't staying, but God help me I don't want her to be like she was before when he left._ **He thought.

"Now just one minute, young lady..." He began, seething now.

"Look, Dad," Bella interrupted him in a softer tone. "I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out too...but that won't make me go to Florida." I could hear the rapid fluttering of her heart in spite of the matter of fact tone in her voice.

Charlie's face turned cherry red an instant later.

**_She must think that the Cullens will take her in if she leaves here. Does she think she's going to LA with them or are they coming back here? I'll be damned if I let her go anywhere with him. I want to know how and why he got her to run away from home again. _**Charlie thought angrily.

He took several deep breaths before he could calm down enough to answer her. He was furious at the idea that she might be considering moving somewhere with me. I didn't blame him one bit.

"Would you like to explain to me where you've been?" He asked her through clenched teeth.

Bella's expression was suddenly full of panic as she scrambled for some sort of excuse to give her father. She couldn't lie to save her own life and telling him the truth was impossible. My remorse intensified at the look on her face.

"There was...an emergency," Bella answered lamely.

That was certainly the truth.

Charlie raised his eyebrows at her. His thoughts were skeptical and expectant as he waited for the lie. He knew she wasn't going to give him the whole truth. Maybe she would be able to construct an alibi out of threads of the real story.

"I don't know what to tell you, Dad," Bella continued after taking a deep breath.

Well, that was also the truth, but it wasn't an explanation.

"It was mostly a misunderstanding; he said, she said. It got out of hand." Bella went on lamely.

Charlie continued to glare skeptically at Bella. He was wondering what kind of miscommunication could have taken three days without a phone call home to sort out.

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff..." Bella babbled wildly. I cringed. This was going to be really bad. Perhaps Alice would see just how terribly wrong this conversation was going and turn up here to intercede on Bella's behalf.

Charlie's face twisted into a horrified expression that wasn't nearly as severe as the terror in his thoughts.

**_Cliff! Dr. Gerandy told me back in the fall that she was probably suicidal, but I thought she was over that! I should've made her take the antidepressants he prescribed. And I've been keeping my gun loaded again ever since that thing with the wolves. _**

An image of Bella with a blank, lifeless expression on her pallid face swam to the forefront of Charlie's mind as he recalled a conversation with Dr. Gerandy about his recommendation that Charlie admit Bella to a mental health facility in Portland a few days after I'd left. I sank swiftly and silently to my knees in the closet floor at this new piece of information. Charlie hadn't mentioned that part to Alice. How could I even try to make up for what she'd suffered?

"I guess I didn't tell you about that part," Bella croaked, realizing what she'd said far too late to undo the damage. "It was nothing, just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to...LA to explain."

"Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella," Charlie asked her in a broken whisper. His face had gone from being red and furious to an anguished alabaster.

"No of course not," Bella said in a reassuring voice. I could tell she believed what she was saying, at least. But, I wasn't sure that I did and neither was Charlie. "Just having fun with Jake...cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

I suppressed a growl at the reminder of Jacob Black being an inspiration for another incident of Bella's reckless behavior. I was sure that "the La Push kids" really meant "arrogant, smelly werewolves with no common sense."

Charlie's facial expression changed from frozen fear to raging fury again.

**_That doesn't make any sense! He has no right to involve himself in her life after what he did!_ **Charlie thought bitterly.

"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" He roared angrily. "All this time he leaves you dangling without a word..."

"Another misunderstanding," Bella interjected before her father could lose his temper completely. She probably didn't want to hear the diatribe Charlie would unleash against me even though she knew I would hear it in his head.

_**Another misunderstanding, my ass...six months without a word is not a misunderstanding...leaving her in the woods to get lost in the dark is not a misunderstanding. She could have died that night, and she might have if Sam hadn't found her.** _Charlie thought darkly. He shuddered.

What did he mean? I'd left her on the trail...

"So, is he back then?" Charlie snarled, his face growing ruddy again.

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is; I think they all are," Bella replied with a slight shrug. She knew we were staying, of course, but if she'd sounded too sure to Charlie it would have led to more questions than she was prepared to answer at the moment.

Charlie's hands balled up into fists and he shook his head furiously at her response. His thoughts were a snarled tangle of rage.

"I want you to stay away from him, Bella," He growled. "I don't trust him. He's rotten for you and I won't let him mess you up like that again."

_**Why did he have to show up now! She was just starting to heal some. She'd been sleeping through the night more than half the time now. A setback might be more than either of us can take**._ He brooded.

Another horrible image flashed vividly into his usually clouded mind. He was remembering waking up to the sound of Bella screaming for me in her sleep, punctuated by her sobbing. He'd cried too, and had nightmares of his own about finding her dead.

It was then that I realized just how much Charlie Swan hated me. He hated me more powerfully than he had ever despised anything or anyone in his life, and yet I deserved much more. Charlie had been far too easy on me yesterday.

"Fine," Bella replied mulishly, her jaw set.

Charlie staggered a little, and a wave of relief washed through him as he misconstrued her response. "Oh," he said after a moment's pause. His face was colored with surprise.

**_That wasn't what I expected, especially after the way she was holding on to him when he brought her back. Maybe there's more to her relationship with Jake than I realized after all. He's so good for her._**

I felt a jolt of unexpected anger at Charlie's thoughts of Jacob Black. Hadn't Bella just confessed to jumping off a cliff because he and his friends had done it? I certainly didn't deserve Bella, but the dog wasn't so perfect either.

"I thought you were going to be difficult," Charlie continued.

"I am," Bella said coolly, her brown eyes boring into her father's identical ones. "I meant, fine, I'll move out."

Charlie's hope evaporated and his heart thudded furiously against his ribs. He marveled at her willingness to forgive me, wondering what kind of crazy hold I had on her, and why she would waste her time on a boy who didn't deserve her.

I had often wondered the same thing.

Bella studied Charlie's face for a moment. Her determination wavered and shifted to anxiety as she registered the stress on her father's face.

"Dad, I don't want to move out," She said soothingly, her eyes soft. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you have to trust me on this. And, you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

**_How can she ask me to trust her when it comes to him? He's the only reason she's ever been in any trouble or danger. I could trust her on anything else, but not Edward Cullen. He nearly killed her._** Charlie thought angrily.

I winced again at his thoughts. I'd done a colossal amount of damage to a lot of people's lives with the choice I made back in September, and I didn't deserve anyone's forgiveness for that, especially not Bella's. But here she was, giving her father an ultimatum for me. I really felt bad for Charlie.

"That's not fair, Bella," Charlie argued, his forehead wrinkled just like his daughter's sometimes did when she was displeased. 'You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am," Bella interjected confidently.

I had to smile a little at the certainty in her tone. She finally understood that I loved her, and I was grateful for the epiphany we'd both had earlier.

Charlie seemed to swell with the indignation that filled him at her words.

_**No! How can she trust him to stay after the cruel way he just left her? **_

His thoughts made my insides twist. How would she ever totally trust me again?

"Not under my roof," Charlie yelled.

_**She's lucky she didn't die that night...she spent at least 8 hours in the rain out in the woods...her body temperature had dropped to 92 degrees**..._he thought.

And then I saw it in his head; the images of a search party calling for Bella in the dark forest behind Charlie's house...Charlie clenching the forged note I'd written...

She must have tried to follow me. Alice had seen a flash of her wandering in the forest when she picked me up, but I had no idea she'd get lost. She'd been missing for hours in the cold September rain when the Quileute wolves found her.

What kind of a man leaves the woman he loves alone and defenseless in the wilderness?

_Monster!_ I thought to myself as regret and agony washed through me.

I owed the wolves an even greater debt than I realized.

Bella's loud sigh redirected my attention back to the conversation at hand.

"Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight...or I guess it's this morning," Bella mused. "Just think about it for a few days, okay? But, keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"Bella..." Charlie started to argue. He was furious and he had no intention of backing down. I hated that she was fighting with him because of me.

I didn't blame him. How much more would he hate me if he knew what I really was?

"Think it over," Bella interrupted relentlessly. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower."

Charlie's complexion was now a strange shade of violet from his anger. But he didn't protest further before he slammed the door and left. He decided that if he pressed Bella too hard, she might actually make good on her threats and try to move out. She was stubborn enough to do just that, and if he wanted to keep her safe from me he needed to try to keep her here.

The instant that he was out the door, I moved with inhuman speed to sit in the rocking chair across the room from her bed.

"Sorry about that," Bella said softly as she got out of the bed.

She was actually apologizing to me!

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I whispered bitterly, thinking of all the new and horrible information I'd gleaned from Charlie. There were no words to describe the kind of punishment I deserved for what I'd done to her. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."

"Don't worry about it," she replied softly as she rifled through her closet for a change of clothes.

I watched her moving around the room, feeling guilty as I thought of all the things she'd sacrificed for me.

"I will start just as exactly as much as is necessary and no more than that," She went on as she threw a pair of jeans and a royal blue long sleeved t-shirt over her forearm. "Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" She raised her eyebrows at me in a sarcastic gesture.

I couldn't help but smile at the look on her face. "You'd move into a house full of vampires?" I asked rhetorically. Of course she would do just that.

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me," she replied lightly, and I hated to admit it, but she was probably right given the circumstances. "Besides..." she went on with a smile. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need to wait for the graduation deadline."

I bit back a snarl at her words, my teeth clenching in fury.

"So eager for eternal damnation," I grumbled angrily. I knew she wasn't ready for that permanent change like she thought she was.

"You know you don't really believe that," she said abruptly.

Was she going to try to start the whole philosophical debate over my soul again? She knew what I thought about that!

"Oh, don't I?" I countered angrily.

"No, you don't," She replied in a matter of fact tone, her mouth twitching as she suppressed a grin.

I glared angrily at her. There was nothing funny about the subject at hand.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have immediately realized what was happening instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't...you said 'Amazing! Carlisle was right!'"

Her voice was smug, and I was astonished by this unexpected observation.

"There is hope in you after all," she reasoned.

I was speechless because I realized she was right. Bella had given me hope.

"So, let's just both be hopeful, all right," she said as she started toward the door. "If you stay, I don't need heaven."

I stared at her with shock and awe on my face as the love I felt for her swelled and rushed through me more powerfully than anything I'd ever experienced. I got up from the chair and approached her, cupping her face in my hands.

"Forever," I promised her in a whisper, yielding for a moment to the deepest wish in my heart. I was astonished at her logic.

"That's all I'm asking for," she replied softly as she reached up to kiss me before she left the room to prepare for the day ahead.

_I'm really going to have to learn to cook,_ I thought to myself as I rummaged around Charlie's tiny kitchen. The chief had dressed quickly and left for work right after his conversation with Bella. I came downstairs as soon as he was gone to start my task. I heard the sound of Bella humming tunelessly under a stream of warm water as I skimmed through a battered cookbook, trying to find what I needed. I worked at my usual lightning pace, beating the eggs and adding the prescribed ingredients. Human food was repulsive, but Bella needed to eat and I wanted to make sure she had a healthy breakfast. She was too thin and it had been days since she'd had a proper meal. I was waiting for her in her room with a large tray of food when she returned, her long hair freshly brushed and dried. The royal blue shirt she wore was the perfect shade against her skin. She was so beautiful.

"What's all this?" she asked with a smile as she took in the plate of scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, toast and juice.

"Breakfast in bed for the human," I answered with a smile as I carried her back to her little bed and sat the tray down in front of her in one swift movement.

"Thanks, I'm starving," she said as she took a bite of toast.

I watched her intently as she ate nearly everything on the plate. I'd never seen her eat with such gusto, so I must have done something right. Either that or she was just too hungry to notice the taste.

"Charlie left you a note before he went to the station," I said, handing her a piece of notebook paper. She read it and groaned.

"He wants me to go to school and talk to my teachers about making up my work," she said with a sigh. "Great."

"I'll take you," I said. "Alice and I need to register anyway. Carlisle said he would talk to Mr. Green after he meets with the hospital board this morning. Alice already told him they would give him his old job back and a 7% pay raise."

"Do you think they'll excuse my absences without Charlie's help?" Bella wondered as she set the breakfast tray aside and got up.

"Probably not," I replied guiltily. "But maybe I can talk to Ms. Cope for you."

"By talk you mean charm her into doing whatever you want," Bella teased. "She thinks you're hot."

I laughed. "Yes, I know what she thinks." I tapped my forehead.

"Poor Ms. Cope," Bella chuckled. "I understand how she feels."

"Do you?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around her warm waist and pulled her close. She sighed and leaned her head into my chest. It felt so natural; almost as though I'd never been gone.

Almost.

Carlisle called and told me that the school was expecting us at 11:30. Bella was supposed to meet with Mr. Greene while Alice and I filled out all of our paperwork with Ms. Cope. Carlisle said that Charlie agreed to allow Alice to drive her to campus, but he told the principal he wanted his conversation with Bella to be a private one. I felt terrible that she was going to have to talk to him alone just as she had with Charlie, but there was nothing I could do.

We arrived at the school 15 minutes early, and Ms. Cope greeted Alice and me with enthusiasm. However, she didn't extend the same courtesy to Bella.

"Welcome back, you two," Ms. Cope sang happily as she handed us a few forms to fill out. "Your father already sent your transcripts from Malibu High over, so you'll be all set to resume your schedules from last fall as soon as you complete these."

"Thank you," Alice and I replied in unison as we sat down with the papers. Ms. Cope smiled.

_**Oh my. I'd almost forgotten how handsome...stop right there, Shelly**._ She thought.

"Bella," she said in a cooler tone, turning her attention away from me. "Principal Greene will be with you shortly. You may wait in his office."

"Thanks," Bella muttered without meeting the receptionist's eyes.

I squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek before she let go and made her way down the hall to the principal's corner office. I felt a surge of anger when I heard what Ms. Cope was thinking, and I had to suppress the urge to break the window behind me.

**_Chief Swan said Edward and Alice Cullen were in on her disappearance, but I'll bet she started the whole thing. She's been troubled all year, and the Cullen children are so well behaved. Poor Charlie just can't see the girl must be like her mother. I remember what my mother said when he married that Renee..._**

**_Don't worry too much about Bella_**. Alice said silently as she filled in her course schedule information. **_She won't get to make up all of her work, but her GPA will be fine and Mr. Greene won't be too hard on her. She'll have detention for three days next week for the unexcused absences. Charlie got her excused for today..._**

I frowned at her without taking my eyes off the paper I was writing on. I was the villain in this story and Bella was being punished.

"Ms. Swan is waiting for you in your office, sir," Ms. Cope said when Mr. Greene walked in a moment later.

"Thank you, Shelly," he replied, nodding in mine and Alice's direction as we handed our paperwork back to the receptionist. "You two may go."

"We're waiting for Bella," I replied in the most polite voice I could manage. I was still angry over Ms. Cope's assumptions about Bella, and I felt terrible that I couldn't be in the principal's office to offer my support to her.

"That's fine, Mr. Cullen," Mr. Greene replied. "But Charlie Swan has already informed me that you are not permitted to leave the school grounds with her once classes resume."

"Yes, sir," I said with a wince. I had expected this, but it was still hard to hear. If Bella were my daughter I would have taken much more drastic actions than Charlie had.

I listened in on Bella's meeting with Mr. Greene while Alice entertained herself with a fashion magazine.

"Well, Ms. Swan," Mr. Greene said as he sat down behind his neat desk. "Your father tells me that you returned home yesterday morning and you were too tired from your trip to come to class today. Do you want to explain why you were absent the other three days?"

**_The story she told her father was pretty weak. Maybe she'll give me more information since I'm not her parent_**. He thought.

"Umm, there was an emergency," Bella began lamely. "Alice Cullen came to visit me over spring break and due to a...miscommunication between her and her sister Rosalie, Edward thought I was in trouble and he ran away from home. When we couldn't reach him on his cell phone, I went to LA with Alice to find him."

Mr. Greene nodded and sighed. "That is the same story your father told us," _**But I don't believe a word of it; she has to be lying. if Edward Cullen ran away from home then I'll eat my socks**._ He added mentally.

I had a brief fantasy about forcing him to do it.

"I am sure there are more details that you aren't sharing, Ms. Swan, but I won't ask you for more information since your father didn't divulge anything else," He continued. "I have spoken with your teachers, and Mr. Berty has agreed to allow you to make up the quiz you missed on Monday, and Mr. Banner says you can do the chemistry lab assignments from this week after school tomorrow."

Bella smiled and sighed with relief and I almost did too until I heard what Mr. Greene was going to say next.

"However," Mr. Greene said sternly. "Mr. Varner will not permit you to make up your Calculus exam. So, you will receive a zero for that test." He shuffled through a file in front of him with notes about Bella's grades in it before finishing.

"Fortunately, you had an A in the course before you missed the test, and so you will still be able to pass the class, but in order to get a C this quarter you will need to make A's on the next three quizzes and get full marks on your homework."

**_I tried to get him to give her a break, but he wouldn't. She's not a bad kid. Her father should have made her seek counseling last fall._** He thought. I felt a little less contempt for him then.

Apparently, everyone had witnessed Bella's suffering in my absence.

"I will work really hard, sir," Bella assured him in an embarrassed voice. "I'm sorry."

"You will also have detention after school Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of next week," Mr. Greene said just as Alice had predicted. He didn't acknowledge Bella's apology. "One for each unexcused absence; and you will have additional work to complete during the course of your detentions, so you may not do homework."

Bella nodded, looking at her hands as they twisted in her lap. I would make sure her homework was done and she got the A's she needed if I had to do everything for her.

"I can tell that you feel remorse for your irresponsible behavior, Ms. Swan," Mr. Greene said in a gentler tone now. "And I sincerely hope you've learned your lesson. If you miss one more day of school without just cause, you could be expelled. Do you understand?"

Bella nodded again. I could see that her eyes were clouded over. She wasn't used to being in trouble at school.

"Very good," He said with a reciprocal nod as he stood and opened the door for her. "Edward and Alice Cullen are waiting outside for you. Please check in with Ms. Cope before you return to class tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sir," Bella said quietly as she got up and left.

"Charlie will be home early today to make sure you're behaving yourself," Alice said to Bella as we sat on Charlie's living room couch watching TV later that afternoon.

"Ugh," Bella grumbled from my lap. "How bad will Charlie be? I don't think can stand another lecture today." She looked anxiously over at me as she spoke, and I knew she wanted Alice to tell her whether or not Charlie would allow me to be here this evening.

"Edward will have to leave before he gets here, but I'll stay," Alice replied sagely. "Charlie won't let Edward in the house tonight because he'll want to talk to you alone after dinner, and tomorrow he'll insist that you spend the evening on your homework but he'll be able to visit Saturday evening after your shift at Newton's."

Bella looked anxiously over at me in response and I winced. She didn't want me out of her out of her sight and the feeling was mutual.

_**You need to hunt tomorrow night anyway Edward. I know her blood doesn't tempt you the way it used to, but I've never seen you this thirsty**._ Alice added mentally. I ignored her.

"Don't worry, love," I whispered as Bella pressed her face into my chest. I kissed her cheek and stroked her hair soothingly. "I'll be in your room waiting for you tonight and I'll stay tomorrow too regardless."

"I thought you were going on a hunting trip with Jasper and Emmett tomorrow after school," Alice interjected stubbornly. I glared at her.

**_I know this is hard for you and you just got back, but Emmett is still furious over his TV and if you don't go with him he'll be even angrier than he already is. _**She thought.

Bella tensed in my arms, but her face was smooth when she looked up at me.

"You should go with them," she said quietly as she traced the circles under my eyes.

I looked at her doubtfully and sighed. "If you want me to stay, I'll hunt close to home," I assured her. I really needed to hunt some big game and I couldn't get that nearby. I was too thirsty to be fully satiated by deer, but I would manage if she needed me.

"No," she insisted. "You need to go. You're starving and you haven't been with your family in months."

"Are you sure, Bella?" I asked her anxiously. "Really, I can manage; I'll stay..."

"I'm going to be up to my eyeballs catching up with my schoolwork for the next couple of days anyway," she interrupted with an unconvincing smile. "I'll be right here when you get back."

Just then, the sound of Charlie's cruiser reached my ears. He was still much too far away for Bella to notice, but he would be here in 3 minutes.

"Charlie will be here in 2 minutes and 47 seconds," Alice said. "Edward, you should go."

_**Carlisle wants to talk to you; he's missed you**_. She added silently.

Bella bit her lip and her forehead creased with worry for a second before she got to her feet.

"I'll miss you every second," I whispered as I embraced her.

"I know," Bella replied. Her voice was muffled because her face was pressed against my shoulder. "Just hurry back as soon as you can."

I kissed her hair, then her cheeks, unable to let her go.

"Okay, okay," Alice said, prizing Bella away from me. "1 minute and 10 seconds. Get out, Edward."

_**You two are going to be almost as bad as Rose and Emmett and that's saying something**. _She thought.

"So there's been no sign of her," I said as I paced Carlisle's study ten minutes later. Esme and Rosalie were hunting and Jasper and Emmett had gone to Portland to look at TV's to find a temporary replacement for the one I'd demolished so we had the house to ourselves.

"Jasper says the scent trail is nearly a week old," Carlisle replied. "Which means that she probably hasn't been in the area since Alice got here."

**_Perhaps Alice scared her off. Jasper thinks that's possible. She probably assumed we had all returned when Alice showed up at Bella's. She knew that she would be colossally outnumbered, especially since she surely knows Laurent is dead. I talked to Tanya and told her the news about him. She said they'd never met Victoria._ **He thought.

"Well, I hope those dogs don't chase her off before we get a chance to corner her," I snarled. "I want her."

"Does it really matter as long as Bella is out of harm's way, son?" Carlisle asked.

**_If the wolves have chased her away, she can't hurt Bella._ **He added silently.

"It shouldn't," I replied thoughtfully. Carlisle hated violence and he didn't really understand my desire to kill Victoria myself.

"We'll take care of Bella one way or the other," Carlisle said. "How is she?"

"She's fine," I answered with a frown. No thanks to me of course. I missed her so much it hurt. "Alice is still with her. Naturally, Charlie doesn't want me anywhere near her but I don't blame him."

"Don't be too hard on yourself," Carlisle said, patting me on the shoulder. "You were only trying to do the right thing when you left. Bella knows that and that's what matters."

_**She is still quite fragile, though. I'll be relieved when we don't have to worry so much about that any more**._ He thought, and I cringed.

"I know this life isn't the one you would have chosen for her," Carlisle said quietly. "But it's the one she chose for herself and you have to respect that. And, now that the Volturi know about her, there's really no other option."

"How long do you think it will be before they check?" I asked him.

"Aro is a very patient creature," Carlisle replied. "But Caius is not. I think it depends on whether or not Caius decides to wait for his brother to act. Given what Alice said about Aro's interest in your talents and his fascination with Bella, I don't think they will procrastinate."

I grimaced, and I knew that he was right.

"But worrying won't help," Carlisle went on pragmatically. "And I will change her after graduation just like I promised." He added.

"About that deadline..." I began

"I won't break my word to her, Edward," Carlisle interrupted sternly.

"I wasn't going to ask you to," I answered in a rush. "It's just that it may not be necessary for you to do it."

_**I know she didn't change her mind**!_ Carlisle thought.**_ What did you say to her last night? _**

"I told her I'd change her if she'd marry me." I blurted in answer to his silent question.

Carlisle laughed boisterously. "Congratulations! Does Alice know about this yet? You know she'll want to plan a big wedding or at least an engagement party..."

"Bella didn't..." I started as I averted my eyes from him and looked out the window wall of his study. "She didn't accept."

"Oh," Carlisle said and his face fell. _It was too soon for her_. He thought.

"Do you think that's the...only reason?" I asked him.

"Well, yes," Carlisle said with surprised sincerity. "She loves you, Edward. Give her time."

_**It's not as though you don't have time**. _He added wordlessly.

**I_ can't believe they actually came back_,** Mike Newton thought as he glared at me through the windshield of his decrepit suburban the next morning at school.**_ I hope Jessica wasn't serious about him and Bella getting back together. Her mom told her Bella ran away with him. Bella deserves better than Cullen. I'd rather she dated that gorilla from the reservation. _**

_Actually, he's a dog, Newton, not a gorilla_, I thought, laughing darkly.

"Thinking about how much you missed your friend Mike, Edward?" Alice chirped as I put the Volvo in park with a little too much force. "I'm sure you'll get to hear plenty of dirt about our return all day long. Pace yourself...it wouldn't do for you to waste all of your self-restraint in one blow and break his neck in English."

"Thanks for the unsolicited advice," I grumbled as we got out of the car. I could hear Bella's truck trundling up the street now. I would feel better once she was beside me. I tuned out all of the curious minds around me and waited for her.

"Hey," Bella said cheerfully as I held out my hand to her. Having her close to me was something I would never take for granted again. I smiled down at her, savoring the warmth of her hand until I was distracted by the mental mutterings of Jessica Stanley. Her thoughts toward Bella were even more vicious than the last time I'd been in her head and I had to fight the urge to rip her fuzzy hair out.

_**I told Mike she was back with him. I don't blame her. This is good for me...maybe Mike will finally get her out of his head and we can get back together. I don't know what he sees in her. I told him she was crazy...swore I'd never go out with her again after that terrible movie incident. **_Jessica thought, staring a hole through us as we walked to English.

The whispers, stares and salacious thoughts followed us all the way to our first class.

_**...Heard she took off to LA and Dr. Cullen had to stop them from eloping..**._

**_...I'll bet she's sleeping with him...that's the only thing that makes any sense...Jessica says she's a complete psycho and she's too skinny...she never eats..._**

**_...Pretty pathetic for her to forgive him for leaving her like that. She went nuts when he left. I heard Chief Swan had to give her drugs every day and she was seeing a shrink..._**

And on and on it went, all day long. It was one of the worst days I'd ever spent in school and that was saying something, considering I had graduated from high school 17 times.

"What is it?" Bella asked softly as we made our way to a table in the corner of the cafeteria at lunchtime.

"You should eat before your food gets cold," I said distractedly, gesturing down at a plate filled with overcooked french fries and a hamburger.

Bella glanced up and she registered the whispered conversation that Jessica Stanley was having with Katie Marshall and Lauren Mallory.

"Oh," she said with an understanding nod as she picked at her plate. "I'm sorry you have to hear all the stuff they're thinking."

"You have nothing to apologize for," I said through gritted teeth as Jessica's loud, crude thoughts about what Bella and I might have been doing while we were gone flitted through her vile head. "This is all my fault..."

"They'll find something new to talk about by the end of next week," Alice said cheerfully. "Next Thursday, Samantha Wells will find out Lauren went out with her boyfriend while she was in Santa Barbara for spring break. Oh, and speaking of trips, Jasper thinks you all should leave as soon as it starts to get dark this evening."

I felt Bella's pulse increase and her body tense beside me at Alice's words and I made up my mind.

"I'm not going," I said stubbornly.

"You need to hunt," Alice argued in a whisper that was barely audible to Bella, let alone the other humans in the room.

**_Bella will be fine, I promise. I'll stay in the area and keep an eye out for trouble. It won't be easy for her, but she'll be okay...it's inevitable that you'll have to leave her_. **She continued silently.

"I know I need to hunt," I hissed. "But I don't have to go all the way to Oregon to do it."

"You should go," Bella said determinedly. Her voice was calm, but her hands trembled. "I'll be fine, really."

I gave her a searching look just before the bell rang and I nodded reluctantly. Perhaps I could convince Jasper and Emmett to stay in Washington at least.

"Try to relax, Edward," Jasper said as we ran in the dark. The hunting preserve we were visiting wasn't open to humans this time of year so it was deserted.

We'd only been gone for an hour, but the further we got from Forks, the more difficult it became for me to breathe. I felt that same terrible emptiness and panic that had overwhelmed me during my unbearable separation from Bella.

_**Alice will take good care of Bella, **_Jasper thought as a wave of artificial calm washed over me.

Jasper's best efforts couldn't totally rid me of the all-consuming anxiety that radiated through my chest. With some effort, I took a deep, shaky breath and sighed wearily.

"I should've stayed home to hunt," I lamented for the 45th time since we'd left that evening. "Leaving her so soon was a mistake! What if she gets scared, or sick, or even worse, what if that stupid dog comes to visit her! Alice won't be able to see…"

"You know you're a complete psycho don't you?" Emmett interrupted in an unusually irritable voice as we picked up the scent of four mountain lions that were three miles away.

_**Starving yourself because you're afraid she'll catch a cold… you need professional help.**_ He thought. He was still too furious about the broken TV to be his usual cheerful self.

"You can't afford to be around her like this anyway," Jasper reasoned. "You're too thirsty."

_**YOU could be the one to hurt her**_, He added mentally.

"That's not an issue anymore," I blurted dismissively without thinking. I regretted my hasty reply immediately when I heard my brothers' thoughts. They were expecting an explanation, and I wasn't prepared to talk about the reason for the change in my appetite. It was too painful to relive the horror.

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked impatiently when I didn't elaborate.

"I've developed an…immunity to her," I said finally.

"An immunity?" Emmett repeated with a frown.

Jasper was feeling just as confused as he tried to gage my mood.

"Her blood no longer appeals to me in that way," I answered carefully. This was going to be very difficult to explain without revisiting my recent trauma. "My instincts have changed."

"Instincts don't change," Emmett countered. "We are what we are and she smells like heaven to you, or at least she used to. Did her scent change?"

I shook my head. "She still smells exactly the same, but the way I feel has changed. I can't think about her that way anymore."

_**Well if that's true, at least something good came out of what happened.**_ Emmett thought. _**But getting all emo doesn't mean you're off the hook over my TV. You owe me big, kid.**_ Emmett shook his head angrily at the memory of his toy lying in pieces in the living room as he sprang at the big cat.

"I can feel that you really mean that," Jasper marveled. "The thought of consuming her blood makes you feel physically ill. But, why? How?"

"I thought she was dead," I said in a choked whisper as we spotted the other lions. "The agony of that loss altered me forever. I could never endure it again."

"I'm sorry," Jasper replied just before he sprang at one of the large cats drinking from a nearby spring. "I can't imagine how I would feel if I thought Alice was…" He broke off, unable to finish the sentence even in his head. He shuddered.

I caught the other two cats, but I was so thirsty it took another large animal to totally satisfy my thirst. I took the bear down without effort.

"You're going back to watch her sleep, aren't you?" Emmett asked rhetorically as I tossed the bear's remains aside.

"I can't stay," I replied. "You know I've missed you both, but I wouldn't have come if it hadn't been absolutely necessary. I'm not thirsty anymore. I have to get back to her."

"You suck," Emmett said with a chuckle at the pun. "Tell Bella I said hi when she wakes up."

I didn't respond; by the time he finished the sentence I was running home.

"I knew you wouldn't stay the whole time, but you look much better at least," Alice said serenely from the forest outside of Charlie's little house in the wee hours of Saturday morning as she examined my freshly fed face.

_**Bella and Charlie had a long conversation this evening after she got finished with her Chemistry lab. Charlie has agreed to let you see her in the evenings from 7-10pm. She is not allowed to leave the house with you and you are not allowed to drive her to or **from school. He warned her that Mr. Greene knows she's not supposed to go anywhere with you and he threatened to arrest you if you tried anything._ She added wordlessly.

"Well, that's better than I expected..." I began, but a tortured cry made the world stop spinning and I turned to ice.

"Edward...please,"

I tore through the forest faster than the speed of light, detecting no trace of another mental presence or scent to suggest that there was an enemy afoot. I was scaling the wall into her bedroom seconds later, with Alice following along behind me.

The house was silent and dark except for the sound of Bella's cries. Charlie had slept through his daughter's latest nightmare.

"Shh...Bella," I murmured as I cradled her sleeping form to my chest. Her eyes were wet with tears and her body trembled. "I'm here, love, it's okay...shh."

"Edward," she sobbed, still unconscious. "Please don't leave me, please don't..."

"I won't ever leave you again, I swear," I whispered repeatedly as I rocked her. She started to relax as I hummed her lullaby.

"I thought you said she was going to be okay," I growled almost inaudibly at Alice after Bella had calmed down. I wrapped her blankets more tightly around her tiny frame when she shivered against my cold skin.

"She was just having a nightmare," Alice replied defensively as she lounged in the rocking chair on the other side of the room, but her thoughts were apologetic. "She wasn't in any danger and she probably won't even remember this in the morning."

"I'll never be able to make up for leaving her," I muttered bitterly as Bella sighed in her sleep. "She nearly died because of what I did, Charlie thought he was going to have to put her in a mental institution, her friends gave up on her, she's in trouble at school, fighting with her father, making friends with wolves and the Volturi..."

"Yes, it's like a bad game of dominoes," Alice agreed in a whisper, and I could tell she wanted to say I told you so. "One wrong move caused the whole thing to fall apart, didn't it?"

I grimaced again at the perfect analogy.

"The domino effect," I agreed.

"At least one good thing came out of Bella being grounded," Alice said unexpectedly. I started to ask her what she meant by this comment but I saw the answer in her head before I could even form the words.

Bella had asked Charlie if he would make an exception to her house arrest rules and allow her to visit Jacob Black. Surprisingly, he had refused. Perhaps he was angry with the dog over the cliff diving incident after all.

"Well, actually," Alice said uncomfortably when I expressed this theory. "Charlie confided in me that Billy Black asked him not to let Bella come out to the reservation right now."

"Why?" I whispered, relieved and curious all at the same time. Did this have something to do with the treaty? Were Bella's new canine pals turning their hairy backs on her because of our renewed relationship?

"Charlie said that Jacob was really hurt that you and Bella..." Alice paused. "Well, now that you and Bella are back together, Billy said that it would be too hard for him to be around her. Of course, Charlie didn't tell Bella that. He just told her she was grounded and he wasn't making any exceptions."

I cringed again at the thought of Jacob Black and Bella's close friendship. A friendship that I had made possible and necessary because I had abandoned her...left her alone and defenseless, scared and vulnerable. And as a result, our relationship with the wolves was bound to be even more strained, and Bella missed her friend. Bella would have been determined to see him if she wasn't grounded, and I was grateful Charlie had sequestered her. It would make it easier for me to keep her from seeing him, at least for the moment. Then I felt a terrible wave of self-loathing and guilt. How could I be grateful that she was in trouble, regardless of the motivation? I felt especially wretched since I was the cause.

"So the dog doesn't want to see her," I said, half relieved and half sad. I didn't want Bella within a five mile radius of a werewolf, but I knew that she cared for Jacob Black and I didn't want him to hurt her feelings. She shifted slightly in my arms and I kissed her forehead gently.

"That's what he told Charlie," Alice said with a shrug. "But there's more to it obviously; I'm sure the wolves see your reconciliation as base treachery on Bella's part. And having her on their side of the line since she's under our protection would be risky to say the least. If she were to get hurt on the reservation by sheer accident..."

"I would kill every one of them," I finished unnecessarily. "It is out of the question for her to be on their land."

"I agree," Alice said with a nod. "But you and I both know that as soon as she serves her sentence for Charlie, she will want to see him."

I felt a surge of hot fury and pain at her words that had nothing to do with concern for the treaty.

"Does she love him, Alice?" I whispered before I could stop myself. I saw the confirmation in her thoughts before she formed her hasty answer.

"Not the same way that she loves you," Alice said. Y_ou mean more to her than anything or anyone else in this world._ She added mentally.

My insides twisted and burned as I instinctively held Bella more tightly.

Not the same love, but it was still love.

That wasn't the answer I was looking for, but it was the one I feared.

**Thanks so much for reading. I'd love to hear what you think. The next chapter is all original material that covers some of the time between chapter 24 of New Moon and the Epilogue in the novel. I hope you enjoyed my embellishments. Two more chapters after this one. **


	18. Chapter 18

**Hi again! This is almost the end. There is no dialogue from New Moon in this one. It's all original material. This part of the story takes place during Edward and Bella's "adjustment period" after his return and before the Epilogue in New Moon. The next chapter in this story will be the NM Epilogue from Edward's POV and the first encounter he has with Jacob Black since he changed. Thanks so much to everyone who has read, reviewed and added this story to their favorites. **

**Stephenie Meyer still owns all things Twilight and as much as I wish otherwise, I'm not her. Damn it. **

**Chapter 18-Destiny**

"You're here! I didn't expect you to be back yet," Bella said with a groggy smile just before her alarm clock went off. It was Saturday but she had the morning shift at Newton's. I hated for her to have to get up so early; I knew she still needed rest, especially after her disturbing dreams the night before.

"Did you really think I could stay away?" I said with a tight smile before kissing her cheek. I hoped she hadn't seen the guilt in my face. I never should have agreed to leave her so soon.

"What is it?" she asked anxiously as she sat up and pushed her blankets aside. "What's wrong? Is it Victoria? Did she..."

"No, love," I answered quickly as I cupped her worried face in my hands. "There's been no sign of Victoria."

Bella sighed in acute relief. She'd been living in fear for her life for weeks now and I felt terrible about my stupid hunting expedition. I'd gotten two mountain lions and a small black bear but it hadn't been worth it. Emmett was still so annoyed over the TV I'd ripped apart that I hadn't really even enjoyed being with my brothers.

'Then what's wrong, Edward?" Bella asked, reaching for me. I moved my hands from her face and wrapped my arms back around her without answering. I didn't want to hear her tell me not to feel guilty.

"Edward?" she prompted again after a moment.

"Nothing's wrong, Bella," I muttered, kissing the top of her head. "I just didn't like being away from you, that's all."

That was an understatement.

She pulled away from me and looked up to study my face, unconvinced.

"Are you ever going to stop trying to keep things from me?" She asked quietly. "I may not be a mind reader but I know when you aren't telling me something."

I sighed deeply. I really didn't want to get into this with her but it was necessary. The consequences of my actions were relentless, and she would be too if I didn't answer her now.

"When I got back last night you were having a...nightmare," I said with a grimace.

"Oh," Bella said, and she blushed as though there was a reason for her to feel guilty. "I didn't wake Charlie did I?"

"No," I answered. "But you were yelling so loudly that for a fraction of a second Alice and I thought someone had broken into your room." I sighed bitterly.

"Well, I don't remember dreaming about anything last night, so, it's no big deal." She said with a shrug. She was trying to trivialize this situation, which only made me feel worse. Her feigned indifference meant that the dreams must be more terrible than I'd imagined.

"For Charlie to sleep through all the noise you were making, I would assume he is used it," I said, unwilling to allow her to let me off so lightly now that we were discussing the matter.

Bella winced.

"No, he sleeps through all my sleep talking most of the time," She answered carefully.

"You were screaming, Bella; screaming for me." I countered. "It's no wonder Charlie hates me... he's spent the last 7 months listening to that. I'm so sorry. There are no words to describe how wretched I feel for putting you through..."

"Don't," Bella said softly as she placed a warm fingertip to my lip . "Don't torture yourself, Edward. I'm sorry you had to hear that, but it's over now."

She was sorry!

"Bella..." I began miserably, my voice slightly muffled by her finger.

"I forgave you, Edward," Bella said impatiently as she moved her hand. "Now you need to forgive yourself. Charlie will come around."

I nodded reluctantly. I knew I would never forgive myself, and if I were Charlie, I wouldn't forgive me either.

"Is Charlie gone yet?" she asked me in a whisper as she hopped out of bed and started looking for something to wear. I tried not to look at the black garbage bag or the clothes in the floor of the closet. I knew why they were there. They were things she'd hidden from view that reminded her of me. I had noticed that she'd gotten some of her books out of there though; a positive sign.

"He left with his fishing gear an hour ago," I replied. "What would you like for breakfast?"

"I'll grab a pop tart on my way out," she said absently. "You don't have to cook a big spread like you did Thursday. If I let you feed me that kind of thing every morning I'd be the size of a house."

"I've been reading a little about human nutrition and those pop tart things aren't very healthy, you know," I said with a half-smile.

"You really should read something more entertaining," Bella answered with a laugh. "Besides, it's not like I'll have to worry about human food for much longer."

I clenched my teeth together at the casual reminder of her plans with Carlisle. Her rejection of my marriage proposal still stung, but not as badly as the notion of her fast approaching change. I was still holding out hope that she might relent and wait. I wanted her to have ample time to change her mind about becoming immortal.

"I need to get moving or I'm going to be late," she said as she glanced at the clock. "The store won't be open for customers today because Karen wants Mike and I to work on inventory and I promised him I'd be there by 7:30. The sooner I get there, the faster we can get it over with. I hate inventory days."

"Charlie will be gone all day, so I'll be waiting for you close by." I said. She smiled happily at the thought.

"Behave yourself," She said, leaning up to kiss my cheek before leaving the room to change. I knew what she meant, and I didn't answer her.

******************************EH**********************************

It probably wasn't necessary for me to stay so close to Bella during the daylight hours, but I skulked in an alleyway behind the store, intent on keeping an eye on her for the duration of her shift just in case. Alice hadn't seen anything about Victoria returning to the area, but I knew Victoria wouldn't give up until someone died, and I fully intended to make sure it was her. But, hanging around a closed sporting goods store for 5 hours wasn't the least bit entertaining, so I decided to listen to Bella and Mike. Bella had asked me to behave, so I knew she wouldn't approve, but what else was there to do?

"So, Varner wouldn't let you make up that test, huh?" Mike was saying as he counted through a crate of canteens. "That's too bad. You'll really have to stay on your toes from here on. I could help you study for the next test at my place..."_ Bet Cullen would love that. Maybe if I piss him off and he loses it she'll finally see what a freak he is. I wouldn't want to make him too mad though…every time I see him he looks homicidal. _

I ground my teeth together. Would he ever give up? I really wanted to get my ring on Bella's finger.

"Thanks for the offer, Mike," Bella replied as she sorted through boxes of men's hiking boots. "But, I'm so grounded I doubt Charlie would even let me out for a study session."

That wasn't true of course; if Charlie thought there was even the faintest chance that Newton might be able to steal Bella away from me, he would probably let her go to Las Vegas with him.

"We could work on it after we're done here," Mike persisted. "My dad's with your dad and a bunch of other guys at the river today and I know they won't be back until dusk."

_**I know Cullen's the reason she's telling me no and I want to hear her say it so I have an excuse to tell her what I think. **_

"I really appreciate the offer, Mike," Bella said with a blush and a sigh. "But I'm sure Edward will be able to help me catch up. He's got a lot of studying to do too since he just got back."

Bella's mention of my name finally pushed Newton over the edge.

"So you and Cullen are a thing again," Mike said bitterly. "After he was a complete jerk and left you for months..."

"Mike," Bella interrupted him in a surprisingly soft tone that I didn't like. "I don't expect you to understand... "

"Well, you're right Bella, I don't," he said angrily. "Where did you go anyway? Everyone says Cullen ran away from home and you went to find him, but I know there's more to the story."

_**Jess and Lauren were begging me to try to get details when they found out we were working today.**_ He added mentally.

"I can't talk about this with you, Mike," Bella said in an exasperated voice. She nearly tripped over a palate of sleeping bags as she carried three boxes of size 10 boots over to the display shelves. Newton could have easily helped her, but he was no gentleman.

_**Oh yeah she's definitely covering up something for that freak. Maybe one of the doctor's science projects went wrong and they had to flee California**_. Mike thought.

"What does your friend down at the reservation think about Cullen?" Mike asked pointedly. "You know, the one we went to that movie with...what's his name?" S_**he says he's her best friend, only she knows he's madly in love with her. I remember his name...Jacob…we were on the date from hell. **_ He added mentally.

I froze as still as a statue and held my breath. I felt a terrible surge of resentment at his words. Not just because of the dog, but at his reference to a date. Had Bella actually went out on a bad date with Newton while I was gone in an attempt to move on with a normal human boy? That didn't fit with the story Charlie had given Alice. I reminded myself that I had no right to be upset about anyone she may have gone out with while I was away, but that didn't help. The jealousy raged inside my chest like blazing fire.

"Jacob Black," Bella replied, refreshing Newton's phony memory lapse. "I haven't seen him, I'm grounded," She bit her lip. I could see her sad expression through Mike's eyes, but he didn't register the discomfort on her face as easily as I did.

"So, did you break up with him for Cullen?" Mike asked Bella scathingly.

_**Austin Marks's girlfriend Kyra is from La Push and her cousin Emily told her Bella ditched Jacob Black for Cullen. Kyra said that all his friends are mad at Bella too. There was more between them than Bella admitted. Just the way he looked at her said it all. **_ He thought. __

I knew from town gossip that a girl named Emily Young was dating Sam Uley. Alice told me Uley was the stand in leader of the wolves, but I had no idea the pack was under the impression that Bella and Jacob Black were…involved. Even my mind wanted to choke on the word. Was that why they'd agreed to protect her from Victoria? Was Bella keeping something from me?

"No," Bella grumbled. "Like I told you before, Jake I have never been more than just friends, Mike." Her tone was earnest and I felt a little better. "Can we talk about something else, please?"

"Sure," Mike answered.__

_**I still don't believe that he just wanted to be friends even if that's what it was to her. And she calls him Jake. **_

So, Newton had noticed that little detail too. I winced.

"Have you decided where you're going to college yet?" Mike asked finally, granting Bella's request for a subject change.

"Nope," Bella replied and her face relaxed. "I've got some applications to fill out for places that are still accepting them, but I have no idea where I want to go."

They spent the rest of their morning on small talk but Newton's thoughts were still bitter. He loathed me for the same reason several of the other human boys at Forks High School did.

So many of the boys in this town wanted what I had. Several of them had tried unsuccessfully to win Bella's affections. I marveled at the way she chose me time and again over those who could offer her so much more than I could. Would she ever come to her senses and see that? I brooded for the rest of the morning on that point, wondering if her mind was still on her friend in La Push.

"Are you alright?" Bella asked as I held the passenger door of her truck open for her. The anxiety I was feeling must have been written all over my face.

"I'm just glad to have you all to myself, love," I replied, and my voice sounded tense in my own ears. I knew that wouldn't escape her attention.

"You were listening, weren't you?" She asked flatly as she tried to climb into the seat. I caught her before she could slip on the wet pavement. I smiled a little as she blushed.

"I'm sorry if that upsets you," I said in confirmation as I pulled out of the parking lot. She frowned at me but to my surprise she didn't chastise me further.

"Mike was just trying to get me to tell him some tidbit of information he could pass on to Jess and Lauren," Bella said with a shrug. She was so perceptive that reading minds would be a superfluous gift for her. "Don't worry about what he said."

She thought Mike Newton's little jabs would make me feel guilty. She had no idea that Newton was the least of my worries. He was certainly an irritation, but I was more concerned about what was going on in a place I was forbidden to go. A place filled with enemies who had emotional ties to her that I was grateful for and resented all at the same time. Jacob Black had kept her safe while I was away, but what would the bonds they had forged cost me?

"So, have you talked to any of your friends in La Push since we returned?" I asked in a would-be casual voice. Out of the corner of my eye, I scrutinized her face.

"I tried to call Jake last night but Billy said he was gone," Bella replied with a frown. She obviously suspected that he was avoiding her.

I gritted my teeth at the nickname again. Jake.

"Yes, well he and his pack mates are probably on their guard with all the vampire activity in the area. Carlisle heard they were quite pleased when we left last time," I replied stiffly as I turned onto the highway.

I heard Bella's intake of breath a half second later and I regretted my hasty words. I pulled Bella into my arms as I drove unswervingly toward her house.

"I'm sorry," I whispered miserably as I kissed her hair. "For everything…for leaving you and…"

"I know," She interrupted, keeping her suddenly clouded eyes focused on the windshield. "Please don't apologize anymore, Edward. I told you I understand. It's just…" She broke off and buried her face into my chest.

"Go on," I prompted her after a moment as we turned onto Charlie's street. Weren't people my age supposed to have endless patience?

"I don't like to talk about it," She murmured into my shirt. I felt her shudder involuntarily as she said it. "It's too hard."

I held her tighter and nodded silently to indicate that I understood.

Bella was such an emotionally strong person, brave to the point of insanity at times, and to see her so shaken shattered my frozen heart, because I had done that to her.

I would never allow anything else to scare her or hurt her that way again. I would redeem myself as much as I could by making sure Victoria paid for threatening her. I'd been given a second chance with her and I had no intention of losing her again.

******************************EH*********************************

"I should try to get caught up on homework," Bella said as she made herself something to eat. "I need to finish those calculus problems and a chemistry worksheet, get the laundry done and cook dinner before Charlie gets home tonight. He won't let you in the house unless all of my chores are done."

"I think you can manage it all with my help," I replied with a grin. "Would you like to see how fast I do laundry?"

"Bella frowned at me as she swallowed a drink of her milk. "I know you have vampire strength and speed, but I don't see how that will help you make Charlie's antique washer go any faster."

"It's an ancient Chinese secret," I laughed, quoting an old laundry detergent commercial.

"Huh?" Bella asked with a frown.

"Oh, right…you're too young to remember that one," I said and I told her about the ad. She snorted.

"I do my own version of an extra spin cycle," I explained. "Cuts the drying time in half even with a first rate machine, so I'll be done before you know it."

"Sounds like a persuasive sales pitch for a vampire laundry mat," Bella replied with another laugh.

I helped Bella get caught up on her studies and then I worked on the laundry while she made Charlie a rather complicated looking dinner. Doing the wash was easy, but I hadn't taken into account- and I was sure Bella hadn't either- that I would be sorting through some of her…intimate clothing. As if I needed that extra information to fuel my already overly active imagination. I tried to avoid looking at what I was putting into the machine, but I couldn't.

Thank heaven I was the only mind reader in the family. I shuddered at the thought of what Emmett would say if he knew what I was doing. I'd be hearing jokes about me rifling through Bella's undergarments for the next century, especially after the TV incident. The thought had no more than formed in my mind before I heard the sounds of my Volvo a few streets away, and from the scent I knew there was more than one occupant in my car.

I was sitting in the kitchen with Bella when the doorbell rang less than four minutes later. I cringed at the smug thoughts I was hearing.

"Hey Bella," I heard Emmett say when Bella answered the door. He stepped inside with Alice following lithely behind him. They always looked so strange together given the differences in their sizes.

"I didn't expect to see you, Emmett," Bella said cheerfully as she ushered them into the kitchen. "Didn't you have any thing better to do?"

_**Emmett couldn't think of anything better to do when I told him what I'd seen you doing, Edward**_. Alice thought as she chuckled aloud.

"Well, I was going to watch the Final Four on my new Korean HD plasma screen, but this vampire with an anger management problem ripped it apart with his bare hands," Emmett said in a matter of fact voice. "So I figured I'd come over and watch Edward do your laundry instead."

I_** want to see the look on Bella's face when she hears the story. And unless you want me to tell Jasper and Rosalie about the chores you've been doing for your girl, you'll buy me two new TV's instead of one.**_ He thought.

I glared at him, and then at Alice when I heard what she was thinking.

_**You deserve a little payback for tearing up his new toy. **_Alice added silently. Sorry I told him about what you were washing. I thought it was funny.

Hilarious.

"What happened?" Bella asked with a confused frown.

"Your better half wants to know what happened to my TV Edward," Emmett said.

Bella gasped. "Is that what you broke in the living room on Thursday? "You ripped a TV!"

"Like a piece of paper," Alice said with a sigh.

"Wanna know how much it cost?" Emmett interjected. He knew how much Bella hated frivolity. The five digit price tag would set her off.

"Edward!" Bella exclaimed before Emmett had the chance to tell her the exact figure.

"Okay, Emmett," Alice said chidingly. "You've had enough fun. Bella knows Edward has the temper of a barbarian and you're going to get what you wanted as repayment."

"I don't know Alice," Emmett said evilly. "The blackmail part is almost too good to give up."

_**Jasper would never let you hear the end of it after all the times you've made fun of him for going shopping with Alice. **_ Emmett sneered silently.

"Blackmail?" Bella asked apprehensively.

"Emmett, if you embarrass her I'll rip you apart just like I did the TV," I whispered too fast and quietly for her to understand. My Bella is a lady and I would not tolerate him talking so crudely in front of her.

"Never mind, Bella," Alice said as she rolled her eyes at both of us. "Emmett isn't going to blackmail anyone. I can see that." _**For Bella's sake he knows I'd help you kill him.**_ She added silently.

Bella sighed in relief and walked back over to the stove to stir the contents of a large saucepan. But, I could tell she was still curious about Emmett's comment.

"You know I'm really glad to see you guys," Bella said as she adjusted the temperature of the burner. "But I don't think having a little mini get together like this is going to soften Charlie up for Edward's first official visit."

"Edward and Emmett aren't staying long since Charlie will be home in 52 minutes and he won't be pleased if they're here when he comes back," Alice said blandly. "They're going to leave me here with the car and Edward will come back before Charlie gets home. I've seen that he should wait for Charlie outside so they can have a private talk. "

_**Charlie's opinion of you will improve just a tad if you approach him without Bella. He'll think you're being more of a man if you talk to him when she's not there to diffuse the tension.**_ She added silently.

Bella glanced anxiously in my direction for a split second before she started fiddling with the knob on the stove again. She didn't want me to leave, and she wasn't looking forward to my face to face with her father either. I flitted to her side at once and pulled her reassuringly against my chest. Emmett made some crass whispered remarks that I ignored as I kissed her cheek.

"Would you mind terribly if I just hid in your room until I'm allowed to come in?" I whispered in her ear. I felt her relax beneath me at my words just as I tensed in response to Alice's thoughts.

"No, Edward," Alice said firmly, and I winced. "You need to run an errand with Emmett so he can get replace his TV and I need to have a girl moment with Bella."

I_** had a vision about Victoria earlier, and Bella will panic if she finds out, so don't say anything. It was very vague; all I could see was her face and some evergreen trees in the background. I can't help but think that might mean she's in the immediate area. If she was close enough to the wolves, it would impede my sight. You need to go with Emmett and take a look around the Hoh forest since Carlisle and Esme are out of town for the day. Jasper and Rose are covering the areas closer to the border. **_She said wordlessly.

I nodded once in Alice's direction. Bella tensed slightly, but she made no other objections to my assent. I turned her around and cupped her face in my hands.

"I won't be gone long, I promise," I murmured, and I kissed her softly. She nodded.

"I love you," she said quietly.

"As I love you," I replied. "More than I could ever say in a thousand different languages."

"You probably speak that many different languages, so maybe you could try." she teased.

"I'll get started on that as soon as I return," I said, kissing her on the forehead before rushing out the door with Emmett.

"I never thought I'd say this, but your crazy protective streak has gotten worse since you got back," Emmett snorted as we ran.

_**And all that mushy talk: you'll have to move out once she's changed. **_He added wordlessly.

"I've listened to you and Rosalie for over 60 years with few complaints," I reminded him.

"True," Emmett conceded. "And I guess thinking she'd died…"

"Do you think we'll find anything?" I asked, cutting him off mid-sentence. I couldn't talk about that trauma and terror now, nor did I think I would be able to in the future. Emmett seemed to understand because he didn't bring it up again.

"I don't know about now," He replied in a matter of fact tone. "But we will sooner or later. She'll be back."

"Yes," I agreed with a furious growl. "And I'll be waiting."

"How was your errand?" Alice asked me curiously as she stood on Charlie's front stoop. I could hear Bella setting the table in the little kitchen.

"Fruitless," I said with a sigh. "Emmett's meeting up with Jasper and Rose so they can expand the search. You haven't seen anything else?"

"Nothing," Alice said with a frustrated frown.

_**Surely the wolves aren't going to keep affecting my sight this much. I hate this.**_ She thought angrily.

"We just have to be vigilant," I replied with a heavy sigh. "You _will_ see something if she gets too close. Maybe what you saw means she's thinking about coming back but she hasn't decided yet."

Alice nodded slightly. Her face was still furrowed, but her thoughts were less irritated.

"Charlie will be here in seven minutes," Alice said. "So you have enough time to go in and say hi to Bella before you come back out here to wait for him. This isn't going to be an easy conversation, but he's calmer than he was when you last saw him, and he had a great fishing trip. He'll be more willing to talk openly if Bella isn't with you. I'll see you in the morning." And without another word, she was gone.

Bella greeted me at the door a half second after I'd knocked, and I was pleased that she was so eager to see me.

"I told you I wouldn't be gone long," I whispered into her hair as we embraced. She had only been out of my sight for 47 minutes and that was too long for me.

"It never feels like a short time, though," Bella muttered as she pressed her face into my chest.

"I know," I replied, kissing the top of her head and breathing in her warm scent. The burn that I felt at her fragrance was a totally different desire now, devoid of thirst. "If only there was some way for me to keep you at my side constantly," I mused. She hugged me tighter as though she were trying to do just that.

"Charlie will be here soon," I said. "Alice told me to wait for him so we could talk outside. She said he would speak more freely if we were alone."

Bella looked up at me with a half worried, half incredulous expression.

"And that's supposed to be a good thing?" She asked apprehensively.

"Believe it or not, it will be better this way," I replied. "Don't worry. I knew I would have to face the proverbial music sooner or later. No one else is as forgiving as you are, love."

"That's because no one else loves you the way that I do," she replied with a smile as she stood on the tips of her toes and kissed my cheek.

"I don't deserve you," I answered softly. She frowned up at me, and I knew she didn't agree. I could hear Charlie's car now, and I knew I only had a couple of minutes until he pulled into the driveway.

"I need to go back outside," I said, pulling her face up to mine to kiss her briefly on the lips. "Charlie's dinner is done and you've had a busy day; you should sit down and rest for a bit."

She nodded and I scooped her up into my arms and sat her on the couch before she could take a breath.

"Je t'aime," I whispered as I walked toward the front door. There was one of my I love you's. "Mon amour pour toi est eternel."

"What did you say?" she asked curiously. I smiled.

"It means I love you and my love for you is eternal," I said as I walked out the door. She smiled as she curled up on the sofa.

I was sitting in the Volvo when the glaring lights of Charlie's police cruiser illuminated the driveway 90 seconds later. I saw the jovial expression on his face evaporate when he saw my car parked beside Bella's old Chevy. He stared at me for a long moment after he'd turned the car off, his thoughts twisted and snarled in irritation. The fury had waned, but the dislike was as strong as ever. I took a deep breath and got out of my car just as Charlie opened the cruiser door and popped his trunk.

"It's a little early for you to be here," He grunted angrily as he removed a large cooler awkwardly from the trunk of his car. I could smell the unpleasant odor of freshly caught fish inside. "I'm sure Bella told you about my time conditions."

"Yes, sir she did," I said evenly. "But I came here to talk to you."

His looked up at me in surprise for a brief moment before his scowl returned.

"I think I said pretty much everything I wanted to say to you when I kicked you out of my house two days ago, Cullen," He replied as he sat the cooler down at his feet. His voice was even, but his brown eyes blazed with unadulterated disgust.

I hung my head for a moment, unable to stand looking into his eyes. They were too much like Bella's, and they reflected all of the fury and hurt that I should have seen in hers.

"I understand why you hate me," I said a moment later. "If I were you, I would feel the same way…"

"You're not a father, so you don't understand anything," He hissed, not bothering to deny the hatred I knew he felt. "Talk to me about understanding when you have a daughter of your own."

_**I just hope your daughter doesn't wind up being my granddaughter,**_ He thought.

I winced in response to his words and his unusually clear thoughts. Bella could never have my baby. I felt a moment of sudden and intense longing for a child I could never have. I pushed the feeling away, trying to focus on the present.

"I'm sorry," I said lamely. "I know that's a totally inadequate thing to say, but I am. I never should have left her the way I did, and I'll always regret it."

"You're damn right you shouldn't have," Charlie replied, and I saw an image in his mind of a pale, gaunt Bella lying on the living room sofa. Her face was empty and despondent. "And I don't want to hear any more feeble apologies from you."

"Alright," I said slowly. This wasn't going well at all. Was Alice wrong? "No more apologies. But, I do have something else to say."

"Well get on with it, then," he snapped. "Say your piece and leave me alone." He was wishing that I would leave Bella alone too.

"I love Bella very much, and I'm willing to do anything to try to make things up to her," I replied. That was an impossible feat but I couldn't give up, and I needed to explain myself.

_**Teenagers think they know all there is to know about life and love. He hasn't lived long enough to know what he really wants**_. He thought.

I almost laughed since I would have been in my 60's in human years when he was born. But the laughter died in my throat when I heard the timbre of his thoughts.

"Right," Charlie said bitterly. "You love her so much you left her in the woods. You love her so much you went six months without even bothering to check on her. You love her so much that you've caused her to run away from home twice in the last year, getting her seriously hurt in the process. That's real love." He snorted in disgust.

I flinched at the anguish his words caused me. This reminder of the amount of pain that Bella had suffered in my absence twisted my insides. I, too had ached for her with a grief that would have killed a human man, but my pain was self-inflicted. Hers was fueled by lies, rejection and abandonment. How much harder would it have been for me if I had believed she didn't love me?

"I know I don't deserve her or her forgiveness," I admitted sadly. "But, she has graciously given me both, and I won't disappoint her. And I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back, too," I went on fervently, hoping he heard the sincerity in my words.

"It's going to take a whole lot more than pretty words to make me trust you again," Charlie replied. "The only reason I haven't kicked you off my property is because my daughter is by the legal definition, an adult and I couldn't stop her if she wanted to take off somewhere with you. And that's the last thing I want. At least I know she's safe under my roof. But I'm warning you now if you hurt her one more time I'll make sure you never see her again."

"Yes, sir," I replied, knowing that he would never be able to keep us apart. Only my own mistakes could do that

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going inside to have dinner with my daughter," Charlie said irritably as he picked up the cooler again. I would have offered to help, but I knew he wouldn't appreciate the gesture. "It's only 6:45 and I've already tolerated being around you longer than I was prepared for today. Don't darken my front door until 7."

I nodded just as the curtains in the front window fluttered. I caught a glimpse of Bella's long hair as she turned away from the glass and I knew it would be a long fifteen minutes.

"It was the worst night out I've ever had, hands down," Bella whispered as I tried not to laugh out loud. Charlie had been in bed for a half an hour, and he was deeply asleep, but I didn't want to risk waking him up.

"So, Newton was throwing up into a popcorn bucket," I shook with silent laughter again. _**Too bad he didn't ruin that mutt's car**_. I thought.

Now that she had explained the date from hell Newton had referenced, I was feeling giddy with relief that she hadn't really gone out with him while I was gone.

"And the movie was almost as bad as the puking," Bella chuckled quietly. "I missed half of it and I didn't care." I laughed too.

"The worst part was, I came down with it the next morning," Bella said with a sigh. "I was so sick…well actually that wasn't the worst part…" she paused, biting her lip nervously.

"What was the worst part, then?" I whispered. I was no longer laughing. I was frozen, paralyzed by the severe tension in her body as I wondered what she was thinking.

"That was the night Jake…changed for the first time," she said with a sigh. "It happened right after he got home that night."

I shuddered involuntarily at this new piece of information. What if he had shifted in front of her? He could have seriously injured her or…

I couldn't even complete the thought. I cursed myself again for my foolhardy choice to leave.

"How long ago was that?" I asked once I was certain I could speak calmly. My even voice didn't fool her and she winced.

"Umm, it was back in February," She replied apprehensively. "But, Jake has a lot of control…"

"No young werewolf has control, Bella," I said in a furious hiss. "Even older wolves are volatile. Do you know how lucky you are to be alive? I certainly do."

"I am alive because of the wolves, not in spite of them," Bella reminded me.

My insides twisted at her words and I was unable to keep the agony from showing on my face.

"Oh Edward," Bella whispered in a voice that was thick with remorse. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded." She squeezed me as hard as her delicate body would allow, planting warm kisses on my face in an attempt to soothe me. "I'm sorry."

"It's the truth, though," I replied sadly as I buried my face in her hair. I had failed her, and she had nothing to be sorry for.

"You can't change the past," she said softly, stroking my cheek with her warm fingers. "You're here with me now, and we'll never be apart again."

I smiled. "No we won't."

I would never let her go somewhere that I couldn't follow.

Never again.

As the days passed, Bella and I fell into a pleasant routine. We attended school together, and our schedules were identical save for Calculus. Mr. Varner would not accommodate me when I asked to be moved into Bella's section. Not that I'd really expected him to. He was a first class power hungry creep. After school, Alice usually accompanied Bella home and I would spend the hours between classes and my designated visiting hours at home with my family, hunting, or else looking for any sign of Victoria.

But, the nights were the best part of my days now. I existed for them. I spent each one in Bella's bed, talking to her (for hours at a time some nights) and holding her while she slept. We learned so much more about each other during those cherished hours. And just when I would think my silent heart had no room inside it to love her more, I found it expanding to make space for an even higher level of adoration. She was my love, my life, my destiny.

Charlie hadn't spoken to me since the night I'd accosted him in his driveway, and I said little to him in turn. Bella was still convinced that he would come around, but I couldn't find anything in his head to indicate that he had any intention of forgiving me. He mentioned Jacob Black often in an attempt to irritate me, but Bella said little about her estranged friend in my presence, though I knew she was still trying to contact him when I wasn't around.

I was at home one afternoon passing the time between visits with Bella at my piano when I heard Carlisle calling silently to me from his study.

_**I need to show you something,**_ He said wordlessly. I zipped up the stairs to find him sitting at his desk with a newspaper in his hands and a frown on his normally smooth face.

"Have you seen this?" he asked me as he tossed a copy of The Seattle Times in my direction. I shook my head as I took in the headlines.

_Mysterious Slayings Baffle Police: Authorities Suspect Gang is Involved. _

_Another charred and battered body has been found in the heart of the city, the third such discovery in just as many days. The authorities have identified the latest victim as Kendra Nicholson, 34. Nicholson was reported missing by her roommate just hours before her body was located. Two other victims of similar homicides have been Bernard Reese, 44 and Janice Roberts, 57. So far, police have been unable to find any connection between the victims, but the bodies were all burned beyond recognition and carelessly disposed of in locations that don't appear to be the actual scene of the crime. _

"What does Jasper think?" I asked severely as I laid the paper on Carlisle's desk. I knew my father was thinking the same thing that I was.

"He thinks it's an unrestrained newborn, too," he replied. "He believes that he guard will intercede if it doesn't stop."

And if they come to Seattle…he thought, trailing off when I finished the thought.

"They might check on Bella," I said bleakly.

Would it ever end?


	19. Chapter 19

**This is it. The end. I have an outtake I might post a bit later but this will be the last real chapter of the story. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. I feel like my writing improved over the course of this story, as did my understanding of Edward's character. Thanks so much to all of you who have read and reviewed. I really appreciate the feedback. I try to make sure to reply to all of you but if I've missed you I apologize. Thanks again. **

**Chapter 19-Disquiet (Edward's Epilogue)**

Springtime in the Olympic Peninsula isn't really warm by any means, but one can usually tell a distinct difference between January and April. This year was proving to be the exception. I didn't really mind much because I was impervious to the cold and the appearance of the sun meant that I had to stay home from school.

However, the unseasonable weather seemed to be contributing to human illnesses. Bella caught a dreadful respiratory infection that kept her out of school for three days in mid-April. She refused to allow me to spoil her as I saw fit, but at least she'd taken Carlisle's advice and stayed in bed. Alice had insisted that I attend class to avoid the vision she'd seen about Mr. Greene calling Charlie if I missed school when Bella did. I agreed, but worried constantly when I had to leave her side. I wouldn't have been able to bear the brief separation without my mother's help. Esme stayed with Bella during the day while I was gone, so she was never unprotected or lonely. Charlie was grateful for Esme's care and she kept Bella entertained.

The only brief moment of pleasure I had during Bella's absence from school was when I got to tell a disgruntled Mike Newton that she would be unable to work while she was ill. Newton had kept his distance from Bella since my return, but he still had impure thoughts about her that made me seriously consider killing him slowly at least a few times a week. I hated that she worked with him, but I knew there was no way she would quit her job and allow me to provide her with pocket money.

Angela Weber and her boyfriend Ben Cheney started sitting with Alice, Bella and I during lunch shortly after our return. Alice had predicted the seating arrangement would work out well, and naturally she was right. The two humans were rather uncomfortable with us at first, but after a few days we all began to enjoy each other's company.

Time continued to pass. Charlie didn't alter my hours of visitation but he finally agreed to let me drive Bella to and from work under the condition that she was home 15 minutes after her shift ended. I was grateful for this tiny improvement, but he still wasn't speaking to me.

Although he was outwardly silent, Charlie's previously hazy mind was a different story. In his head I could see that he'd been spending lots of time talking to Billy Black and asking him to convince his son to pay Bella a visit. He was hoping that Bella would realize in due course that Jacob would be a better suitor than I. And, perhaps he would have been, if he wasn't a dog.

Bella rarely ever mentioned Jacob Black or any of the other residents of the Quileute reservation. But on the occasions when she was quiet and pensive, I couldn't help but wonder if her mind was in La Push.

My family continued their vigilant searches of the forest for any signs of Victoria, but we found nothing. Esme was hopeful that she'd just given up and moved on. My instincts were telling me she was just biding her time and the others agreed with me. Alice was keeping an eye on a variety of things with her special gifts, including any news from Italy. This was especially important since the killings in Seattle seemed to be escalating.

In spite of my concerns about Victoria, the Volturi and Jacob Black, I was happy. Bella and I were together and she was safe. Therefore, I could handle anything else that came our way.

"She won't accept it, Edward," Alice said with a sigh on the first Saturday in May. I was getting ready to pick Bella up from her shift at Newton's and I had been contemplating buying her a new car.

"Not even as a graduation gift?" I asked sadly. I knew Alice was right, but I didn't want to concede defeat.

"I'm afraid not," Alice replied. "You know she hates presents, no matter what the occasion is and she'll insist that you return it. Don't bother buying her anything, especially not something that extravagant."

"But there aren't even any air bags in that decrepit truck," I argued. "I know its sturdy, but…"

"Damn it!" Emmett yelled from the couch, and I was momentarily distracted.

Jasper and Emmett were watching the Kentucky Derby events on one of Emmett's new flat screens. They had been completely engrossed in the races all day. Alice had refused to give them any special help because she was trying to discourage their overzealous competitions. So far, neither of them had picked any winning horses.

"Last place!" Jasper gloated. His laughter ceased when he picked up on the severity of Emmett's mood. "Maybe we should stop, Em." He said cautiously.

_**He's taking this way too seriously.**_ Jasper thought.

"Not a chance," Emmett snarled. "There are only three races left, and I've got some serious cash riding on that filly from Florida to place in the next one."

_**Why did Alice have to pick today to be honest? Maybe she'd give me a hint on the derby race if I asked nicely...**_" He thought.

"I'd stay out of this if I were you," I muttered to Alice with a wink. "I'm no psychic, but I know when I see a fight coming."

She laughed.

"Tell Bella I'll see her at 6," Alice said as I ran out into the rain. I smiled and nodded. I couldn't wait to see my love.

I pulled my car up to the front door of Newton's just as Bella was replacing her ugly fluorescent employee vest with her black rain jacket. She smiled at me through the rain-distorted glass, but I could tell that something was bothering her. Had Newton upset her? That boy was in serious need of a sexual harassment training class…or a blow to the head. I would be happy to deliver the latter personally. I got out of the car to open the door for Bella before she could get wet.

"I missed you every second of the day," I said, kissing her gently once we were inside the car.

"I missed you too," she answered. I could tell she was happy to see me, but her eyes were tense.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked as I turned onto the highway.

"It's Jacob," she blurted irritably.

That was unexpected and unwelcome. I tried to keep my face smooth as I listened.

"I decided to try to call Jake from the store since I can't ever catch up with him when I call in the evenings from home," She explained tersely. "Billy answered as usual and he said Jake didn't want to talk to me!" she went on. Her tone was angry, but I could hear the hurt underneath the fury.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said softly, and I meant it. I didn't want her anywhere near Jacob Black for a plethora of reasons, but seeing her in pain stabbed through me like a thousand hot knives.

"It's just plain rude!" she fumed. "Downright insulting…that he was there and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!" Her posture was still defensive but her eyes were too bright. I winced in response to her hurt.

"It's not you, Bella," I said soothingly. "Nobody hates you."

My voice was calm, but I was angry with Billy Black. How could he be so cruel to her! He was her father's best friend, and she cared deeply for him. He had no right to extend his prejudices against my family to Bella. She was an innocent party in all of this.

"Feels that way," She mumbled sadly, crossing her arms in a gesture I recognized. She would wrap her arms around herself that way when she was having a nightmare sometimes. I ached to make the hurt go away. I had to try to make her understand that none of this was her fault.

"Jacob knows we're back," I replied. "And I'm sure he ascertained that I'm with you." I remembered Mike Newton's thoughts about the La Push rumor mill when I'd first returned. _ 'Emily told her cousin Kyra that Bella ditched Jacob Black for Cullen. Kyra said all his friends are mad at Bella too.' _

By all accounts, Jacob Black was in love with Bella, but even if his feelings didn't extend beyond friendship he would have severed his ties with her when I came back into her life. His romantic feelings for her complicated matters, but they didn't really alter the outcome very much.

"He won't come anywhere near me," I continued. "The enmity is rooted too deeply."

The Quileute natives had been taught to loathe us for centuries. Oral histories passed down for generations told stories of "the cold ones". Hatred was ingrained into them. They passed it down even more effectively than the werewolf gene.

Bella's expression turned thoughtful. Perhaps I was getting through to her.

"That's stupid," she replied with a frown. "He knows you're not… like other vampires."

Or perhaps I wasn't; my sweet, kind Bella has an endless capacity to love everyone. She didn't understand why vampires and werewolves were unable to see past those labels and judge each other based on individual character. The concept of instinctive enemies made no sense to her.

"There's still good reason to keep a safe distance," I whispered patiently. She stared thoughtfully out of the windshield, and I wondered if she was starting to process my words.

"Bella, we are what we are," I elaborated. "I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k…" I stopped in mid-sentence when I realized what I'd almost said. I hoped pointlessly that she'd missed my slip.

"Before I hurt him; you would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen." I finished lamely.

If it weren't for her, I would have killed Jacob Black to defend myself without a second thought. But I would rather let him kill me than hurt someone she cared about.

She didn't respond to my statement immediately, but I saw the horror in her eyes as she registered what I'd almost said.

"Edward Cullen," she whispered sadly a few moments later. "Were you about to say killed him?"

I turned my face away from her to hide the shame I felt for my indiscreet words. I stared at the red traffic light as I waited for it to change.

"Were you?" She pressed. Her voice was still soft and miserable.

"I would try…very hard…not to do that," I replied carefully as the light turned green. I drove at a snail's pace, lost in thought.

She gaped at me without trying to hide the expression of incredulity in her face. What else could I say? The absolute truth would hurt her.

The whole truth was if he attacked me, I could defeat him easily. My extra talent notwithstanding, I had a ninety years more experience as a fighter than he did. I could destroy him in a matter of seconds …it would be such an instinctive thing to do that it would almost be an involuntary reaction. Killing him would be much easier than letting him live. I wanted to say something to comfort her. I wanted tell her that I would never hurt her estranged friend, but I couldn't because it would be a lie.

I watched her intently for a moment, and her shocked expression turned thoughtful again. She bit her lip out of nervous habit and frowned before composing her face.

"Well," she said finally with a deep sigh. "Nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason to worry about it." Her voice was calm, but I could tell that she was trying to convince herself more than she was me. "And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home before I get into more trouble for being late."

I froze in the middle of her sentence when I registered a horrible, earthy smell and two mental voices coming from Charlie's property.

The thoughts inside the tiny kitchen were Charlie's. His mind was filled with wordless rage and anxiety. The reason was immediately apparent when I saw the little red Honda motorcycle sitting in the middle of his driveway; Bella's motorcycle. I picked up a few distinct phrases from his head as his anger intensified.

_**Reckless! Could have been killed! I should strangle her!...lock her in her room and throw away the key…can't believe she'd do something so stupid!**_

I agreed with Charlie's assessment wholeheartedly, but I was too horrified by the unwelcome visitor who was waiting for me in the mouth of the woods behind Charlie's house to focus on anything else.

_**I hear that fancy car and I smell him. Ugh. Wish that filthy bloodsucker would hurry up and get here already. I need to talk to him and get it over with. Sam will be all wound up if this takes too long. He ordered me not to fight the vampire on neutral turf and not to shift unless I was attacked first.**_ The second voice thought.

Bella had spoken too soon.

Jacob Black was here.

Less than a half second had passed since Bella had finished her sentence. She looked over at me with a small smile on her soft lips. The smile vanished and was replaced by a look of panic when she took in my tense expression. I heard her heart accelerate fearfully.

"You're already in more trouble Bella," I said stiffly.

She gasped softly and moved closer to me, gripping my forearm with her soft, delicate fingers. The expression on her face made her thoughts obvious; she was trying to make sense of my words, wondering what kind of problem we had. She stared out of the windshield and searched for the source of the trouble, unable to see anything significant. My sharp eyes could see the boy's hulking figure now, and I registered the faint trembling in his big brown hands.

_**Maybe I should've brought Embry with me. Might be safer if I wasn't alone…no, I can do this! I'll just say what I need to say and go. Don't want to lose my temper.**_ The boy thought, staring through the trees at us.

"What? What is it?" Bella breathed anxiously.

I inhaled deeply before answering as I tried to prepare myself for the coming conversation with the werewolf waiting in the shadow of a large spruce tree near the worn path. He was even taller than I expected. He'd grown a 2.75 inches since I'd seen him in Alice's memories. I smelled the dank canine stench of him more powerfully now, and I had to fight to keep the distaste off my face.

"Charlie…" I said evenly, hoping that my calm tone would assuage some of her panic. I could still hear sentence fragments of Charlie's wrath. They were a mixture of swear words and potential threats that surged through his head.

"My dad!" she cried in surprise, her melodious voice an octave higher than usual. I looked over at her with a soft, soothing expression on my face, and she seemed to relax a little. She continued to cling to me though, and I knew she wasn't completely reassured.

_**Gross! I can't believe she's holding on to him like he's a person…like he doesn't want to have her for dinner! I hope to God this works and Charlie grounds her.**_ Jacob Black thought. His arms trembled violently in his irritation.

"Charlie…is probably not going to kill you, but he's thinking about it," I replied slowly as I tried to stay calm in the face of this dangerous conundrum.

"What did I do?" Bella cried as she stared out of the windshield again. My eyes darted unwillingly back to the source of the trouble parked in Charlie's driveway. Jacob Black watched our progress and I listened to his thoughts with increasing displeasure.

_**Maybe if I can get her away from that leech for awhile we can work things out. Sam says I can come to Forks if he's out of the way. I miss her so much. Charlie's pissed at me, but he hates that parasite and he'd let me see her if he thought it'd help. **_ He thought hopefully, and his tremors stopped for the moment.

I shuddered internally at the thought of leaving Bella unattended with a dangerous and unstable teenage werewolf. I had to keep her away from him at all costs. Then a wave of intense guilt washed through me when I remembered how she'd been forced to put her life in his hands repeatedly while I was gone.

Instinctively, I wanted to get her into the house before I talked to him, but Charlie was so angry that I could not allow her to face him alone. And I knew as soon as she saw the motorcycle in the driveway and deduced what was going on she'd want to confront Jacob Black herself with or without me.

I sighed inaudibly before deciding that it would be best to take her with me. I'd rather be there to protect her when she had her say than the alternative. He was under strict orders to do nothing more than talk to me after all. I drove past the house and parked the car at the edge of the woods. Charlie would be able to see us if he went into the living room, but we were invisible from the kitchen window.

An instant later, Bella's expression shifted from anxious confusion to horror and anguish.

The intense hurt on Bella's face made me want to rip Jacob Black to shreds. I could see that his betrayal wounded her much more than his father's tactless words on the phone earlier. The animosity between my family and his should not have extended to her. I hated the idea of her getting caught in the crosshairs of our conflict.

"No!" she whimpered. "Why? Why would Jacob do this to me?"

I knew why, of course. I'd heard it all in his head, but I didn't answer her.

When we first returned to Forks I had worried that Jacob Black and his meddlesome father might try to interfere in our relationship. However, as the weeks passed without incident I was confident that Jacob Black planned to ignore Bella until she stopped calling. She'd chosen to be with me, and his silence made me assume that he was planning to respect that choice and leave well enough alone.

I had apparently overestimated his character, not to mention his maturity. His perfidy was very juvenile and ill-conceived. He glowered at me from the shelter of the trees and his hands began to tremble again.

I glanced over at Bella and saw that her eyes were glistening with unshed tears of pain and fury. Her cheeks were inflamed and I could smell the adrenaline pulsing through her as I stopped the car.

"Is he still here?" Bella asked in a jeering voice.

"Yes," I replied flatly. "He's waiting for us there." Every cell in my body wanted to pick her up and run as fast as I could, but there was no way around the coming confrontation.

_**Control yourself!**_ Jacob Black repeated in his head over and over again. _**You can't get mad or she might get hurt. Just remind him about the treaty and go home. Focus on your mission to make sure they're not planning to change her. Let him start the fight if there's going to be one. **_

I was so engrossed in the mutt's thoughts that I didn't immediately comprehend the click of the latch as Bella unbuckled her seatbelt. A second later, the passenger side door flew open and Bella jumped out of the car.

I was out of the car and waiting to grab her before her human eyes could see the movement. I wrapped a restraining arm around her waist as I realized with a horrified jolt that she was going to try to hit him.

"Let me go! I'm going to murder him!" she screamed furiously, straining against my hold on her. Her threat might have been humorous if the situation wasn't so perilous. She was angrier than I had ever seen her.

"Traitor!" she yelled, still struggling pointlessly against my arm.

_**Seeing him put his hands on her makes me sick. I hate how mad she is at me, but if telling on her keeps her away from that bloodsucker it'll be worth it.**_ He thought resolutely.

"Charlie will hear you," I cautioned Bella in a soft voice. "And once he gets you inside he may brick over the doorway." I glared furiously at the boy for a fleeting moment, and he glared back. His thoughts were full of hate and fury. The exchanged glances happened too fast for her to notice. I turned my attention back to Bella.

Her eyes had shifted back to the driveway, and the sight of the motorcycle seemed to incense her further.

"Just give me one round with Jacob and then I'll deal with Charlie," she cried, still trying to break away from me.

Her reaction took me by surprise. Usually the mention of her father in a tense situation would make her stop and think before she acted out.

"Jacob Black wants to see me," I said calmly.

This revelation took all the fight out of her. She went limp in my arms and stopped struggling. Her face turned bone white and I felt a shudder run up her spine. She was finally afraid, and with good reason.

"Talk?" she whispered thickly.

_**I'd like to do a whole lot more than talk, but I'm not going to today I don't want to start anything.**_ He thought menacingly in response to Bella's question as his hands shook. He curled them into fists to try to control the tremors. He was more unstable than I'd feared.

"More or less," I replied warily. He _wanted_ to rip me apart but I didn't want to mention that. He would be a fool to try.

"How much more?" she asked in an unsteady voice. Her hands were shaking almost as much as the dog's.

"Don't worry," I said gently, avoiding her question as I stroked her hair. Jacob Black let out a soft growl as he watched me touching her. "He's not here to fight me. He's acting as spokesperson for the pack."

"Oh," Bella replied in a nervous whisper.

I heard a mental shout of anger coming from Charlie's little kitchen. His fury was increasing with every passing second. I glanced automatically toward the house.

"We should hurry; Charlie's getting impatient," I said in an urgent whisper as I pulled her toward the trees. Walking toward the werewolf with her went against every instinct I had.

_**How does he know Charlie's getting impatient? I didn't hear Charlie say anything. Oh yeah, Bella told me he could read people's minds when I was questioning her about the redhead. What a freak. I wonder if he can read wolves, too. **_He mused silently.

I wasn't thrilled that Bella had divulged that information, but she'd had no reason to keep it to herself. At the time she'd believed I wasn't ever coming back for her. Perhaps I could use his knowledge about my gift to intimidate him. It was imperative that I prevent this from turning into a fight at all costs.

I made sure I kept Bella several feet away from him and positioned her behind me as we made our way to the place where Jacob Black was waiting. The overgrown boy took in my protective stance and he sneered angrily at me. Bella was glaring at him in an accusatory way in return.

_**Can't believe he's shielding her like I'm the threat; disgusting bloodsucker. Like she's not his natural prey…maybe he does want to fight me and he's trying to keep her out of it. He must be pretending to care or something. He doesn't love her. If he did he wouldn't have left her to be eaten by those other leeches. **_

My insides twisted and burned in response to his thoughts, but I made sure my face gave nothing away. I glanced over at Bella to see that her angry expression had softened at the sight of her friend. The change in her posture was dramatic, and I realized she'd been missing him much more than I'd suspected. The burning in my chest increased.

"Bella," Jacob said coolly without taking his eyes off me. I saw in his head that he couldn't bear the idea of addressing me because in his mind parasitic vampires shouldn't have human names.

I nodded slightly in his direction, indicating that he should say what he came to say, but Bella spoke first.

"Why?" Bella whispered sadly in response to his greeting. "How could you do this to me, Jacob?" The pain in her voice made me want to break his neck.

_**I hate how hurt she is. But, I'm trying to do what's best for her. Man, she must think I'm a jerk.**_ He thought sadly.

"It's for the best," He replied stiffly. The scowl he wore had vanished, leaving his expression intentionally blank and smooth. He was trying to hide his own pain from her. He knew it would upset her all the more if she saw how much he missed her.

In that instant, I understood Jacob Black a little. He loved Bella enough to risk hurting her feelings to protect her from what he saw as a threat to her safety. But he didn't love her the way that I did and that wasn't his only motive. He wanted to take her away from me for his own reasons, too.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Bella asked in reply as some of her anger resurfaced. "Do you want Charlie to strangle me? Or do you want him to have a heart attack like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do that to him?

His face crumpled into a pained and abashed frown as he considered this possibility.

_**Hell I didn't think about Charlie's health when I did it! I just wanted her away from that bloodsucker before he could break her heart again or drain her dry. I didn't want to hurt Charlie, I just wanted him to ground her so she wouldn't get to see her parasite boyfriend.**_ He thought with shaking hands at the idea of our relationship.

I was getting rather tired of this conversation, and Charlie's anger was getting more pronounced. We needed to get this over with. I could explain Jacob's motives to Bella without all the drama. I was also ready to show this dog just who he was dealing with at the same time…make sure he knew which of us would have the advantage in a fight so he wouldn't try anything.

"He didn't want to hurt anyone," I whispered to Bella. "He just wanted to get you grounded so you couldn't spend time with me."

_**Damn it! He can read my thoughts, too. He's a parasite and a freak.**_ He thought, staring at me with deep disgust and loathing. He waited for me to react to the silent insult but I didn't.

"Aw Jake," Bella moaned irritably. "I'm already grounded! Why do you think I haven't been to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

I cringed internally at the sound of his nickname on her lips again.

"That's why?" He asked her in a baffled voice.

_**Huh? Sam said there was no way the leech would let her come to the reservation now that he and the rest of the Bloodsucking Brady Bunch are back. He said they probably considered her to be part of their coven. Why didn't Billy say she was already grounded! I never should have told on her.**_ He thought irritably.

"He thought I wouldn't let you, not Charlie," I clarified, looking at Bella and shooting a quick glance at Jacob simultaneously.

He was right, of course. I would not have permitted Bella to go to La Push. It was too dangerous. There was no need for her to risk being around a pack of volatile giant canines now that we were here to protect her from Victoria.

"Stop that," Jacob growled angrily. _**Freaky parasite! Too bad you didn't use your talents to keep Bella safe from those two leeches who tried to kill her. Now stay the hell out of my head.**_

I didn't reply. The mental reminder of my failure made my insides burn and twist again as I recalled how much I owed Jacob Black.

He was trembling all over now, and I shifted my position in front of Bella almost imperceptibly. Bella didn't notice, but he did. I may have felt the need to express my gratitude, but that didn't mean I trusted him to be safe in front of Bella.

I felt so many different things at once; fear for Bella's safety as we stood a few feet away from an unstable teenage werewolf; jealousy because of the bond he shared with her, and gratitude at the way he'd cared for her in my absence.

"Bella wasn't exaggerating about your abilities," He growled grudgingly. "So, you must already know why I'm here."

_**Chill out! You've got a job to do and you can't phase in front of Bella! She could get hurt. Warn him about the terms of the treaty and go. **_ He thought, taking a deep breath. He gritted his teeth angrily and balled up his big brown fists in an attempt to control himself.

"Yes," I replied evenly. "But, before you begin, I need to say something." I said quietly. It was time to acknowledge my debt to him. This might be the only chance I got to do so.

_**Is this the part where he tells me to stay away from Bella? Threatens me if I don't? Or will he try to think of a loophole in the treaty so he can bite her? **_ He thought, his hands trembling precariously.

"Thank you," I continued in a whisper. "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my…existence."

_**What the hell is he talking about? Is this some kind of joke or is he trying to make it look like he's a nice guy in front of Bella?**_ He wondered wordlessly.

Bella was looking just as confused as Jacob was. They exchanged a puzzled glance.

"For keeping Bella alive," I explained in a choked voice. "When I…didn't."

I couldn't continue. My throat was thick with a sensation that was probably akin to the onset of tears in a mortal. A thousand different words to finish the broken sentence ran through my head. _When I didn't protect her…when I didn't save her…when I failed her miserably…_

"Edward," Bella began in a soft, but admonitory tone. I held my hand up to ask her to stop.

I couldn't bear to hear her try to absolve me of my guilt now. I was afraid that it would detract from my thank you. The truth was that I was a fool and if it weren't for my enemy, Bella and I would both be dead.

"I didn't do it for you," Jacob Black growled defiantly in response. He called me a lot of bad names in his mind that were insufficient to describe my self-loathing.

"I know," I replied. "But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever anything in my power to do for you…"

Not that any service I could provide him with would ever repay the debt. He raised his eyebrows and I read the thoughts in his head before I could even finish my sentence.

_**How about you go away and leave her alone. And don't come back this time.**_ He thought.

I shook my head emphatically. "That's not in my power."

I was grateful, but not insane. As if I would leave her again!

"Whose, then?" he asked angrily. _**Do I have to appeal to Doctor Dracula before they can leave? Does he control them like Sam does us?**_

"Hers," I replied curtly. "I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here till she orders me away."

I didn't add that even if she did try to send me away, I would never leave her to rely on the wolves for protection again. I would watch out for her and keep her safe anyway.

I looked down at Bella and saw unconditional love and understanding in her chocolate brown eyes. She gazed intently at me.

"Never," she breathed emphatically.

My frozen heart seemed on the verge of beating again at her words. My arm was still around her waist and I wanted to embrace her, but I knew that wouldn't help this already volatile situation.

_**Disgusting! Can he do other mind tricks? Does he have her hypnotized too?**_ He thought bitterly. He made a terrible retching sound as he watched us. His thoughts were wild with jealousy and disgust.

Bella turned her eyes back to her estranged friend with a scowl. "Was there something else you needed, Jacob?" she hissed angrily. "You wanted me in trouble…mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school but that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do that. What more do you want?"

The conviction in her words about our inseparability overwhelmed me with joy and I couldn't stop the smug smile that formed on my lips. She was too busy looking at Jacob to notice my expression, but he didn't miss it.

_**Look at him gloat. How can she love him after what he did! Filthy bloodsucking bastard…we'll see what he says when I remind him about the treaty. He can't stay with her forever unless he tries to change her. She'll get old but he won't and I'll be waiting. **_

"I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to," Jacob said harshly. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute."

_**I wish he'd go ahead and try to break it so I could. I'd stop him right here if I thought he was gonna try to turn her. **_ He added mentally.

"We haven't forgotten," I said coolly, hoping he would realize that I'd seen the point he wanted to make in his head. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to hear it.

The treaty stipulated that we were not allowed to bite another human. This meant that changing Bella would break the treaty. I didn't want her to make the association. She had enough to worry about without this additional burden.

"What key points?" Bella asked forcefully. Damn it.

_**I can't wait to see the look on her face when I remind him. Bet it hasn't occurred to her that he might want to change her. I'd rather he killed her. I'd rather kill her myself than let her exist like that. She'd be better off dead. **_

Any feeling of goodwill I may have harbored toward him died the instant the thought formed in his head. I hated him with everything inside of me for preferring death for her. And I knew then that I would do anything to keep her, selfish or not. If I had to choose between losing her forever and changing her, I would change her. If that was what she wanted when the time came. I could not survive without her.

The boy didn't take his eyes off me as he answered her. "The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. _Bite, not kill_," He accentuated the last words. _**And that means anywhere, anytime, bloodsucker. We'll find you whether you make the breech here or 500 miles away. **_He added silently as an afterthought.

Bella's face hardened and turned icy cold as she processed his words. I felt her trembling with fury underneath my arm.

"That's none of your business," she said furiously.

His face changed from burnt sienna to pale green in half a second.

"The hell it…"he spluttered. His pulse was racing and the tremors in his body were more pronounced than they had been at any point during our conversation.

_**Oh God No! She can't…she can't want that! No! I thought he might be thinking about doing it but I didn't think she'd want him to! She knows they're monsters! I have to stop this. **_

And then Bella did the last thing I expected. Naturally.

"Jake! You okay?" she asked in a worried tone.

She wouldn't have been so concerned if she knew he would prefer to see her dead than to have her become immortal. Then I hated myself for feeling that way. If she had known his thoughts, it would've devastated her. I hoped she never found out exactly how he felt about her impending change.

To my horror, she actually started to walk toward the shaking boy a second later. I grabbed her and pulled her behind me, shielding her.

"Careful!" I gasped as terror for what she'd almost done washed over me. "He's not under control."

To my surprise, the boy's tremors were slowing dramatically. The edict from his pack leader must be preventing the change. I sighed inaudibly. He stared at me with unadulterated hatred in his black eyes, wishing me a thousand painful deaths.

"Ugh, I would never hurt her," he grunted in disgust.

An instinctive, angry hiss passed through my lips. This sentiment from the monster who actually thought seriously about her death! I fought the urge to lunge at him, to rip him apart. His hands were clenched into fists of rage again. Just before the growl I was holding in could break free, an angry mental tirade from the nearby house brought me up short. I'd almost forgotten about Charlie.

"BELLA!" Charlie roared furiously. "YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"

We all paused, frozen as the echoes of Charlie's yells seemed to reverberate in the trees. I heard Bella's heart rate increase beside me, and I wanted to kill the dog for a whole new reason. As if Bella needed Charlie to be angry with her for something else.

"Crap," Bella muttered anxiously at the fury in her father's voice. Jacob had the audacity to give her a sympathetic, regretful look.

"I am sorry about that," he mumbled. "I had to do what I could; I had to try..." He broke off abruptly. I could hear the genuine remorse in his thoughts, but I glared at him anyway.

"Thanks," Bella replied sadly. She looked out toward the house, clearly trying to see if her father was coming after her. Her hands were shaking. I cringed at the sound of Charlie's irate thoughts again. I was dreading this confrontation too. I hated the stress I could feel emanating from every pore of her soft skin.

"Just one more thing," I said quietly to Bella as I tried to tune out the diatribe in Charlie's head. I turned my gaze back to Jacob Black reluctantly. I sincerely hoped I never saw his face again after tonight.

"We haven't found any trace of Victoria on our side of the line; have you?" I heard the reluctant denial in his head and nodded before he could speak. But he answered me aloud reflexively.

"The last time was while Bella was...away," He replied. _**Off chasing after you and your bloodsucking sister to a leech party.**_ He thought with a shudder. "We let her think she was slipping through; we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her..." he paused for a moment, thinking of how Victoria had been trying to find away around them for the last several weeks rather than risk a fight. I felt goosebumps of fear rising on Bella's skin.

"But then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since." He finished.

I nodded; Jasper's theory about Victoria being spooked by Alice was true, then.

"When she comes back, she's not your problem, we'll..."I began, but Jacob interrupted me.

"She killed on our land! She's ours!" He growled.

_**Like I'd trust you to take care of Bella after you left her. The redhead is mine. **_He added in his head.

"No!" Bella started to argue. She was clearly upset by the idea of anyone fighting with Victoria. It was ironic considering she was the only one of us that wasn't safe. Charlie's livid mental musings permeated my head again, indistinct and incandescent with rage.

"BELLA! I SEE HIS CAR AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T INSIDE THIS HOUSE IN ONE MINUTE..." Charlie cried into the damp evening air. He broke off, unsure of what kind of threat he'd be able to follow through with.

If he doesn't get her in here, I'll ship her off to Florida whether she likes it or not. Charlie thought determinedly.

"Let's go," I said urgently.

Bella looked at Jacob Black with a conflicted sadness that baffled me. Why was she suddenly feeling sorry for him? Did one apology dispel all of her anger that quickly?

Of course it did. This was Bella, and she didn't know what was in his head two minutes ago. I was furious.

_**Man, I'm such a jerk. I never should have told on her! But maybe it will work. **_

"Sorry," Jacob muttered so softly that I was surprised Bella heard him. "Bye, Bells."

Bells! He called her Bells?

I bit back a growl and the desire to hit something. A familiar, wild envy rippled through me at the familiarity of the nickname. It wasn't a traditional term of endearment but there was an intimate intonation in his muted voice that made me want to scream.

"You promised," Bella said in an urgent voice that cut through me like razor blades.

What had he promised her!

"Still friends, right?" she asked sadly.

_**How can we be friends when she wants to be what he is? I can't**_...His silent thoughts were sad and bitter, but his face was still composed.

My insides continued to burn with possessive jealousy and curiosity. What had he promised her? Just friendship? Somehow I thought there was much more to his vow.

He shook his head in a subtle motion and I heard Bella swallow hard. She was trying not to cry.

"I can't see how to keep trying," the boy replied regretfully. "Not now..." he stopped speaking aloud but I heard the finished sentence in his head. The smooth expression he'd been wearing faltered.

N_ot now that she's chosen to be what I hate. If he changes her, she won't be Bella anymore, and I can't be friends with a bloodsucker. I can't keep my promise to be there for my enemy. I can't..._He thought in a sad and bitter tone.

I could see that his midnight eyes were clouded over now too.

Jacob Black might be a mutant dog, but at least he could cry for her...with her. I hated him.

"Miss you," he murmured in that same nearly inaudible tone.

The words came out like the hushed lament of the recently bereaved, as though he were in mourning. His hand reached automatically toward her, and I shifted in a movement so slight that Bella would not have detected the change.

"Me too," Bella said thickly. And although I couldn't hear her thoughts, I could hear the echo of the words she didn't speak aloud.

She loved him.

"_Does she love him, Alice?" _I'd whispered desperately that night in Bella's room after that first hunting trip since I'd returned to Forks.

"_Not the same way that she loves you,"_ Alice had said. "_You mean more to her than anything or anyone else in this world." _

"Jake," she breathed sadly, and she moved in his direction as though she longed to comfort him, even after his betrayal. My insides twisted and burned with despair as I watched her face.

Instinctively, automatically, I tightened my hold on her in one fluid and restrictive motion. I couldn't let her go.

I studied Jacob Black's expression and watched as his pain was replaced with hard fury. His lips twitched as all the horrible names he wanted to call me burned his tongue, but the rest of his body was perfectly still and controlled. He was not a danger to her at this moment, but I knew that could change in an instant. I was protecting her.

I was lying to myself.

"It's okay," Bella said in a reassuring voice to me. She hadn't detected a hint of the jealousy that was coursing through my entire being. She was trying to convince me that it was okay to allow her to be in closer proximity to the werewolf.

"No, it isn't," I replied coldly. Bella stared at me in shock, and I wondered if she had perceived any of my possessive feelings in my face.

I didn't believe that it was safe, but I wouldn't have let her go anyway; my motives weren't entirely about her well-being.

And when I registered the furious expression on Jacob Black's face and in his thoughts, I knew it was downright perilous.

_**Filthy bloodsucker! I ought to rip him apart right now for holding her hostage. **_

"Let her go," he growled menacingly as his body trembled more violently than it had all night. He took two swift and deliberate steps toward us, and he was thinking about phasing. I turned to face him and moved Bella to a safer position behind me in one fluid motion. I would kill him if he changed close to her before he could blink.

_**Come on parasite, give me a reason. Let's go. **_

"Edward, no!" Bella gasped in terror as she took in my familiar defensive stance. She was afraid for her friend and I was terrified for her.

"ISABELLA SWAN!" Charlie screeched a half second later. I could hear the terrible anger in his clear physical voice and his opaque mental one. I had never heard Charlie yell like that before. His mind got more unstable and furious with each passing moment, but I didn't take my eyes off the trembling boy in front of me.

"Come on, Charlie's mad!" Bella implored, tugging at my arm as though she could make me move. "Hurry!"

I needed to get Bella inside for more than one reason now. I turned away from the boy reluctantly, but not before I saw the hurt on his bronze colored face at the sight of Bella's retreat. His thoughts were full of remorse for his betrayal and pain for her decision. I saw Bella's eyes flicker toward him for an instant as we moved toward the house. The look in her eyes told me that she'd noticed too.

I could see some kind of resolve forming in her face as we walked toward the house. She was preparing herself for the coming battle with her father. Her eyes were filling with the tears she tried to suppress. I pulled her closer in an attempt to comfort and reassure her.

"I'm here," I soothed.

But would that be enough?

The pain I'd inflicted when I left Bella had not only made her relationship with Jacob Black possible, but also essential. He'd kept her alive in more ways than one. He provided her with the emotional support she'd needed to survive, and the physical protection necessary for her to escape death from not one but two vampires. He was a part of her now, a part that would always be missing if she stayed with me.

The mistake I'd made on a chilly wet day in September would haunt me for as long as I lived.

The door was open before we'd even crossed the little yard. Charlie stood on the threshold and the light spilling out of the house illuminated his crimson colored face. He glared furiously at Bella when we reached the door and for once he was oblivious to my presence. I stood two feet behind her and our fingers were still interlaced.

"Do you want to tell me about that deathtrap sitting in my driveway, Isabella?" Charlie thundered before we could even close the door behind us. He pointed at the shiny red motorcycle with a shaking finger as he stepped aside for us to follow him into the living room.

Bella tightened her hold on my hand fearfully, as though my touch was a lifeline. I squeezed her fingers in return reassuringly.

"I'm sorry dad, I..." Bella began in a trembling whisper, but Charlie cut her off mid-sentence.

"Do you really think that sorry would have made a difference if you'd gotten seriously hurt, or worse!" He shouted angrily. He was so upset that his thoughts were clear to me again and I could hear the agonizing fear behind his rage.

_**Didn't I tell her about the kids I've scraped off the highway from crashing those damn things? I remember each and every one of their faces...telling their parents was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. **_

I grimaced in response. No wonder Charlie was so angry. His greatest fear in the world was losing Bella.

We had that in common.

How would he survive without her when or if she were changed? Guilt twisted my insides at the idea of taking her from him forever.

"I know how much you hate motorcycles dad, but really I never rode it anywhere but La Push, we weren't out on the highways..." Bella said desperately.

"Do you think it matters where you were?" He hissed. "How many times have I told you how dangerous those things are?"

"I don't know dad, I..." Bella started again.

"Before Jacob came over here I was thinking about easing up on you a little," Charlie said bitterly. "I was thinking about what a good kid you've always been, how responsible you are."

_**With the exception of your choice of boyfriends. **_ He added wordlessly.

"I thought you knew better than to take off on a motorcycle." Charlie fumed.

Tears were falling fast and hard down Bella's cheeks now. The day had been too much for her emotionally, and Charlie's words hurt her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her to console her. I hated seeing her cry.

"I'm s-s-sorry," Bella stammered softly.

"Sorry isn't good enough" Charlie replied simply. His voice was more even now. Bella's tears had softened some of his anger. "Your hours of visitation with Edward end a half an hour earlier and start a half hour later, and he's not allowed to take you to work anymore."

I couldn't stand the sight of Bella's tears any longer. I moved closer to her and wrapped my free arm around her shoulders. Her crying eased. I wanted to embrace her, but I could tell from the disgruntled thoughts in Charlie's head that it would be a really bad idea for me to do so.

Charlie glared at me for a moment.

"Since it's not 7:30 yet, I think you need to leave," Charlie snarled at me. "But Alice can still come over in a half hour."

I could tell that Bella wanted to protest the difference between Charlie's rules for me versus the ones for Alice, but she held her tongue.

"May I say something Charlie?" I interjected quietly. Bella shot me a confused glance, but I didn't respond.

"You just did," Charlie retorted. "But I guess you want to say something else too. What is it?"

"Bella told me about the motorcycle when we moved back here," I answered without commenting on his sarcasm. He glared at me, and Bella bit her lip nervously. "She told me that she started riding... this past winter." I nearly choked on the words. "So if you want to blame anyone for her reckless behavior, you should blame me, not her."

Both Charlie and Bella scowled at me identically.

"You know, I blame you for a lot of stuff that happened a few months ago," Charlie replied, his thoughts contemptuous. "But I think this one's all on Bella. Now, go home."

I nodded reluctantly and moved my arm from Bella's shoulder. She turned around and stared at me through her reddened eyes. I hugged her for a brief moment.

"I'll stay close, love," I whispered too softly for Charlie to hear as I kissed her hand and released it. She nodded in response, but said nothing more as I made my way out into the late afternoon rain.

"I didn't see that coming," Alice whispered through the trees behind Charlie's house a short time later, her nose wrinkled in disgust.

I had left the Volvo out of sight of Charlie's house so he'd assume I was gone. Alice was going to explain her lack of a vehicle by telling Charlie Emmet had dropped her off and she'd ride home with me. I wouldn't be going home tonight.

"I know why I didn't see it of course, but it still bothers me all the same. I shudder to think what could have happened if one of you had lost your tempers."

_**Poor Bella. And I thought dogs were supposed to be loyal companions.**_ She joked wordlessly.

I laughed a little in spite of myself, but the humor only lasted a half second before my somber mood resurfaced.

"Well... no one fought," I replied flatly. "No lasting harm done."

The last part was a lie.

The harm that I had done when I left was irreversible. My Bella was heartsick over a traitorous dog and I was standing outside in the rain brooding over the mess I'd made.

"It was sheer luck nothing happened" Alice replied darkly. "I can't believe the pack leader sent that foolish boy to Charlie's house to deliver the warning."

_**And tattling to Charlie about Bella's motorcycle was below the belt**_. She added mentally.

"Yes," I replied in agreement with both sentiments. "But we're talking about a bunch of adolescent boys here, Alice. Since when do mutant boys going through puberty make sensible choices?"

Alice let out a soft chuckle.

"What do you think they'll do now that they know she's planning to be changed?" Alice asked thoughtfully. "I wish I could see them."

"They'll wait for us to act," I responded. "I could infer that much from the boy's mind; he was determined to deliver the warning and leave because the pack leader ordered him to do nothing more. They won't do anything until we do."

"Do you think they have any idea about what's going on with the wild newborn in Seattle?" Alice asked me as she sat down on a moss covered log.

"I doubt it," I replied. "I don't think they concern themselves with our world beyond how it impacts their lands."

_**Except for this situation with Bella,**_ Alice mused silently.

"Yes," I answered her silent statement curtly. "But that's because Jacob Black…" I broke off, feeling the rest of the words stick in my throat.

Alice completed my unfinished sentence silently. _I__**s in love with her,**_ she thought.

_**And she loves him too**_, I thought as my insides twisted horribly.

"Can you still see Bella and me getting married?" I asked apprehensively. My tone was abrupt but she didn't look surprised at my question.

Alice closed her eyes in concentration for a moment. I saw a familiar image in her mind of me standing at the end of a floral archway outside of our house as Rosalie played Wagner's wedding march. Alice had been seeing this vision for nearly a year, but it was clearer now. She opened her eyes quickly a half second later as though she were hiding something from me.

"Why did you stop?" I asked her irritably.

"I would have thought that was obvious," She said, rolling her eyes dramatically. "I didn't want you to see her dress."

I snorted, a little amused and very relieved.

"Am I the best choice for her, though?" I thought aloud. Alice snarled at me.

"Good grief Edward, don't start this again!" She said indignantly, punching me roughly on the arm.

I winced, rubbing my bicep. It didn't seem right for someone so small to be able to hurt a man of my stature.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded," I replied quickly. "I will never leave her again. Even if she changes her mind I will always look after her."

"She's made her choice, Edward" Alice countered. "Everything is going to work out just fine. If you're done asking me rhetorical questions and acting like a fool, I'm going to go inside and watch a movie with Bella while we wait for you."

"I think I'm finished," I replied with a smile. "Tell Bella I'm right outside and I'll be with her at exactly 7:30."

"Yeah, yeah," Alice replied. "See you later."

_**The two of you are too sweet to tolerate sometimes. She'll be looking out the window until 7:30 trying to catch a glimpse of you. **_ Alice thought teasingly.

I smiled widely at the knowledge that Bella missed me as I missed her. I stood in the shadows of the trees and counted the seconds until I could be by her side again.

The End


End file.
